Honeymoon/nfp questions

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jackiem

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Hi all,

First some background info, I am getting married this May. My husband and I are both virgins who plan on practicing NFP. We just finalized our date so I have had NO NFP classes yet, but have started taking my temperature every morning and have been charting my cycles for a little under a year now on an app called clue and most recently an app called Lily. One more thing, we will be using NFP to avoid because I am in grad school with no job and he is in school too with a job that only covers his tuition.
  1. According to these apps, I will be fertile during the time we could get away to go on a honeymoon. Should we still go if we cannot partake in the marital embrace? I just don’t want it to be a tempting/frustrating time.
  2. So I assume that if you are married but practicing NFP that you pretty much have to act like you are dating during your fertile periods, because you want to make sure to not get either party wanting to have sex and then you cannot. Is this correct?
 
Maybe I’m just being logical but doesn’t it seem to anyone that NFP is thwarting the will of God and just doing it our way?
 
We had to wait two weeks after we got married to go on a honeymoon. Similar situation as yours. I didn’t want to spend a week at a romantic destination and feel like we could only go so far. What was two more weeks after waiting our whole lives? It was worth the wait.

I would search Catholic.com for resources on chastity within marriage. The forums have multiple threads but I’ve found them to be confusing opinions/preferences than official church teaching.

My NfP course came with brochures on the subject from the couple to couple league also.
 
rider2 said:
Maybe I’m just being logical but doesn’t it seem to anyone that NFP is thwarting the will of God and just doing it our way?
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LOL, tell that to the people actually practicing NFP (ie abstaining). It is not fun, and generally, one would prefer not to have to worry about it. It is a pretty good safe guard against just “thwarting God and doing it our way.”
 
jackiem said:
Hi all,

First some background info, I am getting married this May. My husband and I are both virgins who plan on practicing NFP. We just finalized our date so I have had NO NFP classes yet, but have started taking my temperature every morning and have been charting my cycles for a little under a year now on an app called clue and most recently an app called Lily. One more thing, we will be using NFP to avoid because I am in grad school with no job and he is in school too with a job that only covers his tuition.
  1. According to these apps, I will be fertile during the time we could get away to go on a honeymoon. Should we still go if we cannot partake in the marital embrace? I just don’t want it to be a tempting/frustrating time.
  2. So I assume that if you are married but practicing NFP that you pretty much have to act like you are dating during your fertile periods, because you want to make sure to not get either party wanting to have sex and then you cannot. Is this correct?
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I would say get to NFP classes as soon as you can and have someone peruse your charting so far. If you are free to leave on a honeymoon at a moments notice, you could plan it around your times, but many don’t have that freedom so have to go and abstain for part of the time. Or like me I had my period on my honeymoon so blah… we had the first night, but the rest was abstinence.

There’s a whole married life out there to be had, so it isn’t a big deal when you look back in retrospect.

Get to those classes though.
 
I have never been married so I never used NFP but as a woman… You must be VERY regular to know in January when your fertile periods will be in May :confused:

I was under the impressions you knew only a few days in advance when you were fertile, not 4 months
 
Oh good golly here we go again!

OP before your thread is destroyed…I’d reschedule your honeymoon for later. After your wedding, when you are first infertile, celebrate your married love in the flesh. You can take a honeymoon another month. You don’t need to wait to get started on marital relations until the honeymoon! 😉
 
My wife and I were both in grad school, were married on a Friday, back in classes the following Monday. It’s nearly impossible to predict what will happen in May. We chose to postpone our honeymoon until we are both done with school.

starting NFP classes ASAP is your best way to get detailed and the personal information you need. My wife and I wished we would have started classes much earlier as we have had over a year of health issues that NFP helped identify. Good luck and if you find yourself in tough times early on just know that it’s normal and takes some time to manage being newly married, the joys/struggles of NFP, and school at once.
 
Hi! Congratulations!

If it’s paid for, GO!

As much as apps can be excellent predictors, the cycle before and the one the wedding is in can be different! I married in July thinking I would have at least a few days in the “safe zone,” as we needed to TTA, but I didn’t reach peak until the day after we got back! You never know.

If you feel like you should decide sooner rather than later and are worried about fertility, pray about how you might still go and can be loving without making love. Depending on your practice during dating, there can be some special, intimate firsts, like sharing a bed (I recommend hilarious pajamas that can be your TTA pants tradition or something). This honeymoon is also a chance to enjoy a rest from the big day and sort of get to live outside of time for a spell, just the two of you, which we found romantic without getting too sexual. When we finally came together, in our own bed, it was still very special.

I hear marriage will be full of temptation (we’re only 6 months in), so if you can get a great start with your honeymoon, all’s the better. Things that helped: not arriving to the hotel until midnight on the wedding day, set boundaries that helped lessen frustration, packed fun relationship quiz books. And we went on a LOT of hikes… 😛
 
With NFP, you can get pregnant at any time, if it is His will.

If you want to abstain during this time, you can ovulation sticks. However I am sure it would be very hard to abstain after marriage. If this is your will, then use the ovulation sticks and check your cycle/temp/other NFP stuff I don’t know about as I’m not married, alas.
 
Jackie,

To your questions, and from a male perspective:

1. According to these apps, I will be fertile during the time we could get away to go on a honeymoon. Should we still go if we cannot partake in the marital embrace? I just don’t want it to be a tempting/frustrating time.

Whether you should go or not, and knowing you may well be limited in relations, is a marital decision you should make together. I assume your fiancee knows what the predictor says. Get together on it so that no one goes into it under any illusions. Myself, I would take my best shot at scheduling it. We also use an NFP device with a predictor function, so we (okay, me) do try to project fertile dates when planning weekend getaways. It is useful, but inexact. Sooner or later, the green light arrives, even if it is after we get back.

2. So I assume that if you are married but practicing NFP that you pretty much have to act like you are dating during your fertile periods, because you want to make sure to not get either party wanting to have sex and then you cannot. Is this correct?

Relations should be both unitive *and *procreative, so overdoing the snuggling can be problematic in that regard. It can also be problematic (frustrating) in a physical sense, which it sounds like you already understand. It is different than dating because, once you are married, you can both take it as far as you want to, or not.

Aside from all this, I would vote for going on the honeymoon. May is a long time off, and things might change between now and then. Either way, a honeymoon is a special time, and I look back fondly on ours. We had an economy honeymoon of sorts, we jumped in the car and had a blast for a couple of weeks. We could have put it off until we could afford something more grand, but I am glad we didn’t. I would vote for starting your married life on a fun note. Don’t stress about something you will never control.
 
The app can’t predict your fertility with much accuracy in advance so I wouldn’t change your plans. A cycle with stress (such as from wedding planning) can easily result in an early or late ovulation - which would change future fertile periods.

And I don’t think location will change the temptation level on your wedding night. 😉
 
I have a couple of thoughts that might help you. NFP can’t really accurately predict when you will be fertile months in advance. Most people have to plan trips far in advance and you could get burned no matter what you do.

Also, I second the idea that you should avoid (if possible) planning your honey moon for immediately following the wedding. Without being too much of a Debbie Downer, the fact is that marriages aren’t always consummated on the wedding night, or even the next night. Intimacy gets better and better with practice and is based equally in the emotional and physical realms. In other words, I think you should plan your trip, enjoy your special time together, and don’t set up massive expectations regarding sex.

Regarding your second question, there is no sin in married couples wanting to have sex, even when they’ve decided it isn’t a good time. You don’t have to discourage the desire to have sex. That just makes it all the better when you get to.
 
There is no way you can predict when you are going to be fertile several months from now, so if you want to go on a honeymoon, plan it and go. You’re going to be tempted no matter where you are, so it really won’t matter. If you happen to need to abstain, you might be disappointed, but you won’t be the first couple to have dealt with it.

One thing I would suggest in general, though, is that you talk with your fiance about what your plan is should you happen to become pregnant. NFP is hard- it works, but it is hard, and things happen.

As for when you are married, you will find what works for you. Some couples find it so difficult that they cannot even sleep together, and other couples don’t have as much trouble putting on the brakes. It will depend on the two of you.
 
Well, as others have said, it’s not so easy to plan a vacation with almost no notice, and as a person who is on the more regular side of things, cycle-wise, and has been married for more than 15 years, I can attest that it is quite difficult to predict your cycles several months out. All you have to do is have a cycle one or two days longer or shorter, a couple times in a row, and your cycle can shift the entire length of a vacation. Add the stress of planning a wedding, or illness, and it is even more unpredictable. So while you could try to do something very last minute, I think that will be difficult to pull off. I would vote for taking the vacation, and making it a fun one. Plan for a lot of activities to do and make some memories. Keep in mind that since you are both new at this, it might not be super easy right away anyway. So even if you end up not fertile, you still might appreciate having other things to do while you’re there. And if you are fertile, keep in mind that lots of people have been in the same boat as you, and it’s not really that crazy, even though people don’t usually advertise the fact that things didn’t get going right away. No big deal. You’ll have your whole life.
 
Luvz2travel said:
What I don’t understand is why kids are considered so much of an problem to be avoided at all costs such as this example.
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Refraining from sex for part of each month can hardly be considered avoiding kids “at all costs”!

The couple concerned are still undertaking formal education and appear to have one near-subsistence level income between them. Deferring children seems a reasonable plan.

Your post might more reasonably have asked the question whether a couple in the situation described ought to marry now, or wait till their circumstances are on a sounder economic footing, given the ever-present potential for children.
 
Personally, I don’t think anyone is ready for marriage unless they are ready to accept kids whenever.

Meaning, they better be prepared to get pregnant right away. If you aren’t prepared for that possibility then you aren’t ready for marriage.

So, this is why I think it’s weird to see people go into marriage but don’t want kids anytime soon.

But, maybe it’s because NFP never worked well for my husband and I. We’ve been parents our entire marriage and never had a honeymoon or a honeymoon period within our marriage either.

I’m also finishing my degree. You can do it with kids. We’re doing it. If you want it, you’ll make it happen.

I’ve been a mom of toddlers and pregnant multiple times while in the middle of my studies.

Anyway, it’s completely impossible to plan any vacation in advanced with the mindset of avoiding or having children during it.

It’s a drawback of NFP. That’s a fact. You cannot plan a vacation months in advanced with the idea that you’ll be either fertile or infertile during it.

So, you can’t plan a honeymoon without either going into it knowing you’ll either be abstaining the entire time or you’ll be pregnant in a couple of weeks after it’s over.

You either accept that fact and keep your fingers crossed or you postpone the marriage and wait until you are ready to have a honeymoon where sex is involved.

Or you don’t have a honeymoon. It’s that simple.
 
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