How can I help my boyfriend understand?

[jmcrae]

Nobody has ever been called by God into a dating relationship with someone who is going to be really bad for them, in order to evangelize them.

First, it is prideful to think that he is in a Catholic family and this girl just happens to be “the only one” who is trying to help him. Most likely his parents, his priest, and his brothers and sisters are all trying to help him, too. If she leaves him and looks for someone who will be good to her, he will not suffer, and in fact, it might make him stop and think - the idea that Jesus is more important than him, might not ever have occurred to him, so if she leaves him to improve her relationship with Jesus, it might just stop him in his tracks and make him realize that the world does not revolve around him.

Second, the purpose of dating is to be with someone who supports you in your values and shares your moral code, and helps you to become a better person. Not someone who tries to bring down your moral foundations at every turn, and makes fun of you whenever you try to help them.

 

[jesusismyrock]

Originally Posted by jmcrae View Post
And why should one need to “help” one’s boyfriend or girlfriend? They are supposed to be our best friend and trustworthy confidant; not someone who needs “fixing” in some way.

PS: Not talking about helping him fix his car or helping him do something around the house - that kind of help is what friends are for. But helping him become a civilized human being? That’s his Mom’s job.

I also wanted to say that if you are so smart on the whole well you only date to find that one person meant for marriage, that is only half of the reason why dating is what we as humans are called to do if marriage is our vocation. But not only do you date to prepare yourself for marriage but um… FYI … your objective in Dating is supposed to be to have the thought of possibly one day marrying this person in the back of your mind but most importantly it is to bring the other person (the person you are dating) closer to Christ.

So that argument is not a good one

 

[jesusismyrock]

Nobody has ever been called by God into a dating relationship with someone who is going to be really bad for them, in order to evangelize them.

First, it is prideful to think that he is in a Catholic family and this girl just happens to be “the only one” who is trying to help him. Most likely his parents, his priest, and his brothers and sisters are all trying to help him, too. If she leaves him and looks for someone who will be good to her, he will not suffer, and in fact, it might make him stop and think - the idea that Jesus is more important than him, might not ever have occurred to him, so if she leaves him to improve her relationship with Jesus, it might just stop him in his tracks and make him realize that the world does not revolve around him.

Second, the purpose of dating is to be with someone who supports you in your values and shares your moral code, and helps you to become a better person. Not someone who tries to bring down your moral foundations at every turn, and makes fun of you whenever you try to help them.

Excuse me, I beg to differ. I have known SEVERAL people who have been called by GOD into a relationship to help someone come closer to Christ. You cannot speak for the world.!!!

Ok and she said that he was not raised in a proper catholic family… He was born and baptized maybe received first communion…

You need a better argument than trying to SPEAK for GOD and for the WORLD…

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

**One can have faith in God and still see it unfit to date someone such as this guy.

So let me say this: I have faith in God. So since I have faith in God I could go date a rapist-murderer-drug addict BECAUSE I have faith in God makes all that okay??? AND no, just for the record I am not saying that this guy is all the above things, that is not at all what I am saying. However, this guy thinks abortion is not murder and he was raised Catholic, he thinks a lot of things that are not in line w/ her thinking. WHy ‘fix’ someone to be who YOU want them to be?? Why not let well enuf alone and move on??**

I’m sorry, I said I wasn’t going to continue, but I have to. I think that one of the above comments comes to the very gist of the thinking on this post. HE was not raised Catholic. She said that he was Baptized, and recieved his first Confession and Communion…but that his family is NOT religious. How many people CLAIM to be Catholic, but don’t even know Christ? I know, and have known MANY. You are assuming he was brought up in the truth. She states that he was not. I think that makes all of the difference in the world to this situation. She isn’t dating someone who has experienced the Love of Jesus Christ and has rejected Christ in His Truth. You are talking about someone who is clueless. And she has asked from this thread for people to help her to figure out with the words to try to Testify to the Truth of Jesus Christ.
Once more, I am saying that this has become more of a “dating versus courtship” argument. And once more, I am saying that she shouldn’t cause him to believe he is being rejected by her because he is not perfect…which will how it will come across. She doesn’t have to look at it as though she is trying to change him. She is wanting to share her faith with him.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

Nobody has ever been called by God into a dating relationship with someone who is going to be really bad for them, in order to evangelize them.

First, it is prideful to think that he is in a Catholic family and this girl just happens to be “the only one” who is trying to help him. Most likely his parents, his priest, and his brothers and sisters are all trying to help him, too. If she leaves him and looks for someone who will be good to her, he will not suffer, and in fact, it might make him stop and think - the idea that Jesus is more important than him, might not ever have occurred to him, so if she leaves him to improve her relationship with Jesus, it might just stop him in his tracks and make him realize that the world does not revolve around him.

Second, the purpose of dating is to be with someone who supports you in your values and shares your moral code, and helps you to become a better person. Not someone who tries to bring down your moral foundations at every turn, and makes fun of you whenever you try to help them.

You did not listen and read what she wrote. His family is not religious. They are not faithful to the Truth. He doesn’t know who what the Truth is!!! He was not brought up in the Faith!!! He has no priest!!!

 

[jmcrae]

And again, she should not feel obligated to sacrifice her chances for future happiness on the altar of his possible conversion, as though she out of the entire world were the only person able to evangelize him, or as if somehow, her leaving him to start dating someone who would make her a good husband would somehow traumatize him for life, or something.

 

[jmcrae]

You did not listen and read what she wrote. His family is not religious. They are not faithful to the Truth. He doesn’t know who what the Truth is!!! He was not brought up in the Faith!!! He has no priest!!!

All of which are excellent reasons for her to stop dating him, since there is no possible way he is ever going to become her spiritual guide - even if he converts, he will be miles behind her in his journey of faith, and how can he be her leader and guide, if he is behind her?

 

[jesusismyrock]

And again, she should not feel obligated to sacrifice her chances for future happiness on the altar of his possible conversion, as though she out of the entire world were the only person able to evangelize him, or as if somehow, her leaving him to start dating someone who would make her a good husband would somehow traumatize him for life, or something.

Umm, GOD CALLED HER TO HIM… Doesn’t that stand for anything to you?

 

[jmcrae]

Umm, GOD CALLED HER TO HIM… Doesn’t that stand for anything to you?

Where are you getting that from?

 

[agapewolf]

Umm, GOD CALLED HER TO HIM… Doesn’t that stand for anything to you?

We don’t know this. And someone viewing pornography can easily and quickly become a hazard with no warning. Dating is not for missionary work. Dating is to find a spouse.

Jesusismyrock, I understand you are passionate about your thoughts on this subject, but please stick to facts and your opinions in refuting arguments…and please tone down the sarcastic and impulsive comments.

 

[jesusismyrock]

She believes that God has called her to help him and to be in this relationship. And whether or not he really has specifically called her to this particular person or not, God has called all Catholics to go and Evangelize the world.!! Why shouldn’t she try and evangelize him. She is not in danger.

 

[agapewolf]

She believes that God has called her to help him and to be in this relationship. And whether or not he really has specifically called her to this particular person or not, God has called all Catholics to go and Evangelize the world.!! Why shouldn’t she try and evangelize him. She is not in danger.

You don’t know that she isn’t in danger. People who think its ok to kill unborn babies don’t necessarily value life at other stages. People who view pornography can suddenly become dangerous.

No one said she shouldn’t try to evangelize. Stop bringing that up. She doesn’t have to DATE him to evangelize.

 

[jesusismyrock]

But she is choosing to date him. Her original question was not should i date him or not, it was asking for advice as to how to help her bring him closer to Christ. Why did this forum turn into a dating forum, apparently everyone who thinks that that is what this is all about has joined in on the wrong thread.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

And again, she should not feel obligated to sacrifice her chances for future happiness on the altar of his possible conversion, as though she out of the entire world were the only person able to evangelize him, or as if somehow, her leaving him to start dating someone who would make her a good husband would somehow traumatize him for life, or something.

And you are totally against the idea that Jesus might have brought her into his life to be a witness to him, right. Because Jesus never brings people into our lives to lead us to the truth when we are sinning, right? So she can do absolutely no good to him, because obviously she can have no influence on him in any way, shape or form, right? And, as she is spending some of her time with him, there is no way in the world that Jesus will use her to touch him, right? And this is the absolute only time in her life that she has the opportunity to meet her future marriage partner, right? And if she follows what she may believe she is being called to “in the relationship she is currently in”, Jesus will just abandon her and she will destroy her life, right? Because Jesus doesn’t love each and every one of us, but only some of us, right?

Well, I totally disagree with that theology. Jesus calls us to be witnesses and evangalists. He said not to hide our light under a bushel.

 

[jesusismyrock]

And you are totally against the idea that Jesus might have brought her into his life to be a witness to him, right. Because Jesus never brings people into our lives to lead us to the truth when we are sinning, right? So she can do absolutely no good to him, because obviously she can have no influence on him in any way, shape or form, right? And, as she is spending some of her time with him, there is no way in the world that Jesus will use her to touch him, right? And this is the absolute only time in her life that she has the opportunity to meet her future marriage partner, right? And if she follows what she may believe she is being called to “in the relationship she is currently in”, Jesus will just abandon her and she will destroy her life, right? Because Jesus doesn’t love each and every one of us, but only some of us, right?

Well, I totally disagree with that theology. Jesus calls us to be witnesses and evangalists. He said not to hide our light under a bushel.

Amen to that. I am personally a person who was guided by someone else unexpectedly into the light of Christ… and guess what!! the person who helped me see Jesus, wasn’t even a practicing Christian… Now tell me that she is doing something wrong.

 

[jmcrae]

And you are totally against the idea that Jesus might have brought her into his life to be a witness to him, right. Because Jesus never brings people into our lives to lead us to the truth when we are sinning, right?

Not to date. Jesus brings priests and teachers into my life to help me with my walk of faith. My husband does not expect to change me, though.

So she can do absolutely no good to him, because obviously she can have no influence on him in any way, shape or form, right? And, as she is spending some of her time with him, there is no way in the world that Jesus will use her to touch him, right? And this is the absolute only time in her life that she has the opportunity to meet her future marriage partner, right? And if she follows what she may believe she is being called to “in the relationship she is currently in”, Jesus will just abandon her and she will destroy her life, right? Because Jesus doesn’t love each and every one of us, but only some of us, right?

If it were your daughter, would you be okay with her dating him, marrying him, and having him raise your grandchildren according to his present morality?

Well, I totally disagree with that theology. Jesus calls us to be witnesses and evangalists. He said not to hide our light under a bushel.

A dating relationship is not the only possible kind of relationship.

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

All of which are excellent reasons for her to stop dating him, since there is no possible way he is ever going to become her spiritual guide - even if he converts, he will be miles behind her in his journey of faith, and how can he be her leader and guide, if he is behind her?

I have found in the conversion experience that what you have said is absolutely wrong. Have you ever heard of Scott Hahn? He was anti-Catholic. When he converted to Catholicism, he became a world renown professor of Theology in one, if not the, most wonderful Catholic university in the world. The university where college students who want to learn the TRUTH go.
We cannot put limitations on Christ. Where the Holy Spirit is at work, there also is Wisdom.
Some of the most insightful things about the Truth of Jesus Christ come from new Catholic Christians.
When someone becomes a convert to Catholicism, they don’t just sit and learn. They are Confirmed as adults into the Faith, and that is because they are not just students. The Holy Spirit uses anyone who is open to His wisdom and His gifts.

 

[jesusismyrock]

Not to date. Jesus brings priests and teachers into my life to help me with my walk of faith. My husband does not expect to change me, though.

If it were your daughter, would you be okay with her dating him, marrying him, and having him raise your grandchildren according to his present morality?



A dating relationship is not the only possible kind of relationship.

Ok well me and the people I get into relationships with try and help me with my faith… and umm you just messed up your sentences because you even said this Present Morality She is trying to evangelize him as we have said several times and then umm a dating relationship might not be the only possible kind of relationship BUT… that is the kind of relationship she’s in and she wasn’t asking for dating advice she was asking for advice on how to help show him more about the Roman Catholic Faith!

 

[Jesus_N_Cherie]

Not to date. Jesus brings priests and teachers into my life to help me with my walk of faith. My husband does not expect to change me, though.

If it were your daughter, would you be okay with her dating him, marrying him, and having him raise your grandchildren according to his present morality?



A dating relationship is not the only possible kind of relationship.

She has already stated that she would not even consider marrying him unless he come to the Faith. And they are not making marriage plans!!!
A dating relationship is not the only possible kind of relationship. But it is the relationship that these two people have. It isn’t as though Jesus cannot work within it.

 

[FdeS2]

So it never crossed your mind that Evangelizing someone might not happen immediately. And you seem to think that someone that you care for as more than a friend you cannot Evangelize. WoW some faith in God you have.

jesusismyrock, you continue to put words into other people’s mouths. You read what someone writes, interpret it as you see fit, and then yell at them. Please desist in this pattern.

These people are entitled to give the advice that they see as best, considering their past experiences and the writings of chastity spokespeople. Not only these types of people, but writings by married people as well. I know that there are many people far wiser than you or I on this thread, and they are contributing their points of view. To attack and discard their posts is uncalled for.

Additionally, it is arrogant to say that it is the will of Jesus that this young woman stay in a dating relationship with this young man. You cannot begin to conceive the plan of God with a limited human mind. At times people step in the way of God’s plan and do not follow through as He would have them do so.

Dating is not the place for this type of work… just because it has worked before does not mean that it is the preferred or wise choice. I have faith that God can bring anything of this relationship if He wills it. Only problem is, we cannot know whether or not He wills it. The best step to take is to be friends until Christ brings him out of the darkness. She does not need to run away from him, just re-evaluate and modify their relationship. Do you not have faith that, if it is God’s will, they will come back together again? The Lord can do anything…

Yours in Christ,
Daniel