Honesty and forgiveness

[PelagiathePenit]

Is it wrong to remind people of their past transgressions? Like family members who have treated you horribly for years. Abused. For the sake of good of the family, you deal with their behavior. Every now and then you think of what they have said, did and you choose to forgive them because they are family and you have to. Why are some people abusive to those closest to them?

 

[Rosebud77]

Is it wrong to remind people of their past transgressions? Like family members who have treated you horribly for years. Abused. For the sake of good of the family, you deal with their behavior. Every now and then you think of what they have said, did and you choose to forgive them because they are family and you have to. Why are some people abusive to those closest to them?

Because they can be and get away with it.

Yes re referring to the past deeds. However you think of it it will damage both them and you.

If they meant it , that you remember it and are still hurting? If they didn’t? See the possible consequences from all points of view

And if your forgiveness is deep and sincere, why raise it again?

If it isn’t then that is your responsibility now.

This is something I am struggling with mightily and not with family members either ut with people around me

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Rosebud77:
Because they can be and get away with it.

Yes re referring to the past deeds. However you think of it it will damage both them and you.

If they meant it , that you remember it and are still hurting? If they didn’t? See the possible consequences from all points of view

And if your forgiveness is deep and sincere, why raise it again?

If it isn’t then that is your responsibility now.

This is something I am struggling with mightily and not with family members either ut with people around me
Some people who hurt us are too callous to remember. What does bringing it up do? I guess it shows you still care. For some that is a weakness. Forgiveness is a highest expression of love and humility

 

[Qoeleth]

Is it wrong to remind people of their past transgressions? Like family members who have treated you horribly for years. Abused. For the sake of good of the family, you deal with their behavior. Every now and then you think of what they have said, did and you choose to forgive them because they are family and you have to. Why are some people abusive to those closest to them?

It’s probably best not to bring it up. The commandment of forgiveness (like all commandments) pertains only to behaviour/actions, and not to sentiment. You can still show Christian charity to someone, while despising them in your heart- since it is by deeds that we are judged. In fact, there’s more merit in treating someone with charity whom you despise, then someone whom you like, since the former takes a greater effort.

You can still feel deep resentment to a person, but as long as you act in a ‘civil’ way to them, you have fulfilled the commandment to forgive.

 

[o_mlly]

It’s probably best not to bring it up. The commandment of forgiveness (like all commandments) pertains only to behaviour/actions, and not to sentiment. You can still show Christian charity to someone, while despising them in your heart- since it is by deeds that we are judged. In fact, there’s more merit in treating someone with charity whom you despise, then someone whom you like, since the former takes a greater effort.

You can still feel deep resentment to a person, but as long as you act in a ‘civil’ way to them, you have fulfilled the commandment to forgive.

Matthew 5:28 teaches the opposite. Our interior life precedes and determines our behaviors. If our interior life is disordered then we are disordered.

Our affections drive our attitudes and our attitudes drive our behaviors. If we do not control our attitudes, that is our disposition towards others, we have already sinned. The great commandment determines how our affections are to be ordered.

Forgiveness is internal and external. We can meet the command to forgive by internally doing so. We do not want to confirm anyone in their sinful behavior so, hoping for an opportunity to give fraternal correction, we ought to withhold the external signs of our forgiveness until the unrepentant aggressor indicates their contrition.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

If in doubt, we can always leave it longer before we go ahead!