Honoring thy father and mother

[felisonfire]

My parents have both been a big source of pain in my life, and I decided several months ago to cut off contact with them because I thought the way they treat me would change as an adult, but it has not. My mother believes that God gives her divine guidance/has special “work” for her to do and thinks she is simuletaneously possessed by a demon. She has done things that are very hurtful and (from my point of view) unfair to me for the entirety of my upbringing, which eventually lead to my resentment of the church and God as a whole, and the only involvement that my father has is to unleash tyranny over his children; the only thing he probably feels like he has any control over. I did not receive an adequate education, I was not allowed to leave the house, I did not have any friends. I didn’t get a driver’s license until I was 19. In a way I feel like they neglected their parental duties and often put myself and my siblings in the middle of their (many) quarrels with eachother. I feel torn because I’m happy and healing now that I’m not living under their roof, but I still have an extreme anger that boils inside of me, and I still never want to see them again. What does the church say about situations like mine? What is my duty to “honor” my father and mother when the mere thought of visiting fills me with anger and anxiety? are there saints I can pray to about this? Am I in the wrong and sinning to feel this way?

 

[Kei]

Ask Jesus to enter into you and help you with your anger towards your parents. You’re not alone in such a situation.

I have heard of a situation where one’s parents were satanists. It took a long time but he eventually found it in him to forgive, by God’s Grace.

It is said our Lord is so humble, He doesn’t enter into where you do not welcome Him. So, ask Him to heal your anger and help to forgive them, healing any disorders and bad things.

Talk with your confessor about this regarding sin.

 

[Jared2914]

Here is a nice passage from the Bible:

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Think of this as the ideal, where you want to be. You may not be there now, but that’s where you want to be some day. Talking to a priest will help as Kei wrote, but I think you will also be greatly helped by seeing a counselor or psychologist about this. You will recover from this fastest if you address it from both the spiritual (priest) and mental (counselor) sides. You cannot control how people treat you, but you can control how you react to it. Recovery will mean being able to react in a loving way towards your parents despite what they’ve done in the past. It probably won’t happen overnight, but in a few years I think you will have some peace.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

An adult child still has responsibilities to his parents, but does not have to speak to them if it is too difficult. You should be working with a professional counselor to deal with your anger.

 

[stuartbrianhenlis]

Felis,

Thank you for having the courage to post your story.

I survived a nightmare family myself. I’m still picking up the pieces. You broach the very same issue I face. I find it very difficult to forgive my “family”, let alone “honor” them. BUT, if I don’t attempt to forgive them (They’ve been dead for years and I still carry them in my head), I will continue to torment myself with resentment.

I doubt if I’ll ever honor them, but forgiveness is for myself.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Remember forgiveness is a process, give yourself time to heal. Pray and go to mass and do your best to make a good life for yourself.