Hospice.. help needed

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Easterrocks

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Desperate. I have a parent in the hospital. We are getting pressure to put them in hospice. I’m sad as my parent can’t currently eat or drink on their own and all of the hospices the hospital provided to us don’t include IVs or tube feeding. My parent will die of dehydration and the doctors all seem fine with this approach. I can’t do it🙁. Are there any catholic patient advocates I can call which anyone is aware of?? We are getting so much pressure and time is running out. My brain is scrambled. My mom is elderly and is not good with the internet. We are in Orange County. Any suggestions are appreciated. Thank you
 
Awful!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Do you need to go with a hospital recommended hospice? Can you call a private hospice and tell someone your concerns and see what they advise? I am appalled that a hospice would not offer basic food and water. They are there to ease and comfort through the dying process - not accelerate it! Many prayers & I wish I could be more helpful.

Oh… Could the Paul VI Institute be a place to call? Maybe they just handle fertility issues. But even if they don’t specialize in end of life (and they may - I don’t know) they may be able to direct you somewhere. Their website isn’t super easy to navigate but phone numbers are on it. Good luck!
 
I’m sorry, this sounds enormously difficult.

You may need to seek legal advice. I’m not familiar with California law or the specifics of your parent’s condition but perhaps someone here could assist:


God bless you & your family. You are in my prayers.
 
I am sorry you are having a rough time with this.
However, feeding tubes and IV fluids, depending on the situation, can do more harm than good. At the end of life, the need for either of those things lessen. Hospice would not refuse your loved one food or water if they asked for it, but they will not “force” through non-natural means, which feeding tubs and IV’s are.
One needs to ask what the “goals” are of that type of treatment. It is a natural reaction to the body shutting down do not eat or drink. The goal of hospice is to make the patient comfortable and help the family through the transition.
Please talk with the hospice people, your priest and your parents care team about what is best for the patient.
Prayers for you and your family at this difficult time.
 
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Perhaps the National Catholic Bioethics Center can point you towards a resource. Give them a call.
 
The National Catholic Bioethics Center has a contact link. They are a wonderful group of brilliant Catholics

The NCBC consultation service is intended for individuals seeking moral information and guidance in the face of real-life problems. Research-oriented requests or questions about hypothetical situations, including requests for resources or other information for academic papers, are outside the scope of this service and may not receive a reply.

https://www.ncbcenter.org/consultation/individual-consultation-services/

https://www.ncbcenter.org/publications/end-life-guide/

I’d suggest also contacting your Diocese:

Supporting our community is the Pastoral Center of the Diocese of Orange.

Home to the ministries, offices, and administrative departments of the Diocese, the meaningful service of those within the Pastoral Center empowers all aspects of the Catholic experience in Orange County.

13280 Chapman Ave.
Garden Grove, CA 92840

Phone: 714-282-3000
Fax: 714-282-3029

https://www.rcbo.org/contact-us/
 
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CilladeRoma said:
OP, please talk to the care team and your priest. Figure out what short/long term goals/prognosis is and then make yor decisions based on medical need, not emotions.
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Make sure your mom receives the Sacraments, including the Apostolic Pardon. Your priest will help with this.
 
Thanks everyone. We do not believe my father is within days of death and that at this point it would be the removal of water and nutrition which will be what kills him within a few days and the doctors recognize that I believe. They seem ok with it when we tell them that, as if his last weeks on earth don’t matter. I understand we don’t need nutrtion or water when in the dying Process but we are not there yet…apparently he is not dying fast enough for them and the hospices they recommend do not offer nutrtion or Iv. . It’s appalling. We Will hold steadfast to our beliefs. I have no intention of giving in and feel even stronger about that today. Thank you for the prayers as well.
 
A hospice would never refuse sips of water or food to a patient if they asked for it.
They will not give the patient supplimental nutrition or use IV’s or feeding tubes.
If a patient cannot eat or drink by mouth, you need to ask why, and if adding those extraordinary measures will change the outcome.
OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this, I know how difficult it can be. Please make sure you ask questions and if you don’t understand ask them to explain. Please remember that the facts and the patient’s wishes are what is most important, not how we feel about it.
 
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CilladeRoma said:
Feeding tubes and IV fluids are often contraindicated for end of life and are considered “extraordinary” means. The Church does not required this, and it is often not comfortable for the patient.
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I’m not sure why this was flagged. It’s correct. The Church does not require us to needlessly prolong life, especially if it will cause greater suffering to the dying person. While nutrition and hydration are ordinary means of care, they become extraordinary and thus morally optional when the means of delivery become excessively burdensome or provide no real benefit. Attempting to feed and hydrate someone whose body is incapable of receiving nutrition and hydration is unnecessary.

-Fr ACEGC
 
There is a certain overzealousness out there about end-of-life issues. We can’t kill someone directly, for sure. But we also aren’t morally obligated to prolong the life of someone who is dying. There are reasons to forestall death, like providing the sacraments, or allowing families time to say goodbye to the dying, but it doesn’t have to be prolonged indefinitely.

The principle is that there’s a moral difference between directly willing someone’s death, either by action or omission, and allowing someone who is already in the process of dying to go ahead and die. The former is never allowed. The latter is.
 
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Last in here, do they each have a living will? Specifically stating what and what not kind of care and support they desire?

If not contact someone to help you with this process…
 
If they are suggesting a Hospice its best for the patient - hospice does not mean assisted suicide - its to make it easy for the patient and family - administering pain med and other things that are difficult to do a home - hospice is to keep the patient comfortable as they reach the end of life. As a person reaches the end of life they no longer want to drink or eat as the body shuts down if you force it in them you can make them sicker because they might not be able to digest as when healthy. Hospice should not be looked at negatively. The problem is death is hidden in the North American culture its not talked about and people don’t know what to do when it happens in their family. I’ve been a hospice volunteer for 30 years and I have seen the good it brings - there should be more hospice beds there are not enough.
 
My dad has a brain injury. His vitals and organs are good and he is breathing in his own. He has a low level of consciousness but is sometimes able to communicate In terms of squeezing hands or giving me a smile back. He is weakly responsive. We remove the ventilator earlier this weak which we are told by the doctors he would not survive. He did and is breathing great. . Per the doctors though it is a “quality of life issue” as he is also elderly and he probably won’t come back mentally . They are recommending hospice now as I already noted.all of them said they will not allow the feeding tube or iv. We will find a different solution but I’m horrified it has come to this.
 
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