How can I talk to a non-christian addicted to porn

[Adamski]

My father in law is staying at our house for a month because he is recovering for surgery.

He grew up in an athiest home and has never been baptized but has become more agnostic than militantly atheist as he was before the last 5-10 years.

The big problem is he is extremely addicted to porn and has been since my wife was little or before.
He even tries to promote it and tell others how great it is, it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

My wife has tried to be a christian whitness to him with her words and actions. Along with making it clear his behavior is not allowed any where near our home.

Since he has no sons and I am the only Christian son in law he has I feel called to talk to him the next month while he is at my house

If you doesn’t get the message of Christ I feel it’s nessesary for him to get the message that porn is damaging his life and others. Along with him being such an addict I want to make it clear it’s not exceptable it to be any where near my home.

 

[mab23]

My father in law is staying at our house for a month because he is recovering for surgery.

He grew up in an athiest home and has never been baptized but has become more agnostic than militantly atheist as he was before the last 5-10 years.

The big problem is he is extremely addicted to porn and has been since my wife was little or before.
He even tries to promote it and tell others how great it is, it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

My wife has tried to be a christian whitness to him with her words and actions. Along with making it clear his behavior is not allowed any where near our home.

Since he has no sons and I am the only Christian son in law he has I feel called to talk to him the next month while he is at my house

If you doesn’t get the message of Christ I feel it’s nessesary for him to get the message that porn is damaging his life and others. Along with him being such an addict I want to make it clear it’s not exceptable it to be any where near my home.

get him a book , they have a few Catholic ones

perhaps that may help if he is open to read it

let him know that he is not the only one that may suffer from an addiction to their desires which leads to a corrupt industry that makes so much money on degrading people for pleasure and that there is help

 

[LaSainte]

Say “The last thing I need in my head is the image of you masturbating to videos of psychologically and sexually abused drug addicts young enough to be your granddaughter. I guess I’ll be skipping dinner. But thanks.” Then give him a big thumbs up and a cheesy smile.

 

[hannajomar]

May be take the avenue of talking about the girls who are making the porn. How would he feel if his daughter/wife/sister/mother/etc. were doing that? How would he feel if men were looking at them just for sexual gratification? Also, drug and alcohol addiction is rampant on porn sets because often the girls can only “perform” when they are stoned or drunk.

Realistically though, he will be a difficult nut to crack. You might need to eventually just tell him you don’t want to hear about it or know about it. And pray, pray, pray. I hope you come back and let us know how things are going.

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

The issue with any addict is that it is useless to try to directly persuade them from their addiction. If this is your goal then you, I believe, are destined to fail, (actually this is why there exists Al-Anon, for those impacted by alcoholics, and in the realm of sex addiction, Co-Sa)

If your goal is to stop his discussion of pornography, his use of pornography in and around your home and to only have a relationship with him devoid of any hint of pornography, then you might have some appearance of a successful outcome. I say appearance because he would still be a sex-drunk but a temporarily sober sex-drunk and therefore a near impossibility of having a genuine relationship with.

I would urge you to find information that is available regarding CoSa. I’ll post a link later.

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

I pray that you will find the following information helpful.

Homepage | COSA-Recovery

COSA is a Twelve Step recovery program for those whose lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior

cosa-recovery.org

 

[CB_Catholic]

My father in law is staying at our house for a month because he is recovering for surgery.

He grew up in an athiest home and has never been baptized but has become more agnostic than militantly atheist as he was before the last 5-10 years.

The big problem is he is extremely addicted to porn and has been since my wife was little or before.
He even tries to promote it and tell others how great it is, it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

My wife has tried to be a christian whitness to him with her words and actions. Along with making it clear his behavior is not allowed any where near our home.

Since he has no sons and I am the only Christian son in law he has I feel called to talk to him the next month while he is at my house

If you doesn’t get the message of Christ I feel it’s nessesary for him to get the message that porn is damaging his life and others. Along with him being such an addict I want to make it clear it’s not exceptable it to be any where near my home.

Unless he feels that porn is ruining his life and he wants to give it up, there’s not much you can do to change him. He most likely has heard about it all before and doesn’t want to live any differently. If it were my FIL, I would just lay down the rules of the house, forbid his bringing any pornographic materials into the house, and even get rid of the internet if I had to. Your first responsibility is to your family, not your father-in-law, and you have every right to see your children are not exposed to this, even if you are “just” the Son-in-law. You are, after all, the head of the household.

Then, by example, let him see how Christians live. Pray.

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

Having re-read your post, I’d like to ask you a few questions. Is your father-in-law already at your home recovering from surgery? If not, when is it going to occur? Thanks, g.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I just reread your post and did not see children mentioned. So scratch that one if there are none. However, the rest of the post is the same. God bless you and guide you in this.

 

[Adamski]

Having re-read your post, I’d like to ask you a few questions. Is your father-in-law already at your home recovering from surgery? If not, when is it going to occur? Thanks, g.

Yes it is to recover from surgery and it should be about a month

 

[Adamski]

I just reread your post and did not see children mentioned. So scratch that one if there are none. However, the rest of the post is the same. God bless you and guide you in this.

Yes I have kids, along with the fact that my wife has told me how negatively it effected her seeing images as a little child around the house so I am on high alert and my wife has made it clear it is not exceptable in our house

 

[The_Bucket]

Porn addiction consumed my soul, emotionally damaged my wife and helped propel my son’s anxiety problems.

Guess where I got it from? If you said “your father” you’d be exactly right! His addiction led to affairs that none of us knew about but we did know about the extreme stress in our house. At least one of my brothers had some problems with porn too, several of my sisters were emotionally crippled because of the insane stress in my house.

Tell this guy to go ask actual porn addicts about what it costs them. In my case, it nearly cost me everything but sobriety has pulled it back from the brink. For others, it was far worse. Many people in my in-person S-group have lost families, jobs and even their freedom due to pornography/sex addiction. It’s not a joke and it has no benefits whatsoever.

This is not to say that every person who has viewed porn is an addict, or even that every person who views it frequently is an addict. Plenty of guys in high school and college watched porn, even somewhat often, and didn’t become addicts. But when they stopped, they could stop.

I’m not condoning their actions, I’m merely noting that not everyone who gets into this sin becomes addicted. Just like not everyone who drinks or has done drugs becomes addicted to those substances. I drank plenty in college, but it was never a habit.

That said, someone extolling the “virtues” of porn is pretty whacked in the head. Even people who don’t see it as a moral wrong don’t think it’s necessarily a good thing.

 

[LSK]

My father in law is staying at our house for a month because he is recovering for surgery.

He grew up in an athiest home and has never been baptized but has become more agnostic than militantly atheist as he was before the last 5-10 years.

The big problem is he is extremely addicted to porn and has been since my wife was little or before.
He even tries to promote it and tell others how great it is, it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

My wife has tried to be a christian whitness to him with her words and actions. Along with making it clear his behavior is not allowed any where near our home.

Since he has no sons and I am the only Christian son in law he has I feel called to talk to him the next month while he is at my house

If you doesn’t get the message of Christ I feel it’s nessesary for him to get the message that porn is damaging his life and others. Along with him being such an addict I want to make it clear it’s not exceptable it to be any where near my home.

You can approach it in this way: gather your facts.

The facts support that the women who are depicted in these images are not doing so because they want to but because they have to - they are being forced into a kind of sexual slavery in order to support addictions. They are regularly beaten, tortured and what he is watching most of the time is their repeated rapes over and over again.

And then ask him, in all seriousness, why he hates women so much that he would want to support and admire an industry that reduces them to an orafice or two, or three, or more.

He is hurting women. He is not being a good man.

 

[LSK]

I also like what TW posted. If he IS an addict, you telling him facts won’t make a damn bit of difference. Telling me that drunk drivers kill made me ashamed but it did not stop me from drinking and HEY I had to get HOME somehow and besides every DRUNK KNOWS you drive BETTER after a few and blah blah blah.

I do think he needs to know that what he is doing is ugly and harmful…but if you really just want to protect your family and your kids, tell him the truth and then say, “I am sure you do not agree with me but here’s the deal, bucko…ONE smarmy image in my house and you are going to be recovering at the all night theater in the redlight district”

do they even have those any more? I may have just dated myself…lolololol

 

[Limerickman]

My father in law is staying at our house for a month because he is recovering for surgery.

He grew up in an athiest home and has never been baptized but has become more agnostic than militantly atheist as he was before the last 5-10 years.

The big problem is he is extremely addicted to porn and has been since my wife was little or before.
He even tries to promote it and tell others how great it is, it makes everyone feel uncomfortable.

My wife has tried to be a christian whitness to him with her words and actions. Along with making it clear his behavior is not allowed any where near our home.

Since he has no sons and I am the only Christian son in law he has I feel called to talk to him the next month while he is at my house

If you doesn’t get the message of Christ I feel it’s nessesary for him to get the message that porn is damaging his life and others. Along with him being such an addict I want to make it clear it’s not exceptable it to be any where near my home.

It is quite simple.
Your house, our rules.

If your FiL wishes to stay in your house, he has to abide by the rules that you impose in your house.
Therefore his predilection for all things porn must be suspended while in his in your house.

 

[hannajomar]

Does he have access to a computer while he’s at your house? The chances of him refraining from porn if he’s near a computer are very slim.

 

[Texsain]

If it’s a true addiction, look into something like SAA – it’s basically AA for sex addicts.

 

[Adamski]

Does he have access to a computer while he’s at your house? The chances of him refraining from porn if he’s near a computer are very slim.

He brought his computer and he is currently looking at it on the coach in my living room so I turned on my recorded journey home on ewtn from today and am watching it. I am slightly frustrated. My wife said she saw inaprotate pop ups on his computer

 

[LSK]

I am really confused. Did you or did you NOT have a conversation with him about looking at porn while he was in your house?

If you did not, after your television show you need to sit down, look him in the eyes and say, “I am your son in law and I respect you as the father of my wife. You are welcome here. Pornography is not welcome here. If you continue to look at pornography in my home you will need to go to a skilled nursing facility. If you find you cannot NOT look at porn, then you need help and I will help you get it. However, this is not something we are going to discuss, argue about or come to some sort of negotiated agreement. YOU MAY NOT LOOK AT PORN WHILE YOU ARE IN MY HOME!”.

If you did have a conversation, ask him, “Was there something about our previous conversation regarding pornography in our home that you did not understand? Perhaps I can make it clearer for you?”.

I am really serious abou this - be a man and defend your home. Ask for the Holy Spirit to ignite the wonderful gifts you received at your Baptism and Confirmation and defend your home.

If he tries to start an argument you answer everything with, “That is interesting information. Pornography is not welcomed in our home. Do you understand? Yes? Great! How about them Niners…think they might actually win the superbowl next year?”.

 

[The_Bucket]

I am really confused. Did you or did you NOT have a conversation with him about looking at porn while he was in your house?

If you did not, after your television show you need to sit down, look him in the eyes and say, “I am your son in law and I respect you as the father of my wife. You are welcome here. Pornography is not welcome here. If you continue to look at pornography in my home you will need to go to a skilled nursing facility. If you find you cannot NOT look at porn, then you need help and I will help you get it. However, this is not something we are going to discuss, argue about or come to some sort of negotiated agreement. YOU MAY NOT LOOK AT PORN WHILE YOU ARE IN MY HOME!”.

If you did have a conversation, ask him, “Was there something about our previous conversation regarding pornography in our home that you did not understand? Perhaps I can make it clearer for you?”.

I am really serious abou this - be a man and defend your home. Ask for the Holy Spirit to ignite the wonderful gifts you received at your Baptism and Confirmation and defend your home.

If he tries to start an argument you answer everything with, “That is interesting information. Pornography is not welcomed in our home. Do you understand? Yes? Great! How about them Niners…think they might actually win the superbowl next year?”.

This. Absolutely this.

The inability to control himself while at another person’s house is pretty outrageous. I was a full-blown porn addict but I wasn’t looking at it at my in-laws house. Ever.

Of course, that might be because the fear of being caught overrode the compulsion of the addiction. This guy doesn’t even care about getting caught. That’s pretty crazy.