How can I encourage my Baptist GF to attend Mass with me?

[voctor09]

My girlfriend (who is Baptist) and I (a Roman Catholic) have recently decided to grow together in faith, and by doing so have started to attend services together. I attended the Baptist service with her, and while I didn’t completely grasp the entire concept of it, I saw it as a good (if not incomplete) way of worshiping Jesus.

However, she attended Mass with me this weekend and was very disturbed by it. She felt as though she was sinning by being present and said she felt bad for everyone at the Mass because she felt as though the priest was twisting Bible verses. She started to cry and left as the Eucharist was being administered.

Apparently she has a problem with denominational Churches being named after Saints or Mary, etc. And it just so happened this particular shrine that we went to had a gift shop, which I explained was used to support the church and not take advantage of the parishioners as was Jesus’ exception in the Bible. She believes that Catholics are wrong and seriously misguided, which I have to admit hurts a lot because I was hoping that we would grow in our faith and not have to debate the merits of one institution over the other. I mean aren’t we all brothers in Christ?

It is my understanding that Baptists have a lot of misconceptions about the Catholic Church, which is why I feel as though she felt obligated to leave as the Eucharist was administered. I was wondering if any of you had any experiences like mine and could recommend how I can go about refuting some of her charges and make her feel more at ease about trying to attend Mass with me.

Thank you for your help.

 

[donanobis]

That’s a difficult place to be in. Maybe you could do a little research first on the internet for answers.

I recently discovered a website of a former **Baptist **minister turned Catholic. He calls himself, well you can see on this link for his brief Bio of Bro. John-Paul Ignatius Mary, OLSM+

He has a forum where he answers questions. As a former Baptist, that might be a good place to start. I just discovered Bro.Ignatius online and assume he is a good person to ask.

Brother is a former Baptist preacher/evangelist who was received into full communion into the Catholic Church at the Easter Vigil in 1993. The lectures of Scott Hahn on the faith and an intense study of the Bible convinced Brother that he must become Catholic. Later that year he met Scott and Kimberly Hahn who invited him to join, and did later join, a new organization that was forming at the time, the Coming Home Network.

Brother Ignatius also is devoted Padre Pio, my favorite saint. Pray to St. Pio and Pray, Hope & Don’t Worry! the answers are out there.

After you have investigated the internet websites yourself, you might want to familiarize your friend with the pages of The Coming Home Network and Scott Hahn also, both former converts.

dona

 

[SpaceNeedle]

First, let me say this comes with LOVE, big big big LOVE, because I know what you’re going through.

I dated a baptist who was the sweetest, kindest, most gentlemanly fellow. I was sure we’d get married. As time passed (about a year), he began starting attending mass with me sporadically. It started with “listen, you can’t tell my folks I went to Mass with you, they wouldn’t understand and would be upset”. It eventually became him admitting his discomfort; this discomfort never waned. His family railed against Catholicism regularly. The more he learned about teachings like being “open to life,” Sunday obligations, etc. the worse it got.

And, the relationship ended. His parting shot was “I can’t believe you are ending this wonderful thing over one stupid little thing!” Not stupid, not little.

This is going to be tough for you. A counselor can help facilitate the acceptance of your faith, if you want to take it that far. But this is so very very hard for a bf/gf. Oftentimes, their whole family will be against you for your faith. They may try to dissuade him/her from continuing the relationship.

I wish you much luck, and hope it works out. This can be a very tough situation.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think it can work for the right people, though! I will pray for you both.

 

[Jon_Hus]

Tell your girlfriend that you are going to hold your breath until she makes up her mind to embrace your religion with glee. If that doesn’t work tell her you like to take long walks on the beach and would like to have two or three cats for pets. That should impress her. If all else fails, buy her a thermos.

 

[donanobis]

My girlfriend (who is Baptist) and I (a Roman Catholic) have recently decided to grow together in faith, and by doing so have started to attend services together. I attended the Baptist service with her, and while I didn’t completely grasp the entire concept of it, I saw it as a good (if not incomplete) way of worshiping Jesus.

Baptist are sincere worshipers. I watch Dr.Chas. Stanley’s, In Touch Ministries, on the Internet and hear almost no untruths.This man tells it like it is, makes it personal, gives didactic lessons in living. Except when he gets into talking about Mary or statues, well you know what they have been ‘brainwashed’ about.

She started to cry and left as the Eucharist was being administered.

I’d like to share with you my Christmas Mass experience which isn’t exactly like yours but involves someone crying at the Eucharist. I went to the children’s Mass which was wall to wall with attendees. I sat next to a woman who from time to time dabbled her eyes with her kleenex. I thought she was emotionally moved or perhaps had a recent death of a loved one. At the beginning of the Consecration, she put her head down and sounded like her heart was breaking as she seemed to be sobbing into her kleenex. I almost started crying with her and wanted to give her a hug (but I don’t hug strangers).BUT much to my utter surprise this woman was not sobbing but giggling, laughing so hard she sounded like she was sobbing. She looked at the young girl next to her and they both giggled. I was quite unneverved. This was during the Consecration of the bread and wine. They left at the distribution of the Eucharist/Communion.

She believes that Catholics are wrong and seriously misguided, which I have to admit hurts a lot because I was hoping that we would grow in our faith and not have to debate the merits of one institution over the other. I mean aren’t we all brothers in Christ?

I have found soooo often as you also have found that Catholics in general are so much more tolerant of other religions. We have the fullness of Faith. You are right, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and this attitude of theirs is puzzling. I have found that protestants in general do not give an inch and will not tolerate nor wish to even hear about Mary, the Saints, and statues. If one thinks about it, if we had not had the education, we too would wonder at ‘praying to statues’. This very well may be the reason that after Vatican 2, in an attempt to attract our protestant brothers and sisters and perhaps now show just how worldly we had become, many priests indiscriminately threw out the statues.

As for Mary, I once argued with someone at a protestant website about their referring to Mary as “the whore of Babylon”. Can you imagine anyone referring to our Blessed Mother, the Mother of God, like this? If nothing else they must realize that she indeed IS the Mother of God. Protestants believe that Jesus is God. I assume they believe the lady represented at the creche (statues) at Christmas is His mother. Mary is His Mother, so how can they be so callous?

At these moments of misunderstanding with protestant friends, what can we do but pray that God will grant the grace to see? I fear this last statement sounds absolutely chau·vin·is·tic.

dona

 

[crazzeto]

I hate to say it, but you’re probably not going to get her to ever grow in Christian faith with you in the way you seem to want to, i.e. both respecting eachothers traditions. It’s going to be either or for her, either she converts or you do, attempt anywhere in the middle and at least based on what you said here I just don’t see a lot of hope.

This is going to be difficult, but you’re going to have to get specific points of theology she is upset with (hey, Eucharist is probably a good start) and start some apologetics. So you might want to brush up on your apologetics if you want to try and perserve this relationship.

Anyway, I’m wishing the best for you and will pray for you and her.

 

[donanobis]

Tell your girlfriend that you are going to hold your breath until she makes up her mind to embrace your religion with glee. If that doesn’t work tell her you like to take long walks on the beach and would like to have two or three cats for pets. That should impress her. If all else fails, buy her a thermos.

That makes no sense at all (to me). Is that like the old saying? “Wish in one hand and spit in the other?”

Or maybe psychobabble for “Do you walk to school or take your lunch?”

dona

 

[raggetyann]

The answer is plane and simple, Go to church with her.Go and see what life is like on the other side of the argument you will find they are very loving and kind, Why can’t you be friend and let her be herself why try to change her faith? Jesus said follow me and i will show you how to make fishers of men. Be all you can be to her and let go and let God! raggetyann God Bless you.

 

[bpbasilphx]

\she felt bad for everyone at the Mass because she felt as though the priest was twisting Bible verses\

**Did you ask her what particular Bible verses were being twisted, and how?

If she can’t answer specifically, she’s obviously just reacting to things she doesn’t yet understand.**

 

[bpbasilphx]

The answer is plane and simple, Go to church with her.Go and see what life is like on the other side of the argument you will find they are very loving and kind, Why can’t you be friend and let her be herself why try to change her faith? Jesus said follow me and i will show you how to make fishers of men. Be all you can be to her and let go and let God! raggetyann God Bless you.

And why are you clearly trying to change HIS faith?

As C. S. Lewis said, Christianity is NOT about being “loving, kind people” but being made new.

And as another person said, when you say “they’re good people”, you’re actually saying the LEAST you can say about them.

 

[Shannon9791]

My girlfriend (who is Baptist) and I (a Roman Catholic) have recently decided to grow together in faith, and by doing so have started to attend services together. I attended the Baptist service with her, and while I didn’t completely grasp the entire concept of it, I saw it as a good (if not incomplete) way of worshiping Jesus.

However, she attended Mass with me this weekend and was very disturbed by it. She felt as though she was sinning by being present and said she felt bad for everyone at the Mass because she felt as though the priest was twisting Bible verses. She started to cry and left as the Eucharist was being administered.

Apparently she has a problem with denominational Churches being named after Saints or Mary, etc. And it just so happened this particular shrine that we went to had a gift shop, which I explained was used to support the church and not take advantage of the parishioners as was Jesus’ exception in the Bible. She believes that Catholics are wrong and seriously misguided, which I have to admit hurts a lot because I was hoping that we would grow in our faith and not have to debate the merits of one institution over the other. I mean aren’t we all brothers in Christ?

It is my understanding that Baptists have a lot of misconceptions about the Catholic Church, which is why I feel as though she felt obligated to leave as the Eucharist was administered. I was wondering if any of you had any experiences like mine and could recommend how I can go about refuting some of her charges and make her feel more at ease about trying to attend Mass with me.

Thank you for your help.

Having grown up in a Baptist town and because I dated quite a few Baptist girls (more than one preachers’ daughters) I can tell you that this is not going to end up the way you would like it to.
In a perfect world, she would have gone to mass with you, seen the most beautiful aspect of our mass (the Eucharist), been so overwhelmed by the love of Jesus (and you becuase you took the time to bring her) that she would have started RCIA the very next day. Sadly, this is not the case and the reasons are many. Probably the main one boils down to something Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said, “People don’t hate the Catholic Church, they hate what they think the Catholic Church is.” Your girlfriend has probably been told all her life that you are going to burn in hell for worshipping Mary and a piece of bread.
I don’t know how long you’ve been seeing this girl, or if you’re “in love” with her or what, but my suggestion would be to let her know that God and your own personal salvation comes first, and because of that you are going to be dedicated to His Church on Earth. My guess is that she’ll probably find a way out of the relationship because of this. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that very thing happened to me a number of times. Cheer up though, in my experience, Catholic girls are way better looking and much smarter anyway.

 

[Jon_Hus]

And why are you clearly trying to change HIS faith?

.

I can answer that. In post # 5, donanodis said:

I have found soooo often as you also have found that Catholics in general are so much more tolerant of other religions. We have the fullness of Faith. You are right, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and this attitude of theirs is puzzling. I have found that protestants in general do not give an inch and will not tolerate nor wish to even hear about Mary, the Saints, and statues.

raggetyann is simply taking this poster at face value.

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

"How can I encourage my Baptist GF to attend Mass with me?"

By teaching her the Catholic Faith. She should want to do it because she believes as the Church teaches not merely as some kind of compromise.

"My girlfriend (who is Baptist) and I (a Roman Catholic) have recently decided to grow together in faith, and by doing so have started to attend services together."

Your current course of action will never achieve your aims as you and your gf have separate faiths, one of which was formed in order to protest against and oppose the other, hence the term protestant.

The results of your actions where predictable and should be all the proof required to prove the veracity of the above.

Let this experience free you from the sentimental and naive ideas you have about us all been the same, if we where all the same there would be no Baptists.

Now two points:

First Catholics should not take active part in non-Catholic worship so I advise you to stop attending Baptist services, to do so only cements in your gf’s mind that been a Baptist is ok and also exposes you mind to false belief’s.

Secondly you must teach your gf the Catholic Faith, she must be catechised.

Once you can convince her that the Catholic Faith is the one True Faith and the Catholic Church is the One True Church founded by God to be the preserver and teacher of His Truths she will willingly attend Mass with you.

And now one last piece of advice.

There is a possibility that your gf is not open to Gods grace which he is offering her through you, that she is not willing to embrace the Catholic Faith. If this proves to be the case I strongly advise you to end the relationship.

Presumably your intention with this lady, if you are an honourable man is to see if she would make a suitable wife for you. It would be unwise of you to marry a non-Catholic, especially one who would actively oppose your Faith, and in fact she would not be able to truthfully promise to raise the children as Catholics as she would be required to do before a marriage would be possible if she continued to feel as she currently does.

 

[crazzeto]

Having grown up in a Baptist town and because I dated quite a few Baptist girls (more than one preachers’ daughters) I can tell you that this is not going to end up the way you would like it to.
In a perfect world, she would have gone to mass with you, seen the most beautiful aspect of our mass (the Eucharist), been so overwhelmed by the love of Jesus (and you becuase you took the time to bring her) that she would have started RCIA the very next day. Sadly, this is not the case and the reasons are many. Probably the main one boils down to something Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said, “People don’t hate the Catholic Church, they hate what they think the Catholic Church is.” Your girlfriend has probably been told all her life that you are going to burn in hell for worshipping Mary and a piece of bread.
I don’t know how long you’ve been seeing this girl, or if you’re “in love” with her or what, but my suggestion would be to let her know that God and your own personal salvation comes first, and because of that you are going to be dedicated to His Church on Earth. My guess is that she’ll probably find a way out of the relationship because of this. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that very thing happened to me a number of times. Cheer up though, in my experience, Catholic girls are way better looking and much smarter anyway.

I have to completely agree here, I’ll add that she was probably “open to the CC” initially on the false belief that people were “exaggerating the extent of how evil Catholics are” and she was probably expecting the Mass to look much the same as her baptist service. You can see the problem here, the Mass effectivly confirmed everything she’s been told about the CC in her mind.

This my rather bleek either / or post. Hate to say it, but this one just isn’t going to end well unless by some chance your apologetics works out. In which case she will convert.

 

[Jon_Hus]

Over on [another] forum we read:

I need some advice. I met this guy, nice enough but a Roman Catholic. He wants to have a serious relationship, I just want to be friends. When I told him I was Baptist he offered to go to church with me if I went to mass with him. In the interest of fairness, I agreeded.

What really bothers me, other than the fact that I just want to be friends is he thinks I’m incapable of making any kind of rational decisions regarding my personal faith in the Lord Jesus. His idea of prayer is repeating the Lord’s prayer verbatum. I explain to him that God want’s to know what’s on his mind, not hear him repeat the same old thing over and over again. This statement upsets him as he thinks I have no respect for the words Jesus spoke.

Another thing he does is spend a lot of time argueing with me over certain parts of the Bible that Baptists don’t accept. And yet, for all that effort, he knows next to nothing about the parts of the Bible we do agree on. I ask him what is his favorite verse and he looks at me like I’m some kind of idiot. When he attended my church, It was obvious that he wasn’t familiar with the Bible as he had no idea where to turn to find certain books/verses.

So, how do I tell this man that God instructs us not be unequally yoked?

 

[Roblox84]

My girlfriend (who is Baptist) and I (a Roman Catholic) have recently decided to grow together in faith, and by doing so have started to attend services together. I attended the Baptist service with her, and while I didn’t completely grasp the entire concept of it, I saw it as a good (if not incomplete) way of worshiping Jesus.

However, she attended Mass with me this weekend and was very disturbed by it. She felt as though she was sinning by being present and said she felt bad for everyone at the Mass because she felt as though the priest was twisting Bible verses. She started to cry and left as the Eucharist was being administered.

Apparently she has a problem with denominational Churches being named after Saints or Mary, etc. And it just so happened this particular shrine that we went to had a gift shop, which I explained was used to support the church and not take advantage of the parishioners as was Jesus’ exception in the Bible. She believes that Catholics are wrong and seriously misguided, which I have to admit hurts a lot because I was hoping that we would grow in our faith and not have to debate the merits of one institution over the other. I mean aren’t we all brothers in Christ?

It is my understanding that Baptists have a lot of misconceptions about the Catholic Church, which is why I feel as though she felt obligated to leave as the Eucharist was administered. I was wondering if any of you had any experiences like mine and could recommend how I can go about refuting some of her charges and make her feel more at ease about trying to attend Mass with me.

Thank you for your help.

That’s very ironic because I have been going to my girlfriends Baptist church for around 1 year now and she has been attending mass at my church. In our case, I have been noticing that her Baptist pastor twists bible passages. So it may be the case that your girlfriend actually heard the bible verses correctly at your church, but another definition of it is engraved in her head from her pastor. A Baptist pastor tends to only read one or two passages that go along with his sermon, and then he states that “I think these passages mean…” and so on. So it is not a very reliable translation. I am recently studying more and more about my own religion and I am getting ready to tell her that there is no way I can go to a Baptist church anymore because something just didn’t feel right when I was sitting in their church.

And i’m not sure where people come up with the idea of praying to saints and Mary, because I have been going to my Church in Ohio for over 10 years and I have never heard anything about that.

 

[aspirant]

However, she attended Mass with me this weekend and was very disturbed by it.

Liturgical prayer is probably very unfamiliar to her, and may even seem somewhat scary. A lot of Baptists have been trained from youth to believe that memorized prayers are inevitably empty and dead, that they’re just something you pronounce, not something you actually pour your heart into.

If she is willing to consider reading something about it, you might consider sharing a book like Thomas Howard’s Evangelical Is Not Enough: the Worship of God in Liturgy & Sacrament. Howard’s background is Evangelical, and the book was while Howard was still a Protestant. It’s a very informative and amiably written book, easy to understand and not confrontational or hostile, and so very winsome. I’m not recommending that you give this to her in a proselytizing spirit, but simply as a gift that might help her better understand what’s going on and why.

For your own reading, I might recommend Fr. Peter Stravinskas’ The Catholic Church and the Bible, particularly the chapter called “Mass Prayers; Biblical Prayers.” It shows some of the biblical origins of the prayers used in the Roman Rite liturgy (assuming you’re Latin Catholic, apologies if you’re not). You might also consider The Lamb’s Supper by Scott Hahn and Worthy Is the Lamb by Thomas Nash. These could be beneficial to you in future conversations.

Apparently she has a problem with denominational Churches being named after Saints or Mary, etc.

We find it more inspiring to name churches after Christians whose love for the Lord we want to emulate than to simply use numbers, street names, or towns. We’re not alone in this. Even Baptists have been known to do it. I once attended a service in Nazareth at the “Southern Baptist Church at St. Mary’s Well.” But don’t just take my word for it. See similar names here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, etc.

And it just so happened this particular shrine that we went to had a gift shop

As do many Baptist and other Evangelical churches. I have a devout Southern Baptist friend who now attends a large Evangelical Bible church that has both a bookstore and a coffee shop.

 

[FabiusMaximus]

I liked Mass when I attended it once.

 

[Darron_Steele]

My girlfriend (who is Baptist) and I (a Roman Catholic) have recently decided to grow together in faith, and by doing so have started to attend services together. I attended the Baptist service with her, and while I didn’t completely grasp the entire concept of it, I saw it as a good (if not incomplete) way of worshiping Jesus.

However, she attended Mass with me this weekend and was very disturbed by it. She felt as though she was sinning by being present and said she felt bad for everyone at the Mass because she felt as though the priest was twisting Bible verses. She started to cry and left as the Eucharist was being administered.
…She believes that Catholics are wrong and seriously misguided, which I have to admit hurts a lot because I was hoping that we would grow in our faith and not have to debate the merits of one institution over the other. I mean aren’t we all brothers in Christ?

It is my understanding that Baptists have a lot of misconceptions about the Catholic Church, which is why I feel as though she felt obligated to leave as the Eucharist was administered…

Let me try to help you out.

First: do not try to get her to believe Catholicism is superior to any form of Christian fundamentalism. It will not work. Do not follow the common polemicist approach of disparaging the Bible or otherwise downplaying its importance. That will backfire. You seem to have no interest in doing either: good; keep it that way.

Second, take her to the passages about eating at idol temples. We have this non-biblical notion that presence implies approval or endorsement. Nope. 1 Corinthians 8:1Co 8:1 Now concerning things sacrificed to idols: We know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffeth up, but love edifieth.
1Co 8:2 If any man thinketh that he knoweth anything, he knoweth not yet as he ought to know;
1Co 8:3 but if any man loveth God, the same is known by him.
1Co 8:4 Concerning therefore the eating of things sacrificed to idols, we know that no idol is anything in the world, and that there is no God but one.
1Co 8:5 For though there be that are called gods, whether in heaven or on earth; as there are gods many, and lords many;
1Co 8:6 yet to us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we unto him; and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and we through him.
1Co 8:7 Howbeit there is not in all men that knowledge: but some, being used until now to the idol, eat as of a thing sacrificed to an idol; and their conscience being weak is defiled.
1Co 8:8 But food will not commend us to God: neither, if we eat not, are we the worse; nor, if we eat, are we the better.
1Co 8:9 But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumblingblock to the weak.
1Co 8:10 For if a man see thee who hast knowledge sitting at meat in an idol’s temple, will not his conscience, if he is weak, be emboldened to eat things sacrificed to idols?
1Co 8:11 For through thy knowledge he that is weak perisheth, the brother for whose sake Christ died.
1Co 8:12 And thus, sinning against the brethren, and wounding their conscience when it is weak, ye sin against Christ.
1Co 8:13 Wherefore, if meat causeth my brother to stumble, I will eat no flesh for evermore, that I cause not my brother to stumble. (ASV)You might want to try this in the King James Version, but I quoted the ASV. The point: notice that Paul did not once reprove Christians for eating at idol temples – but warned them to be careful about causing “the weak” to do something they thing they ought not to do. Paul did not rebuke anyone for being at an idol’s temple eating what has been sacrificed to them. Presence does not imply approval – or Paul would have rebuked them sharply for being there on those grounds.

Application: even if your girlfriend thinks that what happens at Mass is terribly wrong, her presence is not sin. If someone insists otherwise, he is holding an opinion not supported by Scripture.

Third: ask your girlfriend to respect you enough to consider you competent to explain your own beliefs. There are way, way, way too many Baptists who think they are more competent to tell people what their Catholic neighbors believe than those very Catholic neighbors.

A common thing I see on another board is the approach `Well the Catholic church teaches’ in order to justify smearing our Catholic neighbors. They will dig up old documents written hundreds of years ago, and/or they will cite some document that they do not understand. Others take the approach of citing what happens among Catholics in other world regions. Try to deflect both of these by trying to keep the discussion on what you and your fellow Catholics in your local area believe and do now, and if she drifts, tell her so.

If your girlfriend truly thinks someone else is more qualified to explain what you believe than you are, you might want to rethink this relationship, because that would mean big trouble on the other side of a walk down the aisle. Hopefully, when she is shown that if she really respects you then she will consider you competent to explain your own beliefs, and she will listen.

Mass will seem a whole lot less horrible if she listens to Catholics explain what is going on and why – as opposed to propaganda. Let her ask questions – and brace yourself, because what she regurgitates will probably be upsetting. Try to stay collected.

 

[Darron_Steele]

Fourth: Yes you do believe in salvation by faith through the grace of God, at least probably if you are from an English-speaking country. You probably do not believe in salvation by works how Baptists normally mean it. You probably believe that you are dependent upon Jesus Christ getting you to Heaven despite your lack of merit to it, and you probably do not believe your works earn you salvation. You, like her, believe that Christians should do works not in order to earn salvation, but because you are believers.

Fifth: Tell her you know of a person who went to Catholic Mass while being an active member of a Baptist congregation. I was in a practicum at a Catholic school, and I went to Mass. It did not make me Catholic, I did not have to go kneel before a statue of Mary, I did not have to go forward at any time, and I did not get struck dead or suffer any lesser misfortune; your girlfriend will not either. As foreign as the concept might be to some people, God really does not hate Catholics remotely as much as they wish He did.

Sixth: Take her to Saturday evening Mass, as opposed to a Sunday morning Mass. It seems like Saturday evening Masses are lighter on the distinctly Catholic things. This might be less upsetting to her.

I am sorry for the suffering of your girlfriend, and I am sorry that you are going through this. Good luck.