How can relatives/friends of people who go to hell be happy in heaven?

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Jerome100

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I have been dealing with doubts about our faith recently and one thing that has been disturbing me is the question of how a person can be happy in heaven if someone they love is in hell. Wouldn’t they miss that person? And therefore wouldn’t they not be perfectly happy in heaven, since one of their loved ones is not there?
 
Jerome100 said:
I have been dealing with doubts about our faith recently and one thing that has been disturbing me is the question of how a person can be happy in heaven if someone they love is in hell. Wouldn’t they miss that person? And therefore wouldn’t they not be perfectly happy in heaven, since one of their loved ones is not there?
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Of course, this must remain a mystery to us in this life, but I have always speculated that in heaven (if we are so blessed as to get there), we will see all things as they actually are, not as we might want them to be, and will give praise and glory to Almighty God for His justice as well as His mercy. Both justice and mercy will be perfect in eternity. For all we know, part of our purgatorial suffering may consist of coming to terms with knowing who has not been saved, even if it is a loved one, and being purified by putting aside forever how we view things, and seeing all things as God does. In other words, we will not be positively happy that someone is in hell, but neither will we be sad — rather, we will see it as God sees it, and will be pleased to see His glory reflected in both His justice and His mercy.

This is all just speculation and I may be entirely wrong.
 
I appreciate your speculation. I think a lot, too much perhaps sometimes. You have given me something further to ponder.
 
Part of purgation is our attachment to earthly things and I expect that includes earthly relationships. Christ tells us in Luke that there will be no marriage in Heaven. Now why would there be no marriage since God established it from the beginning? Because in the presence of God those things would pale compared to Him. The angels continuously sing God’s praises and we will be like them, but with glorified bodies.

I admit it’s hard to imagine my wife or kids not being central to my existence, but I also can’t imagine God’s presence allowing for sorrow. I don’t think you forget them perse, but rather remember them with fondness the same way you might a first love or friend that has moved away years ago.
 
I never worry about that because I think heaven is gonna be so cool, and filled with love, that nothing will be able to ruin how you feel there. You’re going to be with God. Trust in Him, He’s gonna make sure you’re eternally happy there, no matter what the circumstances were in your earthly life. And you’re gonna make alot of new friends as well. It’s gonna be awesome. How can it not be? It’s Heaven!
 
I use this analogy: when someone we know has committed a serious crime, we know that they deserve to go to prison. We may wish that they didn’t have to go there, but that’s what justice demands.

So it is with Heaven and Hell. We’ll know that the unbelievers deserve to be in Hell and that God is a perfect judge. They had salvation handed to them and they rejected it. They will curse themselves for the rest of eternity.
 
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God wants them to be in Heaven too. If a person doesn’t go to Heaven, it’s not because God refused them the graces and opportunities to get there. I think we’ll see more clearly that a person isn’t there because they rejected His invitation and not because of a fault on His behalf. And then i think it is we who will attempt to console God that the person isn’t there…we loved them during our life; God loved them from eternity, prepared a place in Heaven for them and they refused. His pain at them not being there will be far greater than ours.
 
Jerome100 said:
I have been dealing with doubts about our faith recently and one thing that has been disturbing me is the question of how a person can be happy in heaven if someone they love is in hell. Wouldn’t they miss that person? And therefore wouldn’t they not be perfectly happy in heaven, since one of their loved ones is not there?
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I guess none of us really know the heart of our Loved ones. But the Lord does know.

I sometimes wonder if I show dedication and love to my Lord will he take pity on me and my loved ones who do not believe in following religion?

Try not upset yourself. For all things must come to pass Jesus told us that.

Keep the faith my friend.
 
We MUST in THIS LIFE pray for our dead loved ones
so that they might not end up in hell. There is hope
for ALL, even those who died “not in a state of grace”
TIME is not of essence in the economy of life. Who
knows, we can pray that they will experience a CHANGE
of heart A MOMENT before death, no one who has
perfect contrition for mortal sins will be denied a
place in paradise.
 
Unfortunately, none of the answers we can give to this question are ever satisfactory to the person asking it. That’s no one’s fault, it’s just a result of our inability to actually comprehend the natures of damnation/salvation.

In this life we derive a portion of our meaning and our joy from our loved ones, family and friends. That is a pale imitation of the love we will have for God. Even the strongest relationship on Earth, the best marriage, greatest family dynamic, or strongest friendship, will seem like nothing in comparison to the love and desire we will have for God in Heaven. We won’t feel any lack from not having our worldly loved ones with us in Heaven because God will completely fulfill every longing of our hearts.

Additionally, we will know why that person was damned. We will see their choice, their decision to reject God. We will know that they are in Hell because they choose to be. Again, that’s something we just can’t comprehend this side of eternity, so it’s not going to be a satisfactory answer, but it is the Truth.
englands123 said:
I sometimes wonder if I show dedication and love to my Lord will he take pity on me and my loved ones who do not believe in following religion?
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This is a dangerous road to go down. While it is definitely a good thing to pray for our loved ones and do all we can to lead them to God, at the end of the day it is not up to us to save them. They still have to make that “Yes” to God. That being said, there have be testimonies from people who’ve spoken with souls in Purgatory who have related that it was the prayers of their family and friends that kept them from damnation. We cannot know the interplay between our prayers and the salvation of others, so it is always important to pray and sacrifice for everyone who dies, especially for those people who were living apart from God. Again though, do not make the mistake of thinking that another person’s salvation is directly dependent on your actions.
 
It wouldnt matter because if one goes to heaven they become spirits, nobody is going to be recognized as their brother or cousin or mother.

Thats why when a spouse or husband dies, one become single again. Remember the story of the wife and seven husbands, which one gets the wife in heaven? The answer, Jesus says, is neither because it doesnt matter once you get into heaven.
 
You won’t miss them. There is no grief in Heaven. All of your needs will be met; you will want and need nothing. Heartache isn’t Heaven, therefore, you won’t experience any if you get there.

You also won’t feel you are betraying those loved ones by not missing them. You will have complete understanding that they made their own choices, and one only goes to hell if one chooses hell. You will understand that neither you nor God had anything to do with their being in hell.

God doesn’t arbitrarily or vindictively send anyone to hell. He respects our choices, based on our free will. If we freely choose hell, God will give us what we’ve chosen. People in hell have chosen their own misery.

This is a thorny and painful question that I’m sure most of us have asked, and it’s a good, intelligent question. Rest assured that you won’t be grieving for lost love ones if you are in Heaven.

That’s why it’s important that we pray for our loved ones before they die, and wish only the very best for them.

Thank God for Purgatory!
 
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I have to respectfully disagree that we won’t recognize our relatives or ancestors once we’re in heaven. Nobody will be in their former physical bodies, but we shall, indeed, recognize one another, and our love for one another will have been perfected.
 
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Jerome100 said:
I have been dealing with doubts about our faith recently and one thing that has been disturbing me is the question of how a person can be happy in heaven if someone they love is in hell
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Hi Jerome. It’s a very reasonable suspicion you have here. However, I want to encourage you to take heart and realize this doesn’t have to be a cause for doubt for you. It is somewhat an accident of history that the Catholic Church advocated the view of Hell that comes from a famous church father known as St Augustine who was, by any reckoning, something of a theological genius. Because so many of his theological ideas were on point and wonderful, the church felt compelled to align itself with most of his theological speculations, including his view of Hell as neverending and inescapable.

Most of the early church fathers thought of Hell as a punishment and a state of torment and suffering. But most of them also thought of it as temporary. Their speculations on the afterlife in these regards vary widely. But it is undeniable that the greatest theologians who actually read the New Testament in Greek (which Augustine didn’t) did not believe in an “everlasting“ state of torment and suffering. That view of an unending duration of Hell (with no hope for parole or reform) comes to the Catholic Church largely through St Augustine. He himself admitted that “very many” church fathers during his time held the alternative (hopeful) view.

Moreover, in the 20th century when the best and brightest of Catholicism began to rediscover the Eastern church fathers, this fact came to light, and the likes of Cardinal Kasper, Cardinal Daniélou, Cardinal De Lubac, Cardinal-elect Von Balthasar and Karl Rahner (the church’s theological heavyweights) all abandoned the bleak vision of Hell that comes from St Augustine for the majority view of the ancients.

The Catholic Church is not yet ready to abandon her teachings here, so we still see things like CCC 1033ff crop up. But again, don’t let this be a reason for doubt for you. Belief in the reality of Hell is likely a necessary belief. But belief in a Hell that is forever and inescapable is not necessary. Take heart, Jerome. With any luck, the tide will continue to turn toward the hopeful view and away from the bleak Augustinian viewpoint.
 
Timeflies2me said:
It wouldnt matter because if one goes to heaven they become spirits, nobody is going to be recognized as their brother or cousin or mother.
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This makes no sense. Our Lord recognized his mother Mary in heaven, we will recognize our mothers (and other relatives and friends) if we see them there.
Timeflies2me said:
Thats why when a spouse or husband dies, one become single again.
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No, that’s not why. The reason why we become single again is because an exclusive marital relationship is for humans on earth so that they can best bear and raise children and help each other get to heaven. When a spouse dies, the living spouse left on earth is free to take another earthly spouse to help with these things. In heaven, there is no sex, no procreation, and no exclusivity, so marriage is not necessary there. It’s not because we all of a sudden stop loving anyone in a special way.
 
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How can we be happy in heaven if the person who hurt us and our loved ones is there too?

We will be completely filled with God’s love, and there won’t be room for the other stuff. He is full of light and in him there is no darkness.
 
I have sometimes wondered just how spirits interact and know things. They can’t be seen or felt, and yet we’re told there is a “communion of Saints” suggesting unity of some sort, a comradeship in some elevated way.

And I have wondered whether those in heaven are even aware of those in hell. It would not be too difficult for God to simply block some people from our consciousness, allowing us to access and perceive only those who are united with Him.
 
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