S
sweetsour
Guest
So my niece is almost 8 years old now, and shes been stealing since even before she first moved in with us.
A little of her background – she is the second child of my brother, he got full custody of her 5 years ago, and that was when they first moved in with us (i was 15). Before that she was living with her mother, who was very abusive, she actually used to beat up my brother. He was just so head over heels for her back then that he refused to leave her believing they could work it out, even though she used to constantly put him down openly in front of the kids but once she started being violent towards the kids that was when he finally saw some sense and sought full custody. It took two years and in that time she got a restraining order against him (which is so much easier for her since she is a woman, and she claimed he was violent which was so funny since my brother was a such a softy and wouldn’t hurt a fly) and told the kids lies that their father was in jail and he was a “bad man”.
When he finally got full custody, my brother had to move the kids in with us (my mum, brother and myself) until he found a house to live in. He has a house now but its just down the road, and he comes to our place everyday to work in the family business (mechanics), and so we pretty much have to look after the kids every day.
We don’t mind, they are family and this is what its all about. But now, my brother is a alcoholic on top of trying to work and he’s still pretty much head over heels for their mother. We got back in contact with her last year after we found out she had throat cancer (she is now fine btw) which was such a relief since the kids were always saying to me “my mum doesn’t love me” even though as a rule in our family we don’t put their mother down (respect your parents and all) and I was always telling them their mother loves them very much even though their parents don’t get along. Now they visit her every holidays and her mother now has two other children to another guy, but apart of the problem is that their mother steals as well.
Back to the topic – my niece has been stealing for 4 years now, she steals mainly from family, family friends, her friends and from school and every time I try to do something about it I just get stunted. My mum is very (I mean very) involved with the church, and if its not about church then its about keeping the house clean, and so she leaves it up to me to look after the kids – do homework with them and keep them entertained. And every time I ask her what to do about my nieces stealing she just says “We shall have to pray to God about it” and just to keep on telling her “not to steal”. But so far that has not worked! Of course praying to God is a good idea, but what can I do about it in a active way? Because I don’t think we have actually done anything to help her develop a conscience. My brother is too busy to try and discipline his kids, and so all he is doing is pretty much giving into their each and every whim, just so they wont put up a fight because he is too tired to handle it. And they rest of my family are just too caught up in their own lives that they don’t really care. Im pretty much the only one who really wants to stop her. Every time she steals my mother just quietly goes up to their house and gets everything back and then either doesn’t say a word to her about it or openly screams and yells at her. If I had my own way about it I would confront her on it, ask her to return the things personally, and then if that doesn’t work, retrieve them and then punish her by putting her in time out.
But im not getting any support from my brother and mother. Back in the day I used to tell her that she was not a bad girl, because I used to try to do this but then she would have a tantrum and say “im a bad girl and im just like my mother”, and it took me a long time to convince her she was a good girl but what she was doing was wrong. I had to stop because every time I confronted her she would lie and have a hissy fit, and so ultimately I would get into trouble from my mum or brother for trying to discipline her (they just cant stand the noise she makes – she has a very high pitched voice). Is there any way to stop her without the support from my brother and mum? I’m just so afraid she’s going to reach her teens and still have this awful habit.
Sorry this is so long! I tried to keep it short and left a lot of things out!
A little of her background – she is the second child of my brother, he got full custody of her 5 years ago, and that was when they first moved in with us (i was 15). Before that she was living with her mother, who was very abusive, she actually used to beat up my brother. He was just so head over heels for her back then that he refused to leave her believing they could work it out, even though she used to constantly put him down openly in front of the kids but once she started being violent towards the kids that was when he finally saw some sense and sought full custody. It took two years and in that time she got a restraining order against him (which is so much easier for her since she is a woman, and she claimed he was violent which was so funny since my brother was a such a softy and wouldn’t hurt a fly) and told the kids lies that their father was in jail and he was a “bad man”.
When he finally got full custody, my brother had to move the kids in with us (my mum, brother and myself) until he found a house to live in. He has a house now but its just down the road, and he comes to our place everyday to work in the family business (mechanics), and so we pretty much have to look after the kids every day.
We don’t mind, they are family and this is what its all about. But now, my brother is a alcoholic on top of trying to work and he’s still pretty much head over heels for their mother. We got back in contact with her last year after we found out she had throat cancer (she is now fine btw) which was such a relief since the kids were always saying to me “my mum doesn’t love me” even though as a rule in our family we don’t put their mother down (respect your parents and all) and I was always telling them their mother loves them very much even though their parents don’t get along. Now they visit her every holidays and her mother now has two other children to another guy, but apart of the problem is that their mother steals as well.
Back to the topic – my niece has been stealing for 4 years now, she steals mainly from family, family friends, her friends and from school and every time I try to do something about it I just get stunted. My mum is very (I mean very) involved with the church, and if its not about church then its about keeping the house clean, and so she leaves it up to me to look after the kids – do homework with them and keep them entertained. And every time I ask her what to do about my nieces stealing she just says “We shall have to pray to God about it” and just to keep on telling her “not to steal”. But so far that has not worked! Of course praying to God is a good idea, but what can I do about it in a active way? Because I don’t think we have actually done anything to help her develop a conscience. My brother is too busy to try and discipline his kids, and so all he is doing is pretty much giving into their each and every whim, just so they wont put up a fight because he is too tired to handle it. And they rest of my family are just too caught up in their own lives that they don’t really care. Im pretty much the only one who really wants to stop her. Every time she steals my mother just quietly goes up to their house and gets everything back and then either doesn’t say a word to her about it or openly screams and yells at her. If I had my own way about it I would confront her on it, ask her to return the things personally, and then if that doesn’t work, retrieve them and then punish her by putting her in time out.
But im not getting any support from my brother and mother. Back in the day I used to tell her that she was not a bad girl, because I used to try to do this but then she would have a tantrum and say “im a bad girl and im just like my mother”, and it took me a long time to convince her she was a good girl but what she was doing was wrong. I had to stop because every time I confronted her she would lie and have a hissy fit, and so ultimately I would get into trouble from my mum or brother for trying to discipline her (they just cant stand the noise she makes – she has a very high pitched voice). Is there any way to stop her without the support from my brother and mum? I’m just so afraid she’s going to reach her teens and still have this awful habit.
Sorry this is so long! I tried to keep it short and left a lot of things out!