How can I honor my dad?

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Thank you.
I admire you for your generosity and caring, even though of course I stand by what I said.

I’m sad about your uncle, and will keep you,
and your uncle, and all your family in my prayers.
 
You’re totally right… I think I went from loving, to frustrating, then now, unfortunately, resenting… thanks for the suggestion, I’ll do that. I’ll also just keep my mouth shut and minimize as much contact as possible.

One thing that that frustrated is that whenever I have been able to finally vent out and able not to resent, she starts acting up again, not to me, but to either my mom or dad. Just a few days ago, she told my mom in her face that she’s stupid and idiot. She yelled, intentionally slamming doors, etc, intentionally showing the world she’s angry. Without saying sorry or anything, today she told my mom that her credit card payment is due and that the bank called her… what sort of atitude is that…?
 
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Gee, you are such a trouper.
But you are trying to fix your family.
You can’t. You’re just antagonizing them and they will enjoy wearing you down.
Concentrate on your own life, respect their free will to wreck their own lives, pray and make sacrifices for them. Only God can change hearts and if they persist in their sins, that is their choice.
You are wasting your energy. Cut loose and give them a good example - and the silent message: “if you want to go to hell, that is your choice. I am not following you there.”
 
Not a very good attitude, I’m afraid. But, as long as your Mom tolerates it, there’s really nothing you can do about it. Please, don’t let these events draw you away from your plan to move out, be on your own, and live a good life. That’s the one thing you can do that might inspire your family to make some changes. Telling them to ‘straighten out, and live right’ will do very little for them, if anything. Living a good, productive life as an example may inspire them to make some changes. You can’t change them. You can change yourself, and have already done some planning. Just stick to your plan, and you will have a much happier life. Hopefully, they’ll notice.

God Bless!
 
Dacinom said:
Perhaps try and avoid your family, they are a source of irritation for you.
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I don’t think he should avoid his family.Family is very important and they can be gone at any moment and his problems are really relatively minor compared to some people’s situations.

OP:to me is seems like you are a caring brother to be concerned about how your sister will cope when your dad is no longer with you.

Do you mind if I ask what your nationality is?

Has your sister mentioned anything she is interested in if she doesn’t like sales or design etc…?

I don’t think much good will come out of being mad at her as if she has been conditioned this way all her life,it’s hard to expect her to see different.
It’s probably better to try gently reasoning with her.
 
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We’re an asian family in one of developing Asian countries. The culture is probably surprising to most of Americans or Europeans, but here most kids live with their parents until they get married. Even after so, a lot of time parents and families are usually still a big part of their lives, and sometimes even still support them.

Starting a shop was something she was interested in. It’s kinda hard because she wouldn’t initiate anything on her own, she prefers to just stay still and just slack off. When we initiated something, as soon as it gets a bit uncomfy for her, she would play the blaming game on us (who initiated), that we’re forcing it on her. My parents and I learned it the hard way.

I think I’ve done my part, and the rest is up to her and God. As long as she doesn’t have the will and commitment to change her lifestyle, we can’t do anything… I feel like my conscience is now 100% clear of the feelings of not trying to do what I can as a brother. I have tried my best, and God knows it… time to leave and go on with my life…
 
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That makes sense.I had a feeling when reading your posts that you may have been from Asian background or something else non American.

I am Bosnian Croatian so I can completely relate to what you are saying about living with your family until married and having our parents live with us when they get older as this is the same with us too.

Personally I differ from Americans posting who give advice like “distance yourself from seeing your family” or “don’t try to help your sister” etc…
This to me feels sad and world be unthinkable if I was in your situation with my own sister as there is nothing more important than family.

American/Uk/Australia culture differs from our cultures by being very individualistic where people sometimes focus almost exclusively on their own little family of their partner + children and I guess that’s where this mindset comes from but I don’t agree with this mentality.

Personally I think you seem like a very loving brother who has really shown care,loyalty and concern for your sister.

It’s hard not to worry for our sisters when we see them doing something that could affect their life negativity but I think you can feel at peace that you have tried everything to help her like you mentioned.
It’s finding that middle ground of being there for her without feeling overly responsible for her decisions.

I will keep your sister and family in my prayers:)
 
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blacksoil said:
How am I supposed to honor my dad? How can I honor such ungodly behavior?
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Sounds like you’re already doing it.

He may not care or have issues that make it impossible for him to recognize what a great guy you are, but that’s okay.

He is still honored.
 
Dacinom said:
Christ is completely more important than family, as is avoiding sin
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This is true,but to me I think that family is an extension of Jesus’ teaching and the gospel.
I believe that God is always wanting to bring harmony,peace and closeness to families and it is sad to see some families not get along.Life is short and family is a blessing.
I understand though that there are extreme cases where this might be unrealistic such as when there has been sexual abuse in a family.

To me it seems the Ops anger is coming from reasonable worry.
Other posters mentioned is he jealous etc but I don’t see his situation as being from jealousy but rather from loving concern for his sister livelihood once his fathers no longer capable to support her.
There are other ways apart from family avoidance to deal with angry feelings such as gently reasoning with the other person,having patience and understanding of their own upbringing,praying to God to help the situation,modeling good behaviour and good work ethic,displaying good open communication,and letting go of any sense of excessive personal responsibility or feelings of guilt (if they exist).

Imo avoidance doesn’t really ever solve those people’s situations in the long term so they just end up going through life with limited contact with their families.
 
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Rozellelily said:
This is true,but to me I think that family is an extension of Jesus’ teaching and the gospel.
I believe that God is always wanting to bring harmony,peace and closeness to families and it is sad to see some families not get along.Life is short and family is a blessing.
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Out of interest how do you read the passage where Jesus says he has come not to bring peace, but a sword, and that you must hate father, mother etc?
 
I could be wrong but I take it to mean more like that when your parent and Jesus differ on a matter,it is Jesus that should take precedence.
Like for example if a Christian man had a father that ran or went to stripclub it would likely cause fighting or discord between them.
Or if a Muslim felt to become a Christian in some cases the parents would even disown them.

I think the passages should also be read with the understanding that the people already had a culture/predisposition of being loyal to their father/mother ways.
 
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Somehow, I was really disturbed last Sunday but now it feels like I’ve obtained a peace of mind and heart. I’m sure part of it is because you and others in this forum have been praying for me and my family. Thank you all, I really appreciate it!
 
I have lived both in my home country and in the US. I think the different family cultures have their own pluses and minuses. In the US, kids learn “real world” very early on as soon as they reach 18. The good thing is that the kids learn how the world really is and so they have to adapt in order to survive. In my home country, parents typically shield their kids from experiencing “real world”, especially from potentially hurtful and unpleasant experiences, before they even encounter them. This is often causing the kids to live in an “illusional” world, which is not necessarily teaching the kids what it takes to survive in the real world.

Having been experiencing both, I personally would wanna adopt both cultures at the same time. Once my kids reach 18, I’d be as hands off as an American parent, yet always be there for my kids when they need me. I’m sure this is much easier said than done, though…
 
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But (just my curiosity, don’t answer if you think it’s too personal)…where were you when you ‘moved back in with family’ (not a direct quote…
I’m just too lazy to stop this post and look it up)? And where are you planning on going, as you said you were, in a few years?

I hope you didn’t desert a wife/family of your own, to care for your sister and parents indefinitely! But, in most, if not all other cases, you’re doing a good thing. You just can’t make people do anything, especially when other family members disturb your goals. If you have no where to go, are you still planning on moving out?

Maybe I’m just being a bit too interested. God bless you, and your family!
 
I was in the US. I was pretty fortunate to be in the computer field at the right time, so even though I was a foreigner, the company I worked for was willing to sponsor me a working visa. But since I left before obtaining a green card, I can’t go back.

God is really awesome though. Just exactly when I was really down remembering a good life opportunity I sacrificed for nothing much, I received a potential career opportunity in a neighborhood country in a few months. For now it’s still only a short-term, but I’m really hoping it’ll work out, as the past 4 years hasn’t been easy.

Thanks for sending blessing to me and family. Hope God bless you and family too!
 
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