How are Catholics supposed to date?

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Belgarion said:
…Therefore the very actions you recommend are shown to be even more illogical.
Thanks for proving my point. …
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Sure. If you say so.

People get emotionally attached to other people all that time, even when they don’t intend spending the rest of their lives with each other. All. The. Time. That is one of life’s inevitabilities for the vast majority of people, Catholic or not. I’m seeing a serious disconnect – what I meant by divorce – from reality here. Most people don’t marry the girl or boy in the next pew over.
 
Belagrion–you are wise beyond your years. Only thing I think arclight is saying, is don’t spend your life overanalyzing everything you do…I think it’s important to not waste one’s time on a situation, person, relationship, etc…that isn’t going anywhere. It’s impossible though to really know if you plan to marry someone, on first sight. Now, that happens too, but it’s not wise to marry someone without getting to know him/her. For a while. The reason many divorces end, is that people ‘fell in love’ and just went on that ‘feeling,’ rather than truly getting to know the core values of the person he/she was marrying. Also, people divorce because they rush into living together, etc…and doing a variety of things reserved for marriage.

I don’t see the harm in dating. As long as you are not hurting anyone…hurting yourself…going against your faith…there is nothing wrong with dating people, to get to know them. I think if people asked the right questions in the beginning too…like…how is your relationship with God…are you a practicing Catholic (if this is important to the person), etc…it would probably cause less divorce as well. All too often, we lead with our hearts, and then a year or so into the relationship or marriage…we are like…I didn’t know he wouldn’t come to mass with me! :o

But, dating doesn’t need to be brain surgery. It can be fun, if you are hanging out with like minded, good hearted people. Maybe my definition of dating, varies from the group? I don’t know.
 
Arclight said:
Sure. If you say so.
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I do. And I’m an arrogant and elistist person. I’m sure you’re noticed.
People get emotionally attached to other people all that time, even when they don’t intend spending the rest of their lives with each other. All. The. Time. That is one of life’s inevitabilities for the vast majority of people, Catholic or not.
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Of course.
I would be lying if I said that I never got emotionally attached to someone who I am no longer interested in now.
However, it was still a waste of time. And even an innocent relationship can lead to regret, and sometimes even recurring feelings when you KNOW you aren’t right for each other.
That will distract one from their true spouse, and from their true mission in life.
But those events in my life where all done before I was 16.
By 17, I had matured enough to know better.
So you are basically asking a college student to act immaturely.
I’m seeing a serious disconnect – what I meant by divorce – from reality here.
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Good. You’re meant to.
“Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed in the newness of your mind, that you may discern what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God” ( Romans 12:2)
You’re talking about a reality where there is a 50% chance at least of a marriage ending in divorce. Where “normal” relationships feel like divorces because of the physical intimacy they engage in. A reality where dating, marriage, and even the condition of one’s emotions and heart are taken lightly

If that’s reality, why would I want to continue it?
Disease, and cancer are a part of reality. So why do doctors try to cure and prevent them?
Murder is a part of reality. So why do we have law enforcement to stop it?
This is perhaps not as serious, or as obvious, but you get the idea.
Most people don’t marry the girl or boy in the next pew over.
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Tell that to my sister.
And everyone else who married a good Catholic. From our Church, no less.
And in a couple of years, remind me of this so I can show you my wedding photos.
 
whatevergirl said:
Belagrion–you are wise beyond your years. Only thing I think arclight is saying, is don’t spend your life overanalyzing everything you do…I think it’s important to not waste one’s time on a situation, person, relationship, etc…that isn’t going anywhere. It’s impossible though to really know if you plan to marry someone, on first sight. Now, that happens too, but it’s not wise to marry someone without getting to know him/her. For a while. The reason many divorces end, is that people ‘fell in love’ and just went on that ‘feeling,’ rather than truly getting to know the core values of the person he/she was marrying. Also, people divorce because they rush into living together, etc…and doing a variety of things reserved for marriage.

I don’t see the harm in dating. As long as you are not hurting anyone…hurting yourself…going against your faith…there is nothing wrong with dating people, to get to know them. I think if people asked the right questions in the beginning too…like…how is your relationship with God…are you a practicing Catholic (if this is important to the person), etc…it would probably cause less divorce as well. All too often, we lead with our hearts, and then a year or so into the relationship or marriage…we are like…I didn’t know he wouldn’t come to mass with me! :o

But, dating doesn’t need to be brain surgery. It can be fun, if you are hanging out with like minded, good hearted people. Maybe my definition of dating, varies from the group? I don’t know.
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That’s well said. I agree.

I’d also add that people continue maturing long after their 20s and some don’t ever quite grow up.
 
Arclight said:
That’s well said. I agree.

I’d also add that people continue maturing long after their 20s and some don’t ever quite grow up.
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Present company here not included right? 😃 😛 Kidding. lol

So true, in all seriousness. 👍
 
Belgarion said:
I do. And I’m an arrogant and elistist person. I’m sure you’re noticed.
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No, I hadn’t. Was I supposed to? And if you’re going to claim to be elitist, at least spell it right.
Belgarion said:
But those events in my life where all done before I was 16.
By 17, I had matured enough to know better.
So you are basically asking a college student to act immaturely.
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Maturity wasn’t a word I associate with any of my high school or college memories. We all thought we were, but every kid thinks that. Everyone was in for a surprise, just like you will be. I knew mature college-age men and women later, but they were in uniform.

…
Belgarion said:
And in a couple of years, remind me of this so I can show you my wedding photos.
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Why would I want to see them?
 
whatevergirl said:
Belagrion–you are wise beyond your years. Only thing I think arclight is saying, is don’t spend your life overanalyzing everything you do…I think it’s important to not waste one’s time on a situation, person, relationship, etc…that isn’t going anywhere. It’s impossible though to really know if you plan to marry someone, on first sight. Now, that happens too, but it’s not wise to marry someone without getting to know him/her. For a while. The reason many divorces end, is that people ‘fell in love’ and just went on that ‘feeling,’ rather than truly getting to know the core values of the person he/she was marrying. Also, people divorce because they rush into living together, etc…and doing a variety of things reserved for marriage.

I don’t see the harm in dating. As long as you are not hurting anyone…hurting yourself…going against your faith…there is nothing wrong with dating people, to get to know them. I think if people asked the right questions in the beginning too…like…how is your relationship with God…are you a practicing Catholic (if this is important to the person), etc…it would probably cause less divorce as well. All too often, we lead with our hearts, and then a year or so into the relationship or marriage…we are like…I didn’t know he wouldn’t come to mass with me! :o

But, dating doesn’t need to be brain surgery. It can be fun, if you are hanging out with like minded, good hearted people. Maybe my definition of dating, varies from the group? I don’t know.
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Thank you…lol…Blushing again…

Anyways, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with dating. But you have to take what you don’t know into account. Its called being prudent.
Not only with your OWN heart and future, but with others.

That’s all I’m saying here. When you date imprudently by ignoring the ramifications your actions have…its not good.

For example, my own situation.
I am CRAZY about a young woman that I can’t date now. I won’t go into details, but I just can’t.
So I am often sitting at home, bored and lonely.
My parents tell me to go find someone else to date for now.
I’ve even been told to get a date JUST to make this other girl jealous.
I refused.
Its not prudent, and its absolutely illogical.
Why? Because of this woman’s feelings for one. I wouldn’t want her to be hurt in ANY way.
Also, the woman I’d be dating would be a distraction from the one I KNOW I have a future with. Plus, I would be leading this woman on by basically contradicting myself. “I want to date you,…but not really”
Same basic thing. Except people will often find themselves in a situation where they don’t have someone they just KNOW they will end up with. Same basic concept, because the same imprudent actions can be made.

Yea yeah…its not a perfect argument, I’m sure. But then again, I’m trying to assemble a cathedral of an argument out of the hurricane that is my mind. (😃 )
 
Arclight said:
No, I hadn’t. Was I supposed to? And if you’re going to claim to be elitist, at least spell it right.
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Oops, typo. Well, it happens. And being an ELITIST, I’ll claim that my keyboard wronged me.
😃
Maturity wasn’t a word I associate with any of my high school or college memories. We all thought we were, but every kid thinks that. Everyone was in for a surprise, just like you will be. I knew mature college-age men and women later, but they were in uniform.
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…
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Associate what you like. But you’re proving my earlier points, too. Immaturity is a part of the world. Why would I want to continue it?
I know I’m a goofball, and I’ve got a weird sense of humor. I know that I’ll do things like play video games. My father seems to think I’m immature. Yet, when it comes to my views on important life matters, no one I have ever known has called me “immature” over them.
Why would I want to see them?
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Because the woman in the pictures with me is likely to be someone from the pew next to me.
 
Belgarion said:
Thank you…lol…Blushing again…

Anyways, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with dating. But you have to take what you don’t know into account. Its called being prudent.
Not only with your OWN heart and future, but with others.

That’s all I’m saying here. When you date imprudently by ignoring the ramifications your actions have…its not good.

For example, my own situation.
I am CRAZY about a young woman that I can’t date now. I won’t go into details, but I just can’t.
So I am often sitting at home, bored and lonely.
My parents tell me to go find someone else to date for now.
I’ve even been told to get a date JUST to make this other girl jealous.
I refused.
Its not prudent, and its absolutely illogical.
Why? Because of this woman’s feelings for one. I wouldn’t want her to be hurt in ANY way.
Also, the woman I’d be dating would be a distraction from the one I KNOW I have a future with. Plus, I would be leading this woman on by basically contradicting myself. “I want to date you,…but not really”
Same basic thing. Except people will often find themselves in a situation where they don’t have someone they just KNOW they will end up with. Same basic concept, because the same imprudent actions can be made.

Yea yeah…its not a perfect argument, I’m sure. But then again, I’m trying to assemble a cathedral of an argument out of the hurricane that is my mind. (😃 )
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Stop the presses…you just can’t wave a carrot in front of our collective faces, and not spill the beans. :tsktsk: 😃 In a nutshell, why can’t you date her? If she would become jealous, then obviously it isn’t because she doesn’t like you…(kidding, you don’t have to share…but we would be forever grateful if you did) lol

I agree with you here. The more we talk about the topic here, the more I understand others’ views on this. I dated without prudence much of the time, back in college. I dated some great people…and well, some strange ones…and had I not met my husband, who knows if I would have ‘settled.’ I became prudent in my junior year…I think that some of us, as arclight points out, mature slower than others. lol

I will say though, that you shouldn’t hold yourself back from not so much dating, but enjoying your life and always following God in all things, as you seem to be doing. If this girl is God’s plan for you, it will happen…and you will have peace about it. 🙂
 
Arclight said:
One of the most mature men I know is in his early 20s, as for the most immature, well, we shall say nothing more about that.
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why not…holding back on us? 😃

Ok…enough fun for the day…I must get back to work. :o
 
whatevergirl said:
Stop the presses…you just can’t wave a carrot in front of our collective faces, and not spill the beans. :tsktsk: 😃 In a nutshell, why can’t you date her? If she would become jealous, then obviously it isn’t because she doesn’t like you…(kidding, you don’t have to share…but we would be forever grateful if you did) lol
…LOL!
Well, I’ll see if I can resurrect and update the threads about it here and here. Obviously the situation has changed since I last updated those…But not by much…Well, except for one thing…YES, I know she DOES like me. Its been confirmed. 😃
I agree with you here. The more we talk about the topic here, the more I understand others’ views on this. I dated without prudence much of the time, back in college. I dated some great people…and well, some strange ones…and had I not met my husband, who knows if I would have ‘settled.’ I became prudent in my junior year…I think that some of us, as arclight points out, mature slower than others. lol
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😛
I suppose
😃
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happymommy said:
He wouldn’t do that!
Perhaps you should go and read the threads that he has mentioned in this post!
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Yeah, and make sure you’ve got time
😃

Of course I wouldn’t steal my best friend’s girl!..Ok, once I kissed the girl my best friend liked on the cheek…that was a moment of stupidity for me…My best friend is amazing though. He didn’t punch me. He’s awesome.
 
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