How are single adults supposed to make friends?

[Faxero]

I am a single adult and it is very hard for me to make friends. I have only one friend that I actually know in real life. My Asperger’s makes it hard for me to make friends. I have a few friends online. We play atWar together and we share similar interests. I am currently coming up with a plan to possibly make friends with another person online. I think that the internet is the best way to make friends.

Ditto to that. I am a fellow aspie and have trouble making friends. Most of my friends are much older than me. I used to have a lot of female friends but it turned out they were not all that interested in actually being friends. A few I just no longer talk to but there’s no hostility. My best friend from high school (and my closest male friend) is still my best friend. Sometimes, I have made friends through other friends. If you (and the op, for that fact) can get one friend, try to make mutual friends through them.

Most of the people I play atWar with also have Asperger’s. I can relate to them.

Heh . I have ADHD, and I have had a grand total of 3 friends throughout my life. Most people tend to avoid me, considering me to be ‘weird’ and/or ‘stupid’. My parents and extended family are the only ones who seem to trust me.

Darklight is lucky. She may have difficulty in developing friendships, but she has no problem with small talk, which helps lead to friendships… Not everyone can say the same.

I looked up Atwar on Google images. It looks like a relaxing game.

 

[DarkLight]

The difficulty for me is that I end up with a lot of very shallow relationships. What I really crave is a deeper emotional intimacy that seems to be not common in modern friendship. I want someone I can really talk to, not just chat with. And I’m often left feeling like, since I’m not interested in marriage (the idea of sex and children…just no), then I’m not really able to have a strong lasting emotional connection to anyone.

 

[pianistclare]

The difficulty for me is that I end up with a lot of very shallow relationships. What I really crave is a deeper emotional intimacy that seems to be not common in modern friendship. I want someone I can really talk to, not just chat with. And I’m often left feeling like, since I’m not interested in marriage (the idea of sex and children…just no), then I’m not really able to have a strong lasting emotional connection to anyone.

Oh dear. Get out more.
Walk around a museum. Jog. Read to children at the Library.
Volunteer at St. Vincent DePaul.

You **will **meet people and someone will have a deep conversation with you. Many people. But you’ve got to GET OUT.
Depression. It’s real, and you can’t let it consume you.
Volunteer. There are plenty of people who are worse off and lonely to boot.
I’ll pray for you.
Maybe even stop calling yourself “DarkLight”.

 

[DarkLight]

Oh dear. Get out more.
Walk around a museum. Jog. Read to children at the Library.
Volunteer at St. Vincent DePaul.

You **will **meet people and someone will have a deep conversation with you. Many people. But you’ve got to GET OUT.
Depression. It’s real, and you can’t let it consume you.
Volunteer. There are plenty of people who are worse off and lonely to boot.
I’ll pray for you.
Maybe even stop calling yourself “DarkLight”.

Eh, I’m one of those people who think darkness is actually cool. The name was meant to be more cool night time-y or sunset-y than anything sort of depressed. I like the dark, it’s relaxing.

 

[UbiCaritas]

The difficulty for me is that I end up with a lot of very shallow relationships. What I really crave is a deeper emotional intimacy that seems to be not common in modern friendship. I want someone I can really talk to, not just chat with. And I’m often left feeling like, since I’m not interested in marriage (the idea of sex and children…just no), then I’m not really able to have a strong lasting emotional connection to anyone.

That intimacy has to be built up over time, though, whether you’re talking a romantic sort of intimacy or a friendship one.

DH and I didn’t fall head over heels on our first date. We spent it in small talk, as well as the next few. Similarly, my best friend from college and I started off talking about shared classes and some books we both enjoyed, and now spend our conversations talking about everything from kid-centered small talk to abstract theological and philosophical concepts. If I’d walked up to her at college and said “so, what do you think about the deeper implications of some of the modesty culture of modern conservative Christianity?” she’d have backed slowly away, as I would have in similar circumstances.

So, start off slowly. You wouldn’t (I hope) begin a romantic relationship with a guy by having sex with him. You also don’t start off platonic friendships with very deep conversations. You start them by saying, “Hey, want to grab coffee after this? Awesome Coffee And More makes a fantastic latte!”, and going from there.

 

[Anglewannabe]

The difficulty for me is that I end up with a lot of very shallow relationships. What I really crave is a deeper emotional intimacy that seems to be not common in modern friendship. I want someone I can really talk to, not just chat with. And I’m often left feeling like, since I’m not interested in marriage (the idea of sex and children…just no), then I’m not really able to have a strong lasting emotional connection to anyone.

It sounds like a quality not a quantity problem. And sadly, that is not easy to overcome. In order for 2 people to both feel like they are really close friends, they need to be on the same wavelength, or at least on 2 very close wavelengths. And that is NOT easy to come by

 

[Faxero]

The difficulty for me is that I end up with a lot of very shallow relationships. What I really crave is a deeper emotional intimacy that seems to be not common in modern friendship. I want someone I can really talk to, not just chat with. And I’m often left feeling like, since I’m not interested in marriage (the idea of sex and children…just no), then I’m not really able to have a strong lasting emotional connection to anyone.

What’s wrong with sex and children? You’ll never know until you try, as the saying goes.

 

[GEddie]

What’s wrong with sex and children? You’ll never know until you try, as the saying goes.

You got to admit that that isn’t something you “try” just for the sake of “trying” though.

Doing the family thing, if you do it right, will require all of who one is.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Faxero]

You got to admit that that isn’t something you “try” just for the sake of “trying” though.

Doing the family thing, if you do it right, will require all of who one is.

ICXC NIKA

The Church itself teaches that 'everyone should embrace their sexual identity

**2333 **“Everyone, man and woman, should acknowledge and accept his sexual identity. Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life. The harmony of the couple and of society depends in part on the way in which the complementarity, needs, and mutual support between the sexes are lived out.”

I understand why secular women would want to avoid marriage, but Catholic women…???

There are some who are better off being single, such as being nuns and priests, yeah, but to actively reject the fruits of sexuality is… evil!

 

[EasterJoy]

The difficulty for me is that I end up with a lot of very shallow relationships. What I really crave is a deeper emotional intimacy that seems to be not common in modern friendship. I want someone I can really talk to, not just chat with. And I’m often left feeling like, since I’m not interested in marriage (the idea of sex and children…just no), then I’m not really able to have a strong lasting emotional connection to anyone.

People learn who they can trust by successively more intimate conversations. They gauge how someone responds to their opinions, their likes and dislikes, through “trivial” conversations. They see how someone behaves when they are going through tough times. The disclosure of their deepest values, their goals, their priorities…these come later, with those few they learn they can trust completely under “lesser” circumstances. Therefore, it is a mistake to try to leap past “trivial” conversations and into emotionally deep ones.

The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones.
Luke 16:10

 

[ConfusedLucy]

It’s really hard and this is something I have failed miserably at as I usually find I get stuck at the acquaintance stage. My only suggestion is that maybe you should suggest some sort of meal together after these church groups. I think eating together bonds you.

Maybe try an narrow down likely contenders as friends and focus on them. I would discount anyone who obviously only has time for their spouse or is a workaholic.

 

[GEddie]

The Church itself teaches that 'everyone should embrace their sexual identity

So everybody should be sexually active for the sake of doing it?

I don’t buy it. If someone has an aversion to the “flirting game” or dating, etc, let them do without it. God nowhere in Scripture or elsewhere says that everybody must “propagate their genes” or will find someone with whom to do it.

Of course, they should also understand that if they don’t, they **will **be “lonelier” than the norm. In fact, lonely is a part of life for everybody.

ICXC NIKA

 

[DarkLight]

I’m perfectly fine with other people having sex and babies. But for me personally, I’m not particularly attracted to men, and I have absolutely no desire to have kids of my own. That seems like a pretty good reason not to seek to get married. I don’t think I could be a good wife and mother under the circumstances.

I just feel like in our society, there’s very little place for emotional fulfillment through friendships, because everyone’s expected to have their romantic partner for that.

 

[boomerang]

I’m perfectly fine with other people having sex and babies. But for me personally, I’m not particularly attracted to men, and I have absolutely no desire to have kids of my own. That seems like a pretty good reason not to seek to get married. I don’t think I could be a good wife and mother under the circumstances.

I just feel like in our society, there’s very little place for emotional fulfillment through friendships, because everyone’s expected to have their romantic partner for that.

Have you thought about a religious vocation?

 

[DarkLight]

Have you thought about a religious vocation?

I have, but I really don’t think it’s for me, for various reasons.

 

[pianistclare]

Eh, I’m one of those people who think darkness is actually cool. The name was meant to be more cool night time-y or sunset-y than anything sort of depressed. I like the dark, it’s relaxing.

So that’s the only thing you took away from my post. I rest my case
Care about someone and see if things don’t seem so desperate.

 

[DarkLight]

So that’s the only thing you took away from my post. I rest my case
Care about someone and see if things don’t seem so desperate.

“Only thing I took away” and “only thing I responded to” aren’t the same thing at all. Most of your post there just wasn’t much to say in response.

My life’s honestly pretty full right now, it’s just that I seem stuck in the “we say hello when we see each other” stage.

 

[pianistclare]

Well, which is it?You life is pretty full.
So why aren’t you happy and fulfilled?
Just trying to figure out what you really want here.
Several things come to mind:
You likely just have not met the right person or people yet. Give it time. Help yourself out by being more social and doing come volunteering or hanging out at places that really feed your spirit and intellect. Odds are you WILL meet nice people that you can identify with.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Faxero]

I’m perfectly fine with other people having sex and babies. But for me personally, I’m not particularly attracted to men, and I have absolutely no desire to have kids of my own. That seems like a pretty good reason not to seek to get married. I don’t think I could be a good wife and mother under the circumstances.

I just feel like in our society, there’s very little place for emotional fulfillment through friendships, because everyone’s expected to have their romantic partner for that.

I see.

I thought you were one of those ‘I avoid marriage because it’s bad’ people. Sometimes, we can assume too much.

My sincere apologies, Darkblight. :egyptian:

 

[DarkLight]

One big thing for me is that I’d like to meet people who are approximately my own age. Most people I meet seem to be much older. I like them, but I feel that we’re at very different stages of life.