How can i help others when i can't breathe myself?

[xAlisonx]

i’m going to try my best to keep this short and to the point, as i’ve bothered you all enough with my endless posts and don’t want to become annoying to anyone on here.

i’ve posted enough describing my spiritual depressions, so when i say that i’m enduring an extremely severe one at the moment, most of you should know what i’m going through. i’m desperately in need of healing, and so tired of living like this - not knowing when the next attack will happen, and how severely i will fall into darkness and despair - but i don’t know how to receive it. i feel so broken, so lost, like i’m literally drowning in everything consuming me. at the same time, i’m doing my best to reach out to others, but it’s starting to become too much. tonight i planned to work on a note to an acquaintance who is struggling, just encouraging her and seeing how she is doing, and to work on responding to posts on here and to posts on a certain self-harm and depression support website. the problem is, i’m feeling extremely overwhelmed with all that i want to accomplish, especially since i can barely breathe at the moment myself. as the title states: how can i help others when i can’t breathe myself? i don’t want healing because i care about myself - i don’t even matter to myself anymore. i’m drowning in self-loathing and don’t know how to make it stop, how to make this end. i want healing so that i can truly help others and lead them to the Lord, especially on this support site just overflowing with pain and people struggling with atheism, homosexuality, self-harm, suicidal ideation, etc. i feel very desperate at the moment, because i want so much to reach out to these broken people, but how can i help anyone when i’m still broken myself?

my therapist tells me that i need to focus on myself instead of on others, but that feels so selfish to me. i don’t care enough about myself to want to focus on myself - i want to make a difference in the world, but right now all that i feel is worthless and useless, a failure. last night i just broke down completely at the very idea of God being able to love someone like me, and i know that until i believe that i am loved by God, i can’t truly bring that love to others. i want to trust in Him - i don’t want to make Him sad or angry, or Satan happy - but i don’t know how. i try so hard to please Him, but it never seems like enough. my scrupulosity and OCD fills my mind with obsessive and blasphemous thoughts and curses, and it won’t go away. i try so hard, and it’s never enough. i compare myself to others, and always fall short. this is only suffering that i bring upon myself, suffering that i must deserve.

i’m so sorry for bothering all of you - you’ve heard enough from me. it’s just that God seems silent, i’m having trouble hearing His voice, my friends don’t understand when i talk about faith and this is the only place where i can find support and comfort without bothering my pastor, who has also heard enough from me. i feel like such a failure because i’m always whining about my depressions, and try so hard to move on from them, yet i always end up falling all over again. i just want to care about others, i don’t want to care about myself. i’m so unhealthy and so broken, and i don’t know what to do about it. i feel unloved and alone.

please, could someone help me?

x alison

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Pray. Start praying, especially the Rosary and the Divine Mercy chaplet.

Remember the spiritual warfare thread, on the powerful intercession of our Blessed Mother. The Rosary Batters the Gates of Hell hli.org/sl_2008-10-03.html

The amount of prayer generally used by Protestants is not comparable to how much prayers St. Padre Pio said. St. Maximilian Kolbe led his companions in the Nazi starvation bunker by singing hymns and reciting the Rosary to keep them from losing hope in such cruel circumstances. St. Padre Pio said, “The Rosary is THE weapon!” That saint was known to say as many as 90 rosaries a day in a special form for which he received ecclessiastical permission.

The book **Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html details the powerful importance of the Rosary in spiritual warfare. Each beat of a Hail Mary is like a blow to the devil’s head. The devil told St. Padre Pio that he snatched more souls from him than Archangel Michael.

I tell you now - if you pray the Rosary daily, Mary will assist you.
And he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend to whom he goes at midnight and says, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, for a friend of mine has arrived at my house from a journey and I have nothing to offer him,’ and he says in reply from within, ‘Do not borther me; the door has already been locked and my children and I are already in bed. I cannot get up to give you anything.’ I tell you, if he does not get up to give him the loaves because of their friendship, he will get up to give him whatever he needs because of his persistence. "And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then, who are so wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him. He was driving out a demon (that was) mute, and when the demon had gone out, the mute person spoke and the crowds were amazed.Luke 11:5-14

I try to pray the Joyful, Sorrowful, and Glorious mysteries daily as well as a Divine Mercy chaplet, the Litany of Humility, Avis Maris Stella, Angelae, renew my concentration to Mary, and a prayer for unborn babies. This probably takes less than an hour. I also try to go to Daily Mass. I went through a severely stressful experience last year and this prayer life not only helps Christ build his Kingdom on Earth, helps me with my daily activities, but has gone from a chore to something that I feel that I need almost like I need to breathe. Earlier this week (or was it last week) I was in a bad mood and started praying and by the end of the second Rosary, I was singing praise songs in my head.

I can also testify that when I was still in school I did not pray this much - only a group Rosary almost every day with a Rosary group. During this time in my life, my social life and academics were at their best compared to later when I dropped it because I didn’t make it a priority.

Mother Teresa preached the Rosary in addition to ministering to the poor in Calcutta. See the book Mother Teresa: In the Shadow of Our Lady and this article Mary’s Light in Mother Teresa’s Dark Night zenit.org/article-22398?l=english

Statistical research links on the relationship between faith and healing of mental illnesses. People of faith do ENORMOUSLY better than people without faith. Canadian Mental Health Association No. 12 Spring 2001 issue: Spirituality and Mental Health cmha.bc.ca/resources/visions/spirituality
For Good Self-Control, Try Getting Religious About it nytimes.com/2008/12/30/science/30tier.html Dr. McCullough reports this even though he is not much of a devotee. “When it comes to religion,” he said, “professionally, I’m a fan, but personally I don’t get down on the field much.”

I love this painting Maybe you might think of Mary carrying you in her arms as you pray. http://www.rome.info/pictures/art/michelangelo/michelangelo_pieta.jpg

You remain in my prayers. Listening to hymns might help too: Ave Maria : youtube.com/watch?v=aQVz6vuNq7s
Salve Regina: youtube.com/watch?v=ZegCfxp9BpA
Blessed Be Your Name: youtube.com/watch?v=ZegCfxp9BpA
How Great is Our God: youtube.com/watch?v=xi0yLRX4d2M&feature=related
Amazing Grace - by Blind Boys of Alabama - youtube.com/watch?v=pR1tOVd4PCk

 

[rambo]

Try listening to the audio from the following websites.

Home - Word on Fire

peterkreeft.com

Also listen to Father Corapri on EWTN if you can.

When times are tough for me I listen to these guys who can inspire to fight through the tough times. Hope it helps.

 

[KrazyKaiju]

Hello Alison,

I know exactly what you’re going through. I have two words: college stinks (profanity excluded). I can only speak from my experience, but maybe this will help.

Living on a REALLY BIG CAMPUS has been tough, especially when one wants to spread God’s message of love and community. This is especially difficult when - to be quite frank - 7 out of 10 people I know can be really arrogant and really self-serving. To make matters worse, they just don’t understand me and spread unjustified rumors (I say that with 85% confidence). It’s hard to find anyone who really GETS IT and GETS ME, especially when I’m either: going to classes, studying, eating, or exercising. Life is just too busy.

My roommates haven’t helped; I can’t even return home and rest. My cicadian rhythm doesn’t jive with their late-to-bed, late-to-rise, schedule. Did I forget to mention the alcohol parties on weekends? They don’t really clean up after themselves, either.

Oh yes, I know how it feels when you try to be a servant to others. I try to do as many things as I can to be a good person at college, but all of the trying wears me out and drains me of my spirit. There’s some days where I realize that the same glimmering smile I used to have just wouldn’t come naturally anymore. Normal wasn’t quite second nature, either.

When I got home, though, things were just…better. I was able to talk to people who actually understood me. Granted that no one got me entirely - not even my parents - but I received enough love to feel secure with myself. Not only that, but I also had time to reflect on God’s words and a few worthwhile teachings.

When I came back for another semester, I said to my self: f*** it. I’m me. (Pardon my language.)

I wanted to do my own thing and that was that. This DID NOT MEAN that I wanted to abandon God. This didn’t mean that I wanted to a self-absorbed college student. This simply meant that I wanted to retain my personality and block out EVERYTHING ELSE.

I decided to do this because:

1. I thought I had a good personality to begin with. and
2. College had very little to offer in the way of spiritual englightenment or growth.
3. There were many things that I lost that I once loved. I didn’t want to lose them ever again.

Perhaps you need some of these perscriptions:

1. Find people who understand you.
2. What makes you you? Keep the good stuff. Filter out some of the bad.
3. Don’t try to take on all the world at once. You can only do as much as your natural limits allow, and that’s that.
4. Random suggestion Read up on some random teachings that you’re curious about. Don’t ask me why I say this; I don’t know the answer. There’s plenty of online sources out there. Google is my home boy! Is he yours?

• KrazyKaiju

P.S. Sorry for the lengthy and (potentially) incomprehensible rant. I’ve wanted to let off steam for a while. If you’re confused, I can help clarify some concepts.

P.P.S. Don’t TRY to hear His voice. Just let His words come to you.

 

[Coming_Home_1]

Please know that God loves you. He wants to heal you, he has compassion on you. When others run out of patience for your problems, God doesn’t! He is still here for you… call on Him, pray to him, ask Him to heal you.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Alison, I seriously feel that the demons are persecuting you because they know how powerful you will one day be in spreading the good news around the world. You have a heart of full of love, gold but your thoughts and self-conception is so twisted that Christ needs to heal you before he can use you. You are at the very beginning of your life.

Meditate and study these words.
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.
He fasted for forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was hungry.
The tempter approached and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread.”
He said in reply, “It is written: 'One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.”
Then the devil took him to the holy city, and made him stand on the parapet of the temple, and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: 'He will command his angels concerning you and ‘with their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.’”
Jesus answered him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test.’”
Then the devil took him up to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in their magnificence, and he said to him, “All these I shall give to you, if you will prostrate yourself and worship me.”
At this, Jesus said to him, “Get away, Satan! It is written: 'The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve.”
Then the devil left him and, behold, angels came and ministered to him.Matthew 4:1-11

Intense prayer and sacrifice - I would eat a vegetarian diet - may be one way of fasting. Maybe you are another Virgin Mary or Mary Magdalene. Remember how one of your spiritual depressions initially got worse and then subsided when you changed your link from “Jesus, say the word and heal me” to “Jesus, I trust in you.” That may be the first and second temptations. You don’t live by bread alone - mental health alone. Neither should you commit suicide and expect Christ to rescue you - he wants you to serve him and help him serve others. You trust in him to see you through any endeavor you take purely for the love of him until you enter into Heaven. That’s why its so important to keep up the prayer routine whether or not you are in the midst of a spiritual depression because you can expect temptations for life. I predict that you will survive these depressions and then later in life your greatest temptation will be like Mother Teresa’s greatest temptation - she went from the poor nun in Calcutta to being friends with dictators, Princess Diana, a Noble Prize Winner, the Bharat Rama, and her temptation was then to stop being a slave, a servant, the least among all as Christ asked.

Please read True Devotion to Mary and listen to these two youtubes: Ave Maria youtube.com/watch?v=aQVz6vuNq7s and Message of Our Lady at Zeitun, Egypt youtube.com/watch?v=S_X8l9OcEDI&mode=related&search

You are never in competition with Mary. You are a Queen serving Christ, your King, through the Church - so always submit yourself to your spiritual director and the authority of the Pope, never go astray even if you think that your logic is better for that will be the wrong way. Remember Eve’s temptation was to believe that God didn’t want her to eat the apple because it would make her as wise or powerful as God. Keep yourself informed on the messages of the Vatican. youtube.com/vatican

Take care!
Christ and Mary love you more than you can infinitely imagine.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

When the people saw the sign he had done, they said, “This is truly the Prophet, the one who is to come into the world.” Since Jesus knew that they were going to come and carry him off to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain alone. When it was evening, his disciples went down to the sea, embarked in a boat, and went across the sea to Capernaum. It had already grown dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them. The sea was stirred up because a strong wind was blowing. When they had rowed about three or four miles, they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat, and they began to be afraid.
But he said to them, “It is I. Do not be afraid.”
They wanted to take him into the boat, but the boat immediately arrived at the shore to which they were heading.
The next day, the crowd that remained across the sea saw that there had been only one boat there, and that Jesus had not gone along with his disciples in the boat, but only his disciples had left.
Other boats came from Tiberias near the place where they had eaten the bread when the Lord gave thanks.
When the crowd saw that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they themselves got into boats and came to Capernaum looking for Jesus.
And when they found him across the sea they said to him, “Rabbi, when did you get here?”
Jesus answered them and said, “Amen, amen, I say to you, you are looking for me not because you saw signs but because you ate the loaves and were filled.
Do not work for food that perishes but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him the Father, God, has set his seal.”
So they said to him, “What can we do to accomplish the works of God?”
Jesus answered and said to them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in the one he sent.”
So they said to him, “What sign can you do, that we may see and believe in you? What can you do?”
Our ancestors ate manna in the desert, as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’"
So Jesus said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave the bread from heaven; my Father gives you the true bread from heaven.
For the bread of God is that which comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”
So they said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.”
Jesus said to them, "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst.
But I told you that although you have seen (me), you do not believe.
Everything that the Father gives me will come to me, and I will not reject anyone who comes to me,
because I came down from heaven not to do my own will but the will of the one who sent me.
And this is the will of the one who sent me, that I should not lose anything of what he gave me, but that I should raise it (on) the last day.
For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him may have eternal life, and I shall raise him (on) the last day."John 6:14-40

See that even the Christ left his disciples at times. Prayer is similar to the Transfiguration.

Online Adoration of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament louisville-catholic.net/WebCameras/AdorationChapel/tabid/825/Default.aspx
True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin fisheaters.com/totalconsecrationmontfort.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Reflections on True Devotion to Mary by His Holiness Pope John Paul II http://www.michaeljournal.org/montfort.htm
**The Glories of Mary, ** by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains Hail Holy Queen http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/glories.htm
On the Dolors of Mary by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains the sufferings of Our Lady http://writer.zoho.com/public/immaculate/Seven-dolors
Marialis Cultus (Apostolic Exhortation for the Right Ordering and Development of Devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary of His Holiness, February 2, 1974 by His Holiness Pope Paul VI ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/P6MARIAL.HTM
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.
Divine Mercy Chaplet ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm
Rosary Confraternity Enrollment rosary-center.org/nconform.htm (As Pope Leo XIII said in his encyclical on the Confraternity, *“Whenever a person fulfills his obligation of reciting the Rosary according to the rule of the Confraternity, he includes in his intentions all its members and they render him the same service many times over.” * Each member includes deceased fellow members as well; and thus he knows that in turn he will be included in the prayers of hundreds of thousands both now and hereafter.
Cathechism of the Catholic Church vatican.va/archive/catechism/ccc_toc.htm
Litany of Humility ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm
**Cathechis of the Popes on Mary, Mother of God, ** catechesisofthepopes.wikispaces.com/Mary
Mystical City of God themostholyrosary.com/mystical-city.htm

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni,” which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, “Stop holding on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.” Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord,” and what he told her.John 20:16-18

Christ as well had to ascend to the Lord before meeting and serving his disciples. Perhaps Christ allows your spiritual depressions to lead you to greater humility so that he can lift you up.
So humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time.
1 Peter 5:6

 

[ericka1701]

Please don’t feel guilty to feel like you have to take a break from the world for awhile and recharge yourself. Speaking from many struggles with bipolar disorder and anxiety, it sounds to me like you barely have the energy to sustain yourself, much less others. You might want to consider using that energy to get yourself better, because once you are better and much healther yourself, you will have much more to give to others. Pray as much as you can manage. Ask the Saints to make up for your lack.

I will be praying for you.
Ericka

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Do you realize that there is a Courage/EnCourage Conference on July 9 -12 Villanova University, Villanova PA (Archdiocese of Philadelphia) - the catholic support group for people suffering with homosexual orientation. Maybe you should go. If not for yourself than for your friends so you know if it is a welcoming place to invite others.

couragerc.net/

 

[Trishie]

Jesus said we must “love others as yourself”. This requires that you love yourself. To care for yourself is not selfish. You are too vulnerable to take on all the worries of the world. Leave that to God.
** Alison, Love, a priest once said to me, "Trishie, you are just a little ant. If you try to carry too much you will be crushed. Just choose one thing and do that."Alison, maybe you a tiny insect but a beautiful irridescent one, and you can’t do much except be this wonderful little creature who delights the heart of God. **

‘Love others…as yourself’

Jesus when You command us to love others as ourselves, You require something more challenging than simply to “love others.” The embedded touchstone in that command is “love your self.”

Many people lack proper self-esteem, making it difficult for them to genuinely value others. However, Scripture exhorts, “value yourself at your proper worth. Who can justify a man who runs himself down, or respect a man who despises himself.” [Ecclesiasticus 10:28-29]

If we do fail to love ourselves correctly, we cannot accept God’s love. Let us never imagine ourselves hidden from Your mercy: ‘“Can anyone hide in a dark corner without my seeing him?’ asks the Lord.” [Jeremiah 23-24]

The concept of rightly loving oneself in order to love others as God’s precious children may be confused with the selfishness that ruins unselfish self-love. It requires us to reject negative self-talk and responses. “If a man is mean to himself, to whom will he be good?” [Ecclesiasticus 14:3].

Growth in Christian self-love is facilitated by “filling your mind with everything that is true, everything that is noble, and everything that is pure and good” [Philippians 4:8] and serving “in works of love.” It is allowing the Spirit to direct your life and then “you will be in no danger of yielding to self-indulgence. What the Spirit brings is…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, trustfulness, gentleness and self-control.” [Galatians 5:13, 16, 26, 22-23]

Jesus, help us to fittingly love ourselves. You do not wish us to disparage ourselves but to see ourselves as loved, forgiven children of God. A poor self-image may compare to our perception of ‘clouds’. To observers, clouds appear to be impressive, substantial and tangible. However, within themselves the clouds seem damp, insubstantial and misty.

Jesus, let us not belittle ourselves in comparison to others because of our personal uncertainties and inadequacies. Let us live in sincere acceptance of self, that unique gift of Your creative love. help us to see ourselves as loved children of God.

Jesus, help me to know that You really love me. Help me to love myself so that I can love You and others love others truly.

 

[Trishie]

Confidence in God’s merciful love

God, You command that I forgive and rightly cherish myself. Like many people in human history, I often find it difficult to sincerely and consistently love the ‘self’ that I find mirrored in my consciousness. I know that You can bring me to appreciate the miracle and privilege of my existence!

How can I refuse to love what God loves! You treasure me, as You love and treasure each unique, human person that You create. Yet I need much grace to love this betrayer of my true being and purpose, myself! I betray Your loving creation of me by failing to be fully ‘the person I am created to be’.

You love each person so much that it led to the incarnation of Your divine Son, and to His redemption of humankind. Jesus is Your response to my betrayal of my destiny and me. Yet frequently I am unconvinced or indifferent before these astounding gifts of divine love for me and for every person!

Please give me grace to value each person as Your beloved and eternal gift. Inspire me with faith and gratitude for the gift of myself, for the lives of dear ones and of all people. Grant that these human gifts are shaped by Your love to become everlasting gifts to You, and through You, eternal gifts to each other person.

Through Jesus, You taught us that cheerful, loving mutual service of others leads to fulfilment of Your creative will. Therefore, give me grace to faithfully say ‘yes’ to Your loving purpose by active respect and charity to others and me. Delight Yourself in me by forming me into the unselfish, joyful, helpful and prayerful person You dreamed me to be for You and others’ souls for time and eternity. 1999

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Popular youth culture songs of Christianity

Come Gracious Spirit - Gianna Jesson giannajessen.com/
Ave Maria - Beyonce - youtube.com/watch?v=rgxfthPHTwc
Jesus, Walks! - Kanye West youtube.com/watch?v=HUmcUuPo3Jo
Lord, Give Me a Sign! - DMX - youtube.com/watch?v=xfT0BMiuCjs
Blessed Be Your Name - youtube.com/watch?v=2cyqn2LxKVk
Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord - youtube.com/watch?v=wutmEjdbedE&feature=PlayList&p=84B8FC03E4564A87&index=0&playnext=1
Let My Life Be Like a Love Song - youtube.com/watch?v=kmr9yljqCDY
Here I am to Worship - youtube.com/watch?v=CoxopsRSfdU
Hail Holy Queen- youtube.com/watch?v=ZegCfxp9BpA

You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works! My very self you knew; my bones were not hidden from you, When I was being made in secret, fashioned as in the depths of the earth. Your eyes foresaw my actions; in your book all are written down; my days were shaped, before one came to be. How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them!Were I to count, they wouold outnumber the sands; to finish, I would need eternity.Psalm 139:13-18

 

[Trishie]

Alison, please be kind to yourself and nurture yourself in peace.
If you want to pray for others, you can ask Jesus who gives Himself in holy Communion all over the world through out the ages, to make your one prayer for others into a prayer for everyone.

 

[John_Russell_Jr]

It may be counter cultural and laughed at by the world but in sending you this heavy cross God is showing the greatest love and affection to you. If you can persevere with this heavy cross, no matter how bad you feel, you will be helping our Lord carry His cross. You really are there walking tbe way of the cross with Jesus and helping him carry the cross. You are helping many people by carrying there cross too. Have no doubts - when you suffer you become the most perfect image of Christ that you can be. You really help our Lord and a great many souls. Don’t worry about what goes on in your head. Just persevere and a great many souls will be saved by your acceptance and offering of your cross. You will benefit greatly from your cross too. Hang in there. This life is very short and then you have eternity to look forward to. Jesus is counting on you to help carry the cross. Don’t listen to the voice of discouragement. It’s just part of your cross. You can be a champion of the church by offering your cross. Never doubt it.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Alison, I’m just wondering - what is your relationship with your parents like? Feel absolutely free not to share if you do not want to but maybe sometimes it is hard for us to trust Christ if we don’t trust our family. It might be something for you to think about in private or in a journal or diary.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, inspired thy help or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my mother, to thee do I come, before thee I kneel, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word incarnate, despise not my petitions but in thy mercy hear and answer them. Amen.

From a site I read: particularly concerns a possible reason for your struggle with perfectionism.

[Even a person who has others who know about the “secret” can suffer when it remains a taboo topic of discussion. He or she feels invalidated and unimportant as if this significant issue in his or her life is still irrelevant to those whose opinions matter. These are people who are still thirsting to be known. A sense of perfectionism in some of these people is evident because of their constant self-perception of being an imperfect creation. These are people who feel sad, alone, confused, and frustrated. We should be willing to hear the stories of how gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals have been mistreated and we should be the first to demand justice rather than being the first to throw a stone. Regardless of whether or not we agree with each other, we can agree that all people are deserving of dignity and respect.]

Perhaps low-self esteem and high self-esteem are related in their focus on self.

“Far more by suffering and persecution than by eloquent discourse, does God want to build his Kingdom.” St. Therese of Liseux

Someone posted this earlier as a good thing to do daily in pursuit of Christ.

I am telling you what I tell all persons who find themselves up against the limits of their humanity: Spend an hour before the Blessed Sacrament every day for the rest of your life and you will find the strength you never had. I know this sounds daunting at first. But read further. Begin each hour by reflecting on His passion. (I never tire of sharing this.)

He suffered both physically AND mentally. He was rejected: Judas betrayed Him, Peter denied Him three times and the rest of the Apostles abandoned Him. Those who tortured Him not only wanted Him dead, they wanted Him to suffer. They not only looked on Him as a zero, but as MINUS zero. Now that is rejection! Every physical torture He endured only echoed such rejection.

The horrendous scourging robbed Him of His youth. The intensity of the pain was only matched by its duration–until He died. His body was full of swollen, bleeding wounds. The loss of so much blood gave Him a splitting headache which was only intensified with the crowning with thorns. At the praetorium He was publicly derided and sentenced to death by crucifixion. As a further humiliation, he was forced to carry the instrument of His execution.

He was so weak, He could hardly walk and yet He dragged the heavy cross on His shoulder and managed to fall on the dung-strewn stone streets with the cross on top of Him. He got up each time.

After reaching the crest of Calvary, he received the nails into His hands and feet. When they raised the cross up, the nails in His hands held His body up. But His up-stretched arms began to squeeze His lungs and He couldn’t breathe. So He had to push down on His crucified feet to raise His body to fill His lungs with air. He managed to do this for three hours. Finally, He had no strength left and He suffocated, and died, giving us His life…

Thank Him. If you are like me, you will find yourself reluctant to begin this exercise each day, but by the time you get to His death, you will no longer be thinking about yourself–only Him. This brings peace at the moment. As the days pass, it brings peace to your day and week and month. We are all about Him. The more we realize this, the things we thought were important reduce to their real size and we know who we are because we know Who He is! You are in my prayers. You WILL be fine!

 

[AveSantaMaria]

From Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Consider that the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ was no sooner formed within the womb of the Blessed Virgin, than it was inflamed with an immense love for all men, but, as it is the property of love, to desire to be continually with those, for whom this love is felt, a life of thirty-three years appeared to Him too short, to satisfy His excessive desire of being continually with us. It was necessary to work the greatest of miracles, to content the greatest of all desires. This Heart could not place limits to the excess of Its love. Be not afflicted, oh my Apostles, said our loving Jesus, if I am obliged to leave you to ascend to Heaven; my Heart desires with more ardour to be with you, than you desire to be with Me, and as long as there are men upon earth I shall be with them. Ecce ego vobiscum sum usque ad consummationem saeculli. All the motives that led the Son of God to clothe Himself with our flesh have ceased. The work of Redemption is fulfilled. Nothing but His excessive desire of being continually with us, obliges Him to work this constant miracle, and this compendium of all His wonders; His immense love making it, as it were, impossible to Him to be separated from us. Jesus has ascended to His Father: why does He every day return invisbly on earth, if not because He cannot separate Himself from men, and His delights are to be with us? Who would ever have thought that Jesus Christ could have loved us to this excess? From the greatest height of glory, He desires to come and dwell in our hearts, as if something were wanting to His felicity, when He is at a distance from us. A desire must be very violent, when it cannot be satisifed in Heaven, where all desires are fulfilled. Jesus Christ must love men passionately, since not restrained, by the great glory He has enjoyed since His Ascension, He every day places Himself, in a humble and obscure state on our Altars, to satisfy the excess of His love and of His tenderness; proving to us the truth of what He had said by His Prophet, that His delights are to be with us: Deliciae meae esse cum filiis hominum.

Alison, you inspire me in your courage, perseverance, love, and hope and you have given me increased love and depth on an issue that I previously knew very little about!! Each post of your challenges us as a community to grow in Christ’s love

Avis Maris Stella
Hail, bright star of ocean,
God’s own Mother blest
Ever sinless Virgin
Gate of heavenly rest

Taking that sweet Ave
Which from Gabriel came
Peace confirm within us
Changing Eva’s name

Break the captives’ fetters
Light on blindness pour
All our ills expelling
Every bliss implore

Show thyself a Mother
May the Word Divine
Born for us thy infant
Hear our prayers through thine

Virgin all excelling
Mildest of the mild
Freed from guilt, preserve us
Keep our life all spotless
Make our way secure
Till we find in Jesus
Joy forevermore

Through the highest heaven
To the Almighty Three
Father, Son, and Spirit
One same glory be. Amen.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

From the Violence of Love by Archbisop Oscar Romero plough.com/ebooks/violenceoflove.html
martyred in San Salvador for his work as a defender of the poor and suffering.

Some of my favorite Archbishop Oscar Romero quotes:
“We are never embarassed of saying, “The Church of the Poor””

If God accepts the sacrifice of my life, may my death be for the freedom of my people. A bishop will die but the Church of God, which is the people, will never perish.

May God have mercy on the assasins! Last words!

If they kill me, I shall arise in the Salvadoran people

If we really want to reveal the new creation
that God has made witin us,
giving us his Spirit
and making us sharers of his divine pleasure,
let us be led by his Spirit to pray.
St. Paul today tell us:
The Spirit within you teaches you to ask and to pray
according to God’s desire.
And the God who discerns spirits
knows what God’s Spirit is asking within your hearts.

How wondrous
that God should start an intimate dialog with humans
by raising them to God’s level
and speaking their own language!

And to raise them to God’s level
he has given them his Spirit.

To pray is to converse with God.
Vatican Council II uses a very helpful comparison
saying that God has given humans
the intimate sanctuary of their consciousness
so that they can enter that private space
and there speak alone with God
to decide their own destiny.
We all have a church within ourselves,
our own consciousness.
There God is,
God’s Spirit.
Blessed are those who do not forsake
that shrine by failing to pray.

Blessed are those who enter often
to speak alone with their God.
Try it yourselves, brothers and sisters.
Though you feel yourselves sinners,
tainted,
enter all the more and say:
Lord,
correct me,
I have sinned,
I have offended you.
Or when you feel the joy of a good act:
Lord, I give you thanks
because my conscience is joyful
and you commend me.
Or when in affliction
you find no one to offer a word of guidance,
enter your intimate sanctuary,
and God will show you the way.
Or when you are sad,
like those many mothers
of persons arrested and not seen again,
enter alone with God and say:
Lord,
you know where they are.
You know how they are being treated.
Speak with him.
How beautiful is prayer, my friends,
when it is truly made with God’s Spirit inside us
and sharing in God’s life!
July 23, 1978

Maybe try to pray for the specific areas in your mind where the lies are being revealed to you, praying to Jesus through Mary regarding each individual lie

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Remember the story of the good Samaritan followed by Martha and Mary in the Bible. You are doing well, trying to be the good Samaritan, but there is another even better way.

There was a scholar of the law who stood up to test him and said, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
Jesus said to him, “What is written in the law? How do you read it?”
He said in reply, “You shall love the Lord, your God, will all your heart, will all your being, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
He replied to him, “You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.”
But because he wished to justify himself, he said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”
Jesus replied, "A man fell victim to robbers as he went down from Jerusalem to Jericho. They stripped and beat him and went off leaving him half-dead.
A priest happened to be going down that road, but when he saw him, he passed by on the opposite side.
Likewise a Levite came to the place, and when he saw him, he passed by on the opposite side.
But a Samaritan traveler who came upon him was moved with compassion at the sight.
He approached the victim, poured oil and wine over his wounds and bandaged them. Then he lifted him up on his own animal, took him to an inn and cared for him.
The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the inkeeper with the instruction, ‘Take care of him. If you spend more than what I have given you, I shall repay you on my way back.’
Which of these three, in your opinion, was neighbor to the robbers’ victim?
He answered, “The one who treated him with mercy.” Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”

** As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him.
She had a sister named Mary (who) sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak.
Martha, burned with much serving, came to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.”
The Lord said to her in reply, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.
There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” ** 10:25-42

For me, as far as I know right now, there is little else more calming to me than deep and intense prayer, whether it is a Hail Mary, a For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world, or it is nothing more than repeating AveSantaMaria over and over because that is all I can do. It is also calming for me to listen to music particularly Gianna Jessen. giannajessen.com/ Did I write before that she is an abortion survivor? Her 17 year old parents tried to abort her, in an 18 hour saline abortion, but she survived anways but was born with cerebral palsy. She is now, among other things, a Christian singer and her voice is quite peaceful and calming.

And at the same time reading Mystical City of God, which I link to on an earlier page. This is additional knowledge on the life of the most holy beings. After you have finished St. Maria Faustina’s Diary or even at the same time, you might read Mystical City of God - enhanced revelations about the Father, Holy Spirit, Christ, Mary, and the angels. This is especially helpful to do if you can’t sleep at night.

For his whole life, St. Pio bore the Stigmata and was engaged in spiritual warfare. The devil used to appear to him in visible form and beat him bloody, to trick him in various ways by imitating his superviors, to visit his confessional and pretend to be human - St. Padre Pio said “Long live Jesus, Long live Mary” to get him to go away - to put temptations in his mind of naked girls dancing, to send him false visions of Jesus and Mary. But the evil one also told St. Padre Pio that St. Padre Pio snatched more souls from him than St. Michael. Maybe it might help to say his litany daily. padrepiodevotions.org/index.asp?pagename=litany

“Pray, pray to the Lord with me, because the whole world needs prayer. And every day, when your heart especially feels the loneliness of life, pray. Pray to the Lord, because even God needs our prayers.” St. Pio of Pietrelcina - padrepiodevotions.org/index.asp?pagename=wordsoffaith