Housing question with 7 year old

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Hi there. Many of you know my story. But I have quick question.

I’m considering backing out of a lease my husband roped us into. I think I found an out.

Here’s my question. I have 7 year old son. I don’t see him enough because of work. I try to get home on dinner break to spend at least half hour with him.

As for housing… Choices.
  1. house about 20 min away in traffic. Very small. And gloomy. Nice yard. Close to son’s school.
  2. Condo (very pretty) near wooded trails. Tennis court. No “yard”. About 5-10 min from my work … For dinner break traffic. About 10-15 min drive to son’s school in am.
What would you chose if they were close in price?
 
I would probably chose the condo. I grew up in apartments/condo’s and my parents were not home owners until I was much older. I also grew up in a large metropolitan area so that may have made a difference. Even people with houses have very little yard space. I also wouldn’t have wanted to grow up in a gloomy house. Please consider how environment can effect mood, both yours and your son. Also seems like the condo makes seeing him on work breaks a bit more doable.
 
Obviously the condo,
Your son is 7 … Hopefully there is perhaps a team sport close by that he can participate in,
Good luck,
 
Condo. Also consider that while you will have to pay condo fees, the outside maintence (and some inside work) will be taken care of by the condo association. Considering how difficult it has been to get repairs and work done, I think having that benefit is important.

Does the condo include any kind of exercise room, communal activities, etc? Usually they do and that could also be a benefit.

Does your son go to public school? If so, check to see which school the condo or house is zoned for. A 10 or 15 minute drive could definately put you in a different elementary school. If he currently goes to private school, still find out about the local public school. That may be an option you like and could save tuition.
 
Thank you for your feedback.

My husband is really against anything other than this house so I have a real fight on my hands. I would have to find a replacement tenant because he will not even attempt to do so.

I just went and looked at the condo. It’s very, very nice although smaller… When it comes to STORAGE…Not much closet space etc. it would not have much for our son, but it does have tennis court trails and pool for the summer!

If I changed his school … Husband is completely against it. Even though it would be an even better public school.

So really this comes down to me pushing for this … And also finding replacement tenant for the small dark home hubby signed lease on. Btw I am not on it. But we are in community property state.
 
mega1 said:
Thank you for your feedback.

My husband is really against anything other than this house so I have a real fight on my hands. I would have to find a replacement tenant because he will not even attempt to do so.

I just went and looked at the condo. It’s very, very nice although smaller… When it comes to STORAGE…Not much closet space etc. it would not have much for our son, but it does have tennis court trails and pool for the summer!

**If I changed his school … Husband is completely against it. Even though it would be an even better public school. **

So really this comes down to me pushing for this … And also finding replacement tenant for the small dark home hubby signed lease on. Btw I am not on it. But we are in community property state.
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You may not have a choice if your son is currently in public school. Once you move outside a school’s boundries, you have to have a very compelling reason to stay at the old school. A quick call to your current school (or check on the school district website) will tell you which schools go with the house or the condo.

If you don’t like the house than you better get a move on finding a new tenant (or buying out of the lease if possible). You don’t want to find yourself with 3 leases - or none!
 
I know. Hubby is against school change … But the middle school he’s zoned to now is awful. So even if we stayed in same district he would have to leave at some point.

I wanted son to go back to private school (family offering to pay) but hubby gets very upset when I insist on this. Of course son chimes in and cries and says he doesn’t want to change schools. Last I heard we are his parents and should be deciding. Right?
 
If you have a lease already for the small house and the rent level is OK, go ahead and stick with the house. That’s not what I would suggest if you hadn’t signed anything, but your husband has signed a lease for this. If you can’t afford the small house, try to get out of the lease.

Tell your husband that if he signs any more serious financial stuff without getting your buy-in, it will be separation time. If he wants to make major financial decisions all by himself, he can live all by himself. You guys need to set a dollar amount beyond which all decision-making needs to be cleared in advance with the other (for instance $50 or $100). We do not sign 2-year apartment leases (which is a five figure financial decision) without getting approval from our spouses if we want to stay married.

mega1 said:

“I know. Hubby is against school change … But the middle school he’s zoned to now is awful. So even if we stayed in same district he would have to leave at some point.”

Middle school is years from now. Don’t worry about it. Any number of things could happen between now and then.

“I wanted son to go back to private school (family offering to pay) but hubby gets very upset when I insist on this. Of course son chimes in and cries and says he doesn’t want to change schools. Last I heard we are his parents and should be deciding. Right?”

You shouldn’t be discussing this stuff in front of your son. You and your husband need to make a decision and then announce it to him. If you aren’t quite sure, you can get (name removed by moderator)ut from him, but he should not be exposed to your actual decision-making process if there is a major disagreement.

Given your financial situation, I don’t think private school is a good idea right now. If you send your son to private school with family help and then the family help dries up, what then? You have to either pull him out again and be the bad guy or else pay for it with money you don’t have. Your husband is right about this.
 
Well, the condo that I proposed would end up being cheaper. But, it requires a lot of downsizing. Not as much storage etc…even though it does include a 2 car garage.

I personally think the condo would be good for us…except for the fact that our son would not have the ability to go outside an play in the yard…like he has in the past.

The small house that he signed a lease on is not bad when the lights are on, but it’s literally like a cave if all the lights are off. I just KNOW that with that…and the fact that there is only one bathroom – we are going to want to move yet again. I personally think it makes more sense to take the chance and find something else quick (condo) and just move once! I don’t want to have to do this all over again…

But, yes, it would require me driving our son to his current school to finish out the rest of the year and NEXT year he would have to switch schools (public or private) but the public for the condo is even better than the one he attends now…which is also an excellent school.

I just want stability. All of this jockeying around isn’t good for any of us…and it’s certainly making me scared that I am losing my mind! Hard to work and manage all of this…

Also, I am dealing with other fall out effects of bankruptcy. I would REALLY like to just get into a no maintence condo kind of deal for awhile…and get re-established…married or not.

However, today my husband texted me and told me no matter how crazy our lives are…he’s very grateful that he has me as his best friend and wife…to get through it all with…He told me he loved me very much and just wants to see me happy.
 
mega1 said:
Well, the condo that I proposed would end up being cheaper. But, it requires a lot of downsizing. Not as much storage etc…even though it does include a 2 car garage.

I personally think the condo would be good for us…except for the fact that our son would not have the ability to go outside an play in the yard…like he has in the past.

The small house that he signed a lease on is not bad when the lights are on, but it’s literally like a cave if all the lights are off. I just KNOW that with that…and the fact that there is only one bathroom – we are going to want to move yet again. I personally think it makes more sense to take the chance and find something else quick (condo) and just move once! I don’t want to have to do this all over again…

But, yes, it would require me driving our son to his current school to finish out the rest of the year and NEXT year he would have to switch schools (public or private) but the public for the condo is even better than the one he attends now…which is also an excellent school.

I just want stability. All of this jockeying around isn’t good for any of us…and it’s certainly making me scared that I am losing my mind! Hard to work and manage all of this…

Also, I am dealing with other fall out effects of bankruptcy. I would REALLY like to just get into a no maintence condo kind of deal for awhile…and get re-established…married or not.

However, today my husband texted me and told me no matter how crazy our lives are…he’s very grateful that he has me as his best friend and wife…to get through it all with…He told me he loved me very much and just wants to see me happy.
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I think these aren’t questions that people on the Internet can answer. the problem as I see it is that you and your husband are not able to work together to make decisions, leading to difficulty since each of you seems to want to change each other’s decisions. I think you need to talk this out with someone else.
 
lapislazuli said:
I think these aren’t questions that people on the Internet can answer. the problem as I see it is that you and your husband are not able to work together to make decisions, leading to difficulty since each of you seems to want to change each other’s decisions. I think you need to talk this out with someone else.
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Yep! This is it.
 
I don’t think I really have a choice. He’s now insisting that he’s not allowing “us” to move elsewhere. He says it’s too late. The move is scheduled (again while he’s at work) and we don’t have a replacement tenant. He isn’t willing to take a risk and wait to see if someone comes along to rent this “dark house”.

So…I have one choice…unless I chose to leave my husband. But, I suppose …it’s not really his fault. I could have stopped him from signing the lease on the house I don’t like. I told him I didn’t want to move there - but I didn’t prevent him from signing it.

I could move into the condo on my own. But, he has no real income – so in a community property state – the lease would become my problem. So, once again – I have no choice.

He said he wanted to do anything he could to make me happy…so when I called and told him I wanted to do the condo and figure out a way to make that happen…he said that wasn’t possible.

If I want to keep my family together over the holidays-- I have to move into a house I hate… and deal with it.
Xantippe said:
If you have a lease already for the small house and the rent level is OK, go ahead and stick with the house. That’s not what I would suggest if you hadn’t signed anything, but your husband has signed a lease for this. If you can’t afford the small house, try to get out of the lease.

Tell your husband that if he signs any more serious financial stuff without getting your buy-in, it will be separation time. If he wants to make major financial decisions all by himself, he can live all by himself. You guys need to set a dollar amount beyond which all decision-making needs to be cleared in advance with the other (for instance $50 or $100). We do not sign 2-year apartment leases (which is a five figure financial decision) without getting approval from our spouses if we want to stay married.

mega1 said:

“I know. Hubby is against school change … But the middle school he’s zoned to now is awful. So even if we stayed in same district he would have to leave at some point.”

Middle school is years from now. Don’t worry about it. Any number of things could happen between now and then.

“I wanted son to go back to private school (family offering to pay) but hubby gets very upset when I insist on this. Of course son chimes in and cries and says he doesn’t want to change schools. Last I heard we are his parents and should be deciding. Right?”

You shouldn’t be discussing this stuff in front of your son. You and your husband need to make a decision and then announce it to him. If you aren’t quite sure, you can get (name removed by moderator)ut from him, but he should not be exposed to your actual decision-making process if there is a major disagreement.

Given your financial situation, I don’t think private school is a good idea right now. If you send your son to private school with family help and then the family help dries up, what then? You have to either pull him out again and be the bad guy or else pay for it with money you don’t have. Your husband is right about this.
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Keep the lights on in the house. Get a few new lamps and some of those crazy (but long-lasting) compact floresent bulbs and leave a few lights on all the time. :newidea:

I agree with the others that say you and dh need to stop contradicting each other. It’s beginning to sound like you both are doing it on purpose.Go back to therapy - either together or alone - and figure out a way to communicate clearly.

May your Advent and Christmas season in your new home be blessed.
 
So my husband had agreed that if I could find a replacement tenant for the dark dismal house before we moved in this weekend, we could find another place. So I did get a replacement. The guy applied with landlord.

In the meantime my husband looked at 2 properties and shot the condo down. So I said them we can go to xyz house? He said “see if we can still get it”. So I did and the realtor said… Yes but you have to be legit this time. I said no problem!

Went to talk to my husband this am and he said “he’s not comfortable” with abandoning the dark house until everything is all completed. I told him we got the go ahead and we are fine.

He now says he “doesn’t know what to tell me”. I said I need to know NOW how you feel about this because I can’t keep hanging people out to dry. He said “he can’t answer that right now” and only “he has concerns”.

I said you need to tell me now where you want to live. He said “I’ll call you back”.

I’m going to scream. This is insane, right?

He can’t make a decision to save his life. I’ve asked and asked and asked.

What do I do? If I say we are moving to the house we BOTH agreed on…He’s going to say its my fault if anything goes wrong.
 
mega1 said:
So my husband had agreed that if I could find a replacement tenant for the dark dismal house before we moved in this weekend, we could find another place. So I did get a replacement. The guy applied with landlord.

In the meantime my husband looked at 2 properties and shot the condo down. So I said them we can go to xyz house? He said “see if we can still get it”. So I did and the realtor said… Yes but you have to be legit this time. I said no problem!

Went to talk to my husband this am and he said “he’s not comfortable” with abandoning the dark house until everything is all completed. I told him we got the go ahead and we are fine.

He now says he “doesn’t know what to tell me”. I said I need to know NOW how you feel about this because I can’t keep hanging people out to dry. He said “he can’t answer that right now” and only “he has concerns”.

I said you need to tell me now where you want to live. He said “I’ll call you back”.

I’m going to scream. This is insane, right?

He can’t make a decision to save his life. I’ve asked and asked and asked.

What do I do? If I say we are moving to the house we BOTH agreed on…He’s going to say its my fault if anything goes wrong.
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Once he said “if we can still get it” you should have taken that for a yes and moved the whole process ahead. He has no issues making decisions without you. You don’t seem to want to take responsibility for making a decision when given the chance.

You don’t trust his decision making ability (with reason it seems), so take advantage of the opportunity to make a decision yourself. It is Thanksgiving tomorrow. If you don’t get things settled today, you may not be able to move this weekend anyway.
 
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