How can one get a spouse to stop continually interrupting?

  • Thread starter Thread starter JanR
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Have you considered just accepting him the way he is? And beyond that, reveling in how he is different from you?

He sounds like a decent husband with no destructive habits (drink, drugs, gambling, porn, etc.). He isn’t physically abusive, right?

I assume he has provided adequately for you and your children?

I come from a family where everyone talks and listens like your husband. When I started dating my husband back when we were teenagers (we’re now in our 60s), he was appalled! Whenever he came to dinner at one of our family events, he would sit and say nothing, and afterwards he would tell me, “It’s exhausting to be with your family! Everyone is talking at once, and no one is listening to anyone!” And I would tell him, “We’re listening! We just think and talk faster than most people!”

Eventually he got used to it and started actually enjoying himself being with people who had opinions on everything and shared them freely, and still loved each other! And we were (and still are!) a very intelligent group of people, not just blowhards! All of my relatives who have long passed away enjoyed a successful life, mainly out on their farms, and had deep involvements in their churches and communities. They were beloved by their friends and associates.

I think some people just think and talk faster and more than others. They have more words. They may even think that what they have to say is more important than what others have to say–not the best attitude to have, but…well, that’s why some people write books and songs ,and become teachers and musicians and preachers and politicians–they have a desire to make themselves heard and get their message out.

I think you might try asking your husband if he heard what you just said and whether he agrees, and if not, can he explain why? I’ll bet you’ll find that he DID listen to you and possibly knows what you were going to say, and possibly doesn’t agree with it, and that’s why he’s stopping you mid-sentence. I’m not saying it’s kind or mannerly, and he would do well to hear people out–but again, if that’s his worst trait–maybe just trying accepting that he is who he is, and concentrate on his good traits. It beats being divorced or estranged in your own home.
 
Walking away, sarcasm and doing the same to him are not productive.
Obviously, the “when you do this, I feel this” don’t work since you have expressed it in writing.
Suggest counseling per above but don’t expect him to go because he doesn’t think he is doing anything wrong.
Go to counseling yourself if necessary to learn to deal with it (if you want to).
You may feel like discontinuing to communicate with him, a natural reaction, and a sad one.
You feel dismissed and disrespected, hopefully counseling can discover how to deal.
Good luck!
 
If he denies that he’s doing this, perhaps you could record your conversations with him (discreetly) and then ask him to listen to them? Not just one conversation, a few, enough to show him that this is an ongoing issue, not a one-time thing. Perhaps he thinks he’s conversing normally (I have a couple of coworkers who try to finish my sentences all the time… I don’t have to live with them so it’s not a continual annoyance or issue, but they think they’re connecting with me because they already know what I’m going to say :roll_eyes:)

Secondly, I just want to clarify that these are conversations, not arguments? Is that correct?
 
Retsel said:
Do not get upset if he continues, just wait, when he’s done, finish your thought.
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I am going to assume that this is what is currently happening for the OP. So how is he going to change if They continue as they always have. Putting up a hand that says stop is as easily ignored as her telling him he is interrupting at that moment.
 
Well, I almost agree with you. I’m the husband in our case and have been battling the same thing as @JanR for the twenty years of our marriage. It has nothing to do with gender. I was raised by my parents to be seen and not heard, resulting in my being a strong introvert. My wife grew up in a family with five kids close in age, so learned to be fast and loud in what they say.
I do agree with the idea of raising your hand in a stop signal, followed with saying firmly “may I finish, first” or “please don’t interrupt me!!”
We spoke about the problem with me explaining how much it hurt to not be heard. I tried the silent treatment too. Being assertive at the time she interrupts is the only thing that has worked. The rest of her family is a lost cause.
 
My advice to her would most likely have the opposite desired results for you.
 
I would tell him the same joke every time he did it.

“Knock, knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting cow”
“Interrupting c—”
“MOOOOOO!”

Or if he’s a good guy otherwise just accept it’s a deeply ingrained habit that he can’t change and learn to live with it.
 
To clarify, sometimes it’s conversations, sometimes it’s disagreements, and sometimes it’s questions I need answers to.

I’ve received some sensible advice here, and especially appreciate hearing from the men and their perspectives.

There’s the element of loneliness as a result of this problem, one which he has never been able to perceive. The feeling of being shut out is like a door slammed in one’s face, and that’s part of why this habit is so damaging.

I’ve received some tips here that might prove helpful. Thank you, all. I wish not to dwell on this any longer. He is a good man, and never has been physically abusive.

Again, I thank you folks.
 
My husband used to interrupt me a lot, though he’s gotten better. If he interrupts me, I say in a loud voice, “I’m not finished.”
 
Norseman82 said:
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JanR:
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this?
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Duct tape?

Hey, that’s the male solution for just about everything else! 🤣

Yes, I’m joking.

[/humor break]
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I have a sweatshirt that reads: “When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape.” Everyone gets a kick out of it.

Thanks for the humor. Always welcome at times like these.
 
Hi.

Have you tried writing it down in an email or on paper?

When we moved house we were constantly arguing about the issues we were facing and a similar thing happened. I found myself really annoyed one day and I went out wrote down what I was trying to say in an email, and sent it to him. I was just factual, didn’t go on about my feelings as such but just stated the facts I was trying to express that he wouldn’t listen to. He found it helpful and appreciated it and I let off some steam!

I will offer an Ave Maria for you.

Bw
 
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I have a co worker who does this. She’s really sweet, it’s just a thing she does.
So if she starts talking when I’m talking, I’ll first talk a bit louder and if she persists, I’ll say “wait a minute, wait a minute, let me finish”, and we usually wind up laughing.
 
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