How can I forget and forgive?

[shanishani7]

I had a boyfriend I loved many years ago. But after a while he always contacted with my friend. We even argued because of it. Later, sure we broke up and very soon he got together with her. After only 2 years they got married. They live very happily even now. She at first tried to persuade me to leave him, and persuade him to leave me at our crisis time, in order to seperate us. I trusted her simply from my pure heart, she had another boyfriend even when she was dating my boyfriend. She lied to my boyfriend, her boyfriend and me. She learnt psychology and got a psychology degree so she was very clever and know how to control others minds by setting trap and playing tricks.

After they got together, it was like a thunder to me. And they stopped every contact with me immediately. In these nearly 6-7 years I am just living in these shadow.

One of most I don’t understand is - she was and is a Protestant who has been baptized in Protestant Church, and she always prayed to God and went to Church. From this, why did she do all these things to me?
And recently my ex-bf (her husband) also baptized to become a Protestant because of her.

I tried very hard to put all these down but still cannot after many years.

She took everything away from me. If Baptism of Protestant is also valid, does it mean that she will be saved and has happy life on earth now? and I am just suffering for whole life.

 

[Petaro]

The great value of forgiveness for us mortals is that it takes away the power our enemies have over us. If you consider your situation you will see that the girl who wronged you so many years ago is living happily whilst you still grieve for your loss and betrayal. However, after all these years, any mature advice would be to move on emotionally and allow, through an act of the will in forgiveness, indifference to smother your grief.
Many of your generation have a disease called chronic dissatisfaction. This exacerbates every emotional response you experience so that an endemic negativity is almost enjoyed. Look at the “plastic” emotional public overload at Lady Diana’s death. Consider what is happening in Ferguson.
Rather, forgiveness gives you a psych-asocial permission to move on with your life, not marginalized in past losses. Time in itself allows forgetfulness.
Add value to your forgiveness by offering it to the Forgiver, our Lord Jesus and make a conscious decision to put your will to the wheel of your future.

 

[sudy]

Bitterness eats away at your soul. You have to love her as Jesus taught us, and to forgive her the offense. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or hurting less… initially. It means to want the best for her, and for him… and even for you. Bitterness is doing the damage to only yourself. Time isn’t really the great healer that people talk about… you have to actively try to get over this. If you loved him, surely you want him to be happy.

People often say and do things that aren’t pleasant… we have to learn to forgive them, just as we ourselves want to be forgiven when we make mistakes, or do terrible acts. Be active and do other things, focus on other things… and that’s when, over time, you’ll start to heal.

 

[shanishani7]

The great value of forgiveness for us mortals is that it takes away the power our enemies have over us. If you consider your situation you will see that the girl who wronged you so many years ago is living happily whilst you still grieve for your loss and betrayal. However, after all these years, any mature advice would be to move on emotionally and allow, through an act of the will in forgiveness, indifference to smother your grief.
Many of your generation have a disease called chronic dissatisfaction. This exacerbates every emotional response you experience so that an endemic negativity is almost enjoyed. Look at the “plastic” emotional public overload at Lady Diana’s death. Consider what is happening in Ferguson.
Rather, forgiveness gives you a psych-asocial permission to move on with your life, not marginalized in past losses. Time in itself allows forgetfulness.
Add value to your forgiveness by offering it to the Forgiver, our Lord Jesus and make a conscious decision to put your will to the wheel of your future.

Does it mean that God will forgive those who have murdered and stolen? If so, why would God gave us commandments and order us to obey?

There is no difference in feeling that they killed me and stolen everything from me. I’d rather they just killed me and I would have no feeling and suffering anymore.

 

[shanishani7]

Bitterness eats away at your soul. You have to love her as Jesus taught us, and to forgive her the offense. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting or hurting less… initially. It means to want the best for her, and for him… and even for you. Bitterness is doing the damage to only yourself. Time isn’t really the great healer that people talk about… you have to actively try to get over this. If you loved him, surely you want him to be happy.

People often say and do things that aren’t pleasant… we have to learn to forgive them, just as we ourselves want to be forgiven when we make mistakes, or do terrible acts. Be active and do other things, focus on other things… and that’s when, over time, you’ll start to heal.

Does it mean that God will forgive those who have murdered and stolen? If so, why would God gave us commandments and order us to obey? I never murder or stolen because I believe God’s Justice exists when He created this world.

Love her? Will you love those who have murdered you? And, they never felt wrong or guilt on these.

 

[sudy]

You must trust in the Lord… really, you must try. Do not give way to all this bitterness because you are only hurting yourself. I advise you to pray and put your trust in God. You are not murdered… you are bitter and enraged, and you are not following what Jesus taught us… to love God and to love neighbour. We are given these trials in life and we must trust in God to provide for us when we are in need. Please pray about it. Prayer is very powerful and will renew your hope.

Deuteronomy 31: 8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Edit: Do you remember what Jesus said from the cross? ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do.’ Have you ever studied His Passion? Have you not understood what mental and physical torture He went through for our sakes? And yet… even after abusing God, He still wants us to be forgiven. We want to be forgiven when we wrong others, and in turn we must learn to forgive.

 

[Petaro]

Does it mean that God will forgive those who have murdered and stolen? If so, why would God gave us commandments and order us to obey?

There is no difference in feeling that they killed me and stolen everything from me. I’d rather they just killed me and I would have no feeling and suffering anymore.

One of the worst of these situations is that these people who do much emotional damage do not even know the damage they caused. And we are supposed to let them get away with this? They go happily off into the sunset leaving us broken and we are supposed to forgive and actually wish them well as a function of that forgiveness?
John 6:60 " This is a hard saying; who can listen to it." And yet Jesus has the words of eternal life and this forgiveness is demanded of us every time we say the Lord’s Prayer.
Chesterton is reported to have said, " Christianity was not tried and found wanting. It was found hard and not tried at all."
You can wish for an end of your emotional pain all you want; however the seeds of such solace is only found in a change within yourself. As a wise post demanded an end to your bitterness as a response. This can only be found in the catharsis of forgiveness, not of emotion, but as an act of the will.
We often cannot control our emotions but we can control our will. If you control your will you cannot allow the cognitive dissonance of an emotional or behavioural response out of kilter with your will. The authorities set a legal limit to a set level of alcohol consumption when driving. They changed our behaviour first and our emotional attitude to drink driving changed over a decade.
Such cold turkey of the will that demands an emotional jump from a now very comfortable mind set is not easy. It will demand reinforcement and a self conscious change in your thought patterns, but it is possible through prayer to the Holy Spirit.

 

[marklke]

Please forgive them both as it eats away at you.

I was in a very similar situation and once I learned to forgive and forget I got on with my life.

I started to live again and met a very nice girl and now I have three beautiful children.

So take it from me, you are better off not having that guy for a boyfriend and having that girl as a friend.

Trust in God, he is looking after you.

Take care and the very best for the future.

 

[Adamgu_Dalibi]

Will you love those who have murdered you?

Jesus did. I will too.

Does it mean that God will forgive those who have murdered and stolen?

Yes.

If so, why would God gave us commandments and order us to obey?

Because it can be very hard to ask for forgiveness. God loves us, and knows that we will only be happy forever if we do things His way.

I never murder or stolen because I believe God’s Justice exists when He created this world.

God sees your loyalty, and He will remember it.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.” - John 16:20

You asked if the Protestant baptism is valid, and also how to forget and forgive. I will answer by saying that you should pray for them: that they be saved, that they be shielded from despair, and that you can laugh with them in Heaven, where most of the relationships of this world will mean nothing. Without the darkness, we wouldn’t love the light.

 

[hazcompat]

Litany of Humility O Jesus! Meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Peace

 

[MaryT777]

Does it mean that God will forgive those who have murdered and stolen? If so, why would God gave us commandments and order us to obey?

There is no difference in feeling that they killed me and stolen everything from me. I’d rather they just killed me and I would have no feeling and suffering anymore.

Perhaps some counseling would be of assistance to you to move on with your life.
I’m sorry you are hurting so much.
Mary.

 

[Christy_Beth]

God forgives all when someone turns to Him with all their hearts. Murder and theft? Yes. Judas was a thief, and would have been forgiven if he had only asked. And as he was being crucified, Jesus forgave all those involved. The problem with us is that while we may learn to forgive, it’s harder to forget.

I agree with the suggestion that you go for counseling. A Catholic counselor would be best. Maybe your priest can help you some here. At the very least see if he knows of any counselors who might help you sort through this.

 

[FaithfulKnight]

First let me state I have not read any of the replies to the OP.

Forgetting is almost impossible. Without going into great detail here I struggled with a few things in the past that I thought that I would never let go. I sought the advice of my priest and he helped me see the futility of keeping the feelings I had pent up for many years.

The worst was when I found myself wishing ill will on those that I felt had wronged me.

Do not feel as though you may be the first to go through something like this please speak to someone that may be able to give you the advice and support you need.

 

[CRATUS]

I had a boyfriend I loved many years ago. But after a while he always contacted with my friend. We even argued because of it. Later, sure we broke up and very soon he got together with her. After only 2 years they got married. They live very happily even now. She at first tried to persuade me to leave him, and persuade him to leave me at our crisis time, in order to seperate us. I trusted her simply from my pure heart, she had another boyfriend even when she was dating my boyfriend. She lied to my boyfriend, her boyfriend and me. She learnt psychology and got a psychology degree so she was very clever and know how to control others minds by setting trap and playing tricks.

After they got together, it was like a thunder to me. And they stopped every contact with me immediately. In these nearly 6-7 years I am just living in these shadow.

One of most I don’t understand is - she was and is a Protestant who has been baptized in Protestant Church, and she always prayed to God and went to Church. From this, why did she do all these things to me?
And recently my ex-bf (her husband) also baptized to become a Protestant because of her.

I tried very hard to put all these down but still cannot after many years.

She took everything away from me. If Baptism of Protestant is also valid, does it mean that she will be saved and has happy life on earth now? and I am just suffering for whole life.

I am not happy to read this. I have been in similar situation. Do not believe people’s religious beliefs. Do not expect people to act according to them, at least, that is what I have learned so far. Unfortunately I have encountered few people who supposedly loved God, Jesus, and doing the right thing, yet when it came to treating others right, they were very selfish. Some people have a very self-centered view of religion. They want to go to heaven of course but they are unwillingly to sacrifice themselves, or for others. In the bible, it state many people will proclaim to love God, not actually. I am very sorry you feel this way. I am not going to tell your forgiving them will be easy. I say start with a prayer. Slowly you will change. She is not a very kind person. To be honest, she may not have a real relationship with God. You never know what is truly in people’s hearts.
Be happy she is not in your life now.
All this is easier said, than done. But still, she is sounds dangerously manipulative.

 

[hemantM]

Whenever angry feelings about a person who’s harmed you enter your mind, tell yourself: “We are all good, loving souls who occasionally get lost.” Pray for this person to find their way back to a happier place. Everything happens for reason, god always give us which is best for us. So please dont worry and move ahead in life.

spiritvine.net/

 

[Anglewannabe]

Does it mean that God will forgive those who have murdered and stolen? .

If people confess and repent they will be forgiven. That is good news because it applies equally to you, God forgives you as well

If so, why would God gave us commandments and order us to obey?

So that we know what is expected of us

I never murder or stolen because I believe God’s Justice exists when He created this world.

The resentments for this friend and ex-boyfriend is murdering them in your heart. As I
said above, it is good news that if you confess and repent, God will forgive you too.

And, they never felt wrong or guilt on these.

If you have not had contact with them in 7 years, how do you know how they feel? Just because you are hurt, don’t jump to the conclusion they are happy.

I know I was harsh with you in my reply. It is because I want to make a strong point that holding a resentment is NOT good. Yes they hurt you in a bad way, yes they were wrong but… why let them keep dragging you down? We need to look at ourselves and change ourselves to become happy, not criticise others

Angie

 

[erazo]

It starts with a choice. A choice that you truly want to let go and forgive. If you continue to hold on to some of the thoughts/pain, you will never be able to let go.

Forgiving will come soon after you let go. Choose to let go of the memories, thoughts and hurt. Pray for God’s grace when you find that your thoughts/hurts will arise. As God to give you the strength to let go.

It will come to you, you just need to choose your freedom.

Hugs