How Can I Find Healing Now That I Realize I Never Did Resolve Childhood Issues?

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elsker

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I know that I’ve posted unusual stuff or divisive/controversial things like “racism in the rosary group”, “preventative surgery”, “atheist presidential children”, “predatory school teachers” and “switching party affiliations”. Thank you for reading it all. I’ve learned a great deal in the process. If something is happening in life I find it easier to walk through it here than just letting it weigh on me and go nowhere. Most if not all of my struggles or questions have to do with my faith and holy mother church.

Now I really have an issue and I assumed 30 years ago I’d kicked this issue to the curb but something unexpected happened last night that brought it front and center just like no time had passed.

We’ve all been down this road and have assumed that time, prayer, sacraments, husbands, wives, kids and other obligations had helped to move us along , only to find out that instead of walking 100 miles down the road we had never moved at all. I am starting to think that I never came to any resolution and had only convinced myself that I had. I feel as if the grip the past had on me never left and no matter what I’ve done or where I’ve been or what I know now never had done much of anything to heal my wounds.

I left the church for almost 25 years. I blamed the scandals and my reasoning was that since I had experienced similar abuse in my own home and family, the catholic church had let me down when it all came out about what had happened in regards to abuse. I know and maybe knew then that I was scapegoating the church. I knew I needed to come back. I felt adrift without my faith and the sacraments. So, I worked on my issues regarding parents and other family members who had been responsible for the abuse I went through. I thought that I had finally gotten myself together. I did the best I could do for my own well being by severing ties and working towards forgiving those who hurt me. Years passed and I also realized the church did not owe me anything and that I had to lay that anger down and come home. I did this in 2005.

I felt that I was happy and at peace for the most part. I have worked constantly towards healing and have developed a deeper understanding of my faith and the necessity of the sacraments. Things were as good as they could be and I felt things could only go up from here but then a news app on my phone changed everything and now here I am.

I read a lot of news from all over and had been reading something on a U.K. site when an item came across my phone. The town I was born in and had been raised in during a couple of years of high school was in a crisis. It shocked me because the story had managed to make it all the way to the U.K. I read through this huge article and looked at photos of places I hadn’t seen since high school. I hadn’t had any contact with anyone in decades but as I read an interview with some of the people in the town their names hit me like a ton of bricks: the main persons in the story were 2 of the people who had abused me! I saw pictures of one of them on the page and there were also photos of the place where the abuses happened. I was shocked that these people were still there; alive and had managed to become central figures in this community’s issues. Sympathy was pouring in for them and all I could think of was how unjust it was in my mind that these abusers should get loads of sympathy while I would never see justice in my lifetime for the things that were done to me.

I followed other links and saw more interviews, more photos, more expressions of sympathy and support. I guess I “assumed” that “it” would show and that the media people would just “know” what kind of people they were propping up in their papers as “the victims of the disaster befalling this town”. That thinking doesn’t make sense and no one knows anything about you unless you tell them. That reaction I had is how I knew I hadn’t accomplished anything, hadn’t healed, hadn’t found peace-I had just been running for all that time while somehow standing perfectly still. The anger was still there. I had gained nothing at all.

So now what? How do I make peace with this? Is there really such a thing as closure? Why did faith never help even though I swore it did?

Am I doing this all wrong? And if I am confronted with more news stories etc. what should I do to protect myself from all the feelings that are stirred up?

The blessed mother became a new mother for me years ago and st. joseph a new father as well but did I miss something?

Has/Is anyone going through something similar and what worked to finally get your issues resolved-truly resolved?

Blessings and thank you.
 
It is your attitude about this that will either propel you or hinder you.

I am familar with a difficult past, and can tell you that God will be with you and bless you and give you the grace to get over it. But you have to do your part as well. Instead of feeling pity for yourself, feel pity for those who hurt you. In this life, unfairness is common but God is the ultimate vindicator. Give this to Him and He will bless you.

Sometimes we also need outside help. You can always talk to a counselor to help kickstart the healing process.
 
eisker,

Our Lord Jesus Christ, His Blessed Mother, and St. Joseph have not abandoned you!

Stay close to them, and pray to not allow how others have hurt you to cause bitterness and lack of faith.
 
elsker said:
I know that I’ve posted unusual stuff or divisive/controversial things like “racism in the rosary group”, “preventative surgery”, “atheist presidential children”, “predatory school teachers” and “switching party affiliations”. Thank you for reading it all. I’ve learned a great deal in the process. If something is happening in life I find it easier to walk through it here than just letting it weigh on me and go nowhere. Most if not all of my struggles or questions have to do with my faith and holy mother church.

Now I really have an issue and I assumed 30 years ago I’d kicked this issue to the curb but something unexpected happened last night that brought it front and center just like no time had passed.

We’ve all been down this road and have assumed that time, prayer, sacraments, husbands, wives, kids and other obligations had helped to move us along , only to find out that instead of walking 100 miles down the road we had never moved at all. I am starting to think that I never came to any resolution and had only convinced myself that I had. I feel as if the grip the past had on me never left and no matter what I’ve done or where I’ve been or what I know now never had done much of anything to heal my wounds.

I left the church for almost 25 years. I blamed the scandals and my reasoning was that since I had experienced similar abuse in my own home and family, the catholic church had let me down when it all came out about what had happened in regards to abuse. I know and maybe knew then that I was scapegoating the church. I knew I needed to come back. I felt adrift without my faith and the sacraments. So, I worked on my issues regarding parents and other family members who had been responsible for the abuse I went through. I thought that I had finally gotten myself together. I did the best I could do for my own well being by severing ties and working towards forgiving those who hurt me. Years passed and I also realized the church did not owe me anything and that I had to lay that anger down and come home. I did this in 2005.

I felt that I was happy and at peace for the most part. I have worked constantly towards healing and have developed a deeper understanding of my faith and the necessity of the sacraments. Things were as good as they could be and I felt things could only go up from here but then a news app on my phone changed everything and now here I am.

I read a lot of news from all over and had been reading something on a U.K. site when an item came across my phone. The town I was born in and had been raised in during a couple of years of high school was in a crisis. It shocked me because the story had managed to make it all the way to the U.K. I read through this huge article and looked at photos of places I hadn’t seen since high school. I hadn’t had any contact with anyone in decades but as I read an interview with some of the people in the town their names hit me like a ton of bricks: the main persons in the story were 2 of the people who had abused me! I saw pictures of one of them on the page and there were also photos of the place where the abuses happened. I was shocked that these people were still there; alive and had managed to become central figures in this community’s issues. Sympathy was pouring in for them and all I could think of was how unjust it was in my mind that these abusers should get loads of sympathy while I would never see justice in my lifetime for the things that were done to me.

I followed other links and saw more interviews, more photos, more expressions of sympathy and support. I guess I “assumed” that “it” would show and that the media people would just “know” what kind of people they were propping up in their papers as “the victims of the disaster befalling this town”. That thinking doesn’t make sense and no one knows anything about you unless you tell them. That reaction I had is how I knew I hadn’t accomplished anything, hadn’t healed, hadn’t found peace-I had just been running for all that time while somehow standing perfectly still. The anger was still there. I had gained nothing at all.

So now what? How do I make peace with this? Is there really such a thing as closure? Why did faith never help even though I swore it did?

Am I doing this all wrong? And if I am confronted with more news stories etc. what should I do to protect myself from all the feelings that are stirred up?

The blessed mother became a new mother for me years ago and st. joseph a new father as well but did I miss something?

Has/Is anyone going through something similar and what worked to finally get your issues resolved-truly resolved?

Blessings and thank you.
Click to expand...
These issues are too big and too deep for you to deal with on your own. You need professional counseling to help you through the pain. Yes, you can get better, but the first step is FORGIVENESS. My husband went through a similar process, but it was not until he got professional help that he was able to move on with his life and use the grace from the sacraments to resolve a lifetime of anger and depression. It is a slow, painful process and it is over whelming and difficult to confront the wrongs of the past, but it can be done and in the end you will have your life back.
 
Thank you for replying to my post. I will keep you in my prayers.

I am very supportive of those who seek counseling but not in favor of some of what secular counselors recommend in their practices. There are catholic counseling services available but the center where I live is not covered under my insurance. I spent today calling around and found that catholic counselors are not usually covered by insurance and cost more than secular counselors due to having a smaller pool of self-pay patients to make an income by.

A self pay bill that I looked at from a relative was $160 per 45 minute session! That is not something I could afford if more than one session is necessary. Group therapy (which may not benefit me in my situation) is $75 a session or more.

Going through my insurance is my only option and those counselors while tolerant of religious beliefs will often times attribute a patient’s mental health issues to “over reliance on religious practices”-over reliance is defined as “daily prayer rituals” or “more than occasional church attendance”. The sacrament of reconciliation is now on the verge of being re-defined as [paraphrasing here] ‘an unhealthy, shaming ritual in which there’s an emphases on redefining normal-tive behaviours in a way that intimidates, shames and guilts the participant into believing these behaviours are “sinful”-when they are not, creating fear of punishment for behaving in ways that are understood as normal by the majority of the population.’

In other words the APA has taken the “catholic guilt” trope and spun it into its own psychiatric disorder. This no doubt is due to pressure from influential liberal groups and atheist organizations. The APA in the future will push to have belief in organized religion/or God redefined in the DSM as a psychiatric disorder.

(In case you’re wondering I was in my 2nd year working towards a degree in psychology that I had to abandon in part because of the redefinition of religion that is in the pipeline.)

In have talked to friends and family that gave up on secular counseling because (and I witnessed this during a video counseling session first hand) they were asked to enter into deep meditative states, repeat mantras and essentially put themselves in an altered state which left them open to suggestion and vulnerable almost akin to hypnosis but not quite. They made their therapist uncomfortable when they mentioned god, faith, prayer, catholicism etc. and were redirected by the therapist to discuss their faith in nuetral terms. The freedom to say anything during the session was limited to anything but god and religion. At the end they were asked to buy a copy of a book that dealt with some type of non christian mysticism.

I felt very uncomfortable and have been hesitant to look at secular counseling after what I saw.

I could site other examples but I think you guys catch my drift. I will add that there seems to be a heavy emphasis on having patients engage in behaviours that we catholics define as “self harm” and mortal sin as a way to “repair” damage done by s**ual abuse. Supposedly this “self harm” is supposed to make people like me feel normal. If it was healthy, normal and reparative it wouldn’t be considered mortal sin. It is mortal sin and I trust the judgment of the church on this.

Sorry to be so long in my reply but I wanted to fully explain why I have not attended counseling and also to give an FYI overview to anyone wondering what the differences are between secular and catholic therapists and why it might not be a good idea to just jump into therapy with just any therapist. I also wanted to give a heads up about what might be going on in the future with any new versions of the DSM.

This has really shaken me to my core. I still have a love and respect for the field of psychology but I’m horrified that the DSM is being hijacked by certain people to make it easier to get their agenda realized at the expense of those of us who believe in God and live lives of faith. The hope of some groups is that parents not be allowed to share their religion with their children seeing this as a step closer to an outright ban of all religious practices in this country. Imagine being accused of child abuse for simply sharing your beliefs with your children! If religion becomes a defined psychosis in the DSM, someday we will see families torn apart simply because a parent who wants to share their love for christ could wind up being labeled as having a mental illness.

This may sound like insane speculation but looking back 10 years ago people speculated about the future and the things they imagined might happen but were brushed aside only for those naysayers to realize that a lot of what was predicted actually turned out to be the reality we live in right now.

Scary? Very much so!
 
I will share my experience, I have no idea if it is similar to yours, or if any of it is applicable to you, but here it is, for what it’s worth.

We each have our childhoods and childhood experiences. Some of them are good, some are horrific. While they will necessarily affect us for the whole of our lives, we are not bound to always be crippled by them. Even if they are physical, we can find ways to be productive and mature. We are not still children, even when we feel like we are still that child, still having those awful experiences. PSTD is real, but for most of us we can move forward.

In other words, I don’t think there is such a thing as totally resolving anything, to the degree that we won’t still have feelings about it, or fears etc. Talking ourselves blue in the face and reading self help books, and having therapy may help up to a point but nothing fully and totally wipes it all away. And it doesn’t need to. We accept our past, we accept our feelings, and we keep chugging along.

I had a pretty bad childhood. I was in therapy for well over a decade. I was in support groups, etc etc etc. And while it was nice to have someone to talk to, and people to commiserate with, nothing was really resolved, over, closure, wrapped up with a bow etc.

Honestly, the thing that helped me the most was working the 12 steps that are used in recovery programs. They apply to life, not just addiction. They put things into realistic perspective and keep me moving forward. In two years they changed my life, perspective, and ability to live life on life’s terms more than two decades of therapy did.

The original steps are found in the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous, but if you are not an alcoholic there are other books and formats that might feel more approachable and applicable. They can be found, online, in book stores etc etc.

It’s been great to know that I don’t have to relive and rehash all that stuff everytime the bear comes knocking at the door, or I hear it grown in the distance.

One of my favorite quotes from working the 12 steps is “all resentments, even justified ones keep you captive, let them go”

and "How much will it cost me today to hold onto this resentment.

Now, if it were just pat saying “la la la just let your resentments go” it wouldn’t be much help, but working the steps is a process that truly helps me let those resentments go. I was shocked by how much it helped.
 
Catholic Charities may have counseling services on a sliding scale payment plan. I know they do in my area…if you are interested you can call and ask.
 
schaeffer said:
I will share my experience, I have no idea if it is similar to yours, or if any of it is applicable to you, but here it is, for what it’s worth.

We each have our childhoods and childhood experiences. Some of them are good, some are horrific. While they will necessarily affect us for the whole of our lives, we are not bound to always be crippled by them. Even if they are physical, we can find ways to be productive and mature. We are not still children, even when we feel like we are still that child, still having those awful experiences. PSTD is real, but for most of us we can move forward.

In other words, I don’t think there is such a thing as totally resolving anything, to the degree that we won’t still have feelings about it, or fears etc. Talking ourselves blue in the face and reading self help books, and having therapy may help up to a point but nothing fully and totally wipes it all away. And it doesn’t need to. We accept our past, we accept our feelings, and we keep chugging along.

I had a pretty bad childhood. I was in therapy for well over a decade. I was in support groups, etc etc etc. And while it was nice to have someone to talk to, and people to commiserate with, nothing was really resolved, over, closure, wrapped up with a bow etc.

Honestly, the thing that helped me the most was working the 12 steps that are used in recovery programs. They apply to life, not just addiction. They put things into realistic perspective and keep me moving forward. In two years they changed my life, perspective, and ability to live life on life’s terms more than two decades of therapy did.

The original steps are found in the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous, but if you are not an alcoholic there are other books and formats that might feel more approachable and applicable. They can be found, online, in book stores etc etc.

It’s been great to know that I don’t have to relive and rehash all that stuff everytime the bear comes knocking at the door, or I hear it grown in the distance.

One of my favorite quotes from working the 12 steps is “all resentments, even justified ones keep you captive, let them go”

and "How much will it cost me today to hold onto this resentment.

Now, if it were just pat saying “la la la just let your resentments go” it wouldn’t be much help, but working the steps is a process that truly helps me let those resentments go. I was shocked by how much it helped.
Click to expand...
What you shared is very helpful.
 
Dorothy said:
Catholic Charities may have counseling services on a sliding scale payment plan. I know they do in my area…if you are interested you can call and ask.
Click to expand...
Thank you. I didn’t know they offered that. I’ll give them a call Monday.
 
schaeffer said:
I will share my experience, I have no idea if it is similar to yours, or if any of it is applicable to you, but here it is, for what it’s worth.

We each have our childhoods and childhood experiences. Some of them are good, some are horrific. While they will necessarily affect us for the whole of our lives, we are not bound to always be crippled by them. Even if they are physical, we can find ways to be productive and mature. We are not still children, even when we feel like we are still that child, still having those awful experiences. PSTD is real, but for most of us we can move forward.

In other words, I don’t think there is such a thing as totally resolving anything, to the degree that we won’t still have feelings about it, or fears etc. Talking ourselves blue in the face and reading self help books, and having therapy may help up to a point but nothing fully and totally wipes it all away. And it doesn’t need to. We accept our past, we accept our feelings, and we keep chugging along.

I had a pretty bad childhood. I was in therapy for well over a decade. I was in support groups, etc etc etc. And while it was nice to have someone to talk to, and people to commiserate with, nothing was really resolved, over, closure, wrapped up with a bow etc.

Honestly, the thing that helped me the most was working the 12 steps that are used in recovery programs. They apply to life, not just addiction. They put things into realistic perspective and keep me moving forward. In two years they changed my life, perspective, and ability to live life on life’s terms more than two decades of therapy did.

The original steps are found in the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous, but if you are not an alcoholic there are other books and formats that might feel more approachable and applicable. They can be found, online, in book stores etc etc.

It’s been great to know that I don’t have to relive and rehash all that stuff everytime the bear comes knocking at the door, or I hear it grown in the distance.

One of my favorite quotes from working the 12 steps is “all resentments, even justified ones keep you captive, let them go”

and "How much will it cost me today to hold onto this resentment.

Now, if it were just pat saying “la la la just let your resentments go” it wouldn’t be much help, but working the steps is a process that truly helps me let those resentments go. I was shocked by how much it helped.
Click to expand...
I have been to some of the meetings and the ironybis that A.A and sister programs had been founded by a Catholic but time has distanced A.A. from it’s catholic roots. The steps are nice but I never liked the

“God as you understand him…” bit.

There is one God and we can only understand him fully in the church he founded. The understanding of God has to always lead to Jesus and his holy church. To invite people to invent their own understanding grated against my identity as a catholic. That was my first concern with the groups the second concern is the fostering of dependence on the group that is encouraged. If you are an addict you NEED the dependence on the group to stay sober but if you are not an addict and attend a sister group dependence is not a good idea. The goal should be to develop coping strategies that don’t necessitate reliance on being part of a group. Stories of people going into panic attacks because they couldn’t find a meeting open on a particular day just scared me. I don’t want to develop an unhealthy attachment to a group and have that group become a crutch for me that I cannot function without.

Sorry but I feel I had to explain that I did investigate that type of support group and why I didn’t kerp attending it.
 
Why are these people in the news? Are you saying that they are accused of things similar to what they did to you, and everyone feels sorry for them and believes them? Or are you saying that some other evil has befallen them and they’re getting sympathy on that account?

I’d say that if they were accused of something similar to what they did to you and getting sympathy, that means their latest victims are not being believed. In that case, I’d feel a duty to step up and say, “No. It happened to me. I think it is the accuser that is telling the truth, the accuser that is the victim, and the accuser who ought to be getting the sympathy.” That would be very hard, but that would be what you could have used when you were the victim who was not heard.

What if they are going through something “unrelated”? Well, then consider that we are not so simple as “what kind of person” we are. We do things that deserve condemnation and things that deserve praise. The people who are supporting the people who victimized you are probably the beneficiaries of the good things these people did. Maybe they don’t know what happened to you. Maybe, though, they are also victims but were the beneficiaries of repentance by and reconciliation with the offenders. Much has happened that you can know nothing about. You also don’t know what trials your enemies have been through or what their standing is before God. Also, some trials are such that they elicit sympathy no matter who they happen to. There is such a thing as a fate “you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.”

When we have been wronged and suffer as the offender even though we are the victim, when we have seen our enemies prosper, we are on ground that psalmists have walked, ground that Our Lord himself had to walk. Where ever else you go, go to him, and go to his holy word.

Psalm 73

*A psalm of Asaph.

How good God is to the upright,
to those who are pure of heart!

But, as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
my steps had nearly slipped,

Because I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.a

For they suffer no pain;
their bodies are healthy and sleek.

They are free of the burdens of life;
they are not afflicted like others.

Thus pride adorns them as a necklace;
violence clothes them as a robe.

Out of such blindness comes sin;
evil thoughts flood their hearts.b

They scoff and spout their malice;
from on high they utter threats.c

They set their mouths against the heavens,
their tongues roam the earth.

So my people turn to them
and drink deeply of their words.

They say, “Does God really know?”
“Does the Most High have any knowledge?”

Such, then, are the wicked,
always carefree, increasing their wealth.

Is it in vain that I have kept my heart pure,
washed my hands in innocence?

For I am afflicted day after day,
chastised every morning.

Had I thought, “I will speak as they do,”
I would have betrayed this generation of your children.

Though I tried to understand all this,
it was too difficult for me,

Till I entered the sanctuary of God
and came to understand their end.

You set them, indeed, on a slippery road;
you hurl them down to ruin.

How suddenly they are devastated;
utterly undone by disaster!

They are like a dream after waking, Lord,
dismissed like shadows when you arise.

Since my heart was embittered
and my soul deeply wounded,

I was stupid and could not understand;
I was like a brute beast in your presence.

Yet I am always with you;
you take hold of my right hand.

With your counsel you guide me,
and at the end receive me with honor.

Whom else have I in the heavens?
None beside you delights me on earth.

Though my flesh and my heart fail,
God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.

But those who are far from you perish;
you destroy those unfaithful to you.

As for me, to be near God is my good,
to make the Lord GOD my refuge.
I shall declare all your works
in the gates of daughter Zion.*

How do you get “closure”? You may need help, but closure probably will not come from seeking repentance from someone who has not approached you to offer it. The thing to do with the unrepentant is to forgive them in the hope of having your own sins forgiven. That is what we were commanded to do in the Lord’s Prayer, and we were commanded to do so more for our own good than for anything else.
 
elsker said:
Thank you for replying to my post. I will keep you in my prayers.

I am very supportive of those who seek counseling but not in favor of some of what secular counselors recommend in their practices. There are catholic counseling services available but the center where I live is not covered under my insurance. I spent today calling around and found that catholic counselors are not usually covered by insurance and cost more than secular counselors due to having a smaller pool of self-pay patients to make an income by.

A self pay bill that I looked at from a relative was $160 per 45 minute session! That is not something I could afford if more than one session is necessary. Group therapy (which may not benefit me in my situation) is $75 a session or more.

Going through my insurance is my only option and those counselors while tolerant of religious beliefs will often times attribute a patient’s mental health issues to “over reliance on religious practices”-over reliance is defined as “daily prayer rituals” or “more than occasional church attendance”. The sacrament of reconciliation is now on the verge of being re-defined as [paraphrasing here] ‘an unhealthy, shaming ritual in which there’s an emphases on redefining normal-tive behaviours in a way that intimidates, shames and guilts the participant into believing these behaviours are “sinful”-when they are not, creating fear of punishment for behaving in ways that are understood as normal by the majority of the population.’

In other words the APA has taken the “catholic guilt” trope and spun it into its own psychiatric disorder. This no doubt is due to pressure from influential liberal groups and atheist organizations. The APA in the future will push to have belief in organized religion/or God redefined in the DSM as a psychiatric disorder.

(In case you’re wondering I was in my 2nd year working towards a degree in psychology that I had to abandon in part because of the redefinition of religion that is in the pipeline.)

In have talked to friends and family that gave up on secular counseling because (and I witnessed this during a video counseling session first hand) they were asked to enter into deep meditative states, repeat mantras and essentially put themselves in an altered state which left them open to suggestion and vulnerable almost akin to hypnosis but not quite. They made their therapist uncomfortable when they mentioned god, faith, prayer, catholicism etc. and were redirected by the therapist to discuss their faith in nuetral terms. The freedom to say anything during the session was limited to anything but god and religion. At the end they were asked to buy a copy of a book that dealt with some type of non christian mysticism.

I felt very uncomfortable and have been hesitant to look at secular counseling after what I saw.

I could site other examples but I think you guys catch my drift. I will add that there seems to be a heavy emphasis on having patients engage in behaviours that we catholics define as “self harm” and mortal sin as a way to “repair” damage done by s**ual abuse. Supposedly this “self harm” is supposed to make people like me feel normal. If it was healthy, normal and reparative it wouldn’t be considered mortal sin. It is mortal sin and I trust the judgment of the church on this.

Sorry to be so long in my reply but I wanted to fully explain why I have not attended counseling and also to give an FYI overview to anyone wondering what the differences are between secular and catholic therapists and why it might not be a good idea to just jump into therapy with just any therapist. I also wanted to give a heads up about what might be going on in the future with any new versions of the DSM.

This has really shaken me to my core. I still have a love and respect for the field of psychology but I’m horrified that the DSM is being hijacked by certain people to make it easier to get their agenda realized at the expense of those of us who believe in God and live lives of faith. The hope of some groups is that parents not be allowed to share their religion with their children seeing this as a step closer to an outright ban of all religious practices in this country. Imagine being accused of child abuse for simply sharing your beliefs with your children! If religion becomes a defined psychosis in the DSM, someday we will see families torn apart simply because a parent who wants to share their love for christ could wind up being labeled as having a mental illness.

This may sound like insane speculation but looking back 10 years ago people speculated about the future and the things they imagined might happen but were brushed aside only for those naysayers to realize that a lot of what was predicted actually turned out to be the reality we live in right now.

Scary? Very much so!
Click to expand...
I highly recommend listening to the Phil Sandoval Show on Catholic Radio. He is a therapist and his show covers many topics. Every time I listen I think “well that was 6 months of therapy in one hour.”.
It is very, very good.
 
lax16 said:
I highly recommend listening to the Phil Sandoval Show on Catholic Radio. He is a therapist and his show covers many topics. Every time I listen I think “well that was 6 months of therapy in one hour.”.
It is very, very good.
Click to expand...
Thanks I have been listening its very good to hear others speaking out about this. The thing I’ve never bought into was the shame aspect. I never was ashamed but there is a code of silence that is hard to break through.
 
EasterJoy said:
Why are these people in the news? Are you saying that they are accused of things similar to what they did to you, and everyone feels sorry for them and believes them? Or are you saying that some other evil has befallen them and they’re getting sympathy on that account?

Their town is in an ecological crisis and they applied for help and they became features of various stories in the media. No this event has nothing to do with abuse.

I’d say that if they were accused of something similar to what they did to you and getting sympathy, that means their latest victims are not being believed. In that case, I’d feel a duty to step up and say, “No. It happened to me. I think it is the accuser that is telling the truth, the accuser that is the victim, and the accuser who ought to be getting the sympathy.” That would be very hard, but that would be what you could have used when you were the victim who was not heard.

What if they are going through something “unrelated”? Well, then consider that we are not so simple as “what kind of person” we are. We do things that deserve condemnation and things that deserve praise. The people who are supporting the people who victimized you are probably the beneficiaries of the good things these people did. Maybe they don’t know what happened to you. Maybe, though, they are also victims but were the beneficiaries of repentance by and reconciliation with the offenders. Much has happened that you can know nothing about. You also don’t know what trials your enemies have been through or what their standing is before God. Also, some trials are such that they elicit sympathy no matter who they happen to. There is such a thing as a fate “you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.”

When we have been wronged and suffer as the offender even though we are the victim, when we have seen our enemies prosper, we are on ground that psalmists have walked, ground that Our Lord himself had to walk. Where ever else you go, go to him, and go to his holy word.

Psalm 73

*A psalm of Asaph.

How good God is to the upright,
to those who are pure of heart!

But, as for me, my feet had almost stumbled;
my steps had nearly slipped,

Because I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.a

For they suffer no pain;
their bodies are healthy and sleek.

They are free of the burdens of life;
they are not afflicted like others.

Thus pride adorns them as a necklace;
violence clothes them as a robe.

Out of such blindness comes sin;
evil thoughts flood their hearts.b

They scoff and spout their malice;
from on high they utter threats.c

They set their mouths against the heavens,
their tongues roam the earth.

So my people turn to them
and drink deeply of their words.

They say, “Does God really know?”
“Does the Most High have any knowledge?”

Such, then, are the wicked,
always carefree, increasing their wealth.

Is it in vain that I have kept my heart pure,
washed my hands in innocence?

For I am afflicted day after day,
chastised every morning.

Had I thought, “I will speak as they do,”
I would have betrayed this generation of your children.

Though I tried to understand all this,
it was too difficult for me,

Till I entered the sanctuary of God
and came to understand their end.

You set them, indeed, on a slippery road;
you hurl them down to ruin.

How suddenly they are devastated;
utterly undone by disaster!

They are like a dream after waking, Lord,
dismissed like shadows when you arise.

Since my heart was embittered
and my soul deeply wounded,

I was stupid and could not understand;
I was like a brute beast in your presence.

Yet I am always with you;
you take hold of my right hand.

With your counsel you guide me,
and at the end receive me with honor.

Whom else have I in the heavens?
None beside you delights me on earth.

Though my flesh and my heart fail,
God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.

But those who are far from you perish;
you destroy those unfaithful to you.

As for me, to be near God is my good,
to make the Lord GOD my refuge.
I shall declare all your works
in the gates of daughter Zion.*

How do you get “closure”? You may need help, but closure probably will not come from seeking repentance from someone who has not approached you to offer it. The thing to do with the unrepentant is to forgive them in the hope of having your own sins forgiven. That is what we were commanded to do in the Lord’s Prayer, and we were commanded to do so more for our own good than for anything else.
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Closure is the brass ring that everyone talks about having to achieve. I realize its not possible but some resolution needs to happen.
 
elsker said:
Closure is the brass ring that everyone talks about having to achieve. I realize its not possible but some resolution needs to happen.
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Our Lord Jesus Christ is the healer, and many times he uses others to be the instruments of his healing.
 
lax16 said:
I highly recommend listening to the Phil Sandoval Show on Catholic Radio. He is a therapist and his show covers many topics. Every time I listen I think “well that was 6 months of therapy in one hour.”.
It is very, very good.
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Joe Sikkaro had 2 days of calls dealing with childhood trauma 4/27-4/28 Here’s the links to the page. 4/28 broadcast will be put up later today. 4/27 is available.

ihradio.com/listen/audio-archives/

Episode: April, 27th Hour 1
Part1- ihrarchive.org/archive/JOE1-20150427.mp3

Part2- ihrarchive.org/archive/PS2-20150427.mp3
 
Small words from one who i now over 70 and has learned to forgive and let the past be in my heart. If you knew even a small part of what I have been put through… I honestly do not think it of any help to go back over it all as you tend to do. I carry scars that can affect my life but I know they are there and they are my problem. eg fear of drs which is totally justified as they put me through hell for three decades. abused me and destroyed career, family life and health… I know this and take care now and have appointed a dear friend a my Power of Attorney to prevent further abuse. Sure memories surface often BUT I AM ALIVE and life is precious and so are people… giving matters and I delight in tiny things and know how little time I have left so let nothing hinder it. Seems that if you go back over it all it becomes more powerful again and i have seen this in others who suffered in long ago childhood. Let it be, let it lie, replace it with faith and love and beauty. I have no idea what closure means either. You cannoy amputate the past but you can leave it in the past It happened but it is over,.
 
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