Home-Alone America

[msaenz]

Hello everyone.

The following is an excerpt from the new book written by Mary Eberstadt entitled Home-Alone America: The Hidden Toll of Day Care, Beharioral Drugs and Other Parent Substitutes.

The essence of home-alone America is just this: Over the past few decades, more and more parents have been spending less and less time at home, and most measures of what social scientists call “child well-being” have simultanuously been in what once would have been judged scandalous decline.

Would you agree with this statement?

 

[msproule]

While the author of that statement seems to use a lot of unnecessary words to make the point, I would say that I generally agree with it.

I strongly believe we overuse the daycare system in our society. While there are plenty of exceptions, I cannot see how it benefits the children at all.

 

[jman507]

Well you know, “whats good for GM is whats good for America.” Guess the kids can fend for themselves.

 

[kaymart]

Working mothers are the downfall of society today. To many children are being raised in daycare centers and later left alone for hours to fend for themselves. I know there are women who must work because of widowed, divorce or husband lost job. They should be the exception not the rule and we should all do our best to help these women to give them whatever they need, in anyway possible. But when women work for that larger home, second car, vacations, and other luxuries we can do without. Also many people will say it takes two paychecks to run our home, well it didn’t always, you can thank womens lib for that one. When women went out to work in droves back in the 70’s and 80’s the average household imcome increased. Instead of the average household making say…15,000 a year it increased to 25,000 thus increasing price and cost of living going out of control.:ehh:

 

[Celia]

My mother in law runs a day care center. There is women that drop off their children on their days off so they can have the time to themselves. I mean, I understand being tired and wanting to have time to yourself but I think that can be done in another way. What message does that send to the child? I agree that the day care system is necessary but sometimes overused…

 

[kaymart]

Celia:

My mother in law runs a day care center. There is women that drop off their children on their days off so they can have the time to themselves. I mean, I understand being tired and wanting to have time to yourself but I think that can be done in another way. What message does that send to the child? I agree that the day care system is necessary but sometimes overused…

Celia, I have seen that also, So many moms today will say I’ll drop off little Johnny so I can pursue my interests, Or the famous I need “ME” time. How about kid time…and I don’t mean a planned Sunday afternoon of “quality time” to a park or a movie or whatever they do. Then they claim they are a better mother because they are happy.

 

[JimG]

kaymart:

Also many people will say it takes two paychecks to run our home, well it didn’t always, you can thank womens lib for that one. When women went out to work in droves back in the 70’s and 80’s the average household imcome increased. Instead of the average household making say…15,000 a year it increased to 25,000 thus increasing price and cost of living going out of control.:ehh:

I think you are right. Two incomes increased family income, but it also increased inflation and prices, leaving families about where they were before. Also, our expectations increased. Now we want more things, so do the kids. There was a papal encyclical, “Rerum Novarum” which, if memory serves, advocated that employers pay a “living wage.” A living wage was defined as a wage sufficient so that one could support a family.

However, the advent of no-fault divorce also contributed to the problem by creating a great number of single parent families.

 

[Island_Oak]

I had to weigh in and say I’m really uncomfortable with the tone of this thread. I think that with very few exceptions most mothers believe that their actions and choices are made with the best interests of their families in mind. None of us parent our children in exactly the same way and what works for one family might be a disaster in another. Given this, not many of us would welcome the kind of condescending tone or second guessing that seems to be tolerated when it comes to the specific issue of working moms. At the end of the day it is important that ALL our kids are raised in caring communities. It’s a lot easier to stand back and cluck your tongue than to get involved and help your neighbors and friends–yes, even the ones who choose to work even when YOU don’t think they need to.

As we approach Mothers Day it would seem to be a lot more charitable and productive to commit to helping a family member, neighbor, friend, colleague, etc… who you know is struggling to balance their family responsibilites (for whatever reason) instead of pointing fingers or throwing stones. You might just find that you, your family and the community benefit more from cooperating than criticizing.

 

[Island_Oak]

I had to weigh in and say I’m really uncomfortable with the tone of this thread. I think that with very few exceptions most mothers believe that their actions and choices are made with the best interests of their families in mind. None of us parent our children in exactly the same way and what works for one family might be a disaster in another. Given this, not many of us would welcome the kind of condescending tone or second guessing that seems to be tolerated when it comes to the specific issue of working moms. At the end of the day it is important that ALL our kids are raised in caring communities. It’s a lot easier to stand back and cluck your tongue than to get involved and help your neighbors and friends–yes, even the ones who choose to work even when YOU don’t think they need to.

As we approach Mothers Day it would seem to be a lot more charitable and productive to commit to helping a family member, neighbor, friend, colleague, etc… who you know is struggling to balance their family responsibilites (for whatever reason) instead of pointing fingers or throwing stones. You might just find that you, your family and the community benefit more from cooperating than criticizing.

 

[contemplative]

In 1982 the working mother thrust was in full force and I was soon to be a new mother. This did not sweep me away. I took one look at the local daycare and thought it looked more like a dog kennel. My heart ached greatly for all those poor children thrust into such a horrific setting all day with no real place or person to call their own. I would have eaten a steady diet of beans and wore second hand clothes rather than dump my babies in that wired fenced prison. Twenty years later I have absolutely NO regrets. Many couples who must work alternate work shifts rather than dump their babies in daycare. Some men work 1 1/2 jobs so the mothers of their children can stay home. This thread is about morals and values and is important to discuss even in 2005.

 

[netmilsmom]

Island Oak:

I think that with very few exceptions most mothers believe that their actions and choices are made with the best interests of their families in mind. None of us parent our children in exactly the same way and what works for one family might be a disaster in another. Given this, not many of us would welcome the kind of condescending tone or second guessing that seems to be tolerated when it comes to the specific issue of working moms. At the end of the day it is important that ALL our kids are raised in caring communities. It’s a lot easier to stand back and cluck your tongue than to get involved and help your neighbors and friends–yes, even the ones who choose to work even when YOU don’t think they need to. .

I think that the problem is that you and many others feel that they are doing well by enabling these women to continue their lifestyle. One must look at the facts instead of going with feelings.

Since the time most mothers began working full time and we have become a materialistic society, our children have suffered. It’s nice to be sweet and say all situations are different, however when one looks at the norms of those children who are put into daycare, the situation looks bleak.

Society pushes that Daycare is good for our children. While some mothers must work, more are making poor choices, unwed mothers, divorced mothers and materialistic mothers. We who do not listen to the “experts” who are funded by certain interests need to educate those who go with the flow, to make better choices.

Closing one’s eyes to be kind doesn’t work. Charity is sometimes being brutally honest.

It is not a community that raises a child as much as a parent. Better two of the same sex. In fact, I am much happier to make decisions for my children than to let the community do it.

Most of the people here seem very charitable, just pointing out bad situations. Most of us are already helping others. IMO, it is unkind for you to lecture on how to be productive. Why do you think we are not doing this anyway?

 

[kaymart]

contemplative:

In 1982 the working mother thrust was in full force and I was soon to be a new mother. This did not sweep me away. I took one look at the local daycare and thought it looked more like a dog kennel. My heart ached greatly for all those poor children thrust into such a horrific setting all day with no real place or person to call their own. I would have eaten a steady diet of beans and wore second hand clothes rather than dump my babies in that wired fenced prison. Twenty years later I have absolutely NO regrets. Many couples who must work alternate work shifts rather than dump their babies in daycare. Some men work 1 1/2 jobs so the mothers of their children can stay home. This thread is about morals and values and is important to discuss even in 2005.

When we finally “saw the light” after our third child was born in 1988, my husband took a part-time job until we were able to pare down our expenses. God Bless you for not following the herd in the beginning, such as I did. I do have regrets…9 years worth I can never get back. My children were 9, 2 and newborn when I finally “got it”

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

The essence of home-alone America is just this: Over the past few decades, more and more parents have been spending less and less time at home, and most measures of what social scientists call “child well-being” have simultanuously been in what once would have been judged scandalous decline.​

In the good ole days children worked in factories in deplorable conditions, they also worked in coal mines all day, or were slave labor on farms. I Should personally know as my dad was driving a tractor at 5 and plowing fields.
The problem today, if we believe there was always a June Cleaver life style, fact is that is not always the case.

 

[BlindSheep]

Lilyofthevalley:

In the good ole days children worked in factories in deplorable conditions, they also worked in coal mines all day, or were slave labor on farms. I Should personally know as my dad was driving a tractor at 5 and plowing fields.
The problem today, if we believe there was always a June Cleaver life style, fact is that is not always the case.

a) This has absolutely nothing to do with whether daycare or a SAHM is better for children.
b) Not all children had the same lifestyle in the past, any more than they do today.

 

[Island_Oak]

netmil(name removed by moderator):

I think that the problem is that you and many others feel that they are doing well by enabling these women to continue their lifestyle. One must look at the facts instead of going with feelings.

My comments had nothing to do with “feelings.” It had to do with reserving judgement about conduct that is not inherently evil or sinful when you don’t have all the facts.

It is not a community that raises a child as much as a parent. Better two of the same sex.

From the overall tone of your post I have to assume you did not intend to advocate homosexual parenthood.

IMO, it is unkind for you to lecture on how to be productive. Why do you think we are not doing this anyway?

My suggestion about a more productive course of action was not meant to be unkind or a lecture. I am not assuming anything about anyone’s conduct or assistance to others–just making a suggestion. In my experience–I have known working mothers and SAHMs and been on both sides myself. Through that process I have learned that the physical location of a woman indicates almost NOTHING about her capacity and effectivenss to be a good mother. I have known working women who are loving, engaged and committed parents. I have also known women who stay home with children but are not particularly involved, interested or good mothers. Thus, I suggested that we limit our value judgements about parenting to conduct other than a woman’s employment outside the home.

 

[netmilsmom]

Island Oak:
My comments had nothing to do with “feelings.” It had to do with reserving judgement about conduct that is not inherently evil or sinful when you don’t have all the facts.

Its time to look at the facts of children in daycare.
Island Oak:
From the overall tone of your post I have to assume you did not intend to advocate homosexual parenthood.
Well geez, I would hope so. This is a Catholic Forum afterall.
Island Oak:
In my experience–I have known working mothers and SAHMs and been on both sides myself. Through that process I have learned that the physical location of a woman indicates almost NOTHING about her capacity and effectivenss to be a good mother. I have known working women who are loving, engaged and committed parents. I have also known women who stay home with children but are not particularly involved, interested or good mothers. Thus, I suggested that we limit our value judgements about parenting to conduct other than a woman’s employment outside the home.

As I stated before, the facts concerning children in Daycare are different from your experience.

 

[jman507]

Of course there has never been a June Cleaver lifestyle, but atleast that could have been thought of how things ought to be. I don’t think anyone has really matched Jesus Crist, but that doesn’t mean we should throw any idea of him out. Do you want your children to get 1’s even if they fall from those marks or do you think it’s better to celebrate any grade, just because they got a grade? I don’t know about you, but I think June and Ward Cleaver are just fine.

Ward went to his job, and then came home to be a dad. He really didn’t seem overly consumed with buying the next big thing, that’ll just fade into something worthless later. I don’t know if your a single mother, wouldn’t you rather shoot for a Ward? Really its not so much the June Cleaver lifestyle, but for using Joseph and Mary as our example.

It really might not seem as exciting if your skip a trip to some great place or skip buying a new car, but on the other hand random family members can always provide much longer lasting excitiment. And the family members can freely love you back.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Island Oak:

I had to weigh in and say I’m really uncomfortable with the tone of this thread. I think that with very few exceptions most mothers believe that their actions and choices are made with the best interests of their families in mind. None of us parent our children in exactly the same way and what works for one family might be a disaster in another. Given this, not many of us would welcome the kind of condescending tone or second guessing that seems to be tolerated when it comes to the specific issue of working moms. At the end of the day it is important that ALL our kids are raised in caring communities. It’s a lot easier to stand back and cluck your tongue than to get involved and help your neighbors and friends–yes, even the ones who choose to work even when YOU don’t think they need to.

You raise a good point, but one problem is that there aren’t enough stay-at-home mom’s to help the working ones anymore. My wife used to get dumped on, on a regular basis, by people who “had to work” as if she had nothing to do. Except in this thread, which I find a refreshing change, I find the condescention often works the other way. Julie’s so-called “friends” are always telling her she should get a job, or at least get socially involved, for the specific purpose of getting away from her kids. They say she “needs” to work, and that it would be good for her.

One such working mother wasn’t even aware that her eighth grade daughter was suicidal and even going to “cutting parties,” until my own daughter confided in me and I gave her some pointers in crisis intervention. At first, I did not know the name of the other child involved (part of the deal for my daughter to tell me what was bothering her), but after things got better I found out who it was. How ironic that this woman tells us how to raise our kids. Oh, yeah, and this is a “good Catholic” family whose kids are in Catholic school.

As we approach Mothers Day it would seem to be a lot more charitable and productive to commit to helping a family member, neighbor, friend, colleague, etc… who you know is struggling to balance their family responsibilites (for whatever reason) instead of pointing fingers or throwing stones. You might just find that you, your family and the community benefit more from cooperating than criticizing.

We have been blessed by much help from other people. On an individual basis, I agree with you that we should help when we can. There are only so many of us to go around, though, although I’ve heard the trend is starting to reverse. Maybe there is some good side to rising unemployment?

Alan

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I used to like Dr. Laura. Once when a guest on a tv show she asked this question of the audience. (Details are sketchy but I think this is right. If not, it makes my point.)

She asked those in the audience who had a stay-at-home parent to stand up, and then asked those who wished they had spent less time with them to sit down. Nobody sat down.

My own kids have recently provided a counterexample. Unusually heavy logistical issues have made it convenient for us to leave a couple children at latchkey for a couple hours two or three times during these past couple weeks. Not only did they have a great time, they asked if they could stay longer. Maybe it would get old for them after a while, but I guess I’m glad we had a latchkey program to help out those days. It takes all kinds.

Alan

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

a) This has absolutely nothing to do with whether daycare or a SAHM is better for children.​

sure it does blind sheep. people are under the impression there was always this utopia family, dad worked, mom tended the children. fact is it’s a relatively new concept post ww2. people should KNOW that rather than get hostile or try to censor a differing opinion as you attempted to do.
frankly i find children with mom’s who stay at home are pretty dependent on mom for everything. they don’t know how to do laundry and make a meal for themselves.
as for dr. laura i find her to be a mean hearted hypocrite like most ulter conservative people.