How bad is withholding a sin in confession?

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GospelOfMatthew said:
I have been to confession probably 6 times in the past two years and twice I have mustered up the courage to say masturbation and pornographic images but the other four I didn’t.
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May I make a suggestion?
If you’re praying all the time, leading a pro-life group and going to daily Mass, you really need to be going to confession more often than this.
When you slip up and commit an impure act, go to confession at the next opportunity, like that week. Don’t wait around for a couple months.
Frequent confession helps give you grace and make you stronger to fight off the sin. Also, if you’re going to daily Mass and presumably receiving Holy Communion, it’s kind of problematic to be receiving with a lot of unconfessed impure acts on your soul.

Before you call me judgmental, I did all the same things you did when I was in college; only confessed a couple times a year, didn’t mention masturbation or other sexual sins because I was embarrassed and hoped they just got absolved anyway. This was not a great path to go down. For the last 2 years I’ve been going to confession twice a month as well as frequent daily Mass, rosaries etc and it’s helped a lot. I now almost never commit sins that I used to commit a few times a week.
 
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Deliberately witholding a mortal sin in confession is so bad, that it results in sacrilege. Your confession is invalid, and you leave with more sin than you came in with.
 
Dude, I don’t want to minimize things, but like 99.999% of 20 year old Catholic men are struggling with porn and masturbation. You’re not some bizarre deviant. If this priest hears confessions from college students, he probably hears the words “porn” and “masturbation” from virtually all of them.

He’s not going to be shocked or react weirdly when you say it.
 
mrsdizzyd said:
1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: "All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly."54

When Christ’s faithful strive to confess all the sins that they can remember, they undoubtedly place all of them before the divine mercy for pardon. But those who fail to do so and knowingly withhold some, place nothing before the divine goodness for remission through the mediation of the priest, “for if the sick person is too ashamed to show his wound to the doctor, the medicine cannot heal what it does not know.” 55
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In addition to confessing the sin of making a bad confession, just to be clear.
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Chris Hemsworth’s dimples are a helluva drug.

On a serious note, it’s funny how, as you mentioned, this habit is probably only slightly less prevalent in women, but almost everyone who is really tormented by it seems to be male.
 
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I’m a priest. I hear confessions. I’ve heard everything… None of it bothers me or any other priest.

Don’t overthink it. Don’t play mind games. Just say what you did.

-Fr ACEGC
 
Go back to Confession, confess your sins and that you withheld those sins. Go behind the screen (you have a right to anonymous confession!)
 
I think women and men deal with the act in their heads differently, and of course women other than big public feminist types tend to be quieter about their sexual behaviors due to the huge potential for being judged by society, including one’s very own female peers, one’s male romantic partners, and labeled an s- or a w- or various other words I can’t use on CAF.

Women in general do not get much support for any of their sexual choices, whether they are choosing to have sex or not have sex.
 
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In addition to the great feedback you have already received about going back and making a full Confession, I’ll just add that—for me at least—it is often very helpful to begin my Confession with the worst and/or most embarrassing sin(s). Get the hard stuff out of the way before you have the opportunity to chicken out.
 
You know just as well as anyone that those priests have heard EVERYTHING.
Just blurt it out and be done man.
If you’re uncomfortable saying “the M word” maybe just say “I disrespected my body sexually” or something.

Good luck, we’re pulling for you!
 
Deliberately withholding a mortal sin invalidates the confession and is a mortal sin in itself.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
May I make a suggestion?
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@Tis_Bearself , you are to be commended for your frankness and openess in your post .

I had a break from CAF for a few weeks , but occasionally I had a peep to see what was going on .

Your posts stood out .

There was a magnanimous spirit about them , and a wide and tolerant understanding of viewpoints , not necessarily ones you shared , a rare quality on forums .
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
I am a 20YO college man, practicing Catholic at a Catholic college and I say a rosary every day and the divine mercy chaplet and attend daily mass as well as adoration. I also have read books, watch, and listen to speakers such as Matt Fradd and Jason Evert. Yet I still struggle with pornography and masturbation. Never once pornography as in an actual video of sex, I struggle with nude images. Despite this I’m very much committed to chastity and such, so I feel like a hypocrite.

I went to confession today (at the time of posting this about 20 minutes ago). It was at a penance service and the priest I went to knows me somewhat from seeing me at daily mass and such and I wear a Cruxifix and miraculous medal around my neck 24/7 and I also run a rosary group on campus and the pro life club so I feel so embarrassed to mention these sins, but I know that’s pride getting in the way.

So I said to the priest in confession, I have been prideful (knowing pride was keeping me from saying these sins), lying, envious of others, jealous… then I paused (I planned on saying masturbation and pornographic images but I just couldn’t get it out) and after 10 second pause I said “I guess that’s it.” As soon as I said that I went terrible because I know “that’s not it” and now I just lied after already confessing lying. Then he talked about the sins and then asked if there was anything else … a second chance … and I still said “that’s it” while looking down the whole time.

I have been to confession probably 6 times in the past two years and twice I have mustered up the courage to say masturbation and pornographic images but the other four I didn’t. The two I told the priest I withheld this sin before also. So am I lying to a priest and how bad is that? The priest said all my sins were forgiven so does he have the power to forgive even the sins I don’t name? I think he could tell I was holding back and that’s why he asked a second time.

The two times I confessed these I wanted to make sure I never did them again so I wouldn’t have to confess them and I’ve gotten to 30 straight days before but I just can’t make it past that and like I said I do all these prayers and I listen to only holy music. I even speak about how porn is terrible and dehumanizing to my friends, trying to build up courage to fight it myself but I feel like a hypocrite. Advice please on the confession and everything else
  • Your brother in Christ
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Forgetting a mortal sin is one thing but knowingly withholding a mortal sin in confession is grave sin in itself and mortal if you knew that and did it anyway. I think the way you felt is similar to my own experience. I know the feeling when I make a good confession compared to when I may not have and in the latter case I return ASAP.

Return to confession and mention all these things including your omission. Priests have heard it all, don’t worry about what you need to say.
 
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Carmelite1983 said:
You know just as well as anyone that those priests have heard EVERYTHING.
Just blurt it out and be done man.
If you’re uncomfortable saying “the M word” maybe just say “I disrespected my body sexually” or something.

Good luck, we’re pulling for you!
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That’s a good one. Or “Gratifying myself” - I’m sure everyone know what that means.
 
I am confused though, are masterbation and pornographic images mortal sins? I mean I know they are very bad but whenever I’m tempted to those it feels like I’m in a trance and I just lose control (obviously I endulged the first temptation so there is a first choice) and it’s like 5 minutes later or just 1 minute later I snap back to reality and think “what am I doing?” And then I pray for forgiveness. So yes I made an initial choice but it’s like I lost the ability to fully understand or consent to what I’m doing, but at the same time I deeply regret it.

So is it a mortal sin?
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
So is it a mortal sin?
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You should discuss it with a priest in confession. For some people it is, for others it might not be. Regardless, though, don’t be too ashamed to talk about it. Masturbation is like the most common, boring sin there is. The priest isn’t going to recoil in horror.
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
I am confused though, are masterbation and pornographic images mortal sins? I mean I know they are very bad but whenever I’m tempted to those it feels like I’m in a trance and I just lose control (obviously I endulged the first temptation so there is a first choice) and it’s like 5 minutes later or just 1 minute later I snap back to reality and think “what am I doing?” And then I pray for forgiveness. So yes I made an initial choice but it’s like I lost the ability to fully understand or consent to what I’m doing, but at the same time I deeply regret it.

So is it a mortal sin?
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They are grave sins. Some sins are grave, some are not but these definitely are. For them to be mortal you also have to have full knowledge and awareness that they are grave sins AND you committed them with deliberate and complete consent.

For a grave sin if you met all 3 conditions and withheld the sin in confession anyway to get absolution then that’s a mortal sin in itself which invalidates your confession. It sounds like you possibly did not meet all 3 conditions in this case because you didn’t know they were grave sins. But now you do.

A priest would be a better judge of that than anyone on this forum though including me. Still wouldn’t hurt to talk to a priest about it or return to confession and mention these things.
 
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