Holiday family refuge thread!

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Just a little refuge place for those of us whose first thought on the holiday season is “oh great I have to hear about family again.”

We have turkey shaped cupcakes.

And no one will ask oh so are you seeing your parents this thanksmas or exclaim how it’s too bad you can’t make it!
 
sign me up! : )

I’m already praying for a BLIZZARD so we have a valid excuse NOT to travel. :yup:
 
Thank goodness my younger sister, Cathy, is only a few hours away. All the other four live out of state. I love them all so much, but “a little goes a long way” We love each other dearly but we also argue ALOT! Not fun…I guess since our parents, who we dearly loved, are gone, we are now trying to be each other’s parent - telling them what needs to be done. Crazy Irish Catholic family…LOL! Love them all.
 
My grandmother is coming to my rescue! She is retiring this week and moving 12 hours away. She solicited my help and I took her up on her offer. There will be no family drama for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Just me and grandma. Yay!!!
 
Can this also be a place where no one asks what we are doing or where we are going for thanksmas (:D)? :ehh: I’d appreciate that.
 
I am somewhat at loose ends with regard to close by family but I do have two very, very dear friends who always invite me over and my sister, who is about 2=3 hours away. My family situation is not traditional, LOL! I really do not care for the holidays. Don’t know why but never have…can’t focus on Christ’s birth enough I guess.
 
My brother stopped speaking to me 1/09. I used to drive 5 hours to his house for every holiday. Fortunately I have friends where I live that I love like family. A month ago I started seeing someone. He recently mentioned that he has been invited somewhere for Thanksgiving. Looks like I’m going to be the fifth wheel at Thanksgiving again. I really don’t mind that he’s going out of town to be with his daughter and grandchildren for Christmas. I just hate being alone for the holidays.
 
Can this also be a place where no one asks what we are doing or where we are going for thanksmas (:D)? :ehh: I’d appreciate that.
Of course! Though sharing what you’re doing is ok.

I’m actually thinking of seeing about a potluck for any college parish members around for Christmas, if something isn’t already going on.
 
Oh, joy, I need a thread like this…
My cousin was supposed to be in some sports competition in our town. She, her sister and their mother, my aunt, who all live in a different country, so the other two thought they’d come along.
They didn’t really ask, they just said they’d be coming along to see us. They didn’t know when they would be coming or leaving and didn’t mention accommodation, but we assumed they’d be counting on my mother.
The team’s participation in the competition was cancelled for other reasons, but they said they’d still like to come, one weekend between now and Christmas, date to be announced later, and I suspect they won’t really ask, since they never do.
If they were coming for a competition, they would have a schedule. But a regulat visit means they will expect us to leave everything and entertain them. My mother doesn’t have vacation days scheduled, and they are in the middle of busy season at work. None of us have a spare room.
I wish she would stand up to them, but she won’t even tell them they can’t smoke at their place, let alone tell them that now is not a good time or that they need to take care of accommodation on their own.

I know I’ll be dragged into it to save my mother.
I’m unemployed so I can find time, I can ask my husband to stay with his parents for a few days, so they can have our bedroom, but we’re vegan and our house is smoke-free, and they are picky eaters and heavy smokers (first thing in the morning, last thing before bedtime).
The worst part is that I know I’ll hear about it when they complain to my mother. For some reason it is okay for self-invited “guests” to crash for four days, but it’s not okay for us to have rules, it is inhospitable.
And all that for people who didn’t even remember my birthday, probably because I removed it from Facebook and there was no reminder. 🤷
 
Isn’t that always the case with such families? How dare you expect them to act like decent human beings!
 
Isn’t that always the case with such families? How dare you expect them to act like decent human beings!
You know what? We talked last night and decided to do precisely that.
We will try to accommodate them, but we will expect them to behave. I will warn my mother ahead of time, so if she has a problem with our smoking ban (we do not even own an ashtray, on purpose) or the fact that we prepare only vegan meals, she can come up with a different arrangement.
But I also expect I will be back here as the situation develops, my mother is not the type to tell guests that they cannot have something. (Lucky they aren’t bringing boyfriends, ha?)
 
We are on our own! We fought for it. Yay!, no drunks, no inappropriate behavior, etc. only Jesus!!
 
We are never really alone, but that is actually fine for now.
We have two meals on Christmas Day, one with my family, the other with his, sometimes lunch, sometimes dinner, and that is fine.
My father-in-law’s birthday is on Christmas, so everyone is there. His aunt and her family would be a little too loud for my taste if we spent more time together, but for a few hours they are fun, and they always mean well, don’t get unruly drunk and don’t insult anyone.
Sometimes it is a lot, but they are really nice.

This other part of the family, the people who remember to visit us when they don’t have money for a better destination (this time literally, they actually said it, as a bad half-joke, but I think there is more truth to it than my mother would like to admit to herself), is the one I don’t really care about. My mother lets them walk all over her, she thinks she would never see them again if she stood up to them. They know that and they use it to manipulate her.
(Unfortunately, my own younger sister is like that as well, but I will not allow some things, even if it means not having a relationship with her. We see each other at our parents’ birthdays and Christmas lunches.)
 
Come on snow! Can’t wait to see that extended forecast. Who’s with me?

You know, about 10years ago, I boycotted Thanksgiving. I made a little turkey in my new house. (New to me,anyway ), and invited a few friends from work (all were from overseas and had nowhere to go). It the BEST Thanksgiving EVER!

Moral of the story: it’s OK to spend that holidays with safe people sans drama. And don’t dare feel guilty about it.
 
Come on snow! Can’t wait to see that extended forecast. Who’s with me?

You know, about 10years ago, I boycotted Thanksgiving. I made a little turkey in my new house. (New to me,anyway ), and invited a few friends from work (all were from overseas and had nowhere to go). It the BEST Thanksgiving EVER!

Moral of the story: it’s OK to spend that holidays with safe people sans drama. And don’t dare feel guilty about it.
This. Oh yes, this.

The Thanksgiving I made the decision not to spend another holiday with nasty, crazy people who I happen to share DNA with was one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve ever had, and my holidays have gotten consistently better over the eight years since. 😃

Other than that, I’ve got nothing to add except to pass around a plate of (digital) cookies. 😃 Anyone up for fruitcake and mince pies? I always am, but few people seem to share my love of either. Ah, well–all the more for me!
 
Moral of the story: it’s OK to spend that holidays with safe people sans drama. And don’t dare feel guilty about it.
It’s easier when all you have to do is stay home.

I know my mother won’t tell them they can’t come, she would never do that. She’d probably be mad if I merely suggested it.
If I do have the time in general (unemployed), but don’t want to spend it with such demanding, rude and inconsiderate people, is it wrong to leave my mother on her own with them?
That’s the part that gets me every time, it feels wrong to leave my mother all alone with them (my father is around, but he doesn’t get involved with family) and just meet them for one lunch in four days.
They certainly don’t deserve much, and it is her fault in a way for not telling them they simply can’t come, but it still feels bad to tell her she’s completely on her own.
 
It’s easier when all you have to do is stay home.

I know my mother won’t tell them they can’t come, she would never do that. She’d probably be mad if I merely suggested it.
If I do have the time in general (unemployed), but don’t want to spend it with such demanding, rude and inconsiderate people, is it wrong to leave my mother on her own with them?
That’s the part that gets me every time, it feels wrong to leave my mother all alone with them (my father is around, but he doesn’t get involved with family) and just meet them for one lunch in four days.
They certainly don’t deserve much, and it is her fault in a way for not telling them they simply can’t come, but it still feels bad to tell her she’s completely on her own.
It’s not wrong. She can say no, she just doesn’t.

If you don’t want to tell her she’s on her own, I’d recommend putting sharp limits on the time you’re willing to commit. And try not to be in a situation where it’s too hard to get rid of them - I’d be wary of letting them in your house because they’re likely to think, family won’t just tell us to get out, and not leave if told to.
 
Oh, I’ll definitely put limits on my/our involvement, but I know I’ll still feel bad about it. :rolleyes:

I’ll have to have them over, because we haven’t seen them since our wedding two years ago, so they’ll want to see our place. But thanks for the tip, I wouldn’t have thought of it. I’ll make sure to have something scheduled after that, like dinner outside. 👍
 
It’s easier when all you have to do is stay home.

I know my mother won’t tell them they can’t come, she would never do that. She’d probably be mad if I merely suggested it.
If I do have the time in general (unemployed), but don’t want to spend it with such demanding, rude and inconsiderate people, is it wrong to leave my mother on her own with them?
That’s the part that gets me every time, it feels wrong to leave my mother all alone with them (my father is around, but he doesn’t get involved with family) and just meet them for one lunch in four days.
They certainly don’t deserve much, and it is her fault in a way for not telling them they simply can’t come, but it still feels bad to tell her she’s completely on her own.
Your mom won’t tell the relatives ‘no’.
You won’t tell your mom ‘no’.
Do you see how you both do the same thing?

It isn’t wrong to leave your mom alone with her choices. It is not your job to keep her happy. You might want to emulate your dad, he is around but doesn’t get involved.
 
I see it, yes, and I am aware of it.
I’ve been raised to put visiting family first, even when it’s inconvenient.

They all seem to think we are the lucky ones and owe it to them.
My mother comes from a small town in our country and all her sisters have an explanation why she has it better than them in every way (the one living abroad, the one with her own business, and the one who turned down an opportunity to have her own business), and therefore must somehow pay them back.
Not that they’ve done anything to make it possible, especially in the recent years, but it is still her duty.
They are all younger so I guess she might also have some “big sister” issues.

I’m married now, living with my husband, the situation is different than when I was living with my parents, back then I couldn’t avoid participation, couldn’t sit on my hands and let my mother do all the work.
That voice is still pretty strong in my head. 😃

But no, I’ll definitely say “no” this time, especially since their behavious has been so rude (not asking if it’s a good time; saying that they’d actually like to go to a different city, but have no money for that; not caring for family birthdays and other events in the past two years; generally disappearing off the face of the Earth unless they need something). I’ll feel bad, and my mother won’t stand up to them, but she will stand up to me, but I’ll definitely do it.
 
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