Hot Mess of a Wedding

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I’m invited to a wedding of a Catholic woman and a Protestant man. They were told they cannot marry in the Catholic church because of his first marriage not being dissolved properly. They found a Lutheran minister that will marry them. I know the marriage will not be valid, but it goes deeper than that - they are having “Holy Communion” at the service. The family is having the Lutheran communion distributed by the family - aunts, uncles that are all Catholic! We have no problem politely declining going to communion. I’m having a hard time keeping my views to myself. Lots of things wrong here. What do you guys advise if the subject comes up about all this? The bride’s parents are friends and I don’t want to rupture a friendship, but still feel compelled to say how wrong this is and even seriously sinful. They seem to have a relaxed view of all this and “just want them to get married”. I already have said I’ll pray for their return to the church, and the bride’s mom said “I don’t care if they’re Catholic or not.” Geez! I have a deep devotion to the Eucharist, so this is very disturbing to me.
 
GomezU said:
I’m invited to a wedding of a Catholic woman and a Protestant man. They were told they cannot marry in the Catholic church because of his first marriage not being dissolved properly. They found a Lutheran minister that will marry them. I know the marriage will not be valid, but it goes deeper than that - they are having “Holy Communion” at the service. The family is having the Lutheran communion distributed by the family - aunts, uncles that are all Catholic! We have no problem politely declining going to communion. I’m having a hard time keeping my views to myself. Lots of things wrong here. What do you guys advise if the subject comes up about all this? The bride’s parents are friends and I don’t want to rupture a friendship, but still feel compelled to say how wrong this is and even seriously sinful. They seem to have a relaxed view of all this and “just want them to get married”. I already have said I’ll pray for their return to the church, and the bride’s mom said “I don’t care if they’re Catholic or not.” Geez! I have a deep devotion to the Eucharist, so this is very disturbing to me.
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Why is it that you have nothing else to do that day?
 
Me personally?

I wouldn’t go.

Mostly because out of respect for the Eucharist but also because of the validity of the marriage.

My MIL is a fallen away Catholic who is getting married a third time in her non-denom Church.

My husband is baffled as to how their Church is allowing this to happen and seriously suspects that his mother hasn’t told her pastor the entire truth of her past.

We’ve already told her to not bother inviting us. We love her but cannot attend the marriage for a number of reasons.
 
I would say go and not receive Communion. As for saying anything, why do you have to say anything to any of the family? This is obviously a happy time for them. They can’t get married in the CC.

Honestly, this is the same situation my husband and I had, only though I’m the Protestant and he is RC. He is divorced (no annulment). My We got married in my church. His ex-wife died several years ago (after they were divorced). Now we are looking to get married in the CC.

Honestly, as long as the family and the bride and groom are happy, I would MYOB. I remember my MIL asking when we were engaqed if we were getting married in the CC. I told her “No, because he is divorced.”

I think that one can be supportive of someone without condoning/agreeing with what they are doing, especially when two people are getting married.
 
Graceful_Lamb said:
I would say go and not receive Communion. As for saying anything, why do you have to say anything to any of the family? This is obviously a happy time for them. They can’t get married in the CC.

Honestly, this is the same situation my husband and I had, only though I’m the Protestant and he is RC. He is divorced (no annulment). My We got married in my church. His ex-wife died several years ago (after they were divorced). Now we are looking to get married in the CC.

Honestly, as long as the family and the bride and groom are happy, I would MYOB. I remember my MIL asking when we were engaqed if we were getting married in the CC. I told her “No, because he is divorced.”

I think that one can be supportive of someone without condoning/agreeing with what they are doing, especially when two people are getting married.
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It isn’t simply that they can’t get married in the Catholic Church, they cannot get married at all. Because one of them is already married. Therefore, they commit adultery.
 
1ke said:
It isn’t simply that they can’t get married in the Catholic Church, they cannot get married at all. Because one of them is already married. Therefore, they commit adultery.
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I was under the impression that we as Catholics weren’t permitted to attend as it would give the impression that by our attendance, we approved of the illicit union. Please correct me if I’m wrong.
 
I say no go and hopefully, when you respectively decline, they will ask why and you will be able to share the teachings of Jesus.
 
Graceful_Lamb said:
I think that one can be supportive of someone without condoning/agreeing with what they are doing, especially when two people are getting married.
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Well it depends on the ‘two people’ and as has been pointed out this will not be a marriage.
 
Graceful_Lamb said:
I would say go and not receive Communion. As for saying anything, why do you have to say anything to any of the family? This is obviously a happy time for them. They can’t get married in the CC.

Honestly, this is the same situation my husband and I had, only though I’m the Protestant and he is RC. He is divorced (no annulment). My We got married in my church. His ex-wife died several years ago (after they were divorced). Now we are looking to get married in the CC.

Honestly, as long as the family and the bride and groom are happy, I would MYOB. I remember my MIL asking when we were engaqed if we were getting married in the CC. I told her “No, because he is divorced.”

I think that one can be supportive of someone without condoning/agreeing with what they are doing, especially when two people are getting married.
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My view exactly. It’s a wedding. If the couple were both Lutherans, would you refuse their invitation? Would you refuse to attend a wedding in a synagogue? Or a civil marriage officiated by a judge or a county clerk?

Will the couple be offended if you opt out of Holy Communion, quietly and without making a fuss about it? I don’t think so.
 
Good thoughts and thanks for the responses. As Bartholomew says, we will decline communion and go on. But if someone asks, I will point out Christ’s teaching and Catholic catechism.
 
BartholomewB said:
My view exactly. It’s a wedding. If the couple were both Lutherans, would you refuse their invitation? Would you refuse to attend a wedding in a synagogue? Or a civil marriage officiated by a judge or a county clerk?.
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Those you describe above are valid marriages.

The one described by the OP is not.
 
BartholomewB said:
My view exactly. It’s a wedding. If the couple were both Lutherans, would you refuse their invitation? Would you refuse to attend a wedding in a synagogue? Or a civil marriage officiated by a judge or a county clerk?

Will the couple be offended if you opt out of Holy Communion, quietly and without making a fuss about it? I don’t think so.
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But it’s not a wedding. One person is already married.

So this is basically a celebration of adultry. We are morally obliged NOT to attend something like this.
 
Regina7 said:
But it’s not a wedding. One person is already married.

So this is basically a celebration of adultry. We are morally obliged NOT to attend something like this.
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It’s not a Catholic wedding. It’s still a wedding.

I asked the OP if she would go to the wedding if the couple were both Lutherans, or if it was a synagogue wedding, or if was a civil ceremony. If her answer is “No” in all three cases, then okay, then she obviously won’t want to go to this one either. But she is in doubt, isn’t she.
 
BartholomewB said:
It’s not a Catholic wedding. It’s still a wedding.

I asked the OP if she would go to the wedding if the couple were both Lutherans, or if it was a synagogue wedding, or if was a civil ceremony. If her answer is “No” in all three cases, then okay, then she obviously won’t want to go to this one either. But she is in doubt, isn’t she.
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How can it be a wedding if one person is already married?

Two (previously Unmarried) Lutherans getting married is still valid, even if it’s not in a Catholic Church. That is an example of a wedding that isn’t Catholic. What OP has described is adultry.
 
BartholomewB said:
It’s not a Catholic wedding. It’s still a wedding.

I asked the OP if she would go to the wedding if the couple were both Lutherans, or if it was a synagogue wedding, or if was a civil ceremony. If her answer is “No” in all three cases, then okay, then she obviously won’t want to go to this one either. But she is in doubt, isn’t she.
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What defines a “wedding”?
 
It’s not a valid wedding.

It doesn’t matter if it’s Catholic or not.

I’m pretty sure, out of all the weddings my husband and I have attended, our wedding was the only Catholic wedding.

Everyone else was married in a secular ceremony…but they were all valid marriages.

No one was Catholic and everyone was entering into their first marriage. So, valid within the Church.

This wedding the OP is describing is not valid because someone is already married.
 
You don’t need to give a reason. Just say “that doesn’t work for us”. (It doesn’t work for you to celebrate adultery. They don’t need to know that.)
 
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