Holy Reminders and resistance/comments from family members

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egretps

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This year has been a year of growth for me. That’s a nice way of saying I’ve been through the mill, disappointments and more but blessings above have helped me pray and turn to God in all the mess.

I decided to replace a back license plate holder to a St. Padre Pio’s quote surrounding the license plate. Pray Hope and Don’t worry. I think someone might just get a little encouragement from that while they might find themselves sitting behind me at a traffic light. A great reminder for me when I lift the trunk to stow the groceries.

My oldest kid and husband are against me replacing the front license plate on the vehicle with a simple Saint’s prayer and picture. "Saint Michael Pray for Us!" Why shouldn’t I change the old ‘vacation destination themed’ plate for one I want? This is the one the kid and my husband rankled at. And, once again it’s MY car. I don’t tell them what to put on their cars.

Oh, yeah, I’ve a few new rosaries about the house, sometimes the car and on my person. I’ve even given one away. I finally developed a devotion to the rosary! And my goodness it’s been great. My husband wanted to know “What’s up with all the rosaries?” (I have exactly three. And these are simple wooden/macrame rosaries. My expensive stone/bead/crystal ones have been broken for years.) Sometimes two end up in bed with me under the pillow. I try to carry one with me.

Well, my husband, my siblings, my children are all giving me a hard time. I can tell you that I’m not in anyone’s “Face” about it. But, I’ve shared how much more peace is in my life because of it.

I can guess some who are reading this must have experienced this. I’ve always been a little religious, and right now I can say my upping the devotions has only made my life better. I’m more patient, more kind, and I’ve weathered a couple of storms this year better than I would have in years past. Recently though having my siblings, my children and my husband rib me about the ‘religious stuff’ is painful. I’ve always had statues, pictures and candles. Always. And those expensive fancy rosaries lying about. But once the private prayer started, nearly everyone’s become a critic.

My sibling, who has struggled for years with depression told me to not have masses said for them anymore, unless it made ME feel better. How very condescending. I told them, I’ll continue to have masses said for them and it no it doesn’t make me feel any better. Sorry, but 15 years of having masses said for this person, since I’ve learned from Fr. Solanus all those years ago that this is a good thing to do when you’ve got nowhere else to go. I’ve seen the fruit and I’m not going to stop just because my sibling is blind to it.

I am offering the disappointment/lack of human respect up for the Holy Souls, but I’m also saying “Don’t knock it until you try it” to my family. Still I’m smarting from a little disappointment in them. I would think if I found a tool that has helped me so much, especially in my peace of mind, my family would be happy for me. I don’t remember ever disrespecting my grandmother’s devotions, even when I ‘didn’t get it’.

I see this almost as if I had been struggling for years with an illness and a doctor prescribed a simple exercise and supplement and it’s made a huge difference in my quality of life.

I almost chuckle, this is very light devotional exercises I’ve added to my daily life. I’m talking one rosary a day, and a memorare when I turn on my computer or car (I have one as a desktop on the pc and a holy card on the visor in the car.) And that’s just about it as far as stepping up my prayer life. Hardly a blip of religious fervor. I have always prayed and read devotionals and the bible. But the rosary is amazing.

Any advice or commiseration? Anyone else have a bit of this nonsense from beloved family and friends when your prayer life and devotions took off?
 
I have a family that would be classed as atheist. I am used to resistance and misunderstanding. You need to be aware of this resistance and plan accordingly. My mother insists on talking throughout my rosary for example. So I go into another room or pray in my car. I have a distant relative who greets me with “are you still Catholic?” I answer “of course.” I plan to go to Mass real early on Sunday morning if a family member is visiting. I usually try to make the earliest Mass possible on a Holy Day of Obligation. I still get asked why I am going. I respond that I like to go to Mass.

One thing though, if your children are teenagers and are riding in the car, they may be utterly mortified at any suggestion of religion on the license plate. If your children are adults tell them to jump in the Everglades if they don’t like it.

Also I have gotten the idea at my parish that a lot of people don’t tell certain relatives that they are having Masses said for them. Let’s just say you aren’t alone in this.
 
Thank you so much for your response.

My whole family is ‘Catholic’. My husband and I partly were attracted to each other because we were both raised Catholic. So I’m a little confused at his questioning.

I agree, the kids are probably mortified to embarrassed because they’re teens. So, maybe I’ll just put my new plate away for a couple of years. And then, I’m putting it on.

My sibling and the masses? This person asked for them for years. And now, is indifferent. I do have masses said for people and they won’t ever find out until they get to heaven. But, the somewhat new attitude from this sibling is troubling. In this particular case, I’ll have a mass card sent when they start requesting it again. I’ll be mum otherwise. Very good advice.

Thank you again, and for your very good example of being strong and compassionate in the face of non-supportive family and friends.
 
I would ask them why it bothers them when they comment about these things.

If someone asked what’s up with the rosaries, you can tell tell them why you have them, and how growing closer to Our Lady and Jesus.
In other words tell them your reason. I would thank them for thier concern, and ask if they need new rosaries.

If they don’t like what’s on your car…tell them the reason you have that too-and why is this a problem for them? If it is a teen asking, then tell them that you understand, but it is your car, it gives you comfort and it is staying.

I would also ask your relative why having masses for the bothers them when they tell you not to not to have them. Saying you have masses for others because it makes you feel good is not very nice, but I would still be kind when asking them.

When asking these questions, it is not to be in a confrontational way, it is to gain thier perspective in a kind informational gathering way. And to let them know how important your prayer and devotional life is to you. They will respect you if you answer thier questions with a question, and it is done in a kind assertive style.
 
mommy_k said:
I would ask them why it bothers them when they comment about these things.

If someone asked what’s up with the rosaries, you can tell tell them why you have them, and how growing closer to Our Lady and Jesus.
In other words tell them your reason. I would thank them for thier concern, and ask if they need new rosaries.

If they don’t like what’s on your car…tell them the reason you have that too-and why is this a problem for them? If it is a teen asking, then tell them that you understand, but it is your car, it gives you comfort and it is staying.

I would also ask your relative why having masses for the bothers them when they tell you not to not to have them. Saying you have masses for others because it makes you feel good is not very nice, but I would still be kind when asking them.

When asking these questions, it is not to be in a confrontational way, it is to gain thier perspective in a kind informational gathering way. And to let them know how important your prayer and devotional life is to you. They will respect you if you answer thier questions with a question, and it is done in a kind assertive style.
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This^^^.
Likely they have a “problem” with it because they realize should know better than to mock you fro your faith.
 
You sound almost exactly like me… I also have the same license plate sticker in the back if my car and they don’t appreciate the Masses I gave said for them, especially my older siblings. I even had a huge “pray the Rosary and Jesus, I trust in you sticker” and that would anger my older bro, he would tell me it doesn’t look professional and it doesn’t belong in a church. I get the most resistance grom my older bro, and I even get mocked for my faith and my commitment to devotionals; I’ve spent a lot of my personal money buying them sacramentals but I really don’t feel the appreciation at all; mostly criticism (they would tell me to stop buying for them, stop wasting money). At times, I want to stop; however I feel responsible for them as “my brother’s keeper”. I would get mocked as pastor or father (though at one point in my life I was discerning priesthood, I am engaged now).

My suggestion is to stop giving them these religious items, but do not stop praying for them, like Saint Monica did for her son Saint Augustine. Let’s pray for them still.
 
You sound almost exactly like me… I also have the same St. Padre Pio license plate sticker in the back if my car and they don’t appreciate the Masses I gave said for them, especially my older siblings. I even had a huge “pray the Rosary and Jesus, I trust in you sticker” in the back of my trunk; that would anger my older bro, he would tell me it doesn’t look professional and it belongs in a church. I get the most resistance grom my older bro, and I even get mocked for my faith and my commitment to devotionals; I’ve spent a lot of my personal money buying them sacramentals but I really don’t feel the appreciation at all; mostly criticism (they would tell me to stop buying for them, stop wasting money). At times, I want to stop; however I feel responsible for them as “my brother’s keeper”. I would also get mocked as pastor or father (though at one point in my life I was discerning priesthood, I am engaged now).

My suggestion is to take it easy on them with giving them religious items; they might feel overwhelmed, but do not stop praying for them, like Saint Monica did for her son Saint Augustine; conversion may take time. Continue persevering in praying for them; that in itself is an act of mercy. Wait for the right time until you feel that they start becoming more receptive and that you feel there is some conversion. Let’s pray for them still.
 
When I reverted, neither my Evangelical or atheist brother said anything. Religious items slowly started to make their ways onto my home, and no one said anything. The years rolled by and then unexpectedly the attacks started. First it was from a poor catechised catholic who turned protestant, then one brother and then the other. I hasten to add that they attacked my faith when guests in my house and often out of the blue. I spent many hours researching, even though none of them were interested in facts, evidence or reason and it got so bad, I prayed that none of them would visit for a while.

So much sanctification. Yet so many blessings as I learned more, not just about the faith and grew stronger as I prayed more and listened to the Holy Spirit. Time passed and just as I got to the end of my tether (I dreaded seeing any of them), it all stopped. Just keep praying, trust in God and try to listen to the Holy Spirit.
 
Give the old plate surround to the oldest child, then do as you see fit. Its possible your family just doesn’t like change!
 
PianistClare, and Str84ward thank you so much for your response.

I don’t want this thread to appear that I’ve been buying beautiful and precious reminders for people. I rarely buy anything for gifts, mostly gift cards to restaurants. The masses are frequently purchased because I think someone needs them, hardly ever do I even let the person know. For instance this year, I had masses said for deceased and living parents of my highschool/college friends who I’m not in contact with anymore. Or as my grandmother used to tell me, “If someone comes to your mind, pray for them or have a mass said for them.” I’ve had ‘news’ and memories reminding me of these sweet and some not so sweet people in my past. So, this year it’s been stepped up in frequency, but the overwhelming majority of those mass announcements are never actually sent to the families/friends. Most of these people truly wouldn’t appreciate it, and I’m talking potentially pot-stirring and hostile responses. I do this as the ultimate charity for those departed souls or for the struggling souls here on earth. (They don’t need to know, I Believe that the Mass is the ultimate prayer and worship and charity.)

Well, with that particular brother? He was asking for masses for years, and I think recently he’s been suffering a new type of melancholy.

I’ve read somewhere that the Angels are sometimes stumped, or bewildered, by our frequently human lack of faith or questioning towards God. I got a taste of that with my brother. Years of seeing God work in his life, saving his physical life and he’s going through a big "Whatever’ to Mass. I’d like to give him a swift kick in the pants.

Well, your responses 🙂 let me know that I’m not alone in this, a huge comfort and consolation. I’ll try to be a little more compassionate. I’ll take a breath before I ask why it troubles them, offer them a little humble rosary if they want one, and keep them all in my prayers. 👍

Patience, Humility, Compassion… When I really want to just come out and say "What’s your problem? I’m not hurting anyone! This is a Good thing. " No that wouldn’t be helpful.

Str84ward, enjoy your engagement! We picked the Song of Songs for one of our readings, and it’s been a cornerstone of our marriage. I’ve told our kids that having a Nuptial Mass probably has helped keep us not only together but that we thrived in difficult times.

BTW, one of the fruits of this recent daily rosary devotion is my oldest says a rosary every night, even though she doesn’t want my very cool St. Michael plate on the front of my van. My oldest also told a classmate, who is raised by atheists, about her meditation of the rosary, and this young girl who is suffering real troubles in her life wanted one and instructions to say one. We bought her a $2 ‘fashion’ rosary so that she could just try it out, and not have to have a very uncomfortable conversation with her parents. She could tell them it’s just a necklace, and for her it might just be that. Please keep this young lady, K, in your prayers.
If K does keep it up, she’s going to need those prayers and face probably more lip than I ever have. I’m keeping this experience in perspective.

God Bless you all this Sunday! Thank you!
 
Avila:
So much sanctification. Yet so many blessings as I learned more, not just about the faith and grew stronger as I prayed more and listened to the Holy Spirit. Time passed and just as I got to the end of my tether (I dreaded seeing any of them), it all stopped. Just keep praying, trust in God and try to listen to the Holy Spirit.

Yes, if I dig and learn more, it won’t really matter ultimately whether they listen or not. I have to really take a deep breath before talking with my brother. He loves Christopher Hitchens right now, and I just don’t feel up for a battle of wits or witty banter.

CrusaderBear, I might just put that plate up with your encouragement. 👍
 
Hello Egretps:

As I’m reading your posts, one of the first things that crosses my mind is how faithful are your family members? Your depressed brother is one thing, but I would assume that your husband at least attends Mass regularly, or am I wrong in assuming that? I would assume that you send your children to church, but again, I could be wrong. Furthermore, when this all began, weren’t you yourself curious as to why? If so, why didn’t you politely ask them what their objections are?

Too many Catholics have a textbook knowledge of Our Lord Jesus Christ. I could go off on a dissertation as to why I believe that is, but that’s another discussion for another day. However, it sounds to me like that is exactly what your husband and children and possibly your brother are like. If that’s the case, it’s a pity that they haven’t learned to talk to Jesus as their loving Savior in a personal journey with Him. When I was growing up and attending Catholic schools, the emphasis on why we should attend Mass on the weekends and holy days was because it’s a mortal sin to miss! PATHETIC! To give an example as to how prevalent this attitude still is among some of the older generation, an old school priest and I were talking, and I happened to mention that since I attend Mass all year long that I would prefer to skip the Christmas and Easter Masses because I get nothing out of them, and I don’t care to enter a packed Church that is packed like that only two times a year for the obvious reasons! Father’s response was “You have to.”
That’s it! Nothing more! Nothing about the worship of God, the celebration of the Lord’s birth or the Resurrection at Easter time and the conquering sin and death! NO! Just a simple “You have to.” Sorry but that is not an answer, and in my opinion that is one of the prime reasons the Catholic Church has so many lapsed members.

Anyway, I look forward to your response. Peace of the Risen Lord be upon you
 
Cynical_Realist said:
Hello Egretps:
…When I was growing up and attending Catholic schools, the emphasis on why we should attend Mass on the weekends and holy days was because it’s a mortal sin to miss! PATHETIC! To give an example as to how prevalent this attitude still is among some of the older generation, an old school priest and I were talking, and I happened to mention that since I attend Mass all year long that I would prefer to skip the Christmas and Easter Masses because I get nothing out of them, and I don’t care to enter a packed Church that is packed like that only two times a year for the obvious reasons! Father’s response was “You have to.”
That’s it! Nothing more! Nothing about the worship of God, the celebration of the Lord’s birth or the Resurrection at Easter time and the conquering sin and death! NO! Just a simple “You have to.” Sorry but that is not an answer, and in my opinion that is one of the prime reasons the Catholic Church has so many lapsed members.

Anyway, I look forward to your response. Peace of the Risen Lord be upon you
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We also skip C and E. I know this might make people gasp, but I’m in agreement with you. Also, this year both feet have been broken and I just don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have to stand for an hour or more in the back or sides of the church. So we didn’t go this year.

As to your previous question about regular church going. We were going every week, and sometimes on Wednesday. We’ve become lax this year on attending mass, partly due to my injuries. There are not too many available handicapped parking spaces, we live in an elderly population. The rest of the parking lot was gravel/grass and I couldn’t trust it for my knee scooter. I had fallen too many times, I’m 48, and a re-break was a potential hazard every time I went. I broke the first foot twice. A third time would have been a horrendously expensive new surgery and to go from pins to plates. I’m nursing a new break on the other foot and hopefully it will be OK soon.

This isn’t due to ‘brittle bones’ or osteoarthritis, just bad luck. Or maybe the devil has been tripping me. (I know the devil or some other nonsense has been active in my life this year. Probably to distract me enough that I won’t do what God wants me to accomplish. I prayed a lot this year anyway.)

I agree about the ‘Textbook’ knowledge though. My husband has simple and clear faith. I’ve wrestled with learning and applying and praying almost since I started my 1st communion. I believe, Lord help my unbelief.

My kids though have suffered from our missing Sunday services this year. My husband just for some reason decided if I couldn’t go, he wasn’t interested in going. This even began before I broke my foot last year. He would miss to go play golf with his friends sometimes.😦

This is painful for me since when we were dating, we often went to mass together before our date! We would pray before we’d go to sleep after we were married. And we were very active in the parish/Knights.
 
My brother has been asking for prayers and masses again! Just and update.🙂

Thank you God!
 
Just a couple of things. The first is a quote I read on a sign in front of the local catholic church a few years ago.
Code: 
 "Fewer things are harder to tolerate than the annoyance of a good example."

 The second is a license plate holder that I read last year and it got me to thinking. It read

 "prayer changes things"

   My point is that we never really know how something we do will affect someone else in some small way. There is way too much vulgar trash on vehicles these days so I think its nice you wish to put something different than the garbage I see day in and out. Thank you for that.
 
Don’t make too much of the license plate thing. “Well, I don’t want a Yosemite license plate surround. I want one that I like. You put what you like on your car, I’ll put one that I like on mine. It’s not like I’m putting a Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God! slogan on there or something!! (and laugh it off)”

If having Masses said for family members makes you feel better, do it. Worry a lot less about whether the recipient is condescending. Reward you don’t get from them will come from Heaven, so you have no worries.
 
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