Honest Question about Premarital Sex and Morality

[teddy1]

I want to try and gain some perspective on a couple of ideas. The first being premarital sex, which will lead into my second question. As a male in his thirties, I have had girlfriends and have been “intimate” with them. I don’t see anything wrong with it, honestly. In fact I don’t know if I could be with only one women for the rest of my life. My question regarding this is in terms of morality. Does the Catholic faith actually believe that people who engage in premarital sex do not go to heaven?

My second question has to do with admittance to heaven as a whole. I see Catholicism as a guide, but ultimately don’t necessarily agree with everything that Catholicism teaches so I myself fill the blanks with what I feel appropriate. I think this is the correct way to understand theological teaching. With that being said, do you think that someone like the infamous Charlie Manson would go to heaven or hell? He is someone who was clearly delusional in his speech and had a twisted view of the world. It is my personal opinion that someone like that would not go to hell, because his life on earth was hell enough. He lived in a figurative cage his entire fill with a hate fueled heart. Does this mean that everyone goes to heaven?

 

[Reuben_J]

Pre-marital sex is a sin of fornication. As sin, it must be confessed and repented of.

As for knowing whether a person goes to hell, well, we do not know, as judgment belongs to God and God’s alone.

We are not God, therefore we do not know who goes to hell.

We can more or less know who goes to heaven based on the mercy and forgiveness of God, that who repents sincerely will be forgiven of his sins.

I guess that’s in a nutshell.

 

[Briwerr]

Even the Pope has admitted that he doesn’t know who goes to heaven, so those parts of your questions cannot be answered.

However what can be said with certainty is that pre-marital sex is fornication, which is a sin, and that your lack of remorse is bad.

Are you Catholic? I presume so. Now imagine that Christ spoke to you the way that you are speaking about sex. What if Christ said, “I love you…for now…but I can’t promise about later…I’ve had others before; they didn’t last”?

How would that make you feel?

That is what you are doing. Love is eternal, self-sacrificing, places the other first. You are choosing pleasure over love. If you are a Christian then you need to pray and think about things.

Similarly, you may disagree with the Church - but the Church has its doctrines for a reason. There are no missing gaps; just things you disagree with. Making up your own rules is bad theology and will lead you into error.

I would recommend you read “Good News About Sex & Marriage” by Christopher West. It’s an affordable and clear guide to what the Church teaches. Read it, pray about it, think on it.

I will pray for you too.

 

[LittleFlower378]

Why not submit your whole will to the Church.

Fornication is intrinsically evil and gravely immoral and has been preached against by the early Jews and Christ and his Apostles and down throughout the centuries of the Church. This teaching is infallible, so for one to consent to it or purposely doubt it would fall into heresy.

We cannot pick and choose what we want to believe, as if we are God.

We don’t know for sure if Manson is in heaven or hell. We do know that anyone that does in mortal sin goes directly to hell. I never seen Manson repent, so in my opinion, it doesn’t look good for him.

 

[LittleFlower378]

Be careful with Christopher West, though some of his work does well in supporting marriage, n alot of his writings he idolizes the body and promotes unnatural sex acts in marriage.

 

[Latetotheparty]

What if Christ said, “I love you…for now…but I can’t promise about later…I’ve had others before; they didn’t last”?

Got a total pang in my heart when I read that.

 

[Alexander]

“We are too weak to discover the truth by reason alone” – St. Augustine

 

[rcwitness]

Yes, pre-marital sex engages in the marital act without the intended commitment. If you have doubts about being able to be faithful to one woman, then you should deal with that before ever entering into Marriage. The more you sleep around with women, the harder it will be to be faithful. Deal with your demons now! Recincile with the Lord!

We know that sin causes harm to the relationship with God. Some sins are venial, while others can destroy the relationship. We have Christ to Reconcile us! Amen! Turn to Him, and you will be saved. He knows the hearts of man, and is able to heal and judge.

 

[AdamP88]

Does the Catholic faith actually believe that people who engage in premarital sex do not go to heaven?

Yes. Generally sexual immorality is in the realm of mortal sin. There have been many saints throughout the centuries who have taught that many go to hell for “sins of the flesh”.

Really it makes a lot of sense. God created sex wilh a purpose. We are to make use of that gift in the context intended. Not play with it like it’s a casual thing.
I can understand the attitude that “it’s not that serious”. i believed that myself at one point. But as an older, and now married, man, I can see that engaging in premarital sex causes more problems than it gives pleasure.

In fact I don’t know if I could be with only one women for the rest of my life.

To be honest, I don’t have much respect for that kind of attitude. It’s just typical of the fear of committment that many people have today. You don’t give up somethng by committing to one woman, you gain a deeper relationship and meaning in life.

 

[AdamP88]

Even the Pope has admitted that he doesn’t know who goes to heaven, so those parts of your questions cannot be answered.

Well…the Church has the authority to declare that someone is definitely in heaven. We know for sure that all the saints are in heaven. We don’t know who is in hell. But the consistent teaching of the church through the centuries has been that many people do go to hell.

 

[Briwerr]

You’re quite right. I originally said “always know” but edited it, I think because I got confused with the teaching on hell (where we don’t know).

 

[Vico]

Does this mean that everyone goes to heaven?

Not everyone will be in heaven. The Church answered this question. Surely we cannot with confidence say that Catholics that willfully oppose the certain moral and faith teachings of the Church, and do not repent of it by death, will be in heaven.

The Catechism shows the clear teaching:

1790 A human being must always obey the certain judgment of his conscience. If he were deliberately to act against it, he would condemn himself. Yet it can happen that moral conscience remains in ignorance and makes erroneous judgments about acts to be performed or already committed.

1791 This ignorance can often be imputed to personal responsibility. This is the case when a man "takes little trouble to find out what is true and good, or when conscience is by degrees almost blinded through the habit of committing sin."59 In such cases, the person is culpable for the evil he commits.

1792 Ignorance of Christ and his Gospel, bad example given by others, enslavement to one’s passions, assertion of a mistaken notion of autonomy of conscience, rejection of the Church’s authority and her teaching, lack of conversion and of charity: these can be at the source of errors of judgment in moral conduct.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

. Does the Catholic faith actually believe that people who engage in premarital sex do not go to heaven?

This question is a non starter. Objective acts alone are not a criterion which determines a soul’s fate.

I think this is the correct way to understand theological teaching

Your not too far off with this statement. But it’s lacking a little subtlety IMO. You have an obligation to assent to the teachings that you disagree with; an obligation to understand them as deeply as you can before rejecting them. There is also an important distinction to be made between rejecting a teaching and disagreeing with a teaching. Disagreement is tolerable as long as you are trying to understand and have a desire to assent to that teaching despite your disagreement with it.

 

[Jimbo]

It sounds like you have set yourself up as the ultimate authority of what the Truth is; and that’s a dangerous place in which to live.

Now, it’s also not unusual. I know I do it to, every time I sin. I think where the biggest danger for me is when I rationalize sin away.

If you look at the Bible, and the early Church which preceded the Bible, it’s quite clear that fornication isn’t okay. Jesus expected us to be with one person, or not at all.

When you say you ‘can’t do that’ what do you mean? That you have a physical need to be with multiple partners? That doesn’t sound like a healthy attitude to either sex or relationships.

If you live and grew up in the US you are in a sex soaked culture. One that boils down all the types of love to forms of eros. It’s hard to be in that culture with a strong sex drive and stay pure. I myself had a huge problem with purity for a loooooong time. The only way I got past it was alot of prayer and in joining a mens group where we support one another. Along the way I discovered that porn and infidelity are neither okay, victimless, or ‘not a big deal’. Sex is a powerful unitive act that has the potential to make a new soul. It should be respected as such in order to be mentally and spiritually healthy; in the same way one should respect a nail gun. In its place it’s a fantastic tool. Misused it can do alot of damage.

Just my $0.02

 

[Constantin]

The church teaching is quite clear on this. That being sad, there is just one judge in the end and there is no automatic process of “going to hell”. After all, you have the option to repent and receive forgiveness.

Regarding your question:

Does the Catholic faith actually believe that people who engage in premarital sex do not go to heaven?

I am not a native speaker, but I do not think that faith can actually believe something. Believing is something done by persons. I would rather say: Yes, the Catholic faith teaches that premarital sex is potentially a mortal sin which could lead to your going to hell. There is good reason for teaching that, because Christ said:

1 Corinthians 6:9 :

Do you not realise that people who do evil will never inherit the kingdom of God? Make no mistake – the sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, the self-indulgent, sodomites, thieves, misers, drunkards, slanderers and swindlers, none of these will inherit the kingdom of God.

(Bold from me). So Christ is taking this issue very serious, and so should we.
In my opinion, the key thing is:

You don´t go to hell for engaging in premarital sex automatically.
You can go to confession today, sin no more and start with a clean plate.
It is as easy as that.

 

[steve-b]

I want to try and gain some perspective on a couple of ideas. The first being premarital sex, which will lead into my second question. As a male in his thirties, I have had girlfriends and have been “intimate” with them. I don’t see anything wrong with it, honestly. In fact I don’t know if I could be with only one women for the rest of my life. My question regarding this is in terms of morality. Does the Catholic faith actually believe that people who engage in premarital sex do not go to heaven?

Here’s just one list of mortal sins that keep one from heaven if they should die in them without being sorry for them

open the links

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 no sexually immoral πόρνοι , nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders ( ἀρσενοκοῖται ), 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.

I personally wouldn’t argue with God over that.

teddy1:

My second question has to do with admittance to heaven as a whole. I see Catholicism as a guide, but ultimately don’t necessarily agree with everything that Catholicism teaches so I myself fill the blanks with what I feel appropriate.

That’s probably why Jesus said few are saved.

teddy1:

I think this is the correct way to understand theological teaching. With that being said, do you think that someone like the infamous Charlie Manson would go to heaven or hell? He is someone who was clearly delusional in his speech and had a twisted view of the world. It is my personal opinion that someone like that would not go to hell, because his life on earth was hell enough. He lived in a figurative cage his entire fill with a hate fueled heart. Does this mean that everyone goes to heaven?

And bad people can choose to get worse as time rolls on as well.
They can choose NOT to be sorry for any of their bad deeds.
the reason few are saved namely hell exists, and Jesus said few make it to heaven

 

[Joe_5859]

I see Catholicism as a guide, but ultimately don’t necessarily agree with everything that Catholicism teaches so I myself fill the blanks with what I feel appropriate.

Others have responded to your questions, but I just want to draw your attention to this.

For me, I find that “filling in the blanks” myself is a dicey proposition. I am filled with faults and subject to self-deception. Moreover, any god that I can wrap my mind around or who is subject to my own “gap-filling” hardly seems like he could be God. I am not God. So to think that I can figure him out completely on my own seems to be the height of hubris.

Now, of course this doesn’t mean we don’t use our brain and that we just shrug our shoulders and let others do the thinking for us. But I’d be very slow about dismissing Catholic teaching.

Just food for thought.

 

[rockford]

Teddy, it seems as if you have some serious issues to deal with. Premarital sex is not only wrong, it’s a mortal sin. You MUST confess and repent Teddy. God be with you, brother.