Complete your thought.
How does forcing oneself to be celibate lead to self-flourishing? Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that some people with same-sex attraction may be called to celibacy just as some people with opposite sex attraction are called to celibacy. It depends on whether they can be happy that way.
But some people with same sex attraction struggle so much with celibacy that they end up falling into depression and abandoning their faith. It seems clear that the same would happen if we pressured every straight person into celibacy for religious reasons.
If following the Natural Law means respecting the regularities in nature that cause one to flourish, then you’ve got some explaining to do…
OK, good. I think this means that you at least respect the rest of the argumentation I laid down, since you’ve identified the part where (admittedly) I just sort of gestured toward a framework for natural law. Here is how I, as a man who experiences same-sex attraction myself, would fill in that framework – though I warn you that I don’t have time to give a full and thorough argument:
First of all, your argument commits you to the claim that embracing homosexuality has better consequences than rejecting it. I’m not sure how you would support that claim. Now, you might find studies that say that “gay kids who are chaste are more likely to commit suicide” – these studies exist. But I’m pretty sure the group being studied are “gay kids” – that is, kids or young adults who self-identify as gay. They probably find these kids in LGBT help centers. This means that people like myself at age 20 – people who never defined as gay despite
very strong attractions to men – don’t get counted. In sum, then, these studies don’t show that chaste gay people are more likely to commit suicide; rather, they show that chaste gay people *in a certain subpopulation *are more likely to commit suicide.
Where does that leave us? So far as I can tell, we have no evidence – one way or another – about whether gay people who abstain are more likely to be depressed or to kill themselves. Moreover, even supposing there were a connection, we do not know its cause. Gay kids could become more likely to be depressed/suicidal, in part, because they have been told that straight marriage / family life is impossible for them, or because they have been told that the single life must be bereft of deep friendships.
On this latter topic, by the way, I highly encourage you to peruse Joie’s list of 19 misunderstandings.
Does homosexual activity lead to human flourishing, then? The “gay sex is a way of avoiding depression” argument has been set to one side as unsatisfactory/incomplete. What other ways does gay sex lead to flourishing? Does it provide companionship, friendship, and joy? All these things can be found in chaste same-sex relationships. Does it make life seem easier and more enjoyable? So does fornication – not to mention bestiality and pornography – so this sort of enjoyment cannot constitute “flourishing”. Does it create or nourish other people’s lives, and contribute to the human community? No.
Does it lead to personal fulfillment? This is the central question, I think, and I acknowledge that it is harder to answer. Many people tell me that it does lead to personal fulfillment, and I take their opinions seriously. Many other people tell me it leads to restlessness, misery, and selfishness. I could “test” their claims by being in a gay relationship, but I think that would be quite unwise – and not just because I’m married. So how can I determine the answer?
My own method is objective observation. I watch carefully, and I wait to see evidence that gay relationships often involve the sort of monogamy, care, and creativity that straight marriages do. I don’t see the evidence, as of now. Gay men, at least, exhibit alarming tendencies toward promiscuity and objectification. I could tell you stories of some of the “inside view” I’ve gotten of these things, but I’d prefer not to. It’s disturbing. And meanwhile, I see only rather slim and equivocal evidence that anyone is finding the *sexual *aspect of gay relationships truly fulfilling.
So while friendships between gay men (or gay women) may contribute to flourishing, gay sex does not seem to. I’m open to evidence to the contrary, but again, I haven’t seen much.