Holiday Pain

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LT1

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Hello to all and a Merry Christmas:

I am a new poster here but have been following for some time and now feel the need to write?
My pain started a little over a year ago. Last Christmas I felt some hope after today???
Last year Labor day weekend 07 My wife of 34 years told me she no longer loved me and planed to seperate from me after the marriage of our daughter. Said she was just not Happy in our marriage and wanted to live her life as she wanted to. I ask her if there was anyone else in her life that brought this on and she laughed at me telling me it was her and no one else was involved. Two days after that. I got the heart breaking telephone call from the other mans wife. She informed me that her daughter had read intimate emails from my wife to her husband and that he admitted to her, he was seeing my wife…

The other man is a doctor and my wife a nurse. They had made several mission trips with a Presbyterian church group to Central America so I do know the man. He picked my wife up for the trips at my house and I would shake his hand and wish them well and pray that they had rewarding trips

My wife is Catholic he is Presbyterian, My wife and I always practiced our faith with mass and prayer we raised our children and have grandchildren. My wife stopped going to mass with me in May of 07 and started acting strange towards me telling me it was due to my retiring from my job. Telling me I was acting like an old man.

She stayed with me up untill the day after our daughters wedding in Nov. 07 and she left and got an apartment very near the apartment the doctor got when he left his wife and family.after his wife called me.

Today my wife came by the house and stated she wanted get a few things. She was very nice and I saw what she took. It was the Chritmas tree decorations and the Nativity set that we set up in our home every year since our first Christmas together. It did not seem to matter to her she was taking it to put in her apartment. I did not say anything to her about it.

On our anniversary she came to the house and told me that she would like me to agreee to a NO FAULT divorce, which I said I would not I am still in love with her and pray for a reconciliation, I will not be a willing participant in a civil divorce. Our family is shredded. I know our life will never be the same and our marriage will only work if we both want it to.

My wife and this doctor pride themseves in being humanitarians to the people of Cental America? My wife will not tell me if she is still seeing him and tells me she no responsibility to. She will not agree to any type of couseling. She has quit wearing her wedding ring.

It was so painful to see the only Nativity Set we ever owned just get carried out. Do people not see the pain they cause in the name of their “happiness”??? The other things were just things.

I do pray every day and thank God that he is in my life, Any prayers or (name removed by moderator)ut will be appreciated.
 
May your family and friends support you in this hard time. I can’t say I identify with you (as a 20 year old college student), but I feel for you. I’ll pray that you find strength in Jesus through it all.

Merry Christmas and God bless
 
My heart breaks for you. Keep leaning on God, He will never fail you. You will be in my prayers.
 
LT1 said:
It was so painful to see the only Nativity Set we ever owned just get carried out. Do people not see the pain they cause in the name of their “happiness”??? The other things were just things.

I do pray every day and thank God that he is in my life, Any prayers or (name removed by moderator)ut will be appreciated.
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LT1 ~ I’m very sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. The part about the nativity set really got to me 'cause I have one that I’ve shared with my spouse for many Christmases. Your wife’s insensitivity to that particular object reveals just how much she really needs it. Let the nativity go not only physically but emotionally as well. Give it to her with your heart and pray that she finds true peace and understanding. In the meantime I pray that you find it within your heart to acquire another one for yourself this Christmas. I would in fact give you one of mine. I have several personal ones to offer. In my heart I give you one of my nativity sets. They happen to be one of the special things I like to give away. I just gave one to someone dear last evening. Go and get one and may the peace of Christmas be yours now and forever. :hug3: God’s love be with always.
 
I admire your strength and determination to continue to follow your faith in these difficult times. I can’t think of a more heartbreaking situation, but I also know of few people who would have the strength you possess.

You are in my prayers.
 
Thanks for the thoughtful replys. The kind words do help.
Beautiful~ your generosity is so greatly appreciated and accepted in spirit. Lt1
 
LT1 said:
Beautiful~ your generosity is so greatly appreciated and accepted in spirit. Lt1
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I can expand. I will put a nativity on my desktop as a background. Those dowloadable ones are too dangerous for computers. I will think of you and pray for you this Advent and Christmas each time I see this Nativity on my screen.
 
Hang in there.

I was left at Christmas time a very long time ago, with two small children. It was not easy, but I was young, and had only been married 5 years. I can’t begin to imagine what it would have been like at 34 years.

But I survived it, and I believe you can, as well. St. Paul isn’t kidding when he says, “All things work to the good for those who love the Lord.”

And I’m a nasty old lady now. So here’s what I’d do- I’d buy a huge, inflatable Nativity and put it on the front lawn, one that needs those air thingies that run all day. And I would buy a nice Nativity for the living room, nicer than the one you had with her, and keep the receipt.

And I would let her file for divorce if she wants one so darn badly (and not a no fault- unless that’s the only kind your state had- see an attorney), and I would NOT let her take another darn thing out of that house until lawyers have hashed it over.

A good book to read right now is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
 
:gopray2:
LT1 said:
Hello to all and a Merry Christmas:

I am a new poster here but have been following for some time and now feel the need to write?
My pain started a little over a year ago. Last Christmas I felt some hope after today???
Last year Labor day weekend 07 My wife of 34 years told me she no longer loved me and planed to seperate from me after the marriage of our daughter. Said she was just not Happy in our marriage and wanted to live her life as she wanted to. I ask her if there was anyone else in her life that brought this on and she laughed at me telling me it was her and no one else was involved. Two days after that. I got the heart breaking telephone call from the other mans wife. She informed me that her daughter had read intimate emails from my wife to her husband and that he admitted to her, he was seeing my wife…

The other man is a doctor and my wife a nurse. They had made several mission trips with a Presbyterian church group to Central America so I do know the man. He picked my wife up for the trips at my house and I would shake his hand and wish them well and pray that they had rewarding trips

My wife is Catholic he is Presbyterian, My wife and I always practiced our faith with mass and prayer we raised our children and have grandchildren. My wife stopped going to mass with me in May of 07 and started acting strange towards me telling me it was due to my retiring from my job. Telling me I was acting like an old man.

She stayed with me up untill the day after our daughters wedding in Nov. 07 and she left and got an apartment very near the apartment the doctor got when he left his wife and family.after his wife called me.

Today my wife came by the house and stated she wanted get a few things. She was very nice and I saw what she took. It was the Chritmas tree decorations and the Nativity set that we set up in our home every year since our first Christmas together. It did not seem to matter to her she was taking it to put in her apartment. I did not say anything to her about it.

On our anniversary she came to the house and told me that she would like me to agreee to a NO FAULT divorce, which I said I would not I am still in love with her and pray for a reconciliation, I will not be a willing participant in a civil divorce. Our family is shredded. I know our life will never be the same and our marriage will only work if we both want it to.

My wife and this doctor pride themseves in being humanitarians to the people of Cental America? My wife will not tell me if she is still seeing him and tells me she no responsibility to. She will not agree to any type of couseling. She has quit wearing her wedding ring.

It was so painful to see the only Nativity Set we ever owned just get carried out. Do people not see the pain they cause in the name of their “happiness”??? The other things were just things.

I do pray every day and thank God that he is in my life, Any prayers or (name removed by moderator)ut will be appreciated.
Click to expand...
I am really sorry you are going through this…

Your question is “do people not see the pain they cause in the name of their happiness?” My ex told me that…When I left him…

I left him because of all the things we went through that were physical and mental abuse, to this day he still tries to manipulate me, the irony of things, I am not his wife yet he still treats me with the same disrespect and same manipulation…He didn’t see the pain he caused all those years…He didn’t seem to care and he told me once that he did it because he wanted to make sure I had a miserable marriage and life!! 😦 It was very difficult for me.

When I left he asked me the same thing, do you not see the pain you have caused me just because you want to be happy?!

I looked at him and asked him if he could even begin to understand how he had destroyed me?! He told me I was crazy…And that he did nothing I didn’t deserve…

But I am sure you are a loving and caring husband whom would never hurt his wife, it seems you are the way I was with my ex always loving and caring, always there and trying to make it for the best…But then the pain started…

She did something terrible and seems not willing to work things out…I did, before I left him, I even went to counseling for the sake of our children, but he kept putting conditions on me, I couldn’t believe it…

But your wife doesn’t even seem to want to reconcile at all? Does she think that it is always going to be “paradise” with this man? Have you asked her what made her want to just you know go through with the affair? Or why she doesn’t even want to give things a try with the priest or counselor?

I knew the pain I caused my ex by leaving him, his pride was broken, he lost his wife and kids because he just couldn’t change for better, I knew it hurt him that he no longer had someone that was his slave, and no one to love him unconditionally…I knew but he didn’t know the pain he had caused me all those years…

Nor the pain he was causing our daughter since he involved her in his manipulative schemes…but there was just so much I could take…

Is there any way you can talk to her? Have her rethink things? Would you be willing to wait for her until well hopefully until she you know maybe came back?

I am deeply sorry you are going through this, I will keep you in my prayers and hope GOD can enlighten your wife and she can come home to her family and loving husband!
:crossrc:
 
iluvmybabies~ Thanks for the toughts and your expession of understanding. As you seem to have expressed these things can be so confusing along with painful. I think if only we could have undergone some type of counceling it would have helped a bit. But there was a total cut in our relationship after I was made aware of her involvement with this doctor.

It just seems as though my wife has no desire other than to cut contact with me.

I do pray that someday I will understand all this.

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.

I
 
LT1 said:
iluvmybabies~ Thanks for the toughts and your expession of understanding. As you seem to have expressed these things can be so confusing along with painful. I think if only we could have undergone some type of counceling it would have helped a bit. But there was a total cut in our relationship after I was made aware of her involvement with this doctor.

It just seems as though my wife has no desire other than to cut contact with me.

I do pray that someday I will understand all this.

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.

I
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I understand that passion can be an most important thing in a relationship/marriage and if there is none sometimes the other partner, such as your wife, is willing to just give up a marriage for some attention and passion from a different source…It’s really difficult to deal with such a situation. But out of respect for you and the Love she once had you should let her know you at least deserve to be spoken to…

I gave my ex that, for the love I once had I went to counseling, and if he would have changed instead of putting conditions on me I bet we would still be together…

I am sorry it’s difficult for you to get ahold of your wife, you need to make her understand that she said her vows and was blessed through the Church and she is committing a mortal sin of adultery… Maybe she doesn’t understand that…

My prayers are with you…
 
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