How can I love myself when I'm such a sinner?

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I’m pretty sure it was St. Augustine who said something along the lines of “you must love yourself before you can truly love your neighbor,” and there’s definitely a lot of truth in this. Self-hate leads to arrogance: when we hate ourselves we feel the need to belittle those around us, at least in thought if not in action. I’ve been having trouble battling the sin of pride; prayer has been of help, as have weekly confessions (I can’t think of many things more humbling than frequent confessions). Reading the works of intellectual giants and the biographies of holy saints (and, of course, the Gospels themselves) have done much good as well.

However it seems like I’m always drawn back to arrogance. I really try not to act arrogant, but I often have arrogant thoughts. They repulse me, but seem very hard to be rid of entirely. Pride is truly the root of all sin, in a way, and I know that I have to fight the sin of pride in all of its manifestations. I’m coming to realize that pride really comes from poor self-image - as my confessor aptly pointed out today.

I’m having trouble cultivating a good self-image though. I’ve always been a somewhat guilt-ridden person, and becoming a better Catholic has only made me feel more guilty. I don’t see this as a bad thing in the slightest - I have certainly earned my mental discomfort. How can I possibly feel good about myself when I’m so bad, though?

Awareness of my many sins leads to self-hate which leads to more sin. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m seeking advice on how to break it.
 
i too harbor a hatred of meself (though my sins or of a different nature than yours)and this is one of the things i have thought about for awhile (how can i love my neighbour or God for that matter) if i hate myself…slowly i am coming to accepting the idea that i don’t really hate myself but rather what i have done…
 
Remember that God does not hate sinners. We’re all sinners and He loves us all. Follow His example. And remember you are worthy of love because you are God’s creation.
 
The good news is that having a great self-image has very little to do with serving God. Look at St. Theresa of Avila, St. Francis, Mother Theresa and host of other saints who loathed their sinfulness or thought very little of themselves, but it did not stop them from serving God.

If arrogance is your cross, then strive for humility in all things. Pray before the blessed sacrament and ask for humility. Give your time and energy at a homeless shelter where you can serve the least of our brothers. Ultimately one has to die to oneself. So instead of trying to enhance your own self image, why not try building someone else up instead. You might find that self-image concern takes care of itself.
 
You should love yourself for the same reason you should love your neighbor: because God does, and died to prove it.

If we withhold love from the imperfect, we cannot have a loving relationship with anyone-- not a spouse, child, or parent this side of heaven.

It might be the minority veiw on this site, but I believe that a lack of self-love does more evil in the world than a surplus of it.

I once saw a certain clinically obese priest on EWTN saying [in a voice like an English version of Kermit the Frog] ‘How do you draw a cross? you write an ‘I’, and cross it out!’

If I bought that, I’d have had a short conversation with the business end of a shotgun that same day. There is such a thing as healthy self loving, don’t ever let anyone tell you differently.
 
We are lovable because we are a creation of God, not because we have done anything to deserve the love.

I love my wife dearly. She has faults. If I can love her with her faults and, I presume, sinfulness, then why shouldn’t I love myself?

There is no doubt that each of us is a child of God, and, by that statement, lovable.
 
You can love yourself because you were created in the image and likeness of God, and you were redeemed by the death and resurrection of Christ.

Now, I wouldn’t spend too much time thinking about yourself. But it is important to keep those things in mind, not just about yourself, but about everyone else.
 
I don’t think actual self-hate is possible. In fact the whole purpose of salvation is redeeming inordinate self-love which stems from original sin. It’s a human being’s nature to love self. Even someone who commits suicide is loving themselves inordinately, that is, they are seeking to relieve themselves of future temporal pain. A person who has a low self-image wishes he/she had better qualities therefore revealing love/concern for themselves. If you truly hated yourself, you’d wish every misery and defect upon yourself. In essence, you would rejoice over your own destruction. That obviously isn’t the case here because you express sorrow over your fallen condition. To use an extreme example, a masochist inflicts pain on themselves because it brings with it some greater perceived psychological pleasure/benefit. In other words, self-love is inescapably linked to fallen human nature. If you’re a member of the human race, you’ve inherited original sin from your parents and it’s shadow self-love. The battle of faith then becomes transforming inordinate self love apart from God’s will to a true self-love in conformity with God’s will and love of neighbor.
 
Oh, I could list my sins / failings (mortal and venial) - but I’m sure without reading other posts that someone else has already said this:

If God loves you - even though you’re a sinner - then why don’t you try to find out what He sees in you ! God doesn’t love sin - but I’m sure He DOES love the soul He wants to bring back to Him - stainless - without sin.

If a shepherd has 100 sheep, and one goes astray, does the shepherd not leave the 99 and go in search of the one that is lost? And does he not rejoice even more over the one that is found than the 99 who did not go astray?

That may not be the verbatim Biblical quote, but that’s pretty much the idea as I heard it so many years ago. Don’t love the sins - be a better person and learn to love yourself and your fellow man - as God loves you.
 
Jack_245814 said:
I’m pretty sure it was St. Augustine who said something along the lines of “you must love yourself before you can truly love your neighbor,” and there’s definitely a lot of truth in this. Self-hate leads to arrogance: when we hate ourselves we feel the need to belittle those around us, at least in thought if not in action. I’ve been having trouble battling the sin of pride; prayer has been of help, as have weekly confessions (I can’t think of many things more humbling than frequent confessions). Reading the works of intellectual giants and the biographies of holy saints (and, of course, the Gospels themselves) have done much good as well.

However it seems like I’m always drawn back to arrogance. I really try not to act arrogant, but I often have arrogant thoughts. They repulse me, but seem very hard to be rid of entirely. Pride is truly the root of all sin, in a way, and I know that I have to fight the sin of pride in all of its manifestations. I’m coming to realize that pride really comes from poor self-image - as my confessor aptly pointed out today.

I’m having trouble cultivating a good self-image though. I’ve always been a somewhat guilt-ridden person, and becoming a better Catholic has only made me feel more guilty. I don’t see this as a bad thing in the slightest - I have certainly earned my mental discomfort. How can I possibly feel good about myself when I’m so bad, though?

Awareness of my many sins leads to self-hate which leads to more sin. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m seeking advice on how to break it.
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🙂 here is a road that i am very familiar with. You need to love yourself becuase you are you! God mabe each and every single feature of you in an exact and precise way. If God loves you so much to go through all that, why should you not love yourself. Sins are always part of lives, weather we like them or not. We need to ask for forgivness, go to confession, and move on. Leave everything behind. I still say forgive and forget. The more you forget the more guilt you are not harboring on yourself. prayer is overall the most important thing. until you can graps these truths, you cannot and will not love yourself. God loves you, i love you, pope benedict loves you, and people who have never met you love you. You should love being just who you are. the only opinion that matters is God’s and that is between you and him. i’ll pray for you. 👍
 
I firmly believe that self-hatred is one of the greatest lies the Enemy has ever seduced humanity into believing. It’s so isolating – you believe that no one else on the planet can understand your pain, either because you’re totally depraved or they’re too stupid. It kills love and kills community. It convinces us that we’re alone. We’re not alone, even in those moments when our self-loathing has nearly convinced us that we’re totally invisible. We still have to get up and get on with it. You know the saying “Fake it till you can make it?” That’s what you have to do, even in this case. Act in a compassionate manner with yourself – get enough sleep, bathe, eat well, exercise – ask what you would recommend to someone else experiencing what you’re going through and do that. My prayers are with you.
 
However it seems like I’m always drawn back to arrogance. I really try not to act arrogant, but I often have arrogant thoughts. They repulse me, but seem very hard to be rid of entirely. Pride is truly the root of all sin, in a way, and I know that I have to fight the sin of pride in all of its manifestations. I’m coming to realize that pride really comes from poor self-image - as my confessor aptly pointed out today.
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I’m having trouble cultivating a good self-image though. I’ve always been a somewhat guilt-ridden person, and becoming a better Catholic has only made me feel more guilty. I don’t see this as a bad thing in the slightest - I have certainly earned my mental discomfort. How can I possibly feel good about myself when I’m so bad, though?
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These are connected. Not loving yourself possibly stems from arrogance in that you believe you alone are so horrible that God could not love you. There is a twisted pride that would have us be so unlovable, so horrible, that not even Christ loves us and we are thus singled out and in a place all of ourselves - which is arrogance.

Guilt is a gift IF it is used as Our Lord intended. It is only to let us know that we have done something wrong and to have us follow through in repentence. There is no point in guilt beyond that. Pray the Litany of Humility, because this too goes back to the prideful attitude I just spoke about.

So how can you love yourself?

Realize that Christ knows all of this about you, and any other thing, but if all His death upon that splintery cross did was to save only your soul, He would carried that cross and let them drive the nails into His hands. Love Christ, and you will come to recognize yourself as a Child of God, created by Him, in His image, and that pride does not mean that you are a horrible person, but that you need to laugh at yourself and move on.
 
would you hate a spouse, child, relative, friend if they sinned? no? then love yourself, as God loves you, because you are made in His image. he does not stop loving you when you sin, so do not stop loving yourself. Hate the sin, love the sinner, and of that love, confess and do penance for the sin to demonstrate that love, just as you would seek medical care for yourself or your child as a demonstration of love.
 
Sam_Maloney said:
I once saw a certain clinically obese priest on EWTN saying [in a voice like an English version of Kermit the Frog] 'How do you draw a cross? you write an ‘I’, and cross it out!'

If I bought that, I’d have had a short conversation with the business end of a shotgun that same day. There is such a thing as healthy self loving, don’t ever let anyone tell you differently.
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**bolding = mine **

If I read you correctly, I believe you took this statement the wrong way. What this statement means is that Jesus died on the cross for each of us, personally, because of our sins. Stated another way, Jesus died on the cross for me. You. All others. We are the tree of the cross (the cause), his are the fruits of the cross, i.e., our salvation and redemption.
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B
 
Deacon_Ed_B said:
**bolding = mine **

If I read you correctly, I believe you took this statement the wrong way. What this statement means is that Jesus died on the cross for each of us, personally, because of our sins. Stated another way, Jesus died on the cross for me. You. All others. We are the tree of the cross (the cause), his are the fruits of the cross, i.e., our salvation and redemption.
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B
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Bishop Fulten Sheen talked about this as being centred…if the I(ourself) is at the centre of our life then we can not truly live for Christ…However with Christ at the centre; our life goes around Him not ourselves…
 
Love yourself while you’re a sinner so that you will be even less of a sinner and thus more worthy of love 🙂 😃 🙂

And the best way to love yourself is through devotion to Jesus Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary, daily devotion to the Eucharist and daily devotion to as much of the 4 mystery rosary as you can say and such Marian devotions as the Ave Maris Stella, the Magnificat, and the Little Crown of the Blessed Virgin Mary!!

The Eucharist is the source and summit of the Christian life… For in the blessed Eucharist is contained the whole spiritual good of the Church, namely Christ Himself… By the Eucharistic celebration we already unite ourselves with the heavenly liturgy and anticipate eternal life… In brief, the Eucharist is the sum and summary of our faith. (Cathechism…1324-1327). http://www.cfpeople.org/Apologetics/page51a052.html

"If you say the Rosary faithfully until death, I do assure you that, **in spite of the gravity of your sins **‘you shall receive a never-fading crown of glory.’ Even if you are on the brink of damnation, even if you have one foot in hell, even if you have sold your soul to the devil as sorcerers do who practice black magic, and even if you are a heretic as obstinate as a devil, sooner or later you will be converted and will amend your life and will save your soul, if-- and mark well what I say-- if you say the Holy Rosary devoutly every day until death for the purpose of knowing the truth and obtaining contrition and pardon for your sins."
-Saint Louis Marie de Montfort, The Secret of the Rosary

“To all those, therefore, who shall have assisted on the prescribed days at the public recital of the Rosary, and have prayed for Our intentions – to all those also who from legitimate causes shall have been compelled to do so in private – We grant for each occasion an Indulgence of seven years and seven times forty days.”
–Pope Leo XIII, Superiure Anno

“The Holy Rosary is the storehouse of countless blessings.”
-Blessed Alan de la Roche

"There is **no problem, **I tell you, no matter how difficult it is, that we cannot solve by the prayer of the Holy Rosary."
-Sister Lucia, of the seers of Fatima

15 Promises from our Blessed Mother to Saint Dominic and Blessed Alan to all those who would pray the Holy Rosary…
  1. Whoever shall faithfully serve me by the recitation of the Rosary, shall receive signal graces.
  2. I promise my special protection and the greatest graces to all those who shall recite the Rosary.
  3. The Rosary shall be powerful armor against hell. It will destroy vice, decrease sin and defeat heresies.
  4. It will cause virtue and good works to flourish. It will obtain for souls the abundant mercy of God. It will withdraw the hearts of men from the love of the world and its vanities, and will lift them to the desire of eternal things. Oh, that souls would sanctify themselves by this means.
  5. The soul which recommends itself to me by the recitation of the Rosary, shall not perish.
  6. Whoever shall recite the Rosary devoutly, applying himself to the consideration of its sacred mysteries, shall never be conquered by misfortune. God will not chastise him in His justice. He shall not perish by an unprovided death.** If he be just, he shall remain in the grace of God and become worthy of eternal life. **
  7. Whoever shall have a true devotion for the Rosary shall not die without the sacraments of the Church.
  8. Those who are faithful to recite the Rosary shall have, during their life and at their death, the light of God and the plentitude of His graces. At the moment of death, they shall participate in the merits of the saints in paradise.
  9. I shall deliver from purgatory those who have been devoted to the Rosary.
  10. The faithful children of the Rosary shall merit a high degree of glory in heaven.
  11. You shall obtain all you ask of me by the recitation of the Rosary.
  12. All those who propagate the holy Rosary shall be aided by me in their necessities.
  13. I have obtained from my Divine Son that all the advocates of the Rosary shall have for ** intercessors the entire celestial court during their life and at the hour of death. **
  14. All who recite the Rosary are my sons and brothers of my only Son, Jesus Christ.
  15. Devotion of my Rosary is a great sign of predestination.
*Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
 
Deacon_Ed_B said:
**bolding = mine **

If I read you correctly, I believe you took this statement the wrong way. What this statement means is that Jesus died on the cross for each of us, personally, because of our sins. Stated another way, Jesus died on the cross for me. You. All others. We are the tree of the cross (the cause), his are the fruits of the cross, i.e., our salvation and redemption.
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B
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I hope you are right, Deacon Ed. In context, he seemed to be advocating what I consider an unhealthy self loathing.
 
Jack_245814 said:
I’m pretty sure it was St. Augustine who said something along the lines of “you must love yourself before you can truly love your neighbor,” and there’s definitely a lot of truth in this. Self-hate leads to arrogance: when we hate ourselves we feel the need to belittle those around us, at least in thought if not in action. I’ve been having trouble battling the sin of pride; prayer has been of help, as have weekly confessions (I can’t think of many things more humbling than frequent confessions). Reading the works of intellectual giants and the biographies of holy saints (and, of course, the Gospels themselves) have done much good as well.

However it seems like I’m always drawn back to arrogance. I really try not to act arrogant, but I often have arrogant thoughts. They repulse me, but seem very hard to be rid of entirely. Pride is truly the root of all sin, in a way, and I know that I have to fight the sin of pride in all of its manifestations. I’m coming to realize that pride really comes from poor self-image - as my confessor aptly pointed out today.

I’m having trouble cultivating a good self-image though. I’ve always been a somewhat guilt-ridden person, and becoming a better Catholic has only made me feel more guilty. I don’t see this as a bad thing in the slightest - I have certainly earned my mental discomfort. How can I possibly feel good about myself when I’m so bad, though?

Awareness of my many sins leads to self-hate which leads to more sin. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m seeking advice on how to break it.
Click to expand...
I know what you mean. I’m too critical, in a strictly private way, of others whom I perceive to be vice-ridden or non-believers. Often they can sense my disdain, in as much as I tend to ignore them. In the teachers’ lounge, for example, while they’re intensely gossiping and acting like errant children, I’ll be sitting in their mists, reading the Bible. 😃
 
Dear Jack - Ask God to help you love yourself the way He does.

Peace,

Gail
 
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