Holding hands during the Lord's Prayer-Respectfully Declining

[MaryRita85]

What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand.

 

[Usige]

I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.

Now you can always go a little more juvenile and pretend to sneeze into your hands and then wipe your nose with a wet sucking sound. This also tends to work, but might not be the most respectful or dignified way to start the Our Father.

 

[mfrances]

Where I’m from it’s not common but many times traveling I encounter this issue.
I keep my hands folded and look straight forward.
Or if possible sit away from other people.

Some people will be offended and think you don’t want to hold their hand because you don’t like how they look or somethin’

Some people do something like cover their mouth (like indicating they have a cold, even if they don’t)

 

[Boulder257]

I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.

+1

 

[MSSheBear]

I don’t try to ditch hand holding during the Our Father but I do find it annoying. I would think that having you hands clasped in front and looking straight ahead should send the message. The custom in our parish is to raise our hands during the Our Father which is what I usually do but I find it uncomfortable. I am not sure what we are suppose to do.

 

[MaryRita85]

Sneezing, now that is funny!
We also raise up our hands, so usually I turn away just slightly and keep my eyes forward.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Kneeling is an option.

 

[mountee]

Now you can always go a little more juvenile and pretend to sneeze into your hands and then wipe your nose with a wet sucking sound. This also tends to work, but might not be the most respectful or dignified way to start the Our Father.

Hysterical

 

[Lochias]

I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.

Now you can always go a little more juvenile and pretend to sneeze into your hands and then wipe your nose with a wet sucking sound. This also tends to work, but might not be the most respectful or dignified way to start the Our Father.

I am sorely tempted to try this at least once.

 

[randirhoades]

Smile if you shake your head, it will make the person not be so offended if they were. However, they shouldn’t. If it were me, I’d think you were sick and didn’t want to spread germs. Then I’d wonder why you were sitting so close if you were contagious and should have stayed home. NOT REALLY.:dancing: Another thing, I think that is your option. IE: Closing your eyes and folding your hands. Actually, I like holding hands during the Our Father. Brings a unity that otherwise I would not have with the person sitting next to me.

 

[ARags]

I used to hold hands and other times hold my hands up during the prayer. I copy-cat-ed the many others doing that, it seemed a pleasant gesture. Then I went to a class by our priest about those changes of wording in the Mass, and he was asked other questions. He said the Church never approved holding hands during the Lord’s Prayer – people just started doing it. Also he said the people were not supposed to be holding their hands up while praying; that posture belongs only to priests, like we see them doing in Mass when praying.

I wonder if there are other things the people are doing that isn’t approved? Why don’t they educate us, I wondered. Not that it is such a huge issue, but… So I stopped doing both. (Although if some person reaches for my hand, I do not ignore, but hold their hand.) Kindness is important.

When I WAS still holding hands, I never grabbed anyone’s hand, but waited to see if their hand lifted towards me. If it did not, I didn’t take it personally.

Actually I liked the hand holding with family while we prayed, my husband, my mother – and would not stop doing that. But they are no longer here, so I’m glad I held their hands when I could.

PS: I have been on this Catholic Answers site for two days. I got a message that someone has sent me a reply, but I cannot FIND IT. !

 

[johnnykins]

Folded hands with head bent has worked for me for years with one exception…a young lady, about 13 grabbed my hand. I offered it up and just held hands. Kids, especially teenagers, are barely civilized anyway, so no need to make a big issue of it. If an adult had done it, I’m not sure how I’d react, but probably the same way, though I really like the fake sneeze ploy.

 

[markomalley]

I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.

Yup.

Works in 95%of the cases. For the other 5%, having a strong grip when they try to pull your hands apart is necessary.

 

[cheezey]

I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.

Now you can always go a little more juvenile and pretend to sneeze into your hands and then wipe your nose with a wet sucking sound. This also tends to work, but might not be the most respectful or dignified way to start the Our Father.

no, but that is funny…

 

[Indyann]

What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand.

Mary Rita, I don’t know if we are in the same archdiocese or not, but many years ago, our Archbishop asked the parishes to hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer. Many of the priests are still in the archdiocese, whether in their original parishes or in another.

So every parish I have visited in this area, still hold hands. So until I came to CAF, I thought that it was the appropriate thing to do. I do not like it, and I try not to do it, but if someone noticeably extends their hand to me, I will not reject it. To me, that is rude.

One time, when I was at a bilingual Mass, an elderly Hispanic lady actually leaned over from the pew in front of me and gave me a big hug. I think that may have been the first time that it came home to me that we are really brothers and sisters in Christ. I did not know any of the people around me, I do not speak their language, I may never see them again, but we are sisters and brothers. It brought tears to my eyes and I had to fight visible weeping. No, as distasteful, as I might find it, I hope I will never purposely insult a brother or a sister. After all it is not going to kill me to hold a stranger"s hand for a few seconds.

 

[Brendan]

Usige;10716317:

I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.

This. I’ve never had to tell anyone “no” with eyes closed and hands clasped.

This works for me as well. If I have my hands clasped in prayer and my eyes closed, no one has every tried to pry my hands apart.

 

[MaryRita85]

Mary Rita, I don’t know if we are in the same archdiocese or not, but many years ago, our Archbishop asked the parishes to hold hands during the Lord’s Prayer. Many of the priests are still in the archdiocese, whether in their original parishes or in another.

So every parish I have visited in this area, still hold hands. So until I came to CAF, I thought that it was the appropriate thing to do. I do not like it, and I try not to do it, but if someone noticeably extends their hand to me, I will not reject it. To me, that is rude.

One time, when I was at a bilingual Mass, an elderly Hispanic lady actually leaned over from the pew in front of me and gave me a big hug. I think that may have been the first time that it came home to me that we are really brothers and sisters in Christ. I did not know any of the people around me, I do not speak their language, I may never see them again, but we are sisters and brothers. It brought tears to my eyes and I had to fight visible weeping. No, as distasteful, as I might find it, I hope I will never purposely insult a brother or a sister. After all it is not going to kill me to hold a stranger"s hand for a few seconds.

See that is my concern, I did not want to be rude!
Which Archdiocese are you in, I am in the Indianapolis Archdiocese.

 

[ProVobis]

Holding a missalette with two hands works for me. Or handkerchief if I’m sneezing or coughing. But I don’t worry about it if I sit far enough from the closest person.

 

[MaryRita85]

I may need to just try the clasped hands approach.

 

[R_C]

What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand.

I just adopt the “traditional” prayer posture of the hands (see picture) and slightly bow my head.

People who are used to the novelty of holding hands during the Pater Noster will sometimes naturally turn towards me but as they notice my hands they simply keep on praying without any further gesture (perhaps adopting an equally novel “lay orans” position). I do not think they mind me. I don’t mind them either, since probably they assume that those are the proper liturgical postures.