Homosexual tendencies?

  • Thread starter Thread starter AvertDespair
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

AvertDespair

Guest
For the sake of full disclosure, this is not my regular account, it is an account created specifically for this question, and the question is this: I am a young man in his mid twenties who is seeking to join a cloistered community. I personally hold no homosexual desires, and my views regarding homosexuality are in line with the church’s teaching and I desire to remain chaste until marriage, should that be what I am called to. Unfortunately, an incident occurred roughly 5 years ago when under the influence of alcohol, I permitted a man to perform a homosexual act on me. again I say that I have no desire to repeat this and it occurred before I returned to the church. is this an absolute impediment to being allowed to discern my vocation to a cloistered community or any religious orders? Is the term Homosexual tendencies broad enough and vague enough to prohibit any further discernment? I should add that I in no way condone my sinful actions (I admit I allowed myself to become intoxicated and for committing this act) and have confessed them. since that time I am striving to live devoutly and chastely. please help me with my question. responses form those who are already in a community would be most helpful.
 
One bad choice, while you were under the influence, should not prevent you overall from joining a religious community. You MUST reveal the incident, however embarrasing, to the vocation director during your interview (they will probably bring it up). It will be up to the individual community’s policy to take it from there. Just be honest and let the Holy Spirit do the rest!
 
Penance is a sacrament of absolving sin as Our Lord, Christ Jesus personally established by Apostolic succession. Move on and Be Not Afraid!
 
Catholic1954 said:
One bad choice, while you were under the influence, should not prevent you overall from joining a religious community. You MUST reveal the incident, however embarrasing, to the vocation director during your interview (they will probably bring it up). It will be up to the individual community’s policy to take it from there. Just be honest and let the Holy Spirit do the rest!
Click to expand...
I agree. It doesn’t seem like it would be an absolute impediment, but you should definitely disclose it during the discernment process.
 
I discussed it with the Prior. the interview was going well until I did. He has told me he will call me back but things do not seem optimistic (He was very distressed with this disclosure). I am praying and fasting over this but ultimately this is about whether or not this is God’s will. I ask please pray for me.
 
AvertDespair said:
I discussed it with the Prior. the interview was going well until I did. He has told me he will call me back but things do not seem optimistic (He was very distressed with this disclosure). I am praying and fasting over this but ultimately this is about whether or not this is God’s will. I ask please pray for me.
Click to expand...
In my opinion, it wasn’t even your fault. You should go somewhere else if the community doesn’t accept you. Maybe it’s God’s will that you go somewhere else. I’ll be :gopray:
 
By the way, I thought that homosexuals could still be allowed to join the priesthood? I thought it was only “deep seated” homosexuals weren’t allowed.
 
Tony9712262 said:
By the way, I thought that homosexuals could still be allowed to join the priesthood? I thought it was only “deep seated” homosexuals weren’t allowed.
Click to expand...
You are correct. The language the Church uses is in regards to “candidates who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies” (source). It does not seem that the OP falls into this category.
 
AvertDespair said:
For the sake of full disclosure, this is not my regular account, it is an account created specifically for this question, and the question is this: I am a young man in his mid twenties who is seeking to join a cloistered community. I personally hold no homosexual desires, and my views regarding homosexuality are in line with the church’s teaching and I desire to remain chaste until marriage, should that be what I am called to. Unfortunately, an incident occurred roughly 5 years ago when under the influence of alcohol, I permitted a man to perform a homosexual act on me. again I say that I have no desire to repeat this and it occurred before I returned to the church. is this an absolute impediment to being allowed to discern my vocation to a cloistered community or any religious orders? Is the term Homosexual tendencies broad enough and vague enough to prohibit any further discernment? I should add that I in no way condone my sinful actions (I admit I allowed myself to become intoxicated and for committing this act) and have confessed them. since that time I am striving to live devoutly and chastely. please help me with my question. responses form those who are already in a community would be most helpful.
Click to expand...
You have confessed, therefore you are forgiven. Period. You sort of sound like you continue to beat yourself up about this and maybe that’s being misinterpreted by the Prior of that community as you being “unsure” of yourself. If you do still beat yourself up over it, you need to stop doing that immediately b/c it’s like an afront to God. It’s like saying that His forgiveness isn’t enough. There’s nothing wrong w/reminding yourself how wrong it was, but do not dwell on it. You have been forgiven and you need to move foward.
Satan would like nothing better than to use our sins against us - to keep bringing them up to rub our noses in it and to impede our getting closer to God. You were no doubt given a pennance during that Confession and hopefully, you’ve done what was required of you. If the Prior doesn’t call you back, then try another community. Don’t dismiss a possible calling to the Religious Life over this. HTH…prayers for you…
 
I’ve had my day of grief, I’ve overcome this event and I place myself fully in Christ’s mercy. It was confessing this sin among others that inspired within me a true thanksgiving for Christ and His church and sacraments. it has been transformed me fully, and while occasionally the questions will reopen the old wound I continually Thank God that where my sin abounded his grace abounds all the more. it compels me to follow his call. if this incident will impede me from entering into their community (I still have yet to hear back) for fear of the possibility of scandal (for that was the reason given to me). then I shall do nothing to impugn the reputation they so earnestly desire. whatever happens, may God’s will be done now and forever.
 
The policy is pretty clear. If a man has deep seated homosexual tendencies, he is not a candidate for religious life or for the secular priesthood. One must understand that deep seated homosexual tendencies means that a man must be engaged in on-going homosexual behavior. Having a homosexual orientation is not the same thing. The fact is that homosexual orientation is an inaccurate description, because we do not define ourselves by our sexual feelings. We define outselves by how we live.

That being said, an abbot, major superior or bishop has the power of discretion in admitting someone into their formation program. The law prohibits the admission with those with deep seated tendencies, but it does not say that the community must admit someone who is above those tendencies. It only tells you who you may not admit, not who you must admit.

Not being the abbot who interviewed the OP, I don’t have a complete picture of the interview, so I can’t say what the Abbot may be thinking. I do admission interviews for my community, but there are many things that we look for in such an interview. The ability to live a celibate life is certainly one thing to look at, but it’s not the only thing. The one thing that I look at very carefully is the person’s ability to live in community. This involves celibacy and pesonality too.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
I wanted to take time to thank you all for helping me with this question. It appears that the consensus among the vast majority of people I have addressed this question to (including my local vocations director) indicates that the situation I posted on the original post does not qualify as deep seated homosexual tendencies. JReducation, I thank you for your insight into the matter. I don’t consider myself as having any attraction to men (and therefore would not even qualify for orientation really among the world’s standards) and that this sinful incident tragic and embarrassing as it has been should be taken as an isolated matter. While I am naturally concerned about the lack of response I have received from the community (at this point I am almost certain the answer will be no) if it should be that this is an irreconcilable impediment it should not stop me from continuing my discernment process.
 
AvertDespair said:
I wanted to take time to thank you all for helping me with this question. It appears that the consensus among the vast majority of people I have addressed this question to (including my local vocations director) indicates that the situation I posted on the original post does not qualify as deep seated homosexual tendencies. JReducation, I thank you for your insight into the matter. I don’t consider myself as having any attraction to men (and therefore would not even qualify for orientation really among the world’s standards) and that this sinful incident tragic and embarrassing as it has been should be taken as an isolated matter. While I am naturally concerned about the lack of response I have received from the community (at this point I am almost certain the answer will be no) if it should be that this is an irreconcilable impediment it should not stop me from continuing my discernment process.
Click to expand...
Try this on for size.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=400873

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
AvertDespair said:
For the sake of full disclosure, this is not my regular account, it is an account created specifically for this question, and the question is this: I am a young man in his mid twenties who is seeking to join a cloistered community. I personally hold no homosexual desires, and my views regarding homosexuality are in line with the church’s teaching and I desire to remain chaste until marriage, should that be what I am called to. Unfortunately, an incident occurred roughly 5 years ago when under the influence of alcohol, I permitted a man to perform a homosexual act on me. again I say that I have no desire to repeat this and it occurred before I returned to the church. is this an absolute impediment to being allowed to discern my vocation to a cloistered community or any religious orders?
Click to expand...
One encounter, or even several encounters doesn’t necessarily impede one from joining a religious community. The community will want you to have lived a life of chaste celibacy for a few years, and they should want your attraction to other men to have subsided before they will accept you.
 
AvertDespair said:
For the sake of full disclosure, this is not my regular account, it is an account created specifically for this question, and the question is this: I am a young man in his mid twenties who is seeking to join a cloistered community. I personally hold no homosexual desires, and my views regarding homosexuality are in line with the church’s teaching and I desire to remain chaste until marriage, should that be what I am called to. Unfortunately, an incident occurred roughly 5 years ago when under the influence of alcohol, I permitted a man to perform a homosexual act on me. again I say that I have no desire to repeat this and it occurred before I returned to the church. is this an absolute impediment to being allowed to discern my vocation to a cloistered community or any religious orders? Is the term Homosexual tendencies broad enough and vague enough to prohibit any further discernment? I should add that I in no way condone my sinful actions (I admit I allowed myself to become intoxicated and for committing this act) and have confessed them. since that time I am striving to live devoutly and chastely. please help me with my question. responses form those who are already in a community would be most helpful.
Click to expand...
Don’t beat yourself up over this. One incident, five years ago and you were intoxicated. An Abbot would need to discern the ability of anyone to live a chaste life. If you get turned down then try another order. Based on what you are saying you have lived a chaste life since that incident and before. That incident does NOT make you gay nor mean you are incapable of living a chaste life. All people deal with lust of one kind or another (part of being human). Effectively dealing with it and limiting it is part of spiritual maturity (not just talking about sexual lust but lust for power, etc).

Remember the Abbot is a human being and trying to use his discernment as best he can to do his duty.
 
We also have to remember the the actual rule for admission. It is very clear that does not require that a man have heterosexual orientation or attractions. It simply prohibits the admission of those with DEEP SEATED homosexual tendencies. A gay person can still become a priest or religious. That Church is not saying they cannnot. The Church is concerned about those who are controlled by their passions. This can be true about straight men too.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Again thank you all for the information, it has been most helpful. I’ll be retiring this account but feel free to carry on the discussion without me. thanks and God bless ya.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top