As long as you are not taking your rage out on anyone else, it is not necessarily a bad thing – it could well be a stage you are going through on the way to healing from the bad things that were done to you. St. Paul said, “Be angry, but do not sin.” You repressed this for a long time, and now it is just working its way out. You are not alone with this – I went through something similar when I moved to a different town from where I grew up. I had a lot of pent-up anger toward a close family member who had been mean and abusive to me for years, and once I didn’t have to deal with this person all the time, I went through a period of pretty intense rage toward them. It was as if I had pushed all of that resentment down for years in order to keep the family peace, but after moving away, I didn’t have to do that anymore and it came spilling out like a volcano. Sound familiar? It took me a couple of years to move beyond that, but in time I realized that this person was just another poor sinner doing the only thing they knew how to do, and I just happened to be the victim of it. I got to the point where I could forgive them and pray for them, and eventually I grew to where I actually felt sorry for them for being so messed-up that they had to treat others the way they did. Years later, whenever the bad feelings rear their ugly head (not very often, but every now and then), I offer it up for that person’s conversion (they are not Catholic or any kind of Christian). Maybe you will get to that point, too? I worked through my situation by myself, but if I had to do it over, I would get some professional counseling to help deal with it, and that’s what I would recommend to you. God bless.
