How can i help my parents?

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angell1

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so my parents are in an invalid marriage, my mom was prevfiously married back when she was in china

I have tried to gently persuade her in to seeking a decree of nullity but she just won’t do it

the excuses are “oh I don’t really need one, God knows the truth” or “it’s my personal business, I don’t need to tell anyone, they’ll judge and spread it around” and I think a bit of fear of not being granted one.

I don’t really know what I can say or do now besides pray, they both come to church with me, she does want to be baptized, my dad received communion even though he’s not supposed to but he won’t listen to me on that either.

as horrible as this sounds, it would be better for both their souls if they split up but that won’t happen. it’s hard to just stand by and not be able to do anything.

any thoughts or advice? I’m also afraid that if i push too hard, they’ll just end up getting angry and it’ll never happen
 
How awful of you to say it would be better for your parents to split…if they knew that you wrote that for the whole world to see how hurt do you think they would feel?

Whatever they need to sort out for their marriage or if they are commiting a sin by being married is THEIR business and not yours…

You cant judge others and force other people to do what you want them to do…

I imagine if you keep pushing the matter you will only ruin your relationship with your parents…after all if your reasoning is that they shouldnt be married at all…do you consider yourself a mistake that shouldnt have happened too?🤷
 
While it is extremely sad that your parents are in an invalid marriage, I disagree with Crystal Waters. If they are committing a sin, they should stop, no matter how difficult it is.

I really don’t know how to advise you on this, other than keep praying that somehow your parents will hear God’s voice in their hearts and heed it regarding this matter.
 
MonikaBarbara said:
While it is extremely sad that your parents are in an invalid marriage, I disagree with Crystal Waters. If they are committing a sin, they should stop, no matter how difficult it is.

I really don’t know how to advise you on this, other than keep praying that somehow your parents will hear God’s voice in their hearts and heed it regarding this matter.
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+1

There might not be much the OP can say, but to argue the parents’ point of view seems, I don’t know, like putting fuel on the secular fires. I applaud the OP for having a well-formed conscience. Having such a conscience guarantees we will suffer when we see others sinning and being on the wrong path - not because we’re on our high horses judging them but because we genuinely love them with a love that is real and Godly, not the world’s “Whatever makes them happy, mind your own business” false compassion.

Now that’s not saying be rude or snarky - just the opposite. Be loving and as respectful as possible without feeling compelled to agree with their decision. And keep praying. And don’t let someone say well, you shouldn’t exist then - God loves you as much as any other human being, and in His grace miracles are possible. Hang in there! :hug3:
 
When you get that Spiritual Director he can guide you, and possibly them as well. This is a matter for a priest.
 
I think they’ve made it clear that they aren’t interested in discussing this with you. I know you have the best intentions, but ultimately, your parents marriage is none of your business. This is up there with badgering and lecturing them about their sex life. It just isn’t appropriate coming from you.
 
Maybe you could pray a 54 day Rosary Novena or have some Masses said for a special intention. It is great that you care so much.
 
My dear, You do not know that their souls will be better off if they split, you do not know if the past marriage was valid, and if it was in China what sort of conditions your mother married under. You need to leave your parents alone on this.

If they want to have this looked into it is their choice to make, not yours. It has been my experience that many people from places like China, Vietnam and other nations simply have no way to trace reliable records or that doing so could actually endanger them or family left behind. Of course I don’t know if this is the case for your mother, but it could be and it is not for you to tell her to dig it up.

You have let your concerns be known to them. Now leave it to God to take care of and let your parents be. God will guide them in His own way.
 
angell1 said:
so my parents are in an invalid marriage, my mom was prevfiously married back when she was in china

I have tried to gently persuade her in to seeking a decree of nullity but she just won’t do it

the excuses are “oh I don’t really need one, God knows the truth” or “it’s my personal business, I don’t need to tell anyone, they’ll judge and spread it around” and I think a bit of fear of not being granted one.

I don’t really know what I can say or do now besides pray, they both come to church with me, she does want to be baptized, my dad received communion even though he’s not supposed to but he won’t listen to me on that either.

as horrible as this sounds, it would be better for both their souls if they split up but that won’t happen. it’s hard to just stand by and not be able to do anything.

any thoughts or advice? I’m also afraid that if i push too hard, they’ll just end up getting angry and it’ll never happen
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Pray for them, and then leave it in God’s hands.
 
crystal_waters said:
How awful of you to say it would be better for your parents to split…if they knew that you wrote that for the whole world to see how hurt do you think they would feel?

Whatever they need to sort out for their marriage or if they are commiting a sin by being married is THEIR business and not yours…

You cant judge others and force other people to do what you want them to do…

I imagine if you keep pushing the matter you will only ruin your relationship with your parents…after all if your reasoning is that they shouldnt be married at all…do you consider yourself a mistake that shouldnt have happened too?🤷
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they already said if they knew about my disability, they would have aborted me. not much else needs to be said there. who knows if I’m a mistake or not, not that anything can really be done about that now

I’m not saying anything to them anymore, just praying

their marriage isn’t exactly a happy one anyways. I’m not judging, I just suggested looking in to a decree of nullity, I have no idea if the marriage is valid of not, that’s for the church to decide
 
angell1 said:
they already said if they knew about my disability, they would have aborted me. not much else needs to be said there. who knows if I’m a mistake or not, not that anything can really be done about that now
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Charming. 😦 Sorry you have to endure this sort of thing - no child should be told this.
 
angell1 said:
they already said if they knew about my disability, they would have aborted me. not much else needs to be said there. who knows if I’m a mistake or not, not that anything can really be done about that now

I’m not saying anything to them anymore, just praying

their marriage isn’t exactly a happy one anyways. I’m not judging, I just suggested looking in to a decree of nullity, I have no idea if the marriage is valid of not, that’s for the church to decide
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May I ask how old you are? Do you still live at home?

I agree with all the others who are telling you to allow your parents to take care of this, and you just pray and leave it in God’s hands.

Someday, a priest will do a homily, or perhaps they will attend a church mission, or perhaps they will be chatting with someone their own age and station in life, and they’ll both be convicted to take care of matters. You probably won’t be there, and they may not even tell you for years. A lot of older people are like this when it come to issues that they consider “private.”

Keep in mind that you may not know all that is happening in their own private lives. They may be telling you something very different than they tell each other.

Just allow your parents to work out their own salvation, while you work out yours. (Philippians 2:12). And enjoy them while you have them. Just like babies grow up too soon, parents grow old and die too soon. You’ll miss them terribly when they are gone. 🙂
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I think they’ve made it clear that they aren’t interested in discussing this with you. I know you have the best intentions, but ultimately, your parents marriage is none of your business. This is up there with badgering and lecturing them about their sex life. It just isn’t appropriate coming from you.
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I agree.

You tell them once, then you move on. You don’t badger them about it.
 
angell1 said:
they already said if they knew about my disability, they would have aborted me. not much else needs to be said there. who knows if I’m a mistake or not, not that anything can really be done about that now
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Well, little by little we get more insight into your life and state of mind. Angel.
No wonder you feel as you do on the various topics your frequently post.
I will say it again:
Ask your priest to be your spiritual director or ask him to recommend one.
It’s time. Don’t let it go any longer.
Praying for you.
Peace.
 
pianistclare said:
Well, little by little we get more insight into your life and state of mind. Angel.
No wonder you feel as you do on the various topics your frequently post.
I will say it again:
Ask your priest to be your spiritual director or ask him to recommend one.
It’s time. Don’t let it go any longer.
Praying for you.
Peace.
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working on it, my parish priest is just being transferred away and the priest at mmy university is gone until September. not much I can do about it at the very moment.
 
angell1 said:
working on it, my parish priest is just being transferred away and the priest at mmy university is gone until September. not much I can do about it at the very moment.
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This could be a real blessing in disguise…your NEW priest will not know you, your parents, you living situation, nothing. No preconceived notions about who you are or what you family is like. He’ll be able to be completely objective. This is great news.
I hope a new priest arrives soon.
 
There is a vast cultural and age difference here that you will not be able to reconcile.

At this time you can only entrust them to God and begin to focus on you’re own spiritual growth.
 
Hi Angel1, as one with Chinese descent,
I pray that the inter-generational sins be filtered
thru the blood of Jesus! I was so blinded by my
own distaste of how my parents raised me that
I even once told someone that my mom’s mom
was a harlot! Well that’s a wild stretch of the imagin-
ation, but my grand-mother WAS a single mom during
WW II.
 
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