Holy Marriages

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blessourhome

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Has anyone here ever been in a position where you compare your marriage to another “super holy” Catholic couple? I know this one couple and I can’t help but be a little envious of them. They seem to be so holy and great practicing Catholics. I’m sure they have their ups and downs but they’re SO positive and holy. If I compare myself to her, I feel inadequate because she seems so together and happy. Next to her and her husband, I feel like a heretic. Has anyone had this experience?
 
I can relate to what you are saying. We know a couple of families that we really kind of look up to them faith-wise. We have learned to accept that our family is put together differently with different graces and challenges from God, but we still really enjoy being around them. I used to feel really inadequate…and if I’m honest with myself, I’m sure I still have my moments…but mostly now, I just feel so fortunate to know them and be in position to observe and learn from their holiness.

So anyway…yes, I get what you’re saying.
 
I’ve been there, but my husband had been praying for a good role model and a great Catholic friend and this family just popped into our lives. We have learned a great deal from them. They have never made us feel like we weren’t doing things right or that we weren’t holy enough, but they have helped us strengthen our faith in God and in each other, just by being around them.
 
I should probably mention that we no longer see or speak to this couple due to several issues, one being that the husband and my husband were good friends but had a falling out. My husband tried to patch things up but this guy decided that he did not want to associate with him any longer, so they couldn’t fix things. Though we don’t talk to them, I just go by what I see. Maybe the image is fake but it’s enough to make me question who/what kind of people we are as Catholics.
 
blessourhome said:
I should probably mention that we no longer see or speak to this couple due to several issues, one being that the husband and my husband were good friends but had a falling out. My husband tried to patch things up but this guy decided that he did not want to associate with him any longer, so they couldn’t fix things. Though we don’t talk to them, I just go by what I see. Maybe the image is fake but it’s enough to make me question who/what kind of people we are as Catholics.
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That does change things. Doesn’t sound so Holy to me now. You will find people that try to act more holy then they are. And you find that in any Church not just Catholics.
 
Yes - there was a couple with 2 kids in our parish who I kind of knew. It’s a small town so we kind of know everyone. Anyway I’d see her at events at the library, at church, etc. and I would always talk to her. The husband is a math teacher and a pretty good one at that. Their girls are sweet. She was in charge of RCIA. Just a nice couple to look up to.

Then they got divorced.
 
HouseArrest said:
Yes - there was a couple with 2 kids in our parish who I kind of knew. It’s a small town so we kind of know everyone. Anyway I’d see her at events at the library, at church, etc. and I would always talk to her. The husband is a math teacher and a pretty good one at that. Their girls are sweet. She was in charge of RCIA. Just a nice couple to look up to.

Then they got divorced.
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:bighanky:
 
blessourhome said:
Has anyone here ever been in a position where you compare your marriage to another “super holy” Catholic couple? I know this one couple and I can’t help but be a little envious of them. They seem to be so holy and great practicing Catholics. I’m sure they have their ups and downs but they’re SO positive and holy. ?
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the only thing I have learned in 40 yrs of marriage is that outward appearances are not always a good clue to the real situation, and what seem to be the most solid marriages can also crumble before your eyes. So bottom line, I doubt if such a comparison would be helpful, except if it provides inspiration for you.
 
puzzleannie said:
the only thing I have learned in 40 yrs of marriage is that outward appearances are not always a good clue to the real situation, and what seem to be the most solid marriages can also crumble before your eyes. So bottom line, I doubt if such a comparison would be helpful, except if it provides inspiration for you.
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I agree. You need to get to know the people to tell for sure if they are really that way. With our friends, what you see is what you get. They are just an awesome family and would be embarrassed with us saying that they were Holy. But I think in a way that’s why I think of them as such. This is just the way they live their lives, it’s what they believe and they are such kind people. They have been a true blessing to our lives and our faith!
 
happymommy said:
I agree. You need to get to know the people to tell for sure if they are really that way. With our friends, what you see is what you get. They are just an awesome family and would be embarrassed with us saying that they were Holy. But I think in a way that’s why I think of them as such. This is just the way they live their lives, it’s what they believe and they are such kind people. They have been a true blessing to our lives and our faith!
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I agree. And ditto regarding the families in my example. They would be very embarrassed that we think of them as so holy, I think. But I’m glad that my kids are friends with their kids! 👍 They are nice families to be around!
 
puzzleannie said:
the only thing I have learned in 40 yrs of marriage is that outward appearances are not always a good clue to the real situation, and what seem to be the most solid marriages can also crumble before your eyes.
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👍 Oooooh yes, that’s very true. An outsider definitely has no idea of what a marriage is made, (though this may be less true for very good friends the spouse confide their challenges to).
I suppose it is because what really makes a marriage and its quality is what happens where just the two people involved are together. And then, by definition, nobody’s there to see it.
 
puzzleannie said:
the only thing I have learned in 40 yrs of marriage is that outward appearances are not always a good clue to the real situation, and what seem to be the most solid marriages can also crumble before your eyes. So bottom line, I doubt if such a comparison would be helpful, except if it provides inspiration for you.
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Totally agree… But there was one couple… the most fantastic couple… when the wife died…it was incredible. I saw the most holy man I know filled with grace… at the funeral and cemetery… Wow! I can’t even describe it… he was sad yet peaceful… he knew she was in a much better place… and OMGosh… there was standing room only at the funeral she had touched so many lives… and the priest hit it right on the head when he said she would have been embarrassed to know how many peoples lives she had touched. At the cemetery… on the coldest windiest day of the year… nobody would leave. They actually had to take a different route to the cemetery because of the number of cars.

This couple was incredible… Everyone loved them… from every generation… in fact, when my son came to after knee surgery he called the man… the first thing a 21 yo did was call an 80 yo man… and talked like they were best buddies!
 
I have a married couple friends with four children. Their youngest (8, male) is very sweet and innocent, but was teased by his older sisters (and to some extent parents) because he had a"crush" on my dd (4) (and she’s the type where everyone says that she’ll need to be locked away in a convent in her teens, not trying to brag, just saying it isn’t so twisted I guess :o) Anyway, my dd now says she’s going to marry him one day. This couple and their older children are the only people I would trust 100% (physically, emotionally, and most important, spiritually) with my dd. I don’t think my family would be happy to hear that, though.
 
HouseArrest said:
Yeah, that’s how I feel, too. Maybe it isn’t over, though. Just maybe, but it doesn’t look good.
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Friends of ours are getting divorced. We haven’t been told “why” yet. She wants to sit down with me, one on one, and talk about it, but we had no idea it was coming. They’ve never been affectionate with each other, but some people are just like that. But the wife filed for it, the week before Christmas, moved their three kids out of the house. The kids adore their dad! Christmas Eve Mass was terrible. The poor man could hardly keep himself composed. The children’s choir sang and all three of their kids are in it, so he stayed. But after mass the kids were all crying because they wanted to go with their daddy. I about lost it too, so hard to watch this family being ripped apart. Before mass she was all excited about getting into their new place and then I looked at him, he’s a broken man. I don’t want to judge, because I don’t know the whole story, but I’m starting to think it’s all about her, because she seems to be moving on, very quickly. I don’t know. We have been praying very hard for them. Their child are so dear!:bighanky:
 
I don’t know - my in- laws are supposedly one of those couples - not so much my MIL but my FIL. Then again my DH and I know the truth and do not associate with them at all. My father upon meeting them told me “The man is barely Christian I want you taking as little advice from them as possible - and NO spiritual advice.” This was before we were married. My parents have basically seen my DH as their own son and welcomed him with open arms so it is just one of those things where God has blessed us with each other and him with great in-laws.

God bless,
 
happymommy said:
Friends of ours are getting divorced. We haven’t been told “why” yet. She wants to sit down with me, one on one, and talk about it, but we had no idea it was coming. They’ve never been affectionate with each other, but some people are just like that. But the wife filed for it, the week before Christmas, moved their three kids out of the house. The kids adore their dad! Christmas Eve Mass was terrible. The poor man could hardly keep himself composed. The children’s choir sang and all three of their kids are in it, so he stayed. But after mass the kids were all crying because they wanted to go with their daddy. I about lost it too, so hard to watch this family being ripped apart. Before mass she was all excited about getting into their new place and then I looked at him, he’s a broken man. I don’t want to judge, because I don’t know the whole story, but I’m starting to think it’s all about her, because she seems to be moving on, very quickly. I don’t know. We have been praying very hard for them. Their child are so dear!:bighanky:
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AHHHH! That’s so sad, and frustrating.
 
I feel that my marriage is holy, but my husband doesn’t go to church and I have my unique “perks”. It’s all in our own perspective.

My marriage is holy b/c I love God and it’s God’s will that I am with my husband. That makes it holy in my mind. I’m certain that my husband and I will never divorce b/c we both have strong family values and divorce is just not an option for us.

It’s not helpful to compare your marriage to others. If you only see a couple at church or in a relaxed social setting; you never really know their levels of happiness once their doors are closed. I would never assume that any marriage is better than my marriage.

I’m sure our marriage is not the happiest one in my city, but we are really happy and that’s all that matters.
 
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