How can I observe lent in secret?

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AlanTaylor

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I am 15 and trying to convert to the faith but my parents won’t let me convert, and next lent season I would like to observe it. How would I go about that. I know this is early but the thought popped into my head and I would like to know. Hopefully though I wont need this…please pray for my parents!
 
Pray. Your parents can’t stop you from doing this. Be obedient to your parents and pray for them.

Fasting is a traditional part of Great Lent (even in the Latin Tradition with variations). Don’t try and imitate the Desert Fathers in their rigor, but maybe try abstaining from all foods that give you pleasure, limiting yourself to Only what is cooked for you at home (or in the school cafeteria). Don’t snack. By eating only what you receive from others, you can practice some mortification and obedience.

Most important is keeping your heart on God. May Our Lord bless you and Panagia (Holy Mother) guide you.
 
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The Catechism teaches:
1438 The seasons and days of penance in the course of the liturgical year (Lent, and each Friday in memory of the death of the Lord) are intense moments of the Church’s penitential practice.36 These times are particularly appropriate for spiritual exercises, penitential liturgies, pilgrimages as signs of penance, voluntary self-denial such as fasting and almsgiving, and fraternal sharing (charitable and missionary works).
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Some of these things anyone can do secretly. If you have access to the internet, you can watch the Mass even if you cannot attend. You can read the Bible, the Catechism, and other spiritual works.
 
I’m not going to address your relationship with your parents but it’s definitely something you should be considering here. Perhaps a parent will weigh in on the discussion.

That being said, the three pillars of Lent are prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. Any or all of these could be done in secret.

Prayer might include extra prayer time, extra Masses, reading the Bible or other spiritual literature – things that help focus your mind on God.

Fasting is often thought of in terms of food, but you can fast from all sorts of things. Your parents might appreciate it if you fasted from complaining or fasted from video games or some other time-wasting activity. Fasting helps us get control over ourselves and being caught up short when we automatically start to do whatever it is we’re abstaining from is a reminder of how much we need God in our lives.

Almsgiving means charity of some sort. How might you help your parents around the house or help a neighbor in need? Be grateful that you’re in a position to offer help or charity to someone else.

And have a blessed Lent.
 
Thanks you all so much for the advice! Now one more question regarding this topic, how should I avoid eating meat on Fridays at home?
 
If it will cause problems I would say eat what they give you and abstain from something more secretly (example: snacks, or anything you can refuse without bringing attention to yourself).
 
Eat the other stuff. If they ask why aren’t you eating your meatloaf, say I’m not hungry. Period. Don’t make a big deal and they won’t.
 
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Very good advice on food fasting, so useful to promote self discipline.
St Therese of Lisieux repented of taking for herself the largest piece of cake; her father chuckled at her childlike fervour however the spirit of the “little way” is what made her a saint.
St Rose of Lima abstained from satisfying her curiosity, in simple matters. I try this one whenever the occasion arises. I find it closely related to abstaining from gossip.
 
I don’t mean this in a snarky way, but abstaining can also be attitudinal. You could try to give up grumpiness for example, or give up some of your time to do extra chores for your parents. It is always good to show your conversion rather than tell it. Who knows? You might even end up helping your parents convert if they see what effect it is having on you. Good luck!
 
Almsgiving could be something like donating clothing you no longer wear to charity, or something along those lines, telling your parents that you want to have a clear out of things you no longer use.

Praying and learning more about the faith and the Saints is always a good practice.

Do you have any friends or family members that you could try and talk to about things? You may be able to observe some Friday meal times with others that understand your feelings
 
Crummy situation 😑 Luckily soon you’re gonna be able to make your own decisions. Keep learning and do what you must in secret. Continuing dialogue with your parents may sway their opinion. Regardless, you’re on the right road 😀
 
AlanTaylor said:
[H]ow should I avoid eating meat on Fridays at home?
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If it upsets your parents, I would suggest just eating meat that they prepare for you. As a non-Catholic, you are not obligated to abstain from meat. Fast from something else. Avoid argument, except in the most crucial things. Impress your parents with your Christian attitude and their opposition to Catholicism will lessen.
 
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At 15 you are younger than the suggested fasting/abstaining age of 18 and in good health. That is for food. I have children your age and I don’t encourage ‘fasting’. But, I allowed one of my kids to abstain from candy one Lent. 🙂 I did encourage going to adoration or doing a good thing, and I myself tried to give up complaining one Lent. All complaining. I grew some spiritual muscles that season! They were tiny but I had none beforehand!

I don’t know if you are in a Western Country where being a Christian is ‘safe’ or not, and I’m not certain what your parents really feel about the Church. I suggest keeping a calm and moderate approach as many above suggested.

Doing a kindness/good deed a day as St. Therese. Offering it up, when you have your feelings hurt or other annoyance. Actively pray for people who annoy or hurt you. Or pray for anyone who comes across your path, you will quickly see that many people have no one to pray for them. Read some good spiritual books or writings if it won’t put you in danger.

Take up a good prayer practice. I only started a daily (mostly) rosary in the past few years. I wish I had started at your age. God Bless you Alan Taylor! You and your parents will be in my prayers.
 
AlanTaylor said:
I am 15 and trying to convert to the faith but my parents won’t let me convert, and next lent season I would like to observe it. How would I go about that. I know this is early but the thought popped into my head and I would like to know. Hopefully though I wont need this…please pray for my parents!
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If you’re not Catholic then you are not bound by Catholic rules,so everything you do would just be voluntary… but that’s good also. 👍
 
Offer to cook dinner on Fridays and make Mac & Cheese or baked cheese ravioli and a salad. If my son desired to make dinner and it tasted good - I wouldn’t complain! Even if your parents don’t want you to convert (for whatever reason), being a good and helpful son goes a long way.
 
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