For those interested, I finally cracked the code of the lyrics to “Hotel California”. It’s actually a moving story of one man’s conversion and entrance into the Catholic Church! Hopefully this definitively settles the debate.
Here’s how it breaks down (commentary is in green):
Hotel California
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
The narrator (N) was in darkness before the Lord found him. The chill of sin dominated N’s life.
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
“Colitas” referring, of course, to the smell of incense. This represents N’s first contact with the kerygma.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
The light of the Christ shines through the Church and beckons N towards conversion.
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
Weary from a life of sin, N (like the Prodigal Son) wants to come home (see also Matthew 11:28).
There she stood in the doorway;
“She” refers both to Mother Church and the Blessed Virgin Mary. The “doorway” signifies the passage from sin into the Christian life.
I heard the mission bell
The Church bell, of course.
And I was thinking to myself,
“This could be Heaven or this could be Hell”
Pssst…it’s Heaven.
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
That is Her role, after all: to point us to Jesus.
There were voices down the corridor,
The “voices” could be considered either the Communion of Saints or the Magisterium of the Church.
I thought I heard them say…
“Welcome to the Hotel California
AKA “Welcome to the Catholic Church!”
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Indeed!
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
“All are welcome! All are welcome!”
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here”
It’s never a bad time to become Catholic!
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
N reflects on those from his old life who are still entrenched in sin, both material sins and…ahem, other sins.
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
More reflection as N struggles to let go of his past life.
So I called up the Captain,
The Pope, and all the bishops and priests in union with him!
“Please bring me my wine”
N thinks he’s ready for his First Communion.
He said, “We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine”
1969. 1+9=10 and 6+9=15. Then, 10x15=150, which is the number of ”Hail Mary’s” in a rosary (at the time the song was written). It’s also the number of Psalms in the Old Testament. The priest here is giving N his penance for his first Confession: Pray the rosary and read the Psalms! Then N will be ready.
And still those voices are calling from far away,
As before.
Wake you up in the middle of the night
We are called to pray without ceasing, no matter the hour.
Just to hear them say…
“Welcome to the Hotel California
Again, “Welcome to the Catholic Church!”
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin’ it up at the Hotel California
“Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine, There’s always laughter and good red wine.”
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Indeed, it is!
Bring your alibis”
…to the Confessional to confess your sins!
Mirrors on the ceiling,
This is an obscure reference to medieval Church architecture.
The pink champagne on ice
This is a reference to Gaudete and Laetare Sundays where we look with joy to the coming liturgical feasts.
And she said “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device”
These are the words of N’s friends from outside the Hotel/Church, where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth.
And in the master’s chambers,
Heaven and the Throne of the Lamb!
They gathered for the feast
The Eucharistic banquet!
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast
This is shift in perspective back to the people outside the Hotel who try to demonize the Church. But, of course, the gates of hell will not prevail (cf. Matthew 16:18).
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
N is having second thoughts and is being tempted to return to his sinful way of life.
“Relax,” said the night man,
The “night man” is a priest (Night=black, which is the color of modern day clerical garb). This priest is telling N to take a deep breath and relax because we all encounter such temptations on our spiritual journey.
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!”
This, of course, refers to the indelible mark that Baptism leaves on our souls. Once we become a member of the Church, we will always be a member.