Honor your (cruel) Mother and your (cruel) Father?

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AgnosTheist said:
Sounds odd. You honor abusive parents by reporting them to the police and putting them in jail?

Who agrees with this? I agree with reporting them, but i just cant see how that classifies as honouring them. 🤷
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Well, how is it showing honor to not report their abuse? You are honoring your parents by getting them the help they need. Just like you would honor your loving non-abusive parent when he/she is sick and reporting their illness to a dr, social worker or whatever. It is getting them the help.
 
AgnosTheist said:
thats a big ‘maybe’.

the commandment say ‘honor your mother & father’, NOT ‘honor the ideals of parenthood’.

This commandment is simply negotiable. 😃
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I don’t think that the commandment is negotiable, just not as black and white as you are trying to make it.

Sadly, I had contact with extreme fundamentalists early on when I became a Christian. They viewed the commandments very narrowly. I would have broke contact with my mom and suffered much less emotional pain if I hadn’t listened to them.

I finally decided that I could honor my mother best by praying for her from far away.

I really feel like prayers from afar were much more honorable then the anger that I was repressing toward my mother. I could let go off the pain and just honestly pray for her. She has been dead for a couple years and I still pray for her soul.
 
Before someone can be honored like a mother or father should be, they have to actually be a morther or father, not just a DNA donor. I think it’s ridiculous to imply that this commandment applies to “parents” who molest and beat their children. I’m not saying the child shouldn’t forgive, but that doesn’t mean they have to have any contact with the “parent”. That could put the child in danger. In the case of sexual abuse specifically there is a very high recidivism rate.
 
Ghoti said:
The problem arises in the interpretation of the commandment. What exactly does it mean to honour one’s mother and father? What duties does this honour entail?

Anyone with a CCC or some such to shed light on this?
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Honoring your father and mother is pretty much a one way street. There is no commandment that states parents should honor their children.

The duties of children
[2214](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2214.htm’)😉 The divine fatherhood is the source of human fatherhood;16 this is the foundation of the honor owed to parents. The respect of children, whether minors or adults, for their father and mother17 is nourished by the natural affection born of the bond uniting them. It is required by God’s commandment.18
2215 Respect for parents (filial piety) derives from *gratitude *toward those who, by the gift of life, their love and their work, have brought their children into the world and enabled them to grow in stature, wisdom, and grace. "With all your heart honor your father, and do not forget the birth pangs of your mother. Remember that through your parents you were born; what can you give back to them that equals their gift to you?"19
[2216](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2216.htm’)😉 Filial respect is shown by true docility and obedience. "My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. . . . When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; and when you awake, they will talk with you."20 "A wise son hears his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke."21
[2217](javascript:openWindow(‘cr/2217.htm’)😉 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."22 Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.
As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
2218 The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.23
For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.24 O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.25

2219 Filial respect promotes harmony in all of family life; it also concerns relationships between brothers and sisters. Respect toward parents fills the home with light and warmth. "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged."26 "With all humility and meekness, with patience, [support] one another in charity."27 2220 For Christians a special gratitude is due to those from whom they have received the gift of faith, the grace of Baptism, and life in the Church. These may include parents, grandparents, other members of the family, pastors, catechists, and other teachers or friends. "I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you."28
 
Ghoti said:
The problem arises in the interpretation of the commandment. What exactly does it mean to honour one’s mother and father? What duties does this honour entail?

Anyone with a CCC or some such to shed light on this?
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Some teachings of Jesus that may shed some light:

Once, in a discussion with religious leaders of his day regarding the following of God’s laws versus following “tradition”, Jesus referred to a law that said “If a person has declared that all his belongings are ‘dedicated to God’, then he need not use any of those belongings to support his parents.” Jesus indicates that this is in fact contrary to the Law of God.

But in another place, when Jesus was told that ‘his mother and brothers wanted to see him’ he said “those who hear the word of God and keep it are mother and brother and sister to me.”

To me all this indicates that a person truly seeking God’s kingdom as Jesus taught would “honor” their parents by helping them meet their basic human needs as they are able but that in terms of looking for guidance in one’s life, God’s word should take precedence over any parent’s word.

peace,

Jim
 
buffalo said:
Honoring your father and mother is pretty much a one way street. There is no commandment that states parents should honor their children.
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Not a commandment but, from Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians C6

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just. 2 Honour thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise: 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest be long lived upon earth. 4 And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and correction of the Lord.
 
AgnosTheist said:
Sounds odd. You honor abusive parents by reporting them to the police and putting them in jail?

Who agrees with this? I agree with reporting them, but i just cant see how that classifies as honouring them. 🤷
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Define honor.

See, in my book, honor is the ability to hold up your head as a man or woman. If you fail in your obligations, especially if you actively sin against them, you thereby lose honor. That honor can only be restored if recompense is paid. Either one must correct one’s failing, or take punishment. And to aid another in paying that recompense, is to honor them.

Like I said, you obviously don’t know any non-Western cultures.
 
iamrefreshed said:
Not a commandment but, from Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians C6

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is just. 2 Honour thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with a promise: 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest be long lived upon earth. 4 And you, fathers, provoke not your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and correction of the Lord.
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Provoke and honor are very different. And the honor due parents is not conditional.
 
buffalo said:
Provoke and honor are very different. And the honor due parents is not conditional.
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Yes they are. But I ask…Why does Paul state this?

Honor due parents is conditional. Not the honor itself but the way it is given.

My wife was sexually abused by her father who remains unrepentant to her. Should she go on as if it never happened and ‘honor’ her father?

Honor is given in many different ways just as someone earlier pointed out about turning in abusive parents.
 
Should Parents be honored even if they have been inhumanly cruel to you?

Simple answer is** YES.**

The harder question is WHY? or Based on what?

Jesus has commanded us to love one another, not because we are all lovable human beings or we deserve to be loved and honored or because we are good people. He has commanded us to do so because of who we are. Children of God, God’s creatures.

We love and honor eachother because God loves us first. We honor our parents not because of what they do, but because of who God is.

Next question is HOW? How do we honor cruel parents

First thing would be by not letting them do cruel and inhumane things to us. For they would lose their soul this way. By either getting them help, or keep them in jail so that they can no longer hurt us or others. By praying for them and forgiving them. By offering up our suffering for the salvation of their souls. Last but not least, we honor them by helping ourselves, healing from the wounds they have caused us, and rising above their sin through God’s grace. For where sin abounds grace over abounds. Ultimately, it is for God’s glory and honor that we honor our parents.

Imagine the love, justice and mercy in this scenario:

Sinful parents do cruel things to their children. Children suffer beyond belief. God lifts up the children, consoles and comforts them, bestows them with blessings and Graces throughout their lives to the degree that they open themselves to it. Children forgive and pray for their parents (honor). Parents are lifted up through the Mercy of God, they repent for their sins, and surrender themselves to the mercy of God. In the end, God loves us, as we love another, as we love him. One big love fest.

As a daughter and a mother at the same time, I thank God for this commandment for without it we would surely rot in hell. Which parent is perfect? All glory and praise be to God, most merciful, most just, most loving.
 
Andrea22 said:
Should Parents be honored even if they have been inhumanly cruel to you?

Simple answer is** YES.**

The harder question is WHY? or Based on what?

Jesus has commanded us to love one another, not because we are all lovable human beings or we deserve to be loved and honored or because we are good people. He has commanded us to do so because of who we are. Children of God, God’s creatures.

We love and honor eachother because God loves us first. We honor our parents not because of what they do, but because of who God is.

Next question is HOW? How do we honor cruel parents

First thing would be by not letting them do cruel and inhumane things to us. For they would lose their soul this way. By either getting them help, or keep them in jail so that they can no longer hurt us or others. By praying for them and forgiving them. By offering up our suffering for the salvation of their souls. Last but not least, we honor them by helping ourselves, healing from the wounds they have caused us, and rising above their sin through God’s grace. For where sin abounds grace over abounds. Ultimately, it is for God’s glory and honor that we honor our parents.

Imagine the love, justice and mercy in this scenario:

Sinful parents do cruel things to their children. Children suffer beyond belief. God lifts up the children, consoles and comforts them, bestows them with blessings and Graces throughout their lives to the degree that they open themselves to it. Children forgive and pray for their parents (honor). Parents are lifted up through the Mercy of God, they repent for their sins, and surrender themselves to the mercy of God. In the end, God loves us, as we love another, as we love him. One big love fest.

As a daughter and a mother at the same time, I thank God for this commandment for without it we would surely rot in hell. Which parent is perfect? All glory and praise be to God, most merciful, most just, most loving.
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👍
 
Andrea22 said:
Next question is HOW? How do we honor cruel parents

**First thing would be by not letting them do cruel and inhumane things to us. For they would lose their soul this way. By either getting them help, or keep them in jail so that they can no longer hurt us or others. By praying for them and forgiving them. By offering up our suffering for the salvation of their souls. Last but not least, we honor them by helping ourselves, healing from the wounds they have caused us, and rising above their sin through God’s grace. For where sin abounds grace over abounds. Ultimately, it is for God’s glory and honor that we honor our parents. **

.
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Good answer.🙂
 
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a faithful orthodox Jew, wrote a book, The Ten Commandments, with the help of a Jewish Rabbi.

Here is what she said about the fourth commandment to honor our mother and father.
“This commandment is not qualified. It** does not mean:
**
* Honor only if the person is personally perceived as deserving
* Honor only if the person always reciprocates
* Honor only if it is pleasing to you to do so
* Honor only if you get compliments for doing so
* Honor only if it “feels right”
* Honor only if other people also do so.”
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Dr. Laura mentions “evil” parents. I have one of those. “Honoring” can mean different things. But if doesn’t have to mean spending time with someone and be all loving and cozy as if the person were a good healthy parent.

My parent abandoned me as a teenager 25 years ago. She wants nothing to do with me. My honoring her looks like this:
  • my door is always open. If she wants to have a relationship with me, I am completely open to it. All she has to do is say so.
  • I give her the benefit of the doubt. She is sick. Truly. I feel compassion toward her.
  • I will not force myself into her life. If she doesn’t want me around, I will honor her by abiding by her wishes.
  • I don’t bad-mouth her with my siblings. When the subject comes up, I just say how sorry I am that she is the way she is, but realize that she is sick. I also realize that somebody somewhere in her life must have hurt her very badly in order for her to be the way she is.
  • I will not put up with any abuse. Ever. If she wants to be civil, I am more than willing to be there for her.
 
I am fortunate enough to never have been in these situations but I would certainly not honor anyone who caused me harm.
 
goofyjim said:
I am fortunate enough to never have been in these situations but I would certainly not honor anyone who caused me harm.
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We must keep in mind that we ourselves are unworthy of honor since we on a daily bases cause harm to our Creator. If we look at our fellow human with these thoughts of not honoring than how would our Lord look at us when we ask Him for something that we cannot give to another?
 
buffalo said:
Honoring your father and mother is pretty much a one way street. There is no commandment that states parents should honor their children.
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You ought to read the sections of the CCC that discuss the duties of parents as well as relevant sections in Scripture that discuss how parents are to treat their children.

– Mark L. Chance.
 
I have a friend who was kicked out at the age of 15, and was forced by her parents to live on the street and friends couches. How does she have any obligation to them? They won’t even acknowledge her as their child anymore, she has been removed from all legal documents possible.

How can you honor someone who doesn’t even consider you a human being?
 
Ghoti said:
The problem arises in the interpretation of the commandment. What exactly does it mean to honour one’s mother and father? What duties does this honour entail?

Anyone with a CCC or some such to shed light on this?
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Ensure that their physical and emotional needs are being met, and don’t argue with them about trivial matters, or presume to teach them anything. That’s about it. You don’t even have to like them.
 
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