Honesty in the confessional

[MrsMeganMc]

There have been a couple of occassions in which my priest has comended me on my honesty during confession.

I am curious when he says this - I mean - shouldn’t we all be honest in the confessional? Are people dishonest in the confessional?

The way I see it - if I am going - I may as well just lay it all out there. Jesus knows my sins - I cannot hide from him.

Just my thought for the day.

 

[Elizabeth502]

There have been a couple of occassions in which my priest has comended me on my honesty during confession.

I am curious when he says this - I mean - shouldn’t we all be honest in the confessional? Are people dishonest in the confessional?

The way I see it - if I am going - I may as well just lay it all out there. Jesus knows my sins - I cannot hide from him.

Just my thought for the day.

This has happened to me, too, Megan. I didn’t question it, though. The way I read it in my own case (it was face-to-face) was that he could see that I felt horrible about the sin, that I was very ashamed, that I had true contrition. It was very evident in my manner. Thus, he could see that, given my awareness, this was very painful for me to acknowledge, let alone divulge, and he was rewarding me instantly for doing so. It was a great pastoral approach. (Reinforcing!)

This is one reason why – when I can find a priest that has such openness & availability – I prefer face-to-face. Not only could he see my contrition on my face, his in-person reaction was equally powerful, for my benefit. It was the way he told me how honest I was, & the expression on his own face & in his own voice, that nailed it for me.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

This has happened to me, too, Megan. I didn’t question it, though. The way I read it in my own case (it was face-to-face) was that he could see that I felt horrible about the sin, that I was very ashamed, that I had true contrition. It was very evident in my manner. Thus, he could see that, given my awareness, this was very painful for me to acknowledge, let alone divulge, and he was rewarding me instantly for doing so. It was a great pastoral approach. (Reinforcing!)

This is one reason why – when I can find a priest that has such openness & availability – I prefer face-to-face. Not only could he see my contrition on my face, his in-person reaction was equally powerful, for my benefit. It was the way he told me how honest I was, & the expression on his own face & in his own voice, that nailed it for me.

I SO agree - I have always enjoyed going face-to-face with my priest. He is an extremely kind man - and his expressions can sometimes be just as powerful as his words.

 

[JDHallKY]

This thread reminds me of an experience I had a year or two ago. I was out of town and went to confession in the city I was visiting. I had one particular sin to confess that was particularly hard for me to get out, for some reason (I don’t know why it was so hard; it was with a priest I did not know and I was behind the screen). Anyway, after I finished, the priest said in a very serious, almost emotional tone, “Thank God for a good, honest confession.” Then, he gave me some very good advice, a standard penance, etc.

My guess is he had just heard a string of confessions where he felt people were just going through the motions. But, I don’t really know.

 

[Elizabeth502]

This thread reminds me of an experience I had a year or two ago. I was out of town and went to confession in the city I was visiting. I** had one particular sin to confess that was particularly hard for me to get out, for some reason (I don’t know why it was so hard; it was with a priest I did not know and I was behind the screen).** Anyway, after I finished, the priest said in a very serious, almost emotional tone, “Thank God for a good, honest confession.” Then, he gave me some very good advice, a standard penance, etc.

My guess is he had just heard a string of confessions where he felt people were just going through the motions. But, I don’t really know.

I’ve thought of this, too, as a possible reason for such a reaction on the part of a priest.

I bolded that section above because this is so true. It’s not rational. It varies by individual. For eample, lots of people on CAF are embarrassed or find most difficult the confession of sexual sins. I, OTOH, find other things way more shameful – tendencies which I should have outgrown by now, etc., but continue to do – tendencies which I just find undignified & pathetic. Doesn’t matter if I don’t know the priest & will never see him again!

 

[MrsMeganMc]

I’ve thought of this, too, as a possible reason for such a reaction on the part of a priest.

I bolded that section above because this is so true. It’s not rational. It varies by individual. For eample, lots of people on CAF are embarrassed or find most difficult the confession of sexual sins. I, OTOH, find other things way more shameful – tendencies which I should have outgrown by now, etc., but continue to do – tendencies which I just find undignified & pathetic. Doesn’t matter if I don’t know the priest & will never see him again!

I find that sexual sins the worst to say outloud…for some reason they carry a huge weight of shame for me. Probably more out of the privacy of the issues than anything else.

 

[jmcrae]

I’ve had that happen, too, where a priest would say, “Thank God for such a full and honest Confession.”

But I don’t see the point of going, in the first place, if you aren’t going to do what you came to do. What would anyone gain, by not being honest in the Confessional?

 

[MrsMeganMc]

I’ve had that happen, too, where a priest would say, “Thank God for such a full and honest Confession.”

But I don’t see the point of going, in the first place, if you aren’t going to do what you came to do. What would anyone gain, by not being honest in the Confessional?

Yes - this exactly was my thought…

 

[Elizabeth502]

I’ve had that happen, too, where a priest would say, “Thank God for such a full and honest Confession.”

But I don’t see the point of going, in the first place, if you aren’t going to do what you came to do. What would anyone gain, by not being honest in the Confessional?

Because they’re comforting themselves with the knowledge that they’ve “gone to confession” in a formal sense. It’s partly, not entirely, assuaging their conscience, and may be all they have the courage to do. They may even have every intention of saying more, or revealing truly why they did something (sometimes more painful to admit than the act itself), but then lose their courage unexpectedly in the moment.

Have I ever done this?
raises hand

 

[MrsMeganMc]

Because they’re comforting themselves with the knowledge that they’ve “gone to confession” in a formal sense. It’s partly, not entirely, assuaging their conscience, and may be all they have the courage to do. They may even have every intention of saying more, or revealing truly why they did something (sometimes more painful to admit than the act itself), but then lose their courage unexpectedly in the moment.

Have I ever done this?
raises hand

Oooo - good point. I may have been patting myself on the back a little too much because I have withheld a sin before out of total embarassment.

Depending in the kind of person you are - confession could probably be terrifying. So it is not as though the lack of honesty is intentional.

But it does beg the question of those who just go because they “have to” - and don’t utilize the sacrament to its fullest. They are really missing out!

 

[jmcrae]

Because they’re comforting themselves with the knowledge that they’ve “gone to confession” in a formal sense. It’s partly, not entirely, assuaging their conscience, and may be all they have the courage to do. They may even have every intention of saying more, or revealing truly why they did something (sometimes more painful to admit than the act itself), but then lose their courage unexpectedly in the moment.

Have I ever done this?
raises hand

It would not be the best Confession, but if you had intended to make a good Confession, and didn’t intentionally withhold something (I mean, I think we have all gotten “brain lock-up” in the Confessional, and forgotten to say something important, or else it came out all wrong) then you would just go back later to confess the thing you forgot - you would still be forgiven for everything that you confessed.

But if you went in there with the intention of deliberately omitting something, then you’d have to say, “Okay, what was the point of that?” Is God fooled? Is the Devil fooled?

Because then you still can’t go to Holy Communion, and you still have to make a good Confession.

 

[japhy]

Perhaps he means you were sincere and candid, not trying to heap up many words to avoid naming a sin for what it is.

 

[JDHallKY]

I think there is a point we’ve been dancing around but haven’t quite articulated yet. It is very possible, and is something we should all be cautious about, for a person who makes a habit of frequent confession to go in with their “usual list” and not really do a full examination of conscience. It’s much like people who go to Mass every week without really participating in an full, active, and conscious way, yet they still receive Holy Communion and get very little out of it.

We must always be careful to not consider ourselves holy just because we frequent the sacraments. It is very easy to receive the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist very often in a mindless way devoid of any real preparation.

I certainly know this is something I’ve struggled with at times. I like to be able to say to myself that I’m doing just fine because I go to confession at least once a month, etc., but there have been times I’ve gone without really being prepared.

 

[puzzleannie]

I think there is a point we’ve been dancing around but haven’t quite articulated yet. It is very possible, and is something we should all be cautious about, for a person who makes a habit of frequent confession to go in with their “usual list” and not really do a full examination of conscience. It’s much like people who go to Mass every week without really participating in an full, active, and conscious way, yet they still receive Holy Communion and get very little out of it.

We must always be careful to not consider ourselves holy just because we frequent the sacraments. It is very easy to receive the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist very often in a mindless way devoid of any real preparation.

I certainly know this is something I’ve struggled with at times. I like to be able to say to myself that I’m doing just fine because I go to confession at least once a month, etc., but there have been times I’ve gone without really being prepared.

point well taken, and though it seems harsh, it simply must be honestly stated. thank you. But we don’t want to fall into the opposite error, of failing to frequent the sacraments because we don’t feel “ready”, “sorry enough”, or whatever.

 

[MrsMeganMc]

I think there is a point we’ve been dancing around but haven’t quite articulated yet. It is very possible, and is something we should all be cautious about, for a person who makes a habit of frequent confession to go in with their “usual list” and not really do a full examination of conscience. It’s much like people who go to Mass every week without really participating in an full, active, and conscious way, yet they still receive Holy Communion and get very little out of it.

We must always be careful to not consider ourselves holy just because we frequent the sacraments. It is very easy to receive the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist very often in a mindless way devoid of any real preparation.

I certainly know this is something I’ve struggled with at times. I like to be able to say to myself that I’m doing just fine because I go to confession at least once a month, etc., but there have been times I’ve gone without really being prepared.

Yes - this is a very good point. This sin of pride, in my experience, can sneak up on us before we even know it is there.

We need to remember the true meaning and blessing of having the sacrament of reconciliation - it’s because we are sinners! We are not perfect! But we seek the mercy which is freely given to us through this sacrament - it remember that it is truly an act of humility.

I think before my next confession - I will spend a lot of time to examine the sins that are not as apparent to me.

 

[JDHallKY]

point well taken, and though it seems harsh, it simply must be honestly stated. thank you. But we don’t want to fall into the opposite error, of failing to frequent the sacraments because we don’t feel “ready”, “sorry enough”, or whatever.

I completely agree. The proper balance is something we all have to struggle to find, with God’s grace.

 

[caoindealbhan]

It can also be the way we present ourselves. If we are nervous and appear to be struggling with wanting to be honest and forthright, it places a listening person in a position of sympathy. He/she will assure us that our struggles were not in vain and commend us.

On the other hand, men are less inclined to be forthright with another man about shortcomings/ priest or no priest. He is a man and we don’t want to appear foolish or weak in front of him. Honesty can be in short supply with these confessions and when you struggled so hard in a vulnerable position it was very much appreciated.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I love the insight in Post 17.

Wishing all here a peaceful, trusting celebration of His birth.

 

[Maria1212]

I am a cradle Catholic who experienced a strong reversion to my faith. But there was a long time where I was confused as to whether birth control was truly a sin etc. Or whether premaritial sex was really a mortal sin. Now that my faith is stronger, and I understand why the Church teaches what it does, I understand these are grave sins.

But in my twenties, there was a time when I was genuinely confused. I think for Catholics who do not believe divorce, birth control, or sins against purity, are actually sins, they do not confess them. (If you dont believe something is a sin, then you dont confess it, since in your mind, there is no sin).

I know there are times I have not confessed a sin in Confession because I was not truly contrite so I wanted until I had the grace to see that it was truly a sin and I was sorry, and then I confessed it. And for a long time I was not able to confess sins against purity out of fear, because I felt so terrified, and scared to confess it with a priest (since they are male).

God has granted me to grace to overcome these obstacles and I am grateful for that. But it took a lot of time, effort, and prayer. I am convinced the work of the Holy Spirit is what finally got me through this.

I guess what I am trying to say is that a lot of people (especially young ones) havent been fully taught their faith. If you were never taught something was a sin growing up, even though you were taught in error, it can be hard to suddenly understand or feel like something is a sin. So you dont confess it.

I agree with the OP and the poster who said that we need to work hard to avoid the sin of pride, It is very easy to think we are better Catholics than others because we go to Confession more or think we more fully follow the faith. It is important to correct, and instruct, others when they are wrong about Church teaching. But I think having a “holier than thou” attitude has the opposite effect. I am not implying anyone here as that problem–but it is something I have witnessed and been guilty of myself.

Sincerely,

Maria1212

 

[Methodi]

Yes - this is a very good point. This sin of pride, in my experience, can sneak up on us before we even know it is there.

We need to remember the true meaning and blessing of having the sacrament of reconciliation - it’s because we are sinners! We are not perfect! But we seek the mercy which is freely given to us through this sacrament - it remember that it is truly an act of humility.

I think before my next confession - I will spend a lot of time to examine the sins that are not as apparent to me.

I write down my sins on a small piece of paper & take it in with me , so I wont omit any grave sin, afterward, I destroy it, & throw it in the Church waste container. I also say I am sorry for these sins and all other sins I may have committed