How can Catholics date?

  • Thread starter Thread starter zzzmmm
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Z

zzzmmm

Guest
I am a Catholic and I would like to be youthful and have fun with a girlfriend - without breaking God’s laws but also without it being a boring relationship. I have read great deals about what can NOT happen in a relationship and it seems that good Catholic lovers are to pretty much be senior citizens. Based on what I have read, when I think of what a pure Catholic date is I picture a man and woman walking down some quiet road hand in hand, talking dryly about how much they mean to each other, and then stopping for a gentle hug and kiss. Boooooring. Again I will not do anything that I know God does not like but how can we enjoy the company of our partners without being sinful? If you are a Catholic and have good fun times with your date please let me know what you do.
 
well what do you do with people who are just your friends?
the first step to a good relationship i think is becoming good friends, getting to know each other real well, ya know?

Jesus had many friends, many many friends…and they were never bored with Him, the conversations were never dry,
i find my conversations with other catholics to be more satisfying then conversations with anyone else,
i’m sure you know you don’t have to sin to have a good time, sin is what makes life bland and boring in the first place,

i think having a good time with someone also depends on finding someone who isn’t a boring person to begin with.
i have a cousin who is a serious and devoted catholic, and she is funny, smart, fun to be with, has a great personality, and is always the life of the party, people just love her,
she’s engaged to be married now, and she has plenty of fun with her finance, while still keeping things innocent,

not to say that they don’t sin, everyone sins, but i think the most important thing is, knowing the laws of God, and doing your best to keep them,

if you want to have a good time, just be yourself, if you’re a fun person to be with, then there should be no problems.
but if you wanna *do *something fun, then maybe try going out somewhere fun that you both agree on,
like for example, bowling, skating, hiking, an amusement park of some kind, or whatever you may be interested in.
i dunno, the guys i’ve gone out with(though never officially dated) i had a good time with just talking and hanging out, i rarely went anywhere special with them, we just had fun doing things like video games, walking around, listening to music, playing some kinda sport(kick ball, lol)

and also, once you get to know someone more, and learn more about them and what they like to do, then i’m sure you won’t have any trouble thinking of fun things to do.

well…i’m not the best at dating tips, so that’s all i’ve got for now 😑
but i also wanted to give you this -
columbia.edu/cu/augustine/arch/chastity.html#ch1
it’s a really good book that explains true friendship and chastity very well.

ok hope somethings helped >.O
tc.
 
When DH & I first dated, we went out to dinner, went to the movies, took dancing lessons for fun, went on picnics, and he even joined my parish just to be with me and then we just started going to mass together. This was a huge plus in my book b/c I knew he took his faith seriously.

He even surprised me with a train ride out in the country, bringing me flowers for no reason, and even baked a cake from scratch on my birthday. Come to find out his dad taught him and his brother how to cook. When DH had days off and I had to work, he’d come over to my place and make me dinner.

There are many things you can do w/o crossing the line. Now that we are married, he still cooks, surprises me w/things for no reason, and we go to church together.

Sometimes you just have to get creative when things seem dull.

Good luck to you. 🙂
 
zzzmmm said:
I am a Catholic and I would like to be youthful and have fun with a girlfriend - without breaking God’s laws but also without it being a boring relationship.
Click to expand...
Study Theology together, it’s fun, it’s without breaking God’s laws and it’s never boring, especially with a girlfriend!

Or watch motor racing.
 
zzzmmm said:
I am a Catholic and I would like to be youthful and have fun with a girlfriend - without breaking God’s laws but also without it being a boring relationship. I have read great deals about what can NOT happen in a relationship and it seems that good Catholic lovers are to pretty much be senior citizens. Based on what I have read, when I think of what a pure Catholic date is I picture a man and woman walking down some quiet road hand in hand, talking dryly about how much they mean to each other, and then stopping for a gentle hug and kiss. Boooooring. Again I will not do anything that I know God does not like but how can we enjoy the company of our partners without being sinful? If you are a Catholic and have good fun times with your date please let me know what you do.
Click to expand...
Just be yourself, it is as easy as that. Don’t put any pressure on the relationship, take each day at a time and enjoy each other’s company. You can have so much fun together without getting sexual as you are leading towards. A gentle hug and kiss also are not sinful, it is a sign of mutual respect and caring.
 
zzzmmm said:
Based on what I have read, when I think of what a pure Catholic date is I picture a man and woman walking down some quiet road hand in hand, talking dryly about how much they mean to each other, and then stopping for a gentle hug and kiss. Boooooring. If you are a Catholic and have good fun times with your date please let me know what you do.
Click to expand...
Ya, my wife and walked quiet roads and other places, hand in hand, talking about a billion things including how much we meant to each other, and occasionally stopped for a gentle hug and chaste kiss. Sounds to me like “fun” in your mind equates to things that are sexually stimulating. Believe me after being married for almost 50 years I can attest that there is a lot more to fun than sexual moments. They make up maybe less than one percent of married life. Its good practice for later that you restrain those impulses for “fun” till after you are married to some lucky gal. 🙂
 
“Sounds to me like “fun” in your mind equates to things that are sexually stimulating.”

I think you are misunderstanding me.
Some of the Christian dating sites that I have visited recommend activities that would put me to sleep on a date and make it seem as if there is not too much else that is acceptable. If you are into board games with her and her parents, that’s fine and I’m happy for you but to me it would be hell on earth. I would like to think that you don’t have to be that super-prudent to retain your chastity.
 
zzzmmm said:
I think you are misunderstanding me.
Some of the Christian dating sites that I have visited recommend activities that would put me to sleep on a date and make it seem as if there is not too much else that is acceptable.
Click to expand...
Well, what is it that YOU want to do on dates? What are these activities that would “put you to sleep?”
zzzmmm said:
If you are into board games with her and her parents, that’s fine and I’m happy for you but to me it would be hell on earth. I would like to think that you don’t have to be that super-prudent to retain your chastity.
Click to expand...
Why do you think playing board games is “hell on earth?”

If you don’t like board games, what **do **you like? Bowling? Movies? Card games?
 
zzzmmm said:
I am a Catholic and I would like to be youthful and have fun with a girlfriend - without breaking God’s laws but also without it being a boring relationship. I have read great deals about what can NOT happen in a relationship and it seems that good Catholic lovers are to pretty much be senior citizens. .
Click to expand...
I doubt you have very much idea of what us senior citizens get up to in our spare time, but I can share the benefit of our collective elderly wisdom and experience. There are hundreds of activities two people can share while dating, beyond walking and holding hands, which are fun, exciting, and build a shared relationship, activities which do not involve sex, genital stimulation, or even PDAs. News flash I know to the younger generation, but true.

You might want to concentrate on developing a well rounded personality who enjoys a wide variety of activities and a character receptive to developing an intimacy of relationship with another person, so as to make yourself a better candidate for friendship, dating, courtship and ultimately marriage.

Intimacy by the way is fostered by shared experiences, interests and communication, and is NOT a synonym for sexual intercourse. Too early sexual activity in fact, and this is simply a matter of human psychology, blunts the development of true intimacy and thus endangers the future marital happiness of the couple.
 
rwoehmke said:
Ya, my wife and walked quiet roads and other places, hand in hand, talking about a billion things including how much we meant to each other, and occasionally stopped for a gentle hug and chaste kiss. Sounds to me like “fun” in your mind equates to things that are sexually stimulating. Believe me after being married for almost 50 years I can attest that there is a lot more to fun than sexual moments. They make up maybe less than one percent of married life. Its good practice for later that you restrain those impulses for “fun” till after you are married to some lucky gal. 🙂
Click to expand...
I would like to second this (I’ll be celebrating my fifth wedding anniversary this weekend). Marriage is not a continuous two-person orgy, which is how some frustrated single Christians may envision it! Marriage involves a great deal of restraint and a continual choice to put the good of the other person above the satisfaction of your own desires. That is anything but boring, by the way! Learning to love is the most exciting thing there is. But sex is just part of that, not the whole picture.

Edwin
 
I’m only 19 but I’ve had a blast on some dates all of which have remained well within Church teachings. For example, my first girlfriend and I just used to drive around and talk. It may not seem like much but if you love driving, and I do, then its a great way for you to have fun while you share a conversation. Another thing we used to do was go horseback riding together. She was an equestrian and my mom had just bought a horse so we used to go riding. Simple things like that made dates fun.

Then of course was the time that I was able to get a girl in behind the scenes of the local aquarium. She got to play with otters, penguins, saw a kookaburra, and saw baby lorikeets that were less than a day old. Of course, on par with the whole year, she never talked to me again. 🤷 I mean, where else could you get to hold a penguin? Seriously…

Its simple things like that. If you don’t have access to horses or cars or aquariums, movies and walks are always fun. Bike rides, playing video games, dinner, bowling, paintball, musicals, concerts, any host of things really. There’s a lot out there. Use your imagination.
 
zzzmmm, use your imagination and think of something you enjoy doing. Find something you and her equally enjoy doing. Then you will have something to do together.

Even people who have premarital sex sooner or later have to look for something to do together. Or the relationship stops, there’s another person, sex again doesn’t manage to keep them together.

I fondly remember a certain girl with whom I played chess in cafes, even if nothing came out of that. With two others, I played a video game (at least one session took 8 hours or longer). I could also dance the night away with the same girl. If this is not active enough for you, there was a girl I marched about 30 kilometres with through sand and wind with a run up the dune in the middle of it. 😉
 
It’s just fun to have a girl friend.
I really miss having girls among my friends.
My celibacy settings are disproportional. It’s like firewalling your system to an extent where you are unable to go online at all.

So, my advice is enjoy her company because girls are very good, in most aspects better than us, blokes. Feel free to follow the girl in spite of the notion that the initiative lies with men.

To me, to have a girl beside would be fun en-soi. What remains is to make sure she has fun too. And as you follow her you will see what is fun to her.
 
zzzmmm said:
I am a Catholic and I would like to be youthful and have fun with a girlfriend - without breaking God’s laws but also without it being a boring relationship. I have read great deals about what can NOT happen in a relationship and it seems that good Catholic lovers are to pretty much be senior citizens. Based on what I have read, when I think of what a pure Catholic date is I picture a man and woman walking down some quiet road hand in hand, talking dryly about how much they mean to each other, and then stopping for a gentle hug and kiss. Boooooring. Again I will not do anything that I know God does not like but how can we enjoy the company of our partners without being sinful? If you are a Catholic and have good fun times with your date please let me know what you do.
Click to expand...
I’m about to turn 30 and one of the best things I can do with my wife is to go on a walk with her. Then again I love how we can talk to each other. The woman is brillant.

I would say that the world is open to you. Heck do what you want. Go sky diving. Pleanty of fun that isn’t too boring. Go to the beach, or water park. Go to Fenway and watch a ball game. Live someplace rural? Go cow tipping. There’s things you can do with a girlfriend that shouldn’t put you both to sleep.

~RSF
 
I don’t think it has to be boring! There’s a lot you can do that doesn’t involve sexual sin.

I have two friends who are dating each other. They are both strict Catholics and follow the teachings of the Church. He’s still very affectionate with her and openly cherishes her. They’re so cute! They watch movies together, go out, hang out with all of us and do everything a secular couple would do without sex. He still woos her!

I live in a city and there’s a ton to do. If I were dating, there’s a lot that would be open. My favorite thing to do while I’m getting to know someone is have coffee with them. I also love art (yes, I’ve gone to a museum with friends and enjoyed it immensely). Dancing is another option (actually, my Peruvian guy friend was the one who taught me how to salsa! And he’s very Catholic!). Cooking (if a guy has a flavor for the exotic. I make a lot of Spanish and Italian dishes, even some Portuguese food:)). When we’re old enough, going out for drinks (being careful of course, I only know about it because my parents taught me how to drink responsibly, perfectly legal). Concerts if they’re cheap (sadly, no U2, which is my favorite band, unless I win the lottery). Jazz nights. Going to an exotic restaurant (a bunch of my friends rave about this Ethiopian place where we live). Going to Mass together (and breakfast afterward). Going to the beach. A Bohemian coffee house with poetry readings (I love any and all forms of art, it’s my favorite thing ever). Cultural events (I love sharing my Italian culture with people and I would love to learn about someone else’s culture).

See? Many possibilities:)
 
Hello! Catholics can have a lot of fun dating without overstepping any boundaries (I’m not married). One question is, what kinds of things do you like to do? What kinds of hobbies do you have? If you don’t know, then you should find out (seriously, I know some people who don’t seem too interested in anything). Don’t limit yourself. Maybe you do like bowling or walks on the beach (I have no idea what kind of dating ideas you saw on Christian sites). Or maybe you like climbing mountains, or photography, or scuba diving, or traveling… there’s so much out there. Do some self-discovery and don’t try to discover yourself in someone.

If you’re doing things you’re passionate about with someone you’re dating, but are still bored, then that person is probably someone you should stop dating. Really. I find that I don’t need the most exciting dates to have an awesome time if I really like the person. It’s quite sublime to have just a talk with someone you’re really into.

Hope that helps. Good luck!
 
Geez, I feel sorry for you if you think the only fun things that can happen on a date are between the sheets!

Seriously, there are alot of fun things you can do on a date that don’t involve crossing over any boundries. It’s important, first off, to realize that true intimacy with a person starts in the mind and heart. In this era, sex does not equal intimacy, which is yet another good reason to keep sex in marriage. The time you spend during the dating phase is when intimacy builds.

As for activites, one thing I always find fun for a date is to try something new that neither of you have done before! The next thing I want to try on a date is indoor rock climbing. There’s alot of things to try in your area, I’m sure, that don’t involve dinner and board games with the parents.

But I, personally, also enjoy evenings in. Renting a couple movies, ordering a pizza and just enjoying some quality time together. Cooking together is also fun. And I do like to bring my dates to dinner with my parents, because it’s a good way to find out alot about the guy. I mean, you wouldn’t want to marry someone who couldn’t show respect for your parents, right? Sometimes, if you’re willing to give them a chance, parents can actually be alot of fun. I’ve had alot of guys enjoy coming over for dinner and a rousing game of Gin Rummy with the folks. Scrabble and Boggle are two other favorites.

Just my insight. Your mileage may vary. 🙂
 
1ke said:
Why do you think playing board games is “hell on earth?”

If you don’t like board games, what **do **you like? Bowling? Movies? Card games?
Click to expand...
I do have to agree with the “board games is hell on earth” statement. I am 44 and I have never liked board games. Ever. Thankfully, neither does my husband and my kids never really got into them either, much beyond Candyland. Cards aren’t much better. 🤷 Playing games isn’t for everybody!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top