How can I honor my Mother and Father

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Jacob50

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4th commandment.

Im almost 22 yrs old. Mom and Dad always yell/shout at me and my brothers without a good reason to do so. In fact, Its hard to remember a day in which my dad did not yell at me since I was born. Hes always furious about anything. He gets mad if he himself does a mistake at his job. He behaves the same 365 days a year. I don’t think I have ever seen a person that yells as high as my dad does. Our neighboors always know when hes going crazy. My friends always ask me why he always gets very mad (because they hear him yelling while being outside of my house). Mom has a similar behaviour as my dad, but just a bit less furious.

When I see them, I can’t even say hi to them sometimes because they are always mad. Im serious, very serious.

With this in mind, how can I honor my mother and father? They don’t even give me a chance to honor them because I can’t even get near at them.
 
Jacob50 said:
4th commandment.

Im almost 22 yrs old. Mom and Dad always yell/shout at me and my brothers without a good reason to do so. In fact, Its hard to remember a day in which my dad did not yell at me since I was born. Hes always furious about anything. He gets mad if he himself does a mistake at his job. He behaves the same 365 days a year. I don’t think I have ever seen a person that yells as high as my dad does. Our neighboors always know when hes going crazy. My friends always ask me why he always gets very mad (because they hear him yelling while being outside of my house). Mom has a similar behaviour as my dad, but just a bit less furious.

When I see them, I can’t even say hi to them sometimes because they are always mad. Im serious, very serious.

With this in mind, how can I honor my mother and father? They don’t even give me a chance to honor them because I can’t even get near at them.
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Forgive me, but do you live at their house? That could be a big problem. I am sure someone will come along to give you the church teaching on this soon, since I dont know what the church says about this kind of scenario, but In my opinion only, it sounds like it is time for you to move on from them. Honor them, yes. They gave birth to you and raised you the best they knew how at the time. Give them the repect that they deserve as your parents.

But it is YOUR time now. Your life starts this minute. At the age of 22, you have your whole life ahead of you. There is nothing about honoring parents that says you have to be their doormat. If you feel like you are being treated poorly or even abusively…RUN.

This may be a big step, but do think about it seriously. It just may be time to cut the cord with them and try life on your own. There will be struggles, sure…but it may be more peaceful and less stressful too. Start to look into it a little.

Perhaps one day soon, when you gone from the house, they will treat you with a bit more respect the next time you go to their house for a short visit.

Anyway, lots to think about. But continue to honor them for what they are and for the good things that did do for you as they raised you (i am sure you can find a few good happy things to remember) and try not to let them run your life from here on out. You are in control of your own life now…go do something great with it!
 
My suggestion is to say to them, “say anything to me you wish, but please say it calmly.”

If they don’t, then say it again to them in a calm voice.

Keep saying it until they begin to do it.

Just a thought to help them to be better persons.
 
I once heard a homily in which a very serious priest informed us that sometimes the best way for us to love our neighbor is by making use of a fence and staying ten feet away from them. 😉

He went on to explain that you can love someone without putting yourself in a position to be harmed or that will cause you to behave badly. I think that might apply here, as well. As a prior poster said, maybe it’s time you tried to move away if you haven’t, and love/honor them from a place where you do not see them daily. Don’t say bad things about them, don’t argue with them, just get yourself away from that situation and honor them by living a good life for yourself and not repeating their behavior with your own future family.
 
Thank you for all your advice guys. It helped a lot. God bless you all!
 
Your parents seem unhappy people.Persons who act like this need a lot of prayer and compassion as it is a sad way to live a life, yelling at others and being unfair.
May God bless and protect you and your brothers from modelling yourself on this unfortunate behavior and attitude to people in your own lives.

Your best honor is to stay as calm as you can yourself;
To be kind and helpful where you can;
to not act like they do but learn from it to treat others in your life and in your future with respect and consideration.
And to pray for your unfortunate and perhaps damaged or more likely over-stressed parents. You may not be aware of the pressures they experience.

Remember that your parents are children who grew older, and they carry with them human limitations and scars;
and if any of us has poor characteristics, there usually are reasons.
You and your brothers have learned good reasons why you wish to lead your lives differently.
I pray your parents can heal within and find peace and joy.
 
Honor them by being the best person you can be. Live with honor and integrity. Treat others well. Pray for your parents. Try to give your siblings something better than they’re getting at home. Are they older or younger? If they’re older, how do they behave? Can you spend more time away from home?

I, too, was raised in a home where there was a lot of yelling, where my parents, both of them routinely swore around us and at us. They are still critical of me (and others) to the point I simply stay away from them. I believe I have become a better person and a better parent to my children, better able to love my own children, by doing so. And even my entire view of God has changed, as a result, from seeing Him as an angry God lying in wait to trip me up and trick me, to seeing Him as a loving Father.
 
AmyMCGS said:
Don’t say bad things about them, don’t argue with them, just get yourself away from that situation and honor them by living a good life for yourself and not repeating their behavior with your own future family.
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That. Exactly that.
 
Jacob50 said:
4th commandment.

Im almost 22 yrs old. Mom and Dad always yell/shout at me and my brothers without a good reason to do so. In fact, Its hard to remember a day in which my dad did not yell at me since I was born. Hes always furious about anything. He gets mad if he himself does a mistake at his job. He behaves the same 365 days a year. I don’t think I have ever seen a person that yells as high as my dad does. Our neighboors always know when hes going crazy. My friends always ask me why he always gets very mad (because they hear him yelling while being outside of my house). Mom has a similar behaviour as my dad, but just a bit less furious.

When I see them, I can’t even say hi to them sometimes because they are always mad. Im serious, very serious.

With this in mind, how can I honor my mother and father? They don’t even give me a chance to honor them because I can’t even get near at them.
Click to expand...
Sounds kinda like my upbringing, except your way ahead of me in considering how to honor your father and mother. When I was about 21 I got into an argument with my father, threw a glass of milk on the floor, it shattered and literally covered the whole room in glass and milk. I was itching to get into a fight with him. Didn’t matter if i won or lost, I wanted to hurt him physically very bad.

His response: “I expect this to be cleaned up and you to be moved out of the house by the time I return.”

Didn’t expect that one coming…

I have since had an off and on relatioinship wiht my dad, sometimes close, but because of my childhood it’s sensitive, he can say things in certain ways that bring back terrible memories (PTSD). One time I had a nervous breakdown because he yelled at me at a time I was particularly vulnerable and I was out of work for 5 weeks while my dr played with my medictions to try and get me stable.

So sometimes the best I can do is keep my distance and not speak with him. Other times I thank him for the good things he’s done for me (but reallly didn’t start that until I was in my late 20’s. The good news is that often times wiht age poeple change. When my dad became a granddad and stopped drinking he stated changing for hte better. Now he and my mom are good peple and go to Church regularly and generally are very supportive of me. I am very greatful of that. But at the moment i"m not speaking with him because he pushed me into something and I resented it because he never provided me with guidance or love when I was young, and now he pushed me into something (for my own good) but yet I resented him becaues it brought up memories of loss from my childhood when i needed his guidance and didn’t get it. So at least I bite my toung and don’t ‘dishonor’ him. I used to dishonor both m y mom and dad. Actually I hated both of them a lot when I was your age.

So your way ahead of me on that front. Wish i had good avice for you.
God Bless,
Bill
 
I actually moved out of my parents house and into a homeless shelter when I had no job, no money, and no life skills as I grew up severely abused and neglected. I heard that certain homeless shelters had counselors that could help you with issues and finding a job, etc…

So that’s what I did. It was the best thing I ever did in my life. Drastic and very difficult. But I got the help I needed. I learned what ‘support’ meant in the context of one human being supporting another. Prior to that I had no concept of support in that way, only the way one board might support another when buiding a house.

I needed to get out of the toxic enviornment where I was the family scapegoat and although the physical and sexual abuse had stopped because of my age, the emotional abuse and neglect continued, as did emotional incest from my mother…a complex concept…but sick…and I got out of there. It was the hardest summer/year of my life…but i have a life now because I got out of there.

Maybe it’s best if you make a plan.

God Bless,
Bill
 
I have to agree with the other posters who have encouraged you to move out. Start making plans now and then you’ll be able to do it on your terms and in a calm way. Sometimes parents are so difficult and troubled that they can’t change the way we need them to. It will be a gift to yourself to move out and be in charge of your own life. It is a hellish life to have to live with such angry people and the best solution is to move out. You will find that after living on your own your parents may have more respect for you and it will be easier to honor them. At any rate even if there is no change in their behaviors, you will have the safe harbor of your own place. Good luck.
 
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