your pastor is right. If you are Catholic you will do as all other Catholic parents in the Diocese are doing, whether their child’s faith formation, begun in the family, is strengthened in the parochial school or parish CCD–obey. The resistance to the directives of the bishop is a danger sign for any good Catholic. Perhaps if you are able to frame your approach to this issue from that perspective it will assist you.
These are sacraments of the Church. They are not the property of the child or of his family. It is the Church who determines who has been properly prepared and is worthily disposed for these sacraments, and it is those whom the bishop has commissioned for this task–pastor and those he delegates, namely DRE, school principal, and catechists–who carry out these directives. Furthermore, it is in the context of the parish community that these sacraments, as all liturgy, is celebrated.
Rather than engage in pointless debate with your pastor or DRE, once they have told you their policy, voice your concerns directly to the Bishop and ask humbly for his guidance. If you are confrontational and combative I doubt very much if you will resolve anything, but you will put your own faith in danger, and risk leading your child into a destructive attitude toward the Church and her sacraments.
Subsidiarity is at work here–the parish is the level on which these matters are to be implemented.
It is my duty also to tell any person who applies to me to become a catechist that vocal resistance to the bishop’s directives, or to any other Church teaching for that matter, disqualifies them to carry out that ministry as long as the dissidence continues. That applies equally to a parent who wishes to be the sole provider of their child’s religious formation.
If you feel the parish, pastor, school, and/or DRE are not properly implementing diocesan policy, once you ask for a local explanation, you have as I say the option of approaching the bishop, through the office of catechesis or office for sacraments and liturgy, for a ruling.
For the record, because every time I post this advice in similar discussions, I am the target of vicious PMs accusing me of attacking home-schoolers, this parish actively supports home-schoolers, and my requirement is precisely what the diocese has directed: I review the home-school work, looking at whatever evaluation process the program supplies, the children take the same test every child in school or CCD takes, and I interview each child and parent, the same as I do for CCD. The parents (and sponsors if they have any) take the same preparation classes prescribed for the entire diocese. There is no additional requirement placed on any home-schooling family that is not also that prescribed by the Particular Law of the Diocese of Brownsvill that does not apply to every other family.
also for the record, our Catholic school children particpate in their own religion classes, sacramental preparation and retreats, but their parents and sponsors attend the classes provided, according to Diocesan directive, by their home parish (we are a regional school). In practice, most come to my meetings because they find them more convenient.