How can I become Catholic?

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Rome4me

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Greetings, I have a question that I’d like to get some insight with, prior to discussing with a Priest.

The nutshell, I am mid-40s professional (male), married, three children with my wife (who is from Bolivia)…solid, 11 year marriage. She was married once before (JOTP), divorced (has an older child who is now an adult). I was married TWICE before, years ago, once as a young man, two children from that marriage, get along well with the Ex (those two children of mine are almost adults). Then I was married, briefly, to a woman with whom I had a child with and divorced shortly after. This was over a decade ago of course.

She was born catholic, but never confirmed and we were married also, before the JOTP. She was abusive, mentally ill and in the last few years has been investigated for child abuse, after being reported by mandatory state reporters in the state that she lives in, with my son (other side of the country.

My wife, of the last decade or so, was raised Catholic, but absolutely cannot stand the RCC, and goes to a Southern Baptist church. We were also married JOTP. I know it sounds like a lot of drama, but it’s actually not. We’ve been rock solid for over a decade, have our three kids, life is normal, etc. Except…her entire family is RCC, and I want to be, for theological reasons…

Question:
  1. I have no problem with my first wife being contacted for an annulment, or whatever they can do (for me as a former protestant), or her filling out any forms or answers to any Priest. My SECOND wife–we have decided, with our attorney, as a side note, that we will be requesting a protective order if she takes me back to court for child support (for the 6th or 7th time) due to our concerns about her knowing our new address, anything about us (more), our kids, etc. She has been investigated several times, and because I know her, putting the pieces together, I believe she probably IS a child molester and is definitely abusive. I do NOT want her contacted by any priest for an annulment or to have any further knowledge of us, or our life.
  2. Can I still go to RCIA and become Catholic, even if my wife refuses to go, or be married in the RCC. She supports me following my spiritual beliefs, but like many Latin Americans who come to the US, she has completely done a 180 and ONLY wants to be in the evangelical church. I’m the other way around.
is there any way a Priest would permit me to become Catholic? My wife would definitely come to my initiation ( I was baptized Anglican as a teen), and would accept me taking the kids to Catholic church, etc. But just wondering.

Anyhow, any ideas? And before anyone (particularly women seeking to attack me) says it…NO I cannot get my son back from my Ex in the state they live in. And YES, she is most likely an abuser, and YES the family courts make it nearly impossible for a man to get custody, even after abuse is investigated and even if founded. We simply don’t want her to invade our life or know anything (more/else) about our kids (like where we will be going to Church, for example).

Will a Priest consider this, if I request that she NOT be contacted, due to prior abuse (she was abusive to my eldest children, verbally)? Will a priest permit me to convert knowing my wife is a lapsed, uninterested Catholic?

Thanks for any answers.
 
Yes, you can still attend Mass, go to rcia and become Catholic. All of the other details, ask your priest. Just call and make an appointment to talk to him. I wish you and your family well.
 
Rome4me said:
Greetings, I have a question that I’d like to get some insight with, prior to discussing with a Priest.

The nutshell, I am mid-40s professional (male), married, three children with my wife (who is from Bolivia)…solid, 11 year marriage. She was married once before (JOTP), divorced (has an older child who is now an adult). I was married TWICE before, years ago, once as a young man, two children from that marriage, get along well with the Ex (those two children of mine are almost adults). Then I was married, briefly, to a woman with whom I had a child with and divorced shortly after. This was over a decade ago of course.

She was born catholic, but never confirmed and we were married also, before the JOTP. She was abusive, mentally ill and in the last few years has been investigated for child abuse, after being reported by mandatory state reporters in the state that she lives in, with my son (other side of the country.

My wife, of the last decade or so, was raised Catholic, but absolutely cannot stand the RCC, and goes to a Southern Baptist church. We were also married JOTP. I know it sounds like a lot of drama, but it’s actually not. We’ve been rock solid for over a decade, have our three kids, life is normal, etc. Except…her entire family is RCC, and I want to be, for theological reasons…

Question:
  1. I have no problem with my first wife being contacted for an annulment, or whatever they can do (for me as a former protestant), or her filling out any forms or answers to any Priest. My SECOND wife–we have decided, with our attorney, as a side note, that we will be requesting a protective order if she takes me back to court for child support (for the 6th or 7th time) due to our concerns about her knowing our new address, anything about us (more), our kids, etc. She has been investigated several times, and because I know her, putting the pieces together, I believe she probably IS a child molester and is definitely abusive. I do NOT want her contacted by any priest for an annulment or to have any further knowledge of us, or our life.
  2. Can I still go to RCIA and become Catholic, even if my wife refuses to go, or be married in the RCC. She supports me following my spiritual beliefs, but like many Latin Americans who come to the US, she has completely done a 180 and ONLY wants to be in the evangelical church. I’m the other way around.
is there any way a Priest would permit me to become Catholic? My wife would definitely come to my initiation ( I was baptized Anglican as a teen), and would accept me taking the kids to Catholic church, etc. But just wondering.

Anyhow, any ideas? And before anyone (particularly women seeking to attack me) says it…NO I cannot get my son back from my Ex in the state they live in. And YES, she is most likely an abuser, and YES the family courts make it nearly impossible for a man to get custody, even after abuse is investigated and even if founded. We simply don’t want her to invade our life or know anything (more/else) about our kids (like where we will be going to Church, for example).

Will a Priest consider this, if I request that she NOT be contacted, due to prior abuse (she was abusive to my eldest children, verbally)? Will a priest permit me to convert knowing my wife is a lapsed, uninterested Catholic?

Thanks for any answers.
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  1. Join the RCIA, and make sure the Coordinator is aware of your situation.
  2. The Coordinator will give you the contact information of a priest who has been through this kind of situation before, and knows how to help you. Contact him, and get started.
  3. Take everything one step at a time. Don’t skip RCIA meetings when things get bogged down in the system. They will. This is just life. It’s not a reason to panic; it’s certainly not a reason to quit.
  4. Complete your RCIA classes, and do as many of the Rites as are allowed (this will be up to the priest).
  5. Complete your Declarations of Nullity, and ensure that your wife gets hers done as well. The Tribunal has been through this before; they know how to deal with uncooperative and abusive former spouses - just explain the situation to them, and they will figure something out for you where you don’t have to contact her directly, and she won’t be given your contact information.
  6. When all of that stuff is done, your wife may very well consent to a small convalidation in the Church, and when she does, you will be able to be received into the Church and have your convalidation pretty much all at the same time.
Caveat: you might and probably actually will miss the Easter Vigil, but if you are faithful to your RCIA process and finish all your RCIA steps ahead of time, then you won’t have to start RCIA all over again before being able to be received into the Church at Pentecost, or during the summer. Or next Easter, depending on how bogged down they get in the middle of it. But in the end you’ll find that it’s worth it. 👍
 
Would you need an annulment if you weren’t married by a priest?
 
on_the_hill said:
Would you need an annulment if you weren’t married by a priest?
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All prior marriages must be looked into before a determination is made. While it is possible the OP & current wife’s prior marriages may be declared invalid for any number of reasons, only a marriage tribunal can say for sure. The process must be initiated to make the determination.
 
Horton said:
All prior marriages must be looked into before a determination is made. While it is possible the OP & current wife’s prior marriages may be declared invalid for any number of reasons, only a marriage tribunal can say for sure. The process must be initiated to make the determination.
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👍 Exactly.
 
Rome4me said:
  1. I have no problem with my first wife being contacted for an annulment, or whatever they can do (for me as a former protestant), or her filling out any forms or answers to any Priest. My SECOND wife–we have decided, with our attorney, as a side note, that we will be requesting a protective order if she takes me back to court for child support (for the 6th or 7th time) due to our concerns about her knowing our new address, anything about us (more), our kids, etc. She has been investigated several times, and because I know her, putting the pieces together, I believe she probably IS a child molester and is definitely abusive. I do NOT want her contacted by any priest for an annulment or to have any further knowledge of us, or our life.
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I don’t think either of your ex wives will need to be contacted. The annulment will simply be an affirmation that the marriage(s) was not a Catholic marriage. A copy of the marriage certificate with all the info on it probably all you need.
 
robertmidwest said:
I don’t think either of your ex wives will need to be contacted. The annulment will simply be an affirmation that the marriage(s) was not a Catholic marriage. A copy of the marriage certificate with all the info on it probably all you need.
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Best to let the Tribunal handle the details, I think. Every marriage is different, and marriages between non-Catholics are subject to different rules.
 
Thank you for the information, and words of encouragement. I have nothing to hide, in fact, I have every thing to show, that like all of us, I’m a sinner. I simply wasn’t sure if given my past, from MANY years ago, if this would prevent me from becoming part of the one, true church.

My wife will come back to RCC I believe, as much as she would never believe that, if I were to join and start practicing in my words and actions.

I simply don’t want to have to deal with the (2nd) Ex-wife, and don’t even want her to know anything about our family–for good reason. I fear that if I explain that, it will look like I am hiding something, but I’m not.

I looked into RCIA before but never followed through. Thanks folks. I really appreciate it. I have no idea how anyone would leave RCC for evangelical or protestant churches, but it does happen, so I am glad this board can help those of us going in the other direction.
 
on_the_hill said:
Would you need an annulment if you weren’t married by a priest?
Click to expand...
If neither party was Catholic at the time of the wedding, then the marriage would need to be looked into by the Tribunal.

Even if one of the parties was Catholic, they would still need to make sure that no Bishop had ever given permission for the wedding to take place without a priest.
 
Rome4me said:
Thank you for the information, and words of encouragement. I have nothing to hide, in fact, I have every thing to show, that like all of us, I’m a sinner. I simply wasn’t sure if given my past, from MANY years ago, if this would prevent me from becoming part of the one, true church.

My wife will come back to RCC I believe, as much as she would never believe that, if I were to join and start practicing in my words and actions.

I simply don’t want to have to deal with the (2nd) Ex-wife, and don’t even want her to know anything about our family–for good reason. I fear that if I explain that, it will look like I am hiding something, but I’m not.

I looked into RCIA before but never followed through. Thanks folks. I really appreciate it. I have no idea how anyone would leave RCC for evangelical or protestant churches, but it does happen, so I am glad this board can help those of us going in the other direction.
Click to expand...
I would recommend getting in touch with Rose Sweet with your questions about annulment. rosesweet.com/about/annulment-advocate/
 
Rather than endeavoring to answer in a forum like this the various points you raise, I would advise you to discuss all of this with the priest who will be facilitating you coming into full communion with Rome – he will be able to help you with each step that will be needed. Nothing of what you relate appears insurmountable. You should not delay in contacting your parish and beginning RCIA, given that the program will already be underway.

I will remember you in my prayers.
 
jmcrae said:
Best to let the Tribunal handle the details, I think. Every marriage is different, and marriages between non-Catholics are subject to different rules.
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I agree with you. The point I was making was more general… there is nothing here that should be so intimidating that it should keep him away. OP should not let the details of his ex wifes behavior become a mental roadblock.
 
Thank you everyone, I am meeting with the RCIA coordinator on Wed. Please, and I really mean this, pray for me (and my family). I want to do the LORD’s will and much prayer has led me to this–I’ll need more to get through it.

Thank you again and I will keep you posted (pun intended) ")
 
Please update us, Rome4me, if you are able. I was remembering you in my prayers today, that all would go well with your meeting.
 
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