Home sick - HELP

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PeteZaHut

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I am at my third day of college, and I have been highly homesick from the moment my parents left. Before school started, I couldn’t wait to get away from my family because they were driving me crazy. Now, I would give almost anything to spend some time with them. I am not the most sociable person, but I get along with people well. I have tears running down my face as I am typing this. I have prayed, and I think God has already helped, but I need some advice. The thought of being at this new place permanently just freaks me out. It feels like I should only be here a couple of weeks, then go home.
 
You’re not alone. Many people when they go off to college for the first time feel terribly homesick. Have you called your parents to talk to them?

I wouldn’t give up on school so quickly. Homesickness does pass with time. Look into some of the clubs and organizations at school, to start to build new friendships. And don’t be afraid, or embarrassed to call your parents every day. My roommate, and a lot of people in my dorm, did that for several weeks after they got to college.

Remember, you’re not alone, and this feeling will pass. 🙂
 
If you can call home do so. My daughters the first weeks away would call me at least once a day and then they would back off to several times a week down to once a week.

Now, I also suggest you get yourself out in the common area of your dorm if for no other reason than to “people watch”. Go to the student union and do the same. Talk to the people in your classes, especially the ones you really like (the classes that is) you might find someone with an equal interest and you can start hanging out together.

You are in the early days of being away from family so, don’t worry about it, if it helps, think of it as “camp for three months” if you get to go home for Thanksgiving and then you will hopefully be home for the entire month of Christmas break! Make a calendar to count down the days, before you know it you won’t even be looking at it because you will be so busy with school!

God bless you and keep you.

Brenda V.
 
PeteZaHut,
BrendaV has given you some really good advice.
You aren’t on your own. I suffer from really bad homesickness (and I’m 43!!), but, what I’ve learnt over many years -including occasions when I’ve run home - is that it does get better and you do adjust if you keep busy. Missing home is normal, missing your family, friends, usual routines, pets, is normal. Let yourself feel it and then say “This too shall pass.”
Don’t miss out on wonderful opportunities and as BrendaV said, do get out of your room and around others. There’s probably a Catholic society at college - there usually is - that’s somewhere to start.
God Bless
Karen
 
Hang in there! You are just getting used to a major life change. A little homesickness is to be expected.

You might try making a journal or a scrapbook for your family to show them what your new life is like. Creating a gift for them that shows what you are up to will not only be much appreciated by your parents, but will give you a sense of their presence. It might even help take your mind off of the feeling.

And, like I said, hang in there. You are about to get so busy, you won’t have time to miss mom!!

Take care!
 
Thank you for posting. I have been talking to my parents on the phone, and that really helps. I think I am doing fine socially. I have been spending time with other people (hanging out in the commons like you said, etc.). I am not isolated from people. Although I am not looking forward to my classes starting next week, it might help me out as well.

I think it is just the shock that is affecting me so much. I had been looking forward to college. I was sick of my home and my family. But once both of those things are gone, it’s terrifying. I never realized until now how much I love my family. Before school started, I knew that it would be possible to come home on weekends if I ever needed to. I thought that would be a horrible idea. Weekends are usually boring at my house. Now that I am at school, a boring weekend at home with my family is all I want. My world has just been flipped upside down and my stomach is in knots.
 
Ah, school hasn’t even started yet! Just wait, you will be so busy with classes and homework and figuring out how your supposed to write three papers on totally different subjects all in the same week as well as read everything you are supposed to and go to class!

Prayers are with you as you make this big transition in your life, an important one at that!

Brenda V.
 
Ah, I remember that time! Here’s a few things to keep in mind that were helpful to me:

First, all the other freshmen are in the exact same boat that you are. This realization helped me immensely. No one knows anyone and everyone is trying to get acclimated (even if some of them hide it better than others).

Second, try to meet as many people as you can. The first week is the time to do that. Believe me, I am definitely not the most sociable person. In group situations, I’m usually content to be “the quiet one”. But college helped me with that a great deal. I am much less shy than I was back then. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and go to as many of the orientation events as your school offers.

Third, I’m not sure if you’re at a public school or a Catholic one, but, if you’re at a public school, try to connect with the Newman Center. They will probably be having some type of open house that first week. It’s a great opportunity to meet with other Catholic students (some newcomers and some seasoned veterans).

Finally, know that once classes started, things will get much easier. That first week is hard, but once the routine (and busyness) of classes sets in, it’s much easier to deal with. The first week is so disjointed, it’s hard to get grounded, but classes fix that in a hurry!

Try to have fun! Remember, too, you’re becoming a stronger person every day as a result of dealing with this difficult transition. You will look back on this time and laugh. 🙂 As a matter of fact, you should bookmark this thread and look back at it at the end of the school year just to see how much you’ve grown.

*One final note: try not to be too intimidated that first week of classes. It was an adjustment for me from high school because, in college, they tell you ahead of time everything that will be expected of you in the coming semester (every test, quiz, and paper). Finding that out all at once can be overwhelming, but remember you have a whole semester to do the work. When I first went to college, the idea of a 5 page paper scared the bejeebus out of me. But by the end, I was typing out 15-20 page research papers in a few hours the night before they were due (which I definitely do not recommend!)
 
I had homesickness realllllly bad my first semester freshman year. I had a really bad summer between high school graduation and beginning college and I felt like I should have been home with my parents trying to help pick up the pieces.

Being sick of your family a 18 is a good thing, But missing them when you get away from the is good too. It means that your ready to break away and be an adult and make your own decisions, but it also means that you love your family and they are important to you.

I had a great roommate in college and lived with her for 3 years, and great friends I also roomed with in the suites.Senior year we all had singles. Do stuff with your roommate. Explore the city you live in now. Even if it’s east podunk go explore, you might find a cool store of coffee shop (which will be invaluable during midterms and finals). Or someplace with edible food (which will always be valuable since cafeteria food is BRUTAL on your digestive system)Explore your campus, look around for cool things like the photography black room, ask another student(especially a cute one) to show you how to develop film. Rally the other freshmen into a water balloon fight in the quad Whatever.Call home as many times as you need to. Set a goal to reduce it 50 percent each week. So if you call 20 times this week, 10 next week, 5 the following, 2-3 the next. You’ll fall into a routine of going to class going to the library, getting a job, sleeping, and hitting up parties. You’ll eventually settle in and it’ll get easier.

And by senior year, I think I only called home when I needed beer money or I got an email from my parents expressing concern over whether or night I was still alive.
 
Lots of great advice here already, so I won’t duplicate it.

My youngest sibling moved to college today, so I’m praying for her and you right now. God bless you. :crossrc: :hug1:
 
Joe_5859 said:
*One final note: try not to be too intimidated that first week of classes. It was an adjustment for me from high school because, in college, they tell you ahead of time everything that will be expected of you in the coming semester (every test, quiz, and paper). Finding that out all at once can be overwhelming, but remember you have a whole semester to do the work. When I first went to college, the idea of a 5 page paper scared the bejeebus out of me. But by the end, I was typing out 15-20 page research papers in a few hours the night before they were due (which I definitely do not recommend!)
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I wrote my senior thesis paper- 95 pages on business and urban development with regards to a underprivledge socioeconomic class in 8 hours before it was due. I should have invested in NoDoz that year, I’d have been RICH!

Enjoy the all nighters too. They’re kinda fun, and you’ll miss being able to stay up past 11 once you get a real world job.
 
Agree with above, find a Parish or Newman Center or Focus- the Mass, other Catholics ARE family.
 
the most important thing is DON’T go home, for anything short of a funeral. at least not for a few weeks or maybe even till thanksgiving or Christmas. its the only way to get over it.
 
I’ve been away from home for five years, with visits once a year for three to ten days at a time, so I understand homesickness. Aggiecatholic is right that just after you visit home the homesickness is worse. My boyfriend just came back after a visit home, and he figures it’ll take at least five days of throwing himself into work to become stable again. It’s hard, especially if you have free time alone. I’m not sure if avoiding home is the best way to solve it, but if it works for you, try it.

Here’s what I do:
  • Call home often. You won’t feel as isolated and alone if the people you care about know what’s going on in your life. When you’re alone, you feel vulnerable. It won’t be nearly so difficult if you know that your family and friends are thinking about you as you’re going about your daily life. It makes me feel good to know that my parents save up tidbits to share with me on my weekly phone calls.
  • Commiserate with other people in the same boat. I don’t mean that you should whine together - try to bring each other up. Remind each other that this is not a permanent feeling; you’ll either feel better soon or you’ll decide to live closer to your family.
  • Plaster your refrigerator or wall with pictures of family and friends that care about you. If you didn’t bring pictures, call or e-mail people and ask them to send some. At my last job I was isolated. Every time I felt down, I printed a picture or several pictures of family and friends. I found pictures I liked from my friends’ blogs or my sister-in-law’s Flickr account and asked them to send copies. I hung twine along the walls like Christmas garlands and used paper clips to hang pictures. When friends came over to visit, or when people visited my office, the photos were great conversation starters and I found lots of things in common with people from looking at the pictures. When no one else was around, I enjoyed having my family and friends smiling at me.
  • Enjoy this stage of your life. Your relationship with your family is changing, and probably in a good way. Before, you might have resented them because you needed independence and felt they were holding you back. Now they’re not, and you feel the lack of their daily presence in your life. It hurts, but you will come to appreciate them so much more. Your parents will become interesting and you may begin to develop things in common with them. Your siblings who used to irritate you may now become a source of pride.
  • Remember that what you do now is setting the stage for who you will become later. If you try to drink your worries away or lose yourself in video games, you run the risk of avoiding problems in life rather than facing them head-on. If you develop appropriate ways to cope with your struggles, you will fill your personal toolbox with skills that will help you become a better student, friend, employee, manager, spouse, parent, and whatever else you may become.
Good luck!
 
personally another thing that helped me was my interests. i enjoy dancing and in a college town thats not too hard to find also duck hunting is my favorite pasttime. as the start of school isnt ar ahead of that it helped, getting involved with the college ducks unlimited and going on some saturday trips nearby. while hunting maynot be your thing coninuing something you did at home with new people helps. plus then youve got all the more to talk about when you do go home.

if hunting insnt your thing you should try it. i found that in college was when i liked it best. leaving the books and computers and town to go out and hike miles through the woods to a lake in the dark, just to spend the morning sitting almost silently(aside from a few shots) really helped to let me see the big picture and clear my head. going from true pitch dark to sunrise to day is a thing far too many people miss out on these days in the age of light pollution.
 
PeteZaHut said:
I am at my third day of college, and I have been highly homesick from the moment my parents left. Before school started, I couldn’t wait to get away from my family because they were driving me crazy. Now, I would give almost anything to spend some time with them. I am not the most sociable person, but I get along with people well. I have tears running down my face as I am typing this. I have prayed, and I think God has already helped, but I need some advice. The thought of being at this new place permanently just freaks me out. It feels like I should only be here a couple of weeks, then go home.
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Whenever I feel like that, I remember that Jesus had no home, and whenever He returned to where He grew up, He was disrespected. This parallels my own experience very closely.
 
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice here - wish I’d had it 3 years ago… I was so homesick my first few weeks of school!

This is going to sound really bizzare and contrary to everything else that’s been said here before - but it worked for me, and maybe it’ll help you.

When I first started college, I was extremely introverted. Pair that with me being the one that got left out most of the time, I spent a lot of time by myself. One thing that really helped me was finding something that I had to concentrate on to do well. After one of my first days, I remember going back to my room and feeling this weird mix of tiredness, lonliness, and frustration. I grabbed my swimsuit and went to the pool to swim laps. I had to work really hard and concentrate in order to swim. When I got out of the pool and went back to my room, I felt relaxed.

Take your mind off of how you’re feeling - find a way to be busy. Even if you’re on your own for a little bit, being occupied will help you to feel less lonely.

It does get better. :hug1: A few weeks later I met some friends who introduced me to the Catholic center on campus…thus beginning my somewhat turbulent swim across the Tiber 😃
 
OldAgeGuru said:
I wrote my senior thesis paper- 95 pages on business and urban development with regards to a underprivledge socioeconomic class in 8 hours before it was due. .
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95 pages in 8 hours is 12 pages an hour, which is one every 5 minutes (about the time it took me to write this reply). I probably couldn’t even type that fast, let alone begin to write a thesis.

If you managed to grade anything higher than an F, I salute you.
the most important thing is DON’T go home, for anything short of a funeral. at least not for a few weeks or maybe even till thanksgiving or Christmas. its the only way to get over it.
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I disagree with this. 😃

I went home as often as I could, and it only helped me immensely. 😊

I missed home because the people that love me (I love) were there.

University was just a campus full of idiots who drank to escape from life (mostly).🤷
 
Magicsilence said:
95 pages in 8 hours is 12 pages an hour, which is one every 5 minutes (about the time it took me to write this reply). I probably couldn’t even type that fast, let alone begin to write a thesis.

If you managed to grade anything higher than an F, I salute you.
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Block quotes, courrier new, 2.5 spacing and slightly enlarged margins are your friend in a crunch scenario

Got an A-.

I can write papers in my sleep. I cannot for the life of me do math.
 
jlyn1110 said:
You’ve gotten a lot of great advice here - wish I’d had it 3 years ago… I was so homesick my first few weeks of school!

This is going to sound really bizzare and contrary to everything else that’s been said here before - but it worked for me, and maybe it’ll help you.

When I first started college, I was extremely introverted. Pair that with me being the one that got left out most of the time, I spent a lot of time by myself. One thing that really helped me was finding something that I had to concentrate on to do well. After one of my first days, I remember going back to my room and feeling this weird mix of tiredness, lonliness, and frustration. I grabbed my swimsuit and went to the pool to swim laps. I had to work really hard and concentrate in order to swim. When I got out of the pool and went back to my room, I felt relaxed.

Take your mind off of how you’re feeling - find a way to be busy. Even if you’re on your own for a little bit, being occupied will help you to feel less lonely.

It does get better. :hug1: A few weeks later I met some friends who introduced me to the Catholic center on campus…thus beginning my somewhat turbulent swim across the Tiber 😃
Click to expand...
That’s funny you say that about swimming laps. That is just what I have tried to do to relax, but the pool has had limited hours this week. I think it will be open more when classes start next week, so I am really looking forward to that.
 
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