Homosexual co-worker?

[EasterJoy]

You seem to have a rose-tinted view of propriety in the workplace.

The OP is a young woman who I believe is either a senior in high school or in her first year of college. This is in all likelihood a part time job at a restaurant, retail store, or something similar. It is also, in all likelihood, a place with a high employee turnover rate, and not a place that she aspires to move up in.

Having worked in many of those environments, I can say that if the OP wants to keep her job and feel comfortable in her place of employment, she needs to let this go. If this were an office environment, or a job that had long term potential for the OP, you would probably be more correct. But if this is a waitressing job, a fast food place, a retail store, etc the OP will greatly outnumbered in her attitude, people of both genders and all orientations will probably make more comments just to see her squirm, and management will not take this seriously. And if she goes over managements head? They’ll probably make up a weak excuse to fire her. Yes, this could “technically” be construed as sexual harassment, but that technicality just isn’t going to be seen as worth anyone’s time.

Those types of work environments just do not take these things seriously. Because of the low wages (even at the management level) and high turnover, it just isn’t worth the supervisor’s time or effort to pursue, because she knows that one of them will be out the door in a few months anyway.

Either the OP needs to find another job or grow thicker skin. It’s unfortunate, but the real world does not often work the way that it “ought” to.

As I said, she would do well to find out what kind of organization she’s in. Having said that, when you have an affection for others, you might be surprised what they will do out of affection for you. It does not pay to be naive, but it does not pay to be overly cynical, either. Conservative can get along with liberals, the libertine with the repressed, and the loud with the quiet, if there is affection and an openness to mutual caring. If you are quiet, to even know that the loud person tries a little to tone it down once in a while for you, it feels good. It builds a bond, if you let it, if you don’t dwell too much on the ground not covered.

I am fond of a story about a man who found himself stranded in a rural area with a flat tire and with no way to change it because he had no jack in the trunk. No cell phone reception, no nothing, he was facing a very long walk to “civilization” unless he could find a jack. His only hope was a nearby farmhouse. As he walked there, he realized more and more that there was no reason in the world these rural strangers would have to help him, a stranger and an obvious city-dweller, the kind of person who looked down on “hicks,” and he began to feel more and more pessimistic about his situation. When the farmer answered this man’s knock at his door, to his great surprise he saw that this strange and unexpected visitor was already storming off the porch, and was yelling at him! “OK, so you won’t help me! See if I care! Keep your d&%MED jack, if you’re going to be that way!!”

Give people room to be kind, and think of them as basically decent and giving. They will surprise you with their generosity–not always, but more often than you might have dared to hope. It is one of the recurring and delightful themes of human life, one that is too often overlooked. If you are ready for them to have faults, too, the faults won’t disappoint too much. If you don’t give any chance to rise to the occasion, though, you’ll miss the pleasure of being pleasantly surprised.

 

[yellowbird]

Give people room to be kind, and think of them as basically decent and giving. They will surprise you with their generosity–not always, but more often than you might have dared to hope. It is one of the recurring and delightful themes of human life, one that is too often overlooked. If you are ready for them to have faults, too, the faults won’t disappoint too much. If you don’t give any chance to rise to the occasion, though, you’ll miss the pleasure of being pleasantly surprised.

I wholeheartedly agree.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

Yes, I think it fails the “Mom test”.

Both.

I’m sorry, since when were cougars a universal preference?

Do you tell a man that his sister or his daughter is hot, as if it meant the same thing as beautiful? No.

People tell me my sister’s hot all the time. I actually find it quite flattering!

It’s unfortunate, but the real world does not often work the way that it “ought” to.

Correction: It doesn’t often work the way religious people want it to.

 

[EasterJoy]

People tell me my sister’s hot all the time. I actually find it quite flattering!

You are flattered by compliments made towards your sister? OK…

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m sorry, since when were cougars a universal preference?

People tell me my sister’s hot all the time. I actually find it quite flattering!

Correction: It doesn’t often work the way religious people want it to.

We do remember that this thread is about someone having to listen to personal comments about third parties that she doesn’t welcome having to hear, right?

What people mutually enjoy, whether at work or not–whatever. If they don’t care that they may be forming habits that will not always serve them in good stead, that is their affair. If they’re willing to take their chances, well, it is their private conversation.

How people respond when they find they are making someone else uncomfortable…well, how do you feel when someone makes you uncomfortable by talking about their pet religious views all the time? Do you think they should just plunge ahead and not care that you don’t want to hear it?

Do you have a double-standard about that, thinking that it uptight when others don’t like your pet subject or your pet way of speaking, but rude if they impose their pet topics on you? When you are at work, sticking with the common denominator seems more polite. It is certainly more politically safe.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

You are flattered by compliments made towards your sister? OK…

Why not? I love my little sister. She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She tries to make off with my money on occasion.

dodges flying purse

What people mutually enjoy, whether at work or not–whatever. If they don’t care that they may be forming habits that will not always serve them in good stead, that is their affair. If they’re willing to take their chances, well, it is their private conversation.

Then why are we still having this discussion?

Do you have a double-standard about that, thinking that it uptight when others don’t like your pet subject or your pet way of speaking, but rude if they impose their pet topics on you? When you are at work, sticking with the common denominator seems more polite. It is certainly more politically safe.

Ah but the common denominator isn’t always in favor of saints, liturgies nor is it in favor of a ‘polite society’ that my granddad worked in. Sometimes it’s more in favor of everything from the NBA and American Idol to Game of Thrones and Star Wars

 

[EasterJoy]

Why not? I love my little sister. She’s beautiful. She’s smart. She tries to make off with my money on occasion.

dodges flying purse

Then why are we still having this discussion?

Ah but the common denominator isn’t always in favor of saints, liturgies nor is it in favor of a ‘polite society’ that my granddad worked in. Sometimes it’s more in favor of everything from the NBA and American Idol to Game of Thrones and Star Wars

Focus, please. We are having this discussion because the OP *does not mutually share the enjoyment her coworker takes in noting which of their departing customers he finds sexually desirable! She does not want to hear about it. She’d like to get him to stop acting out in immoral ways in his off-time, but our consensus has been that it is out of place for one employee to make unsolicited remarks about the morality of others concerning matters that do not have to do with work. She can tell him he needs to quit goofing off and taking office supplies home that he has not paid for (if he did that, which she has never said he did; I only use that as an example.) She oversteps the boundaries of workplace etiquette to tell him that he’d be happier if his sexual choices were more spiritual than canine.

I do not think the OP expressed any problem with hearing conversations about sports or popular entertainment. She simply wants to be spared the details of her coworker’s sexual proclivities. The question is how realistic it is for her to even ask.

*This could make her very unpopular, too, but she does have an ethical duty to protest if her coworkers are openly ripping off their employer, even if “everybody does it.” She does not have an ethical duty to tell a nonbeliever that his sex life is immoral, when it is hardly possible that the coworker does not already know what the Church teaches about this. We are not required to get ourselves ripped up by “throwing pearls before swine,” as it were.

 

[Lost_Wanderer]

I do not think the OP expressed any problem with hearing conversations about sports or popular entertainment. She simply wants to be spared the details of her coworker’s sexual proclivities. The question is how realistic it is for her to even ask.

I’m quite well focused, that’s why I keep asking. Why are we still having this discussion? You’re the one telling people to be less cynical about the supposed ‘propriety’ of a work place. You’re the one stating to take some weird offense at the word hot.

All I’ve stated is the same point I made in my first post: There is no universal work place. All of us here already agree that she needs to either suck it up or ship out to the nearest St. Paul’s bookstore if need be.

So again, why are we still even talking?

 

[EasterJoy]

…All of us here already agree that she needs to either suck it up or ship out to the nearest St. Paul’s bookstore if need be…

All of us?

She’s gotten all the points to be made, at any rate, which is all that counts.