How can I forgive a biggot?

[julrusso]

I am looking for wisdom beyond hate the sin/ love the sinner. I thought at first this person was just incapable of considering others’ feelings, but then saw this was not the case- it seems that women are just not worthy to be thanked or treated with respect.

 

[kage_ar]

If you are in danger, you can forgive from a distance.

Pray the Lord’s Prayer, remember, we cannot be forgiven if we do not forgive.

Spend some time looking at a crucifix and meditate on the words of Christ:

Matthew Chapter 5

**You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ **
**But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. ** **For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? ** **And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same? ** So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.

 

[pierced77]

Place your hurt feelings at the foot of Christ’s Cross and offer your pain to the Lord for the welfare and intentions of this person’s soul.* Tell the Lord that you forgive him and then ask the Lord to forgive him for you in the ways that you can’t.

 

[MarieVeronica]

I am looking for wisdom beyond hate the sin/ love the sinner. I thought at first this person was just incapable of considering others’ feelings, but then saw this was not the case- it seems that women are just not worthy to be thanked or treated with respect.

I would take this one directly to Our Blessed Mother, in prayer. Pray for the individual who seems “biggoted” against women. Ask Our Lady to open the heart and mind of this poor soul. Perhaps, you could say a Rosary for them?

God bless you.

 

[Trishie]

I thought at first this person was just incapable of considering others’ feelings, but then saw this was not the case- it seems that women are just not worthy to be thanked or treated with respect.

Hi,

What you say indicates that you are feeling deep hurt. It is a painful thing when we feel unhappy, unappreciated and unloved in our relationships and I regret you are going through something so horrible and disappointing.

Just a thought though…
I don’t believe we can deduce from experience with one or even some women, that all women are not worthy to be thanked or treated with respect.
Your statement shows you are deeply hurt but it is not accurate or kindly to project those feelings in judgement upon every woman.
Equally, a woman cannot justly say that because one man hurt or betrayed her, (or the kind of man she chooses always hurts or betrays her), therefore all men are cheats and not worthy ot respect. In fact there are a great many men and women who are good and generous and kind.

I do hope that kindness and caring comes into your life soon. I hope that you will be able to forgive as you wish to, so that you can move on.
Please God you will find a good woman with whom you can be mutually happy.

 

[julrusso]

Thank you for your reply. You seem to have misunderstood. When I said women weren’t worthy of respect I was not giving my opinion, but the apparent opinion of the one I need to forgive. It just seems being around this sort of toxic attitude robs me of inner peace. I know I need to forgive, but if I avoid this person to try to maintain my mental health am I really forgiving?

 

[kevinsgirl]

There’s nothing wrong with avoiding someone who is toxic. I have certain relatives that I avoid for precisely that reason. Just pray for them but don’t feel that you must seek out their company if it is hard on you spiritually.

 

[kage_ar]

Remember to separate the person from his/her actions.

People are created in the image and likeness of God, all of em, and are to be treated with dignity and love. People are not “toxic”.

ACTIONS can be mean or unkind or “toxic”.

 

[GhostMan]

He’s not really a bigot. That’s someone who dislikes someone else, or slanders them, because of skin color, creed, heritage or race. What you’re dealing with is a misogynist.

It’s more than just a different word. A misogynist is, in my opinion, much more dangerous. This behavior is at the root of sex crimes. A bigot can be shown the error of his/her ways and sometimes, but not often, reform.

A misogynist generally does not change. It is a deeper physiological condition. If you have to be around this person, understand that he will not change and he is deeply conditioned to dismiss and demean women. To me, it is a form of mental illness.

Forgiveness is not for him, however, it is to free you from the negative aspects of harboring hate against a person. You can’t control him, but you can control you. Why let his cancer spread to you? why give him that power over you? He is controlling you , even in a small way, and it is a victory for him.

Polite indifference is his worst nightmare. Forgive him, stay wary and don’t let him affect you.

 

[mommybug47]

A wise person once helped me learn to forgive by telling me a bit of a story…

When we are hurt by the actions or words of another, we have a tendency to put them on a hook. ( think: shew, I am off the hook!) When I choose to keep someone on the hook, I hold that grudge and it only hurts me, often they dont even know they are up there swinging on my hook…

Now when we forgive, we take them OFF our hook and put them on GOD’s hook. I can not do anything about that person hanging on my hook except hurt by the weight they pull, but God can look at that sin, once we let go of it, and deal with it righteously. God can punish or God can forgive, but God can allow things to happen to heal both souls. Some relationships are not for us to engage in. Sometimes in order for God to heal that persons heart, we have to get out of His way. ( avoid that person for a time of healing)

Now what hit me was God is bigger than me! I dont want to carry that weight and if it helps me to think, “God’s gonna get him/her” at least it is out of my hands and I can get to the real work of healing in my heart and let go of the pain.
We are called to love the sinner and pray for those who hurt us, but that does not mean we have to like the sinner or associate with them.

 

[LSK]

I attended a retreat for our RCIA team given by Father Richard Cash. He shared something interesting with us regarding the necessity of ‘forgiveness’ and it has had me thinking in a different direction.

He told us not to confuse ‘forgiveness’ with ‘reconcilliatin’. He went on to suggest that, under the old covenant, the law of ‘eye for an eye’ was acceptable, but that under the new covenant we must not only forgive our enemies but be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect…not easy to do without the sanctifying grace of the Sacraments.

So, his suggestion was that forgiveness, for a Catholic, means that we voluntarily surrender to The Father our ‘right’ to revenge or justice granted to us under the old covenant. In other words, when I forgive someone who hates me because I am a Catholic (I was recently told by someone on another website that if I didn’t like abortion in the US I should go live at the Vatican), I should specifically tell Our Father in prayer that I forgive them and give to Him my right for justice - in this case, that he apologize and admit how wrong he was to tell me to ‘go live at the Vatican’ simply because I disagree with him.

What I do not have to do is be reconciled with him; I do not have to have a relationship with him that involves involvement or interaction on a social level. What I do have to do is forgive him for being a big giant doofus…ooops, did I say that out loud?

Sorry.

 

[Galnextdoor]

If you can find a copy of God Help Me! These People Are Driving Me Nuts: Making peace with difficult people by Gregory K. Popcak Ph.D., it has strategies for dealing with all kinds of unreasonable people. It’s written from a Catholic perspective. I think it might help.

 

[mrpathetic]

Place your hurt feelings at the foot of Christ’s Cross and offer your pain to the Lord for the welfare and intentions of this person’s soul.* Tell the Lord that you forgive him and then ask the Lord to forgive him for you in the ways that you can’t.

Read Matthew 18:21-23 tonight, and I think you will have the answer:

21
18 Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
22
19 Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
23
That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants.

7x70 = 490. That is how many times you must forgive this person - even for bigotry. Even for rape. Even for murder.

God calls us all to forgiveness, for even the worst of sins. And there are many sins worse than bigotry.

Now, do you need to continue to associate with this person? That is a question that depends on your life circumstances. If the person is a relative, then you may have no choice. If the person is not a relative, but a friend or business associate, you may consider cutting yourself off from the person. But forgive them first.