Was wondering how “honor” is defined in the commandment “Honor your father and your mother…”
Is it complete submission to your parents, i.e. complete obedience to their instruction unless you are disobeying God?
Or is it respecting them and their opinions, yet allowing yourself the choice to not heed their instruction?
This is what I was taught, and have passed along to my grown children:
When you are a child, you are to honor your parents with your obedience to them, unless they ask you to disobey God. If they do ask you to disobey God, you should go ask your priest about this.
As a teen and young adult, you should still obey them with anything that does not go against God. You may, respectfull, disagree with them as far as the house rules go, but you must still obey them. You may, respectfully, disagree with them as concerns opinions, but this must be done respectfully. My father and I had many disagreements about politics and such as I grew up, but this is helpful, as I learned what I believed in.
As an adult, no matter how old you are, you still respect your parents. You need not obey them, as long as you are not living under their roof. I don’t care if you are 55 (like me), yet, living with your aged mother (who is 78), in her house, it is her house and if she says you must be inside with the door locked by midnight, then you do it!
However, if you are supporting yourself, and you live in your own home, and your mother tells you that she doesn’t like how you fold your laundry, then you, respectfully, tell her this is your own home. You might even re-fold the laundry just to make her happy, but then fold it your way later. Do not disrespect your parents in front of your children. You may explain to your kids why you went along with Mom’s ideas, as you were showing her respect.
Honoring elderly parents involves sometimes taking care of them. I am now feeling my way into this with my widowed mother. She is still very independent, and sometimes resents my wanting to “take care” of her. Yet, we both know this will happen someday. I need to remember how to be respectful of her as an adult, even when the day comes that she might act like a child.
Parents, on the other hand, need to be respectful of their children at their different stages in life. I often have to bite my tongue and sit silently, while my children handle their children. I could easily jump in, giving my opinions, but unless I am asked, it would be rude. I needed to back off a little when they were teens, because their opinions weren’t exactly the same as mine.
None of this is easy, mind you. I did have it “easier” than some others, because being in the Air Force, we were away from home as young parents, ourselves. When my eldest girl was only 10 months old, I had her in the playpen (they were big in those days) while I made some phone calls. First I called my mother in law. She heard the baby squawking, and told me I’d better not have the baby in a playpen, but suggested that I give her a pacifier. She thought playpens were just the worst thing ever! So, I worked my way around the comment, trying not to lie, but glad she couldn’t see. Next, I called my mother, who heard the baby squawking, also. She told me I’d better have the baby in a playpen, but that the baby shouldn’t have a pacifier (which she did). I hedged my way around, and she was happy. I was soooo glad to live where neither one of them could see me or the baby that day!
