House Rules

[ack]

This is a good point…why doesn’t he drive back to school after dinner and work in a computer lab until he has all his work done? He would probably do better work in the lab anyway, because he’s not being distracted by everything that’s going on at home. If he doesn’t have access to the lab, could he talk to his advisor and his advisor could help him gain entry?

I am a recent college graduate, and having to leave the computer at night would have been impossible. Nowadays, you need a computer to do homework for almost every course (online readings, online homework submissions, etc.) Sometimes, homework takes much longer than you think it will, and it just isn’t possible to ensure that all homework will be done by a certain time in the evening.

If the computer is the only restrictive rule that is unreasonable you should deal. However, at age 20, if the computer is a rule in a long litnay of things that he can and cannot do then he needs to take initiative and be a man. Yes, he’s living at home, but he’s in college and at age 20 I assume he’s a junior or atleast a sophmore.
My question is why dosn’t he have his own computer? I have severe learning disabilities and having my laptop is a necessity for me, helping me to organize, record, research and use other programs. And although its not necessary for every student, it certinally is a handy tool.

I’m an independant college student, btw, and I earn every penny of my education myself. Its a VERY hard life to be on your own in college, and if your dad prefers people not to use HIS computer thats really his business.

Your dad dosn’t need to share his computer, and if this is the only thing your dad is restrictive about then its not that horrible. Computers are everywhere now. If its more than just the computer your brother really has to learn to be a man or he will be dependant on your parents until he’s 30.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

If the work can’t be done, then it is time for the student to talk with his father.

Certainly it is not time to ‘cheat’, and worse yet, attempt to justify the cheating as being the fault of the father. . .

 

[Reepicheep]

Is it safe to assume the parents are paying for his college? In which case they are simply cheating themselves. It is absolutely imperative for a full time college student to have access to a computer. This day/age, you cannot get work done without it, and yes, sometimes it is necessary to be working late into the night. A required ‘shut-of’ time is very unreasonable. Perhaps the parents didn’t go to college and don;t know what the OP’s brother is going through? He should definitely talk to them and show them syllabi of courses, etc. so they can understand.
Unless they want him working part time and living at home at 30, they need to help him through college. It is very very difficult, especially is you go to a higher-echelon school. If my parents weren’t helping me financially and most importantly emotionally, I would be doing horribly. And by not allowing him the facility of a computer on which to complete assignments, they are telling him that his success is not important to them.

eta: depending on courseload, a job can be very difficult for a full time student. My work-study position is for 12 hours a week at a job on campus, and even completing that is not possible at certain times during the semester for me.

Nuruns didn’t say his brother was denied the use of a computer. He said he was required to respect a curfew.

If the brother really needed the extra time to complete an assignment, he could have spoken to his father, asking for an exception.

Also, even if the brother is not at fault for not getting the assignment done, what are the likely conseauences? He loses a few points off his grade? Has to do some extra work?
What are the consequencs of breaking the rules, sneaking around, disobeying his parents, deceiving them?

 

[Fidelia]

I am a recent college graduate, and having to leave the computer at night would have been impossible. Nowadays, you need a computer to do homework for almost every course (online readings, online homework submissions, etc.) Sometimes, homework takes much longer than you think it will, and it just isn’t possible to ensure that all homework will be done by a certain time in the evening.

This is absolutely true and these things need to be unerstood by those parents. I am still wondering if they actually went to college themselves.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

It does not matter whether the parents went to college or not. What matters is that if the young man has a problem with the rules, he needs to speak to his father, not sneak around.

Or, as we Catholics have understood it, one may not ‘do evil’ (in this case, hacking the password and breaking the computer curfew against the father’s rule) in order to “do good” (complete an assignment.)

FWIW, I not only went to college myself back in the era of stone knives, bearskins, and not even word processor. . .

two of my children so far have gone on to college as well, and without ‘home computers’. And the oldest was valedictorian in her university.

 

[Meggie]

As time goes on computers are NEEDED. Many math classes now have online-only homework. You cannot submit your homework without internet and a computer.
This has been fairly recent, and the programs by some of the more popular book publishers just started in 2005. So, a class I took as a freshman with computer based homework now has computer mandated homework.
My roomate’s entire logic homework is only on the computer-thats 50% of her grade. Professors expect students to have a computer or else for them to put in the time at the 24hour lab.

It makes life easier for them becuase they don’t have to grade every point of an assignment and therefore are able to assign more rigiours homework thats more class-appropriate with online chats and other tools. Regardless, its becoming the rule rather than the exception and its different than even than a couple years ago.

 

[Fidelia]

Also, not all colleges do have 24-hour labs or libraries.

 

[ack]

Yeah, that’s the kind of class that I was talking about…however, I would guess that professors would refrain from assigning this kind of homework unless there was a computer lab available, somewhere on campus, for the students to finish it…I am a teaching assistant for a college class, and my students are required to submit a weekly assignment online. Labs are available for this, and the students have card access to the labs.

As time goes on computers are NEEDED. Many math classes now have online-only homework. You cannot submit your homework without internet and a computer.
This has been fairly recent, and the programs by some of the more popular book publishers just started in 2005. So, a class I took as a freshman with computer based homework now has computer mandated homework.
My roomate’s entire logic homework is only on the computer-thats 50% of her grade. Professors expect students to have a computer or else for them to put in the time at the 24hour lab.

It makes life easier for them becuase they don’t have to grade every point of an assignment and therefore are able to assign more rigiours homework thats more class-appropriate with online chats and other tools. Regardless, its becoming the rule rather than the exception and its different than even than a couple years ago.

 

[Eileen_T]

[QUOTEOriginally Posted by ack

I am a recent college graduate, and having to leave the computer at night would have been impossible. Nowadays, you need a computer to do homework for almost every course (online readings, online homework submissions, etc.) Sometimes, homework takes much longer than you think it will, and it just isn’t possible to ensure that all homework will be done by a certain time in the evening.

This is absolutely true and these things need to be unerstood by those parents. I am still wondering if they actually went to college themselves.
[/quote]

The point is not whether the parents went to college (we say Uni) because that is irrelevant.

At 20, this young man should be accepting responsibility for his actions and should have the maturity to deal with situations like this.

Instead, he is behaving like a sneaky kid. I was taught that if I wanted to be treated like an adult, I had to first start behaving like an adult. My children were taught the same lesson.

Now is where it gets tough, and believe me, I invented tough love long before it became popular…

Fidelia:

But the situation is not allowing for any choice at all. Either the student is helped through college by family, or he is completely on his own and who knows when or how he will get through college, and could very well end up living at home at 30 still paying off his bills.

I would expect my kids to have left home lonnnnng before they turned 30! The youngest is still with us and she is almost 18. I’m getting ready to push her out of the nest.

The more help he is given now the sooner he is an independent and productive member of society. It is the parents responsibility to try to insure that this can happen.

My eldest made it through 3 years of a double degree. He chucked in the last year because he found what he wanted to do with his life and a degree wouldn’t have made any difference. He is an international business consultant with a major Australasian bank, fast-tracked for success by the heirarchy because of his ability, not his academic qualifications.

I have 6 kids ranging from 30 to 17. At least 4 have IQs that come in + or - the genius range. The one with the highest IQ (No #3) was on track to become a heart surgeon when, following an accident, he chucked away years of a life goal and works in a timber mill while pursuing art. His siblings are in awe of his talent as well as his laid-back attitude to life. Oh yes, he is raising a family and despises material possessions just for the sake of possessing things.

My brother-in-law thinks my eldest daughter is wasting her life because she has chosen to be a SAHM. I left him in no doubt how proud of her I was because she had chosen the better path… family before money.

My youngest dropped out of school at 16 (15 really because she was truant so often). Like the rest of my kids she is a “gifted underachiever”. This is a relatively new label being used but it describes both my husband and myself.

It is people who are really, really intelligent in some ways, but who don’t fit into the “system” easily. Square pegs who don’t fit in round holes. Many of these go on to be entrepreneurs - and make millions, or invent light bulbs.

Here’s where it gets well nigh impossiblle!

In today’s world, college is much more necessary than a generation ago. It is not some arbitrary decision the student made to be able to live at home longer. It is a necessity for most careers, especially ones that would allow a person to live comfortably. As well as enter into a marriage and begin a family.

Maybe it is different in the USA.

 

[Eileen_T]

Many of my generation married with barely enough money to pay the next week’s rent. We didn’t have extravagent weddings (and we didn’t divorce when things got tough either).

We look back ,and compare notes, that would leave some of you trying to raise your chins off the floor.

Guess what? We took God at His word and put Him first in our lives, and left it to Him to figure out how the bills were going to be paid.

How radical is that? God Provides! He said He would and He keeps His word. Six kids on a single income. My husband was a motor mechanic. We moved to a rural town. Rents were lower but so were the wages. And food etc., cost more because of freight charges.

So what? I dug a garden that grew larger each year along with the kids and the size of our family.

When we married I was 19 and my husband was 21. Everyone kept telling me to go to University but I didn’t because I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. God wanted me to be a mother!

When I turned 40 we decided that I would go to Uni and get the qualifications necessary for me to earn enough for us to live comfortably. I was thinking about something in IT. We forgot to include God in the discussion.

Within a month my husband had been made redundant and could not find a job in the small town we lived in. I ended up working at 3 part-time menial jobs, rushing from one to the other.

A degree would have done me little good in that town, believe me. Eventually, I was approached with a job offer by someone who was aware of voluntary work I had been doing for years in the community.

One thing led to another (God provided) and now I am self-employed as a web developer/designer.

I didn’t need qualifications. God sent me in directions where I developed relationships with people who taught me what I needed to know. I love this!

I know many people with no academic qualifications and large families who have a good quality of life, and they all have one thing in common. They trust in God.

Nuruns - your brother needs to ask himself if he wants sympathy or respect. I taught my kids that they couldn’t have both. When I reminded them they would take a deep breath and stop whining.

 

[Fidelia]

Yeah, that’s the kind of class that I was talking about…however, I would guess that professors would refrain from assigning this kind of homework unless there was a computer lab available, somewhere on campus, for the students to finish it…I am a teaching assistant for a college class, and my students are required to submit a weekly assignment online. Labs are available for this, and the students have card access to the labs.

Not all profs are that considerate.