How am I supposed to find a Catholic girl I'm attracted to?

[UbiCaritas]

I used to have a “list”, you know, “smart, sense of humour (or at least understands mine), worth ethic, pro-life, God fearing, good Catholic” then i realised, the world doesnt’ work like that.

I’ve met a guy who ticked all the boxes, but it turned out he was a bit of a coward when it came to being honest.

I met another chap who was a good Christian guy, and was keen on marrying me (he decided this after one coffee and one week of emails. >_< ’ ) But then his anti-catholicism showed.

Then I met another guy, a Catholic, educated, et al, again, all the boxes, bar one - he was a filthy pervert who after two coffee’s was demanding sex. Um, no.

The way I look at it now, is God has the right fella out there for me if I’m meant for this vocation, and knowing God’s sense of humour when it comes to me, its probably some guy who’s a non-Catholic christian with no sense of humour and drives a Ford.

But then with that said, I think a lot of Catholic guys need to own the situation, it ticks me off a bit when I hear some Catholic men go on about how women need to look one way or have this particular hair colour or be this particular bra size. Looks should be at the bottom of your list! I certainly wouldn’t date/court a man who was interested only in my appearance.

I met a “catholic” in a public place from an online dating site, and the first thing is, “I thought your [slang for mammary glands] would be bigger”. -_-’

I stopped actively looking after that gem.

vera dicere, not to hijack, but good gad! Suddenly I realize how very fortunate I’ve been; the only guy I dated for more than the first date was a perfect gentleman who would have sooner started a Sacrifice Small Animals to the Moon Goddess club than commented on my bra size. (I should in fairness add that the former was rather highly unlikely, as he was a say-a-nightly-Rosary type.)

(Furthermore, if someone made such a remark to ME over coffee, he’d probably find himself wearing his coffee–not mine, I wouldn’t waste my coffee like that!–in about two seconds flat.)

 

[Cat]

I advice you to strongly consider enlisting in the military, it will teach you confidence and self reliance, two things you seem to desperately need and will also provide you with a huge number of new skills and interests as well as force you to make new friends.

youtube.com/watch?v=GlzdZqSVbJ4

If the poster is diagnosed with a mental illness (e.g., clinical depression), he will be rejected by the military for good reasons.

 

[Norseman82]

It seems like among all the “internet diagnoses” from all the amateur cyber-psychologists I have seen here (you’re not ready; you need to work on yourself first; you need to join the military), the one that I have not seen is something that Mary Beth Bonacci wrote: the dating pool is poisoned. And as a 46-year old single male, I agree with that. And until we Catholics (both leaders in ministry and hierarchy, as well as us ordinary laypeople) get that fact through our heads, we will never make any progress in this area.

Here is the article:

4marks.com/articles/details.html?article_id=437

I will say this much: you are 21, so you are still young (compared to some of us).

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

If the poster is diagnosed with a mental illness (e.g., clinical depression), he will be rejected by the military for good reasons.

You are just assuming he has a mental illness, sounds to me like he is just sad and the best cure for that is to do something positive that will give him a renewed sense of purpose.

 

[mjs1987]

Catholic? Almost certainly, as I’ve known exactly one interfaith marriage (in which the children were raised strictly Catholic) that has both worked out well and has produced solidly Catholic children…and the dad converted around ten years into the marriage. And by Catholic (can’t believe that I have to specify this), I do mean someone who’s in agreement with the Church vis-a-vis NFP, no artificial birth control, no premarital sex, etc, etc, etc. Indeed, I want someone who is already very strong in his faith because part of the vocation of a husband and father, I believe, is to be something of a priest in his own home: he leads the family in worship and to God. On the other hand, I believe that a wife and mother needs to teach her children to have a spiritual life…so I try to prepare myself spiritually to do that. I pray every night to the Blessed Mother, spend time (if not so much time as I ought) in Adoration, and read books about the vocation of a wife and mother. (For anyone interested, I can’t recommend enough von Hildebrand’s “By Love Refined” and Genevieve Kineke’s “The Authentic Catholic Woman”.)

Finally, there is the question of finances. I’m not looking for a millionaire, nor even someone particularly wealthy. I am, however, looking to marry someone with a steady income that will be sufficient to have us live in a safe area, drive a reliable (not brand new, not a Porsche, just reliable) car or two, and not be worried from week to week about a paycheck. It isn’t responsible, to my way of thinking, to start a family if there isn’t a way of providing the basics for them…and in this Church, marriage generally does lead to a family. In my case, I keep my credit card balance low or non-existent, as I don’t want to enter a marriage and burden someone with debt.

Finally, before you seek a spouse, make sure you’re in a position to start a family in a couple of years. If you’re in your last year or two of college, are spiritually and mentally fit, and know that upon graduation you could expect to have a steady job with sufficient income for a family, it sounds to me like an excellent time to look into finding a wife.

These are excellent points. Ive known very few marriages that end up successful AND with kids that are strong in the faith where both parents dont follow the faith. Faith is extremely important. Even though it feels charitable and loving to go for a non-Catholic, a conservative approach to marriage is the best because we get only one chance at marriage as Catholics and we have to make sure we find a partner that will stay with us and support a family. I think a good woman is one that teaches spiritual life because woman tend to be stronger in that part of faith. A man needs to lead by example. Men teach their kids by actions. The two are meant to compliment each other.

Finances are a very big part. My belief is that a financially sound wife that has as little debt as possible is a smart choice from a financial perspective. It puts the marriage on a good foot from the beginning. If she worked hard to put herself through school to avoid large debt that is even better since that work ethic will be vital in marriage and it is a trait that kids will have. I think there is good debt which is student debt, within reason. College is an investment in the future. As long as the debt is less than 30-40K from college I think it is a good investment since your earning power will likely be able to pay off loans within a reasonable amount of time. A financially sound husband is vital since you have to know how to best use the money you make to provide for a family. Its not just budgets but also investments.

Lastly, I am in the position right now where I am ready to start finding my spouse. I graduate from college in just over a month. Then hopefully by the end of the year, early next year I would like to be in a steady career job. I am in a position where I think I can safely look for a spouse. Of course, things change in life but there is a point where you know you are ready. The most difficult part of being ready is maturity. Basing relationships entirely on physical attraction is not the most mature thing. This is something you will grow out of in time but is very normal for your age. You dont need to settle for less just yet or even be serious. Ive never been serious yet and I am thankful I havent been. It is hard to get through the early years of college with a serious relationship. A girl in the first few years of college is an anchor to a guy. It prevents you from keeping options open such as transferring if you find that you are better suited by another university. Dont worry about finding a wife or girlfriend. Have fun! College is the time where you can watch all the sports games, movies and sitcoms you want without a wife and kids (and job) that takes up almost all of your time.

 

[UbiCaritas]

It seems like among all the “internet diagnoses” from all the amateur cyber-psychologists I have seen here (you’re not ready; you need to work on yourself first; you need to join the military), the one that I have not seen is something that Mary Beth Bonacci wrote: the dating pool is poisoned. And as a 46-year old single male, I agree with that. And until we Catholics (both leaders in ministry and hierarchy, as well as us ordinary laypeople) get that fact through our heads, we will never make any progress in this area.

Here is the article:

4marks.com/articles/details.html?article_id=437

I will say this much: you are 21, so you are still young (compared to some of us).

If your point is that there is a serious problem with the people who are available (never mind ready) to date…oh, no doubt there. Look at vera dicere’s post about her experiences…and she isn’t alone. There’s such an incredible lack of civility, respect, priorities…it boggles the mind. Sixty years ago, there were a LOT more young people whose priorities included getting married and raising a good Catholic family that would become good citizens and so forth. Nowadays, it’s rare for me to be treated like a lady, though I admit that here in the South it’s a bit better than in many areas of the country. I work in customer service, and while I dress quite modestly and professionally I have been the subject of some amazingly crude remarks by customers who seem to think that such comments are perfectly acceptable and can’t understand why I am disgusted.

That having been said, several things that the OP has said would give me pause if I were considering dating him right now, and I think that’s reasonable.

(Insofar as your link, a single life is most certainly a valid vocation. It offers a type of giving that those in marriage are restricted from doing. As a single woman I can, at the moment, run off to give someone a ride to church, take care of a friend’s baby, prepare food for church potlucks or someone who could use a homecooked meal, etc at the drop of a hat. If I were married with ten kids, it would be much harder to do those things as much or as spontaneously.)

 

[Bataar]

It seems like among all the “internet diagnoses” from all the amateur cyber-psychologists I have seen here (you’re not ready; you need to work on yourself first; you need to join the military), the one that I have not seen is something that Mary Beth Bonacci wrote: the dating pool is poisoned. And as a 46-year old single male, I agree with that. And until we Catholics (both leaders in ministry and hierarchy, as well as us ordinary laypeople) get that fact through our heads, we will never make any progress in this area.

Here is the article:

4marks.com/articles/details.html?article_id=437

I will say this much: you are 21, so you are still young (compared to some of us).

That article was interesting but definitely not inspiring or anything. I get so tired of the “singles can turn to God” option. Unfortunately, God just doesn’t respond. In any way. Ever. No matter how much I have prayed for direction, guidance, to know God’s will, etc etc, nothing has changed. God isn’t someone you can have a conversation with because a conversation requires two way communication. God isn’t someone you can share a hobby with or do any kind of shared interaction with. God isn’t someone who will give you a shoulder massage when you get home from work and are tired and sore. After years and years and yes even more years of that kind of lack of response from God sort of inclines one to stop going to Him.

 

[Young_Thinker]

If the poster is diagnosed with a mental illness (e.g., clinical depression), he will be rejected by the military for good reasons.

Not if he obtains a medical waiver.

 

[Young_Thinker]

Hamburglar, here’s a wild thought for you…

Have you ever considered that maybe your vocation is to the religious life? This problem you’re having could be God’s way of telling you that He has other plans for you.

Don’t let yourself be driven by hormones, either. (Very common for young men your age considering the constant sexual things in our society: TV, movies, magazines, newspapers, music, billboards, etc.) If God has other plans for you, and you decide to do your own thing instead, you’ll never be truly happy in this life.

I obviously do not know what he is thinking now, but the original poster mentions a possible calling to the priesthood in his profile.

 

[UbiCaritas]

These are excellent points. Ive known very few marriages that end up successful AND with kids that are strong in the faith where both parents dont follow the faith. Faith is extremely important. Even though it feels charitable and loving to go for a non-Catholic, a conservative approach to marriage is the best because we get only one chance at marriage as Catholics and we have to make sure we find a partner that will stay with us and support a family. I think a good woman is one that teaches spiritual life because woman tend to be stronger in that part of faith. A man needs to lead by example. Men teach their kids by actions. The two are meant to compliment each other.

Finances are a very big part. My belief is that a financially sound wife that has as little debt as possible is a smart choice from a financial perspective. It puts the marriage on a good foot from the beginning. If she worked hard to put herself through school to avoid large debt that is even better since that work ethic will be vital in marriage and it is a trait that kids will have. I think there is good debt which is student debt, within reason. College is an investment in the future. As long as the debt is less than 30-40K from college I think it is a good investment since your earning power will likely be able to pay off loans within a reasonable amount of time. A financially sound husband is vital since you have to know how to best use the money you make to provide for a family. Its not just budgets but also investments.

Lastly, I am in the position right now where I am ready to start finding my spouse. I graduate from college in just over a month. Then hopefully by the end of the year, early next year I would like to be in a steady career job. I am in a position where I think I can safely look for a spouse. Of course, things change in life but there is a point where you know you are ready. The most difficult part of being ready is maturity. Basing relationships entirely on physical attraction is not the most mature thing. This is something you will grow out of in time but is very normal for your age. You dont need to settle for less just yet or even be serious. Ive never been serious yet and I am thankful I havent been. It is hard to get through the early years of college with a serious relationship. A girl in the first few years of college is an anchor to a guy. It prevents you from keeping options open such as transferring if you find that you are better suited by another university. Dont worry about finding a wife or girlfriend. Have fun! College is the time where you can watch all the sports games, movies and sitcoms you want without a wife and kids (and job) that takes up almost all of your time.

Exactly! Going through college without a steady boyfriend has meant that I have the time and emotional energy to make friends and spend time developing THOSE relationships…not to mention just plain having fun! I’ve been able to move across the country and transfer from one school to another without having to either break off a serious relationship or try to maintain it long-distance. (That last isn’t impossible, but it’s certainly difficult.) I have two good friends (women) who are in dedicated relationships: one is married, one is engaged. We’re all still close, but an exclusive dating relationship does take up a lot of time and energy–which it should, don’t get me wrong, but having a good friend base before such a relationship makes a lot of things easier, I think.

I should add that I do have some college debt, but less than it might have been, as I’ve worked 2 jobs almost all the time I’ve been in school to keep the debt as low as possible. And yes, I view the debt as “worth it.” There simply wasn’t a way for me to get my degree without it. Of course, I wouldn’t mind paying off most or all of my student loans before I get married, but if I don’t it isn’t like it’s a mountain of credit card debt, know what I mean?

 

[Norseman82]

Yes, I did read vera dicere’s post. I just posted what I did to reinforce the fact that what is out there in the dating world today makes a practicing Catholic want to vomit.

(Insofar as your link, a single life is most certainly a valid vocation. It offers a type of giving that those in marriage are restricted from doing. As a single woman I can, at the moment, run off to give someone a ride to church, take care of a friend’s baby, prepare food for church potlucks or someone who could use a homecooked meal, etc at the drop of a hat. If I were married with ten kids, it would be much harder to do those things as much or as spontaneously.)

That does not make “single” a vocation.

Also, when you read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, only two “state of life” vocations are mentioned: marriage and “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, which is furtehr clarified as “priestly ministry” and “consecrated life”.

And from what I’ve seen, promoting a false “single vocation” only makes it more difficult to find a compatible Catholic spouse, since we are encouraging people to “take themselves off the market” when instead we need to encourage people to get out and make themselves known and available for their fellow Catholics so that they don’t look outside the Church and in so risk their souls.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Yes, I did read vera dicere’s post. I just posted what I did to reinforce the fact that what is out there in the dating world today makes a practicing Catholic want to vomit.

That does not make “single” a vocation.

Also, when you read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, only two “state of life” vocations are mentioned: marriage and “virginity for the sake of the kingdom”, which is furtehr clarified as “priestly ministry” and “consecrated life”.

And from what I’ve seen, promoting a false “single vocation” only makes it more difficult to find a compatible Catholic spouse, since we are encouraging people to “take themselves off the market” when instead we need to encourage people to get out and make themselves known and available for their fellow Catholics so that they don’t look outside the Church and in so risk their souls.

My point certainly wasn’t to encourage someone not to be open to marriage, if that’s what they’re called to do. Sadly, not everyone will meet their ideal spouse, and that doesn’t mean (necessarily) that they are called to a religious life. Some people are just not compatible with marriage or with community (religious, that is) life. Surely at your church (every church I’ve ever attended had at least a few!) there are some older and single men and women who just never met Miss or Mr. Right, but who are able to give of themselves more to their parish community than those in a married state? For that matter, as I understand it, those individuals with same-sex attractions have been told specifically that they are called to live a chaste single life. (Of course, I’m not saying that everyone who is unmarried but not pursuing a religious vocation has same-sex attraction; I just use it as an example.) I do not believe that someone who doesn’t have a firm call to either marriage or the religious life should attempt either one. In an ideal world, perhaps there would be a Miss/Mr. Right for every Catholic (whether that person is Jesus, Mary, or a spouse), but in the world we live in, I don’t know that everyone will. Sad, but true.

On the other hand, I do think that if a person has a vocation to marriage then the right spouse will come along if that person makes him/her self entirely open to God’s will in that regard. Too, I think a greater emphasis on discerning and following one’s vocation should be placed on young people. The concept of each person having a vocation (whatever that vocation might be) wasn’t really explained to me until a year or two ago…and I have attended either Traditional or fairly conservative churches all my life. With a greater emphasis on discerning and following vocations, the dating pool–in Catholic circles, at least–will eventually clear from its currently muddy state. (This would probably take a generation or two to really take place, but I’m seeing some improvement just in the last few years, and overall one can look at the last decade and see definite improvement.)

 

[Norseman82]

My point certainly wasn’t to encourage someone not to be open to marriage, if that’s what they’re called to do. Sadly, not everyone will meet their ideal spouse, and that doesn’t mean (necessarily) that they are called to a religious life. Some people are just not compatible with marriage or with community (religious, that is) life. Surely at your church (every church I’ve ever attended had at least a few!) there are some older and single men and women who just never met Miss or Mr. Right, but who are able to give of themselves more to their parish community than those in a married state? For that matter, as I understand it, those individuals with same-sex attractions have been told specifically that they are called to live a chaste single life. (Of course, I’m not saying that everyone who is unmarried but not pursuing a religious vocation has same-sex attraction; I just use it as an example.) I do not believe that someone who doesn’t have a firm call to either marriage or the religious life should attempt either one. In an ideal world, perhaps there would be a Miss/Mr. Right for every Catholic (whether that person is Jesus, Mary, or a spouse), but in the world we live in, I don’t know that everyone will. Sad, but true.

First, just because someone doesn’t find a spouse does not necessarily prove thatthey have the vocation to be single.

Second, all people are called to chastity in their state of life, not just those with SSA.

On the other hand, I do think that if a person has a vocation to marriage then the right spouse will come along if that person makes him/her self entirely open to God’s will in that regard. Too, I think a greater emphasis on discerning and following one’s vocation should be placed on young people. The concept of each person having a vocation (whatever that vocation might be) wasn’t really explained to me until a year or two ago…and I have attended either Traditional or fairly conservative churches all my life. With a greater emphasis on discerning and following vocations, the dating pool–in Catholic circles, at least–will eventually clear from its currently muddy state. (This would probably take a generation or two to really take place, but I’m seeing some improvement just in the last few years, and overall one can look at the last decade and see definite improvement.)

I agree that authentic vocatonal discernment needs to be emphasized more. Unfortunately, a lot of singles ministries and talks are geared to middle-aged divorced women, and leaving younger people - especially males - out in the cold or trying to turn them into old ladies. Not much about how the vocation to marriage is written into our very nature, and that the discernment is whether one has a call other than to marriage, as well as discussion as to what one is eligible for and what one can handle (the big question being can one handle lifelong celibacy). Instead, one gets the impression that they need to sit on the couch and wait for God to call them on the phone with detailed instructions or that their spouse will be beamed down into their driveway.

Unfortunately, some of us don’t have “a generation or two” to wait for the Catholic world to clear from its muddy state.

 

[hamburglar]

This post is mostly to clarify things that have been raised:

To clear up the mental illness issue, I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, social anxiety, and Tourette Syndrome. I am on medication for these.The Tourette Syndrome, a neurological disorder, would likely prevent me from entering the military.

My freshman year of college, I was sure I wanted to be a priest. I wasn’t interested in dating at all. However, I soon realized I hadn’t tried aligning my will with God’s will, and I had to be open to marriage.

Then I started dating a girl the beginning of sophomore year, and that changed me. I began to do pro-life work and saw how beautiful children were and I could finally see myself as a husband and father, and had an immense desire to please God in the vocation of marriage. My girlfriend and I both thought it was God’s will to get married. We weren’t going to rush into marriage because we wanted to get out of school and be financially stable so we could start a family. I will have no debt when I graduate, but she will.

Unfortunately, she broke up with me and she wants to do with me now. I put so much into that relationship and I had truly thought I was doing God’s will. I had such a strong faith life, was happy (both in my own personal life and pleasing my girlfriend), had good grades, was energetic, had friends, just happy to be alive. It’s so hard for me to go from what was such a good life, to here being lost and confused what God’s will is.

 

[Rascalking]

This post is mostly to clarify things that have been raised:

To clear up the mental illness issue, I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, social anxiety, and Tourette Syndrome. I am on medication for these.The Tourette Syndrome, a neurological disorder, would likely prevent me from entering the military.

My freshman year of college, I was sure I wanted to be a priest. I wasn’t interested in dating at all. However, I soon realized I hadn’t tried aligning my will with God’s will, and I had to be open to marriage.

Then I started dating a girl the beginning of sophomore year, and that changed me. I began to do pro-life work and saw how beautiful children were and I could finally see myself as a husband and father, and had an immense desire to please God in the vocation of marriage. My girlfriend and I both thought it was God’s will to get married. We weren’t going to rush into marriage because we wanted to get out of school and be financially stable so we could start a family. I will have no debt when I graduate, but she will.

Unfortunately, she broke up with me and she wants to do with me now. I put so much into that relationship and I had truly thought I was doing God’s will. I had such a strong faith life, was happy (both in my own personal life and pleasing my girlfriend), had good grades, was energetic, had friends, just happy to be alive. It’s so hard for me to go from what was such a good life, to here being lost and confused what God’s will is.

You might be thinking about things too hard. Go with the flow and relax.

All of us are, at times, lost and confused with what God wants from us. Your very young~try to have some fun, lay back, and relax.

 

[Neal]

OP,

I’m here for ya man, I know how it is, I’ve had my heart trampled on before. I don’t know you, so I can’t say if you need any kind of counselling or not, but I do have some advice

1. Pray pray pray and then pray some more.
2. Give time over to the Church, not because you are hoping to meet a cute girl there (thought that would be nice) but you have to put things in the right priority. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God! “What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish?” (Lk 11:11). My point is that God loves you enough to die for you, if you ask for a wife, and its your vocation to get married, God will give you one, in His own time and when you are ready.
3. Never loose hope, you are quite young. Look, I’m 27 years old, I had a girlfriend in college that broke my heart, it took a while to get better. I tried a religious vocation but that didn’t work out either, now I have found a good Catholic girl. My point is that you have time, don’t worry too much. Remember the words of our Lord, tomorrow will take care of itself. You worry about getting closer to God and let him worry about finding you a woman, but don’t be passive in this, try online dating, go to parish single mixers and so forth, just don’t try to rush anything, trust in God.
4. If you still feel really depressed, talk to a doctor or your parish priest.

 

[missyfatcat]

This post is mostly to clarify things that have been raised:

To clear up the mental illness issue, I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, social anxiety, and Tourette Syndrome. I am on medication for these.The Tourette Syndrome, a neurological disorder, would likely prevent me from entering the military.

My freshman year of college, I was sure I wanted to be a priest. I wasn’t interested in dating at all. However, I soon realized I hadn’t tried aligning my will with God’s will, and I had to be open to marriage.

Then I started dating a girl the beginning of sophomore year, and that changed me. I began to do pro-life work and saw how beautiful children were and I could finally see myself as a husband and father, and had an immense desire to please God in the vocation of marriage. My girlfriend and I both thought it was God’s will to get married. We weren’t going to rush into marriage because we wanted to get out of school and be financially stable so we could start a family. I will have no debt when I graduate, but she will.

Unfortunately, she broke up with me and she wants to do with me now. I put so much into that relationship and I had truly thought I was doing God’s will. I had such a strong faith life, was happy (both in my own personal life and pleasing my girlfriend), had good grades, was energetic, had friends, just happy to be alive. It’s so hard for me to go from what was such a good life, to here being lost and confused what God’s will is.

How do you know you weren’t doing God’s will?? Maybe you were. You may not see it now, but later in life you may look back and see how those events led you elsewhere.

 

[missyfatcat]

First, just because someone doesn’t find a spouse does not necessarily prove thatthey have the vocation to be single.

Second, all people are called to chastity in their state of life, not just those with SSA.

I agree that authentic vocatonal discernment needs to be emphasized more. Unfortunately, a lot of singles ministries and talks are geared to middle-aged divorced women, and leaving younger people - especially males - out in the cold or trying to turn them into old ladies. Not much about how the vocation to marriage is written into our very nature, and that the discernment is whether one has a call other than to marriage, as well as discussion as to what one is eligible for and what one can handle (the big question being can one handle lifelong celibacy). Instead, one gets the impression that they need to sit on the couch and wait for God to call them on the phone with detailed instructions or that their spouse will be beamed down into their driveway.

Unfortunately, some of us don’t have “a generation or two” to wait for the Catholic world to clear from its muddy state.

That seems to have been my mother’s attitude. That God would just drop a good spouse on my door step.

Either I missed out or was going to the wrong parish, but I never saw or heard the church make any effort to help those trying to discern their vocation, except maybe for the priesthood. I think they wait until an engaged couple shows up at their door… then they try to educate them. I’ve seen youth ministries, senior citizens groups, groups for divorced/separated/widowed advertised in the church bulletins. And the few singles groups I was aware, were the exact same group of people from 20 years ago…I just began referring to them as “professionally single”.

I agree that many do not have a generation or two to wait for the Catholic world to clear from it’s muddy state.

 

[Ahimsa]

I’m extremely picky when it comes to women.

Stop being so picky.

 

[AlexaD]

This post is mostly to clarify things that have been raised:

To clear up the mental illness issue, I have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, social anxiety, and Tourette Syndrome. I am on medication for these.The Tourette Syndrome, a neurological disorder, would likely prevent me from entering the military.

My freshman year of college, I was sure I wanted to be a priest. I wasn’t interested in dating at all. However, I soon realized I hadn’t tried aligning my will with God’s will, and I had to be open to marriage.

Then I started dating a girl the beginning of sophomore year, and that changed me. I began to do pro-life work and saw how beautiful children were and I could finally see myself as a husband and father, and had an immense desire to please God in the vocation of marriage. My girlfriend and I both thought it was God’s will to get married. We weren’t going to rush into marriage because we wanted to get out of school and be financially stable so we could start a family. I will have no debt when I graduate, but she will.

Unfortunately, she broke up with me and she wants to do with me now. I put so much into that relationship and I had truly thought I was doing God’s will. I had such a strong faith life, was happy (both in my own personal life and pleasing my girlfriend), had good grades, was energetic, had friends, just happy to be alive. It’s so hard for me to go from what was such a good life, to here being lost and confused what God’s will is.

With respect, the girl is now gone for whatever reasons she had, and it is time for you to focus on the present and yourself, NOT on what you once had and how you felt then. A girl is not the end all for your happiness and your faith. You have to work on yourself and find things that make you happy and faith-filled as a single man. If you aren’t doing that, then that is something you need to work on. Keeping it real, you aren’t going to find anyone right now with your current state and attitude. Girls are attracted to guys who are confident in themselves on their own, not in guys who are looking for girls to make them happy.

I was getting to know a guy once and the only reason he was showing interest in me was because he was in a really bad situation at his job and he thought if he found a girlfriend, the girlfrriend could help him get out of his work situation. I mean, really? How do you think that made me feel? In your case, you seem to be seeking someone who can provide you with the happiness again you once felt with an old girlfriend, and not for what you can give her.

Have you sought advice from a professional counselor or a priest? I would advise you to do so and work on yourself before anything else. And one last point. If you are only looking for physical attraction in girls, you are missing the point. Sure, that’s a big thing for any relationship, but it’s not the only thing and attraction can come in many different forms…you could be attracted to someone’s spirit and faith moreso than their looks after getting to know them, so please do not disregard anyone in the future, when you’ve worked out your issues, just because they don’t meet your physical standards at first. Remember, we’re all going to change with age, including you. Just something to keep in mind. Good luck!