Honor Your Parents?!

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20101310

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Does “honoring your parents” mean to constantly tell them what they want to hear?

God Bless and advance thanks!
 
How old are you and how old are they?

The answer, in general, is with many things–it depends.

If you are young, 14 or 15 and they want to hear that you’ve done your chores and homework, the answer is yes. You must, because you owe them obedience.

If you are older and your parents are aged and in a nursing home and they ask you if you’ve fed Benny—even though Benny took a trip over the rainbow bridge going on 50 years now–just humor them and say yes.

If you are a young adult, paying your own way and they are asking things that you do not wish to share…then no, no you do not have to tell them what they want to hear. You can establish boundaries and privacy.
 
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Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
If you are a young adult, paying your own way and they are asking things that you do not wish to share…then no, no you do not have to tell them what they want to hear. You can establish boundaries and privacy.
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Ok, but how does this tie in with that specific commandment? Are we supposed to bypass it just because we’ve passed a certain age? In other words, how can establishing boundaries and privacy correlate with honoring your parents? Aren’t I dishonoring my parents if I don’t share some information they are asking about, and as human beings gifted with the Holy Spirit, aren’t we supposed to live with this and other commandments until death?
 
20101310 said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
If you are a young adult, paying your own way and they are asking things that you do not wish to share…then no, no you do not have to tell them what they want to hear. You can establish boundaries and privacy.
Click to expand...
Ok, but how does this tie in with that specific commandment? Are we supposed to bypass it just because we’ve passed a certain age? In other words, how can establishing boundaries and privacy correlate with honoring your parents? Aren’t I dishonoring my parents if I don’t share some information they are asking about, and as human beings gifted with the Holy Spirit, aren’t we supposed to live with this and other commandments until death?
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Honoring your parents does change with age.

As a child, you honor your parents by being obedient. However, it is made very clear by the Bible and the CCC that even as a child you are only to obey what is right and good. That you are not to obey what is sinful.

Part of growing is becoming a functional adult. When you are no longer living in your parents home you learn many things about yourself. For instance, what is mentally healthy for you to dwell on. Your parents cannot demand from you a conversation on your politics if you know this causes you to sin…or even creates anxiety in you. You have every right to say, “no, I’m not speaking about that.”

Same with many personal things that do not truly affect them. If they constantly ask about a significant other, —or finding a significant other, about your finances, about your apartment life, etc, these are things you may withhold as an adult for your own peace of mind.

You may also withhold information if they are going to maliciously use it against you. For instance, if demand you tell them about your last date and you do so…and then they turn around and demean you for it then you should not share this sort of information in the future.

We do not honor a person by inviting them to sin. Giving people information that they will use to frustrate or mistreat you is like going to the store, buying the best candy bar and fried chicken and handing it to a hungry (Catholic) child on Good Friday. It would be incredibly sinful to do so because you would be leading that person into sin.

In the same way, sometimes “honoring” our parents is by ensuring that they do not sin against us. This may mean as an adult we discern what we can and cannot tell them.
 
20101310 said:
Does “honoring your parents” mean to constantly tell them what they want to hear?
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If by “telling them what they want to hear,” you mean lying; the answer is of course not. If you are a minor, you have a responsibility to obey your parents in any non-sinful request.
 
I’m curious about this too.

If a parent is engaging in a sinful or dangerous behavior (such as drinking, gambling, drug use, unhealthy diet, etc) does honoring them mean we shouldn’t try to get them to stop doing these things?
 
BornInMarch said:
If a parent is engaging in a sinful or dangerous behavior (such as drinking, gambling, drug use, unhealthy diet, etc) does honoring them mean we shouldn’t try to get them to stop doing these things?
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You can try, as in telling them, “I love you and I really wish you wouldn’t use drugs or eat things the doctor said you shouldn’t have, because I’m afraid you’ll die and I’d like you to be around for a long, long time.”
If they have an actual addiction, you can also stage an intervention and try to get them help.

However, in the long run, the addict must be the one to decide to change and do the hard work of staying clean and sober from the addiction. You cannot make anyone change and past a certain point, you may need to go live your own life and just let Mom or Dad fall on their face, which will hopefully be the wake-up call they need to change.
 
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