Homosexual co-worker?

[EasterJoy]

you hit the nail on the head. the advice given likewise could backfire if the co-worker turned around and claims that he is being picked on for being gay. I have seen this happen. Called someone “hot” isn’t sexual harassment and again, Op should just shrug it off and walk away.

If the OP were lewd herself, perhaps, but my sense is that she not make remarks like this about others herself. It is not remotely “picking on” someone to ask him to show some respect for others and to remind him he’s being a boorish oaf. He does know this!

Honestly, I’ve been around 100% secular people, and they usually realize this is not talk that one can get away with around everyone. They might enjoy it, but they do realize it is something you maybe get away with, but nothing you can defend as if it were totally innocent. It is, after all stuff he says to people who’ve turned their backs! This isn’t welcomed flirtation. He may drop it with a good-natured “grow up, already, this is work.”

I’m sure they can find topics other than whether the appearance of departing customers is a turn-on.

 

[SpidersfromMars]

But you said that *all *the gay coworkers you have worked with are obnoxious. You ignored the possibility that you’ve had numerous gay coworkers who never told you they were gay, and behaved well.

No way. All gay people are exactly the same, and they all have to tell everyone they’re gay. It’s in the Constitution

 

[Cricket2]

I have to revise my first response to the OP and in general. I was wrong and need to correct this.

What the OP is describing could technically be viewed as a form of sexual harassment. No one, heterosexual or homosexual, needs to be discussing their sexuality at work, their latest date and related escapades, or even their orientation. This is not the place for such topics. So I would suggest speaking to a supervisor in these general terms and request that all staff be advised that such conversations at work are forbidden.

People seem to fail to realize that others don’t care to hear about their latest romp in the bedroom or where ever. It is not a mature or professional manner of acting at the work place. This is the message the supervisor should present to all staff, without singling anyone out. Any future conversations should be warned against as a deliberate act of harassment and insubordination. This way everyone knows the topic is not for the work place.

I personally (when working) got just as sick of hearing from heterosexuals and their dating practices as anyone who may have been homosexual. What many folks don’t realized is the fact that if you fail to report a potential act of sexual harassment on the job you can be found guilty yourself. So for the OP, report this, ask the supervisor to ban these conversations for all and then continue on.

 

[shelby_sun]

I have to revise my first response to the OP and in general. I was wrong and need to correct this.

What the OP is describing could technically be viewed as a form of sexual harassment. No one, heterosexual or homosexual, needs to be discussing their sexuality at work, their latest date and related escapades, or even their orientation. This is not the place for such topics. So I would suggest speaking to a supervisor in these general terms and request that all staff be advised that such conversations at work are forbidden.

People seem to fail to realize that others don’t care to hear about their latest romp in the bedroom or where ever. It is not a mature or professional manner of acting at the work place. This is the message the supervisor should present to all staff, without singling anyone out. Any future conversations should be warned against as a deliberate act of harassment and insubordination. This way everyone knows the topic is not for the work place.

I personally (when working) got just as sick of hearing from heterosexuals and their dating practices as anyone who may have been homosexual. What many folks don’t realized is the fact that if you fail to report a potential act of sexual harassment on the job you can be found guilty yourself. So for the OP, report this, ask the supervisor to ban these conversations for all and then continue on.

NO, NO, NO. Do not report this. Nothing the OP said sounded like harassment. This is his job and you are getting way to carried away. It didn’t sound like he had a clue this upset the OP, which in my opinion needs to lighten up a little.

First speak to the co worker directly and say how you feel, but don’t get him in trouble for something he saw as just a comment. If you find things like this upset be prepared to be upset a lot in life.

 

[signit]

If all he has done is said a guys is hot, blow it off, life is too short to get upset about something like that, just shrug and move on. If he starts to give details about his sexual behavior, just simply say I don’t talk about these things with my friends, so I don’t want to talk about them at work. I am just not one that is comfortable with all that.

Agreed.

If this was just a one-time comment, let it go.

If it happens a lot, or if it’s more vulgar than that, maybe you could say (in a nice way): “C’mon, Greg . . . do you have to say things like that? That’s not too professional, to talk that way here.”

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Sexual harassment? You gotta be kidding.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think we need our OP to shed a bit more light on things.

So far, the only specific example of the co-worker “talking about his blatantly homosexual practices” is “commenting on how “hot” a guy who comes through our cashier line is after the customer walks away.”

If that is the most extreme thing he is doing, I think calling it “sexual harassment” is probably overkill. Is it in bad taste? Sure. Could it be construed as objectifying people? I think so. But it’s not at all the same thing as him detailing his bedroom antics in explicit detail. We have no indication from the OP that he has been that graphic. But maybe he has and she just didn’t mention it.

 

[SecretCatholic]

Environmental context is everything when resolving work-place issues.

This is all I’m saying. Other workmates, business culture etc. These are always in play. We don’t live in a Catholic vacuum.

We’re all well aware of that, but even if everyone is okay with the talk, this is between the OP and this particular co-worker. He shouldn’t be forced to “join in” the vulgar talk at work. Which is why I suggested simply not acknowledging it, which would send a message to said person that he is not interested in such talk without begin confrontational, judgmental or insulting.

While we should be sensitive to the social environment around us, we are not meant to be so integrated that we become “of the world”.

Way to cherry pick my post. Sounds like somebody likes to single me out here. If you were actually an intellectually honest person, you’ll know that I had an ‘if’ statement right before this.

Well, thanks for the backhanded insult, but it doesn’t mean much from someone who is interested more in calling attention to himself and antagonizing others.

 

[robwar]

I think we need our OP to shed a bit more light on things.

So far, the only specific example of the co-worker “talking about his blatantly homosexual practices” is “commenting on how “hot” a guy who comes through our cashier line is after the customer walks away.”

If that is the most extreme thing he is doing, I think calling it “sexual harassment” is probably overkill. Is it in bad taste? Sure. Could it be construed as objectifying people? I think so. But it’s not at all the same thing as him detailing his bedroom antics in explicit detail. We have no indication from the OP that he has been that graphic. But maybe he has and she just didn’t mention it.

Yes, exactly. As Catholic Christian workers our aim should be to treat everyone as much as possible with kindness, dignity and respect no matter who they are, what they believe or who they live with. If that is our aim, then it isn’t going to matter if your co-worker is gay, Muslim, atheist, etc and so on. If this guy made some crack about a customer after they went through the line, it isn’t going to qualify for any “sexual harassment” since the only person who could claim, the customer didn’t hear it. This probably falls in a whole host of cashier comments that can be demeaning such as “wow did you see what she is buying, no wonder she is fat” or “did you see the big nose on that guy” etc and so on. If this co-worker make demeaning comments about those he just served, then that is a whole other issue and someday his mouth with catch up with him. The best thing Op could say is “he is hot? he didn’t look red to me” or “you know, I think the store probably doesn’t want us cashiers to joke about our customers, it could be over heard and mistaken.” That addresses the mouth part without getting into his orientation.

 

[punisherthunder]

Heterosexual transvestites? Are you serious?

You people have no idea how the business world operates. The employer I’m with is a laughingstock because of one of our homosexual ( and he is because he told me ) workers decides to wear a pink hoop skirt with a men’s business jacket while donning what could closely resemble clown makeup.

It’s best to avoid and pray for their conversion. Book it.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

While we should be sensitive to the social environment around us, we are not meant to be so integrated that we become “of the world”.

Did I tell this person to join in? I’ve been employed long enough to at least say lack of social interaction doesn’t promise long retention. That’s all. Keeping yourself is at best a short-term solution.

Then again, the OP sounds like they’re just having a summer job thing. Why not just quit and work at one of those Bible bookstores if gay workmates bother them so much?

Well, thanks for the backhanded insult, but it doesn’t mean much from someone who is interested more in calling attention to himself and antagonizing others.

Take your personal vendetta elsewhere kid. I’ve been on these boards long enough to know I’m being an object of affection.

 

[kozlosap]

Heterosexual transvestites? Are you serious?

You people have no idea how the business world operates. The employer I’m with is a laughingstock because of one of our homosexual ( and he is because he told me ) workers decides to wear a pink hoop skirt with a men’s business jacket while donning what could closely resemble clown makeup.

It’s best to avoid and pray for their conversion. Book it.

Oh my goodness, “re, our homosexual”! I forgot that in Tennessee all gay people are painted with the same brush - they talk the same, dress the same, and raise their children the same. After reading this, I’m wondering how you can even stand to go to work everyday where another human being is such an affront to your superioriority? Maybe trying to emulate Papa Francis and his call to live out the Gospels of Our Lord would be a great place for you to start understanding our world in 2014.

 

[Et_Cetera]

Heterosexual transvestites? Are you serious?

You people have no idea how the business world operates. The employer I’m with is a laughingstock because of one of our homosexual ( and he is because he told me ) workers decides to wear a pink hoop skirt with a men’s business jacket while donning what could closely resemble clown makeup.

It’s best to avoid and pray for their conversion. Book it.

Your posts in this thread have been consistently judgmental, rude, offensive, and un-Christian. Please just stop.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

You people have no idea how the business world operates. The employer I’m with is a laughingstock because of one of our homosexual ( and he is because he told me ) workers decides to wear a pink hoop skirt with a men’s business jacket while donning what could closely resemble clown makeup.

It’s best to avoid and pray for their conversion. Book it.

Well I work in a marketing company. I don’t know what department you are but my job has definitely given me more than the average schmoe’s share of Business 101.

With that said, if your boss is so spineless, why don’t you take advantage of it?

 

[UnCatholicBride]

It is wolfish to tell someone with whom you may never have a legitimate sexual relationship that they are “hot.” Only those who live for the flattery of others welcome such comments. To say things behind the backs of others that you would not say to their face is two-faced, not to mention extremely foolish. This is doubly true if you are pretending that your shallow physical “rating” of them is of the least concern to any polite person. If you don’t want to the world to hear it coming out of your mouth or see you doing it on YouTube, do not say it at all.

I seriously cannot find a polite response to this.

There are plenty of people who I notice in public to be attractive. Sure, I might not walk up to a man (or woman) and say “man, you’re smokin’ hot” but I’ve often complimented someone (in a non-creepy way) on their physical beauty.

ex: “Excuse me, I just have to say that you have a fantastic smile” or “Ma’am, I just needed to stop you to tell you that your red hair is absolutely stunning” or “excuse me, I just wanted to say that you wear that (suit/dress) very well”

 

[kelvinf]

How is saying someone is “hot” talking about a homosexual practice? I mean, perhaps there are other things said to the OP that are more explicit, but calling a man hot is not really explicit at all.

All I care about is that the OP considered the talks as being about blatantly homosexual practices. I don’t care about the details. Such a talk is disgusting! Period!

If an openly gay person starts saying that a guy is hot and the like, I will run!!!

[BIBLEDRB]Eph 5:4[/BIBLEDRB]

 

[PaulGH]

I seriously cannot find a polite response to this.

There are plenty of people who I notice in public to be attractive. Sure, I might not walk up to a man (or woman) and say “man, you’re smokin’ hot” but I’ve often complimented someone (in a non-creepy way) on their physical beauty.

ex: “Excuse me, I just have to say that you have a fantastic smile” or “Ma’am, I just needed to stop you to tell you that your red hair is absolutely stunning” or “excuse me, I just wanted to say that you wear that (suit/dress) very well”

But saying that someone is “hot” implies objectification and sexualization of that person, even if perhaps only mildly. On the other hand, your comments imply no such thing. I doubt that most participants on this thread would object if a homosexual co-worker complimented a customer on having a nice smile, for example.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

All I care about is that the OP considered the talks as being about blatantly homosexual practices. I don’t care about the details. Such a talk is disgusting! Period!

If an openly gay person starts saying that a guy is hot and the like, I will run!!!

[BIBLEDRB]Eph 5:4[/BIBLEDRB]

Some guys are hot, and some girls are hot. I am not using coarse language when I say that. I could use coarse language to express a similar point, but I will not do so.

Feel free to run from me now.

(Note: In common parlance, “hot” means “beautiful” or at most “sexually attractive”. Just as women can and do take note of the sexual attractiveness of other women without desiring them, men can do the same. It’s not as socially acceptable, and maybe it shouldn’t be socially acceptable. But there’s nothing wrong with it.)

 

[Prodigal_Son]

But saying that someone is “hot” implies objectification and sexualization of that person, even if perhaps only mildly.

Adults are sexual beings. You don’t have to “sexualize” them for them to be sexual.

(Contrast: a six-year-old is not a sexual being, and it is wrong to sexualize six-year-olds).

Oh, and talking/thinking about someone’s beauty is not objectifying them. Though it does sometimes involve encouraging sinful tendencies, and so it should sometimes be discouraged.

 

[EasterJoy]

I seriously cannot find a polite response to this.

There are plenty of people who I notice in public to be attractive. Sure, I might not walk up to a man (or woman) and say “man, you’re smokin’ hot” but I’ve often complimented someone (in a non-creepy way) on their physical beauty.

ex: “Excuse me, I just have to say that you have a fantastic smile” or “Ma’am, I just needed to stop you to tell you that your red hair is absolutely stunning” or “excuse me, I just wanted to say that you wear that (suit/dress) very well”

If you make comments behind people’s backs that your boss would not want you to make to their face, then yes, that is inappropriate.

As for the red hair comment, I had a friend with “stunning” red hair, and she got fairly tired of total strangers bringing it to her attention, as if she had never had her unusual hair color pointed out to her. The better-looking you are, the faster the novelty of being flattered by strangers wears off. It is one thing to notice other people as being attractive; it is another thing to imagine your admiration is something the unknown object of your admiration needs to hear.

It is also polite to avoid making personal comments that imply an intimacy far beyond what has been established. Strangers should complimented with recognition that they are strangers, and spared the thought that total strangers fantasize not about finding the place tge bought that wonderful skirt, but having sex with them. That is wolfish and creepy. I mean think about it: would you really be flattered to hear some stranger ringing up your groceries that he’s been imagining himself in bed with you? Ick.