Homosexual co-worker?

[amrin]

Another tack is "I. Beg. Your. Pardon…Do you mind watching your manners, please? This is not 1975 and we are not on a construction site. I’ve had about all of this wolf whistling that I care to hear ever again…especially at work. "

Apply the same standard to all, and welcome them to the 21st century.

If I was in the situation of the OP that would be what I would say because, for me, it’s just not proper to say those things from customers (as I used to work as a clerk at a store). The coworker sexuality would have nothing to do with it.

 

[punisherthunder]

And the other gay people you have worked with have been perfectly well behaved – but you never knew, since they never said they were gay.

Haha…no.

Oh they’ve said they’re gay. Every last one of them. And to say they’re well behaved is a complete and utter joke. Tears, personal life drama, lack of other homosexual co-workers, etc.

I’ve yet to work with one who has been well behaved.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Who cares? This is about the OP and a particular co-worker, not any other co-worker.

Environmental context is everything when resolving work-place issues. I’m not even an HR and that’s in their basic 101. Half of the advice here would work out great… assuming the person is in an environment that doesn’t advocate any sort of sexual commentary at all.

I hate to break it to you but in the real world, not all work places are conservative havens from the 50s. It’s not just the construction yards either. My workplace certainly has its share of heavy innuendos (gay and straight).

If the person is in the right environment, a mild protest of such talk would be enough. In the wrong environment, you might as well either be:

• The Outcast
• or Soon-to-Resign

This is all I’m saying. Other workmates, business culture etc. These are always in play. We don’t live in a Catholic vacuum.

It sounds like you’re the one pointing fingers. The OP does not have to justify his reasons for bringing this issue with this co-worker up versus any other issue with any other co-worker to you. Suffice to say that it is an issue for him and he wishes to find a Christian way of resolving it.

Way to cherry pick my post. Sounds like somebody likes to single me out here. If you were actually an intellectually honest person, you’ll know that I had an ‘if’ statement right before this.

Is he asking you to comment or he is just telling you?
I have been in a situation like this and when asked, “Cant agree”, “Can’t tell” “Wouldn’t know” have been the ilk of answers.

Funny thought just came to mind. If a gay guy makes comments like this next to a bunch of girls, it’s actually so typical.

But if they do it with a straight guy like me, this geek would have an awkward Big Bang Theory moment. I can’t tell whether I should say, “I’m sorry, do I look like I share your orientation?” or “I feel sorry for him already.”

Either way, cue Snarky Hipster!!

Oh they’ve said they’re gay. Every last one of them. And to say they’re well behaved is a complete and utter joke. Tears, personal life drama, lack of other homosexual co-workers, etc.

Right, and oh so faithful Christians are never whining about gays.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Haha…no.

Oh they’ve said they’re gay. Every last one of them. And to say they’re well behaved is a complete and utter joke. Tears, personal life drama, lack of other homosexual co-workers, etc.

I’ve yet to work with one who has been well behaved.

How would you know someone was gay if they didn’t tell you?

 

[EasterJoy]

If I was in the situation of the OP that would be what I would say because, for me, it’s just not proper to say those things from customers (as I used to work as a clerk at a store). The coworker sexuality would have nothing to do with it.

We have a legal right to be free from leering comments in the workplace, whether aimed at others or ourselves. Our co-workers may be free to dress like they work in a gay chorus line or are going to a Trek convention or a biker rumble or who knows what, but there are some respects in which freedom of expression is very much forbidden.

Employees who are subjected to sexual remarks in the workplace have a recognized right to complain and have the situation promptly addressed. I’d keep this as low-key and un-dramatic as possible (because show-offs of every orientation live to cause shock and drama) and even imply the talk is more boorish than shocking, but I’d stick to my guns.

“I don’t want to have to complain, but this must stop. I am not kidding. I am as serious as a heart attack. Cut it out with the sexual comments. It is unprofessional, and I’ve had enough. Period. Just Don’t Do It.”

 

[punisherthunder]

How would you know someone was gay if they didn’t tell you?

Because they say they’re homosexual. They tell everyone. Some say it in very direct fashion, while some cry and make a dramatic reading of it.

It is distracting and uncalled for in a professional workplace.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Because they say they’re homosexual. They tell everyone. Some say it in very direct fashion, while some cry and make a dramatic reading of it.

It is distracting and uncalled for in a professional workplace.

But you said that *all *the gay coworkers you have worked with are obnoxious. You ignored the possibility that you’ve had numerous gay coworkers who never told you they were gay, and behaved well.

 

[Sochi]

In my summer job, one of the guys that I work nights with is homosexual. It breaks my heart, because he’ll talk about his lifestyle and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve only known him for two weeks, so it’s not like I want to come out and say “Gosh, you know what? You’re so much more than your homosexual tendencies. You’re an incredible child of God and deserve eternal joy. You’ re trying to stuff things into a God-shaped hole in your heart…but finite things won’t fill an infinite hole.”

It’s kind of awkward.

No kidding. You must be an utter innocent. Are you listening to yourself when you think with those words? I mean, I’m not trying to be crude, but do you have any idea what you said sounds like???

 

[OraLabora]

1. I currently have a homosexual who is in charge of bringing me daily paperwork/documents related to our business. He’s obviously male, yet he dresses in frilled pink dresses, makeup, and sometimes even a pink tutu. Someone else has complained, but then again, HR and above says it is his RIGHT to do this.

How do you know he’s homosexual? He could be a transvestite. Most of them are actually heterosexual. It’s a completely different fetish. Or he could be transgendered, again a different disorder.

I have worked with some homosexuals. Some have been very discreet, some were real drama queens. But then I’ve know a lot of heterosexual drama queens too… men and women.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I have worked with some homosexuals. Some have been very discreet, some were real drama queens. But then I’ve know a lot of heterosexual drama queens too… men and women.

Which reminds me. Is it just me or do some guys overlook the different reactions heterosexual men have to gays versus lesbians?

 

[robwar]

Haha…no.

Oh they’ve said they’re gay. Every last one of them. And to say they’re well behaved is a complete and utter joke. Tears, personal life drama, lack of other homosexual co-workers, etc.

I’ve yet to work with one who has been well behaved.

Well, I have worked with and currently work with homosexuals and I have never had a problem at all. I think the advice to “avoid” is wrong. I treat them as I treat everyone with dignity and respect and I have always had and have good relationships with people that have this orientation. I really think it borders on blantant gross mischaracterizations that all they will talk about is their sex lives. There are many good topics to talk about such as sports, movies, activities, restaurants etc and so. There is not one human being on this planet that doesn’t want to be treated with kindness and respect no matter who they are or what they believe. Jesus went out and ate with sinners. I think that should be the focus here.

 

[kristos]

Environmental context is everything when resolving work-place issues. I’m not even an HR and that’s in their basic 101. Half of the advice here would work out great… assuming the person is in an environment that doesn’t advocate any sort of sexual commentary at all.

I hate to break it to you but in the real world, not all work places are conservative havens from the 50s. It’s not just the construction yards either. My workplace certainly has its share of heavy innuendos (gay and straight).

If the person is in the right environment, a mild protest of such talk would be enough. In the wrong environment, you might as well either be:

• The Outcast
• or Soon-to-Resign

Very true. In my environment, once in a while some guy will mention a sexual practice other than coitus and use a slang term for it, if I were to say, “Sorry, but such a term/practice doesn’t befit the inalienable dignity of human beings, created in the likeness and image of the Lord Most High”, I would commit a social/workplace suicide. Becoming a martyr has never been on my top ten things list of things to accomplish before my time down here is up.

 

[EasterJoy]

Very true. In my environment, once in a while some guy will mention a sexual practice other than coitus and use a slang term for it, if I were to say, “Sorry, but such a term/practice doesn’t befit the inalienable dignity of human beings, created in the likeness and image of the Lord Most High”, I would commit a social/workplace suicide. Becoming a martyr has never been on my top ten things list of things to accomplish before my time down here is up.

If, OTOH, you give them a look that says “did you really just say that?” they may just realize that if they keep it up it could be the speaker who is committing professional suicide.

Sexually explicit or crude jokes, especially remarks aimed at coworkers or customers, really can be death to a professional career. Even foul language at the wrong time or in front of the wrong person can give the reputation for poor self-control, low respect for others, and a generally low awareness of what is appropriate for the situation. Add that everyone with a phone has a video camera with audio capability, and it is not “prudish” to remind friends to keep appropriate standards in place. Women in particular don’t have to “get used to it” with that kind of talk. They ought to keep their objections as friendly as possible and use the pretense that the offender “isn’t really like that” (meaning they don’t really have the morals of a dog), but they should be able to presume that others want to be able to pretend high standard of professionals.

It is right up there with telling racist jokes. Call them on it; it is not and cannot be tolerated.

 

[EasterJoy]

I absolutely agree that there cannot be any sermons. No one wants a lecture from the thought police. The point is that certain kinds of talk and behavior do not belong in the workplace. It does not belong in polite company. It is better not to cross the line into implying that it is out of place at all other places and times, too. Stick with the point that the workplace of 2014 is not as free and easy as the rest of the world, and that self-control is how people with very different attitudes show each other and their customers respect.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

If, OTOH, you give them a look that says “did you really just say that?” they may just realize that if they keep it up it could be the speaker who is committing professional suicide.

Sexually explicit or crude jokes, especially remarks aimed at coworkers or customers, really can be death to a professional career.

Again, that depends on your work environment. Given that my own CEO swears regularly and hollers on occasion, why should I be surprised that the work environment just reflects his example? Rulebook? Last time I saw it, it was… never knew what happened to it actually. (By the way, I’m just saying this as someone who’s been employed for two years in a company that’s been running for eight.)

 

[EasterJoy]

Again, that depends on your work environment. Given that my own CEO swears regularly and hollers on occasion, why should I be surprised that the work environment just reflects his example? Rulebook? Last time I saw it, it was… never knew what happened to it actually. (By the way, I’m just saying this as someone who’s been employed for two years in a company that’s been running for eight.)

The OP is talking about explicit sexual remarks, though. If the coworker will not stop and his superiors will not stop him, that strays into the territory of federal law.

I would probably never say “stop it, or I will sue.” I might easily say, “Hey, ix- nay on the pig remarks. I don’t want to listen to it, and besides that is the kind of habit that could get you fired. You have a future, but not talking like that. One appearance on YouTube, and you could be in a world of hurt. Learn to take the high road. When others fall around you, you’ll live to be glad you did.”

In other words, correct as you want to be corrected. You want the guy feeling you are looking out for him, and not your own sensibility only. He may not agree, but he’ll not feel you are looking down on him.

Even bosses will often apologize and try to clean it up, if they are told gently that it would be appreciated if deserved rebukes were delivered in a more professional way. No one is expected to tolerate curses when they don’t use foul language themselves. It may keep coming, but the sheepish recognition after slips are quitely noted does soften the blow.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

The OP is talking about explicit sexual remarks, though. If the coworker will not stop and his superiors will not stop him, that strays into the territory of federal law.

What? Where? All I read was “He’s hot.” That’s not sexually explicit (lest you want me to befoul this thread with worse things I’ve heard).

And besides, federal law doesn’t apply when the environment itself doesn’t lend you the cultural support to even play that card. Unless you got enough cash to hire a lawyer to sue a business for its ‘unprofessional’ staff, the OP is placing a high-risk bet taking your advice.

Simply put, so what if it’s against the law? You think your fellow cashiers will think you’re a hero for a legal drama they may not even care for? Unless the OP establishes the contrary, we shouldn’t be quick to make any further recommendations.

One appearance on YouTube, and you could be in a world of hurt.

If you think YouTube is enough to damage one gay’s career for calling a person ‘hot’ then you’re the one heading for a world of hurt.

Even bosses will often apologize and try to clean it up, if they are told gently that it would be appreciated if deserved rebukes were delivered in a more professional way. No one is expected to tolerate curses when they don’t use foul language themselves. It may keep coming, but the sheepish recognition after slips are quitely noted does soften the blow.

If such a method was so perfect, all the sheep in my office would’ve gotten to him now. The last one I knew resigned after he yelled at her for messing up a re-flooring plan. (You want more irony? Said poor girl was the last HR.)

 

[EasterJoy]

What? Where? All I read was “He’s hot.” That’s not sexually explicit (lest you want me to befoul this thread with worse things I’ve heard).

And besides, federal law doesn’t apply when the environment itself does n’t lend you the cultural support to even play that card. Unless you got enough cash to hire a lawyer to sue a business for its ‘unprofessional’ staff, the OP is placing a high-risk bet taking your advice.

Simply put, so what if it’s against the law? You think your fellow cashiers will think you’re a hero for a legal drama they may not even care for? Unless the OP establishes the contrary, we shouldn’t be quick to make any further recommendations.

If you think YouTube is enough to damage one gay’s career for calling a person ‘hot’ then you’re the one heading for a world of hurt.

If such a method was so perfect, all the sheep in my office would’ve gotten to him now. The last one I knew resigned after he yelled at her for messing up a re-flooring plan. (You want more irony? Said poor girl was the last HR.)

Maybe I am unusually good at embarrassing people into decency. They usually do clean it up, or at least try. It is not as if this kind of habit is anything to be proud of!

If customers complain about what cashiers say when they think customers can’t hear them, not many bosses take a “boys will be boys” attitude. Customers take their business elsewhere for less. I would not hesitate at all to tell a coworker that.

I will admit, however, that for whatever reason my chiding is not taken as badly as other complaining I know of. It does take a light hand and some true affection for the person taken to task, or the tendency may be anything but rising to the expectation. You can be quite adamant without giving the person the idea that you’re looking for a fight. So yes, you’re caution is well-taken. Not everyone gets the same results I do.

 

[esieffe]

I would just as soon not hear locker room talk at all, straight or gay. I can deal with terms like attractive, or cute from either side, but anything beyond that is kind of gross. Not that am by any means pure as the driven snow.

I just slowly wipe my face with my hands like I wish I just didn’t just hear that, and maybe moan, or roll my eyes. I do this with a measure of humor and then the subject is changed.

 

[robwar]

What? Where? All I read was “He’s hot.” That’s not sexually explicit (lest you want me to befoul this thread with worse things I’ve heard).

And besides, federal law doesn’t apply when the environment itself doesn’t lend you the cultural support to even play that card. Unless you got enough cash to hire a lawyer to sue a business for its ‘unprofessional’ staff, the OP is placing a high-risk bet taking your advice.

Simply put, so what if it’s against the law? You think your fellow cashiers will think you’re a hero for a legal drama they may not even care for? Unless the OP establishes the contrary, we shouldn’t be quick to make any further recommendations.

If you think YouTube is enough to damage one gay’s career for calling a person ‘hot’ then you’re the one heading for a world of hurt.

If such a method was so perfect, all the sheep in my office would’ve gotten to him now. The last one I knew resigned after he yelled at her for messing up a re-flooring plan. (You want more irony? Said poor girl was the last HR.)

you hit the nail on the head. the advice given likewise could backfire if the co-worker turned around and claims that he is being picked on for being gay. I have seen this happen. Called someone “hot” isn’t sexual harassment and again, Op should just shrug it off and walk away.