Homophobic? Yes or no

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If you want to get a flavor for the type of group they assimilate with, search on the group Fortunate Families. Heck, there is even a scholarship fund named for my deceased FIL.
 
90Domer said:
We did just that. She didn’t like us not accepting “the whole package” as I call it. And the point is, she will not respect our boundaries, period. I am not debating any morality issues with her. Where did you get that from?

And no, if my son were gay, I would most certainly not have a different perspective. I don’t affirm anyone in his/her sin, son included.
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Yes, you would have a different perspective. You would have the perspective of being the mother of a gay child. I didn’t say you’d change your values or views, but you would have a new perspective.
 
whm said:
You are not a homophobe. You are being attacked and called names for not conforming to how others think you should. If anybody is a ___phobe it is your family and friends that label you in this way. They are the ones exhibiting the phobic behavior not you. “Conform or be ridiculed and marginalized.”
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Well said. Secularists do not want to admit that there is a God-based standard of right and wrong. You and I are not homophobic, in the sense of being scared of homosexuals. I am phobic about the strong push for gay rights/homosexual marriage causing our society to morally decay, in the same way that I am phobic about the push for abortion, for promiscuity, greed, etc.

However, I am not convinced that homosexuality in and of itself is a greater sin that others, some of which I commit (anger, gluttony, etc.).
 
JackieMom said:
Yes, you would have a different perspective. You would have the perspective of being the mother of a gay child. I didn’t say you’d change your values or views, but you would have a new perspective.
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I agree with this. We never know how we would see anything until we look at them through a mother’s eyes. I’ve learned that over 20 years of motherhood. It has given that phrase, “Love the sinner, hate the sin” all the more meaning. And no, none of my kids have had anything major go on with them (so far and hopefully never).
 
90Domer said:
No, I am not brining this up. I know better than to do that (I sooner have my teeth pulled without pain killer). Where this has come into play is when my in-laws talk in front of my son using language as So-and-So and his husband or when they want us to stay with them for holidays under the same roof where 2 men share the same bed. Yes, I do speak up and gently affirm that we cannot expose our young son to such things because of scandal (and because we want to ground him in the faith and not be confused).

I am not sure what you mean by move out, but I think I am affirming my love by wanting them to get to Heaven and not encouraging sinful behavior. Obviously, that is not seen as love.
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It sounds to me like you are taking the right approach. I don’t think you should feel bad, or do anything different than what you have described here.
 
Larry1700 said:
Well said. Secularists do not want to admit that there is a God-based standard of right and wrong. You and I are not homophobic, in the sense of being scared of homosexuals. I am phobic about the strong push for gay rights/homosexual marriage causing our society to morally decay, in the same way that I am phobic about the push for abortion, for promiscuity, greed, etc.

However, I am not convinced that homosexuality in and of itself is a greater sin that others, some of which I commit (anger, gluttony, etc.).
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I also agree with this. Very much so.
 
JackieMom said:
Yes, you would have a different perspective. You would have the perspective of being the mother of a gay child. I didn’t say you’d change your values or views, but you would have a new perspective.
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True, I would. But I don’t attack her son. I don’t even talk to her son or about her son. It is her behavior I am opposed to. And it is because she keeps crossing boundaries that we have in place.
 
Your issue is not really homosexuality, it is your MIL. I know how difficult this is. I will pray for your situation.
 
Kensho said:
Your issue is not really homosexuality, it is your MIL. I know how difficult this is. I will pray for your situation.
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I agree that this is a lot of it, but I have been called it before on this forum by some uncharitable posters.
 
True Christian charity demands fraternal correction.

Love is not tolerance

BISHOP FULTON J. SHEEN****Christian love bears evil, but it does not tolerate it.
Code: 
http://www.catholiceducation.org/images/authos/Sheen8.JPG  *Christian love bears evil, but  it does not tolerate it. *
It does penance for the sins of others, but it is not broadminded about sin.
*The cry for tolerance never induces it to quench its hatred of the evil philosophies that have entered into contest with the Truth. *
It forgives the sinner, and it hates the sin; it is unmerciful to the error in his mind.
*The sinner it will always take back into the bosom of the Mystical Body;
but his lie will never be taken into the treasury of His Wisdom. *
*Real love involves real hatred:
whoever has lost the power of moral indignation and the urge to drive the buyers and sellers from the temples
has also lost a living, fervent love of Truth. *
*Charity, then, is not a mild philosophy of “live and let live”;
it is not a species of sloppy sentiment. *
Charity is the infusion of the Spirit of God,
which makes us love the beautiful and hate the morally ugly.
 
If you’ve asked your MIL multiple times not to make comments about homosexuality around your child, and she refuses, your husband needs to step up and tell her that she will never be left alone with your son until she promises that that topic is off the table. If she continues to discuss this issue despite your presence, there will be no contact. Your husband needs to handle his mother. Even if it were popsicles or bunnies you didn’t want her to discuss in front of your son, she needs to respect that.
 
Yes, you are homophobic. And if you don’t like Barack Obama, you are racist. In case you were wondering about that, too…
 
90Domer said:
I agree that this is a lot of it, but I have been called it before on this forum by some uncharitable posters.
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I haven’t been here that much, but I have noticed there are some rather mean people. Make sure, before calling yourself names, that it isn’t THEY who are mean rather than you.
 
I think that the only place you are wrong is trying to tell your mother in law not to refer to her son as married to his partner if that’s how they live and if that’s how they see themselves and complaining that she lets her son and his husband share a bed when they visit. Neither of those are your business, and frankly if I had a gay son and a DIL who tried to tell me not to refer to him as married I would probably tell her to sit and rotate.

She loves her son, accepts him, sees him as married, as I’m sure he sees himself, and sees his partner as a son in law. Trying to get her to hide that in her speech about her own child is rude and an imposition.

Other than that you’re pretty much entitled to feel however you want, but don’t be surprised when others, especially the parents of gay children don’t cater to it.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I think that the only place you are wrong is trying to tell your mother in law not to refer to her son as married to his partner if that’s how they live and if that’s how they see themselves and complaining that she lets her son and his husband share a bed when they visit. Neither of those are your business, and frankly if I had a gay son and a DIL who tried to tell me not to refer to him as married I would probably tell her to sit and rotate.

She loves her son, accepts him, sees him as married, as I’m sure he sees himself, and sees his partner as a son in law. Trying to get her to hide that in her speech about her own child is rude and an imposition.

Other than that you’re pretty much entitled to feel however you want, but don’t be surprised when others, especially the parents of gay children don’t cater to it.
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This is completely off base.

This woman is entitled to raise her children according to her Catholic principles and her mother-in-law needs to respect those, even if it means having to curb her speech in regard to her son. How dare you use the vulgar phrase “sit and rotate” in this regard? You are way out of line here. This is a Catholic forum and this woman is teaching Catholic beliefs to her own children. Your secular beliefs about good manners are irrelevant here, as well as wrong from a more worldly perspective. Look, you need to realize that “rude” does not equal “whatever I personally disagree with and/or find offensive”.
 
90Domer said:
Sadly, MIL is not very mature and is terribly difficult to communicate with, mostly because she will try to twist something I say or only remember part of a story if it benefits her (this shows up in all areas, not just SSA topics).

This is another example of what in-laws do. I (not my husband, because he went to a secular college) get an e-mail out of the blue from them saying that I attended a bigoted university **(Notre Dame) because they would not sanction some specific homosexual student group. ** I had nothing to do with the decision. I only graduated from there. The e-mail goes on to say how can **Notre Dame call themselves Catholic when they act like this. ** When I tried to defend ND, I was called a bigot. I can’t win.
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Sounds like Notre Dame followed Catholic teaching in this case. Glad to hear it.👍

DGB
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I think that the only place you are wrong is trying to tell your mother in law not to refer to her son as married to his partner if that’s how they live and if that’s how they see themselves and complaining that she lets her son and his husband share a bed when they visit. Neither of those are your business, and frankly if I had a gay son and a DIL who tried to tell me not to refer to him as married I would probably tell her to sit and rotate.

She loves her son, accepts him, sees him as married, as I’m sure he sees himself, and sees his partner as a son in law. Trying to get her to hide that in her speech about her own child is rude and an imposition.

Other than that you’re pretty much entitled to feel however you want, but don’t be surprised when others, especially the parents of gay children don’t cater to it.
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I agree that she can call the relationship whatever she wants, BUT not around my son. That is the crux of the issue. She will not respect our parenting choices. And, I have to politely disagree because I do not think it is right for her, as an Extraordinary Minister in church, to cause scandal by normalizing SSM. However, we told her our feelings, told her they were not going to change and asked her not to discuss the topic around us because our feelings differ.

If she wants to affirm her son in his sin, that’s her prerogative. However, we will not and don’t want to be reminded that she does. We already fear her husband is in a terrible place because of his affirmation of SSA and all that entails.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I think that the only place you are wrong is trying to tell your mother in law not to refer to her son as married to his partner if that’s how they live and if that’s how they see themselves and complaining that she lets her son and his husband share a bed when they visit. Neither of those are your business, and frankly if I had a gay son and a DIL who tried to tell me not to refer to him as married I would probably tell her to sit and rotate.

She loves her son, accepts him, sees him as married, as I’m sure he sees himself, and sees his partner as a son in law. Trying to get her to hide that in her speech about her own child is rude and an imposition.

Other than that you’re pretty much entitled to feel however you want, but don’t be surprised when others, especially the parents of gay children don’t cater to it.
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I may be banned for this, but I have to politely say that I did not know the definition of “sit and rotate” until just now. Sadly, and yes I do mean sadly, this phrase may best be used on my BIL in the literal sense as opposed to me in the figurative sense.

And the fact is, I love my son, who is on the autism spectrum. So much so that I am willing to go to great lengths to protect him and also need to be extra diligent when teaching him. Personally, MIL shows extreme favoritism when she poo-poos our feelings in favor of her SSA son. Why? Sorry, but this makes absolutely no sense to me…and she can’t get us on lacking compassion, because she has no sense of raising an autistic child. The persecution these kids take, I argue, is a heck of a lot more than any SSA person.
 
For I turn in, I think I just discovered something. It is comments like BEL’s that cause me to feel that I am homophobic when I choose to relay and enforce Church doctrine, especially as it applies to how I raise my child. And then some say I’m intolerant. Gosh, take a good look in the mirror.
 
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