How can this be good?

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beverly30

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I’m starting to get a little confused. This last year has been a wonderful learning experience for me, and my faith in God has grown so much. I feel that I understand what life is about now.

The big problem that I’m having is that the closer I feel to God, the farther away I feel my husband and I get. I know that God wants us to be together or we wouldn’t have gotten married. Divorce isn’t an option for me, but why does it seem that my love and faith for God is the main thing causing problems in our marriage? This is what leaves me so confused, because I would think that He would only bring us closer together.

The obvious reason might be our different religious backrounds. My husband is Lutheran. The thing is, that’s not going to change. He will always be a Lutheran, and I’m not trying to change that anymore because I realized it would only cause strife between us. I’ve accepted that I will be the lone Catholic in the family. Something that causes me great sorrow at times, because of my children, but I sincerely believe that God will help me in this, if I keep my patience and charity towards my husband.

Does anyone have any words of advice, if you’ve perhaps been in a similar situation or know of someone who felt this way. Some ideas of ways I might bring us closer would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Beverly
 
Because we are in the world, and the world does not understand God, suffering and faith usually go hand-in-hand. One could look at Christ’s life and say, “He followed God’s will perfectly, and was brutally murdered. How could that be good?”, and yet is was the ultimate good–the salvation of the Human race.

We don’t always know how events and trials in our lives are working toward the will of God, but we are called to believe that they are and to have the faith that God knows what he’s doing.

Regarding your husband, you are right that you alone will not be able to change him. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, you can help him to see the truth. This doesn’t mean starting a proselytizing campaign. Simply by becoming a living example of the Catholic Faith, you can help to soften his heart toward the Church. Perhaps as he sees the joy in your life that full communion with Christ’s Church brings, your husband will become interested in learning about the Church.

It also never hurts to pray to our Blessed Mother. Take heart, and don’t give up hope on your husband or family. I would recommend reading the story of the conversion of St. Augustine. His mother, St. Monica, prayed for years for his conversion before he finally saw the light.
 
I know what you mean Beverly!

I returned to the Church early in March and since then I have been a sponge when it comes to relearning my Catholic faith and uncharacteristically zealous (zealous might be too strong a word, but all I could think of at this point!) in practicing my faith.

My husband, raised Catholic, is not practicing. We married at a time when neither of us was interested in religion.

His greatest concern upon my announcement of returning to the Church was that I not become a judgmental zealot who expects him to return and us to start doing “religious” things at home!

While I have no desire to shove anything down his throat, I cannot help the changes that have happened to me and the joy I feel because of them! It is my only hope that God is working through me to call my husband back.

In the meantime, I completely understand about the feelings of distance from him as I grow closer to God. It is especially difficult as we refrain from relations until our marriage is validated.

I can only hope and pray that God is using this time to work in both of us and affirm my belief that I am supposed to be married to this man for life!

I’ll pray for you Beverly, if you’ll pray for me and we’ll both pray for our husbands. God has a way of surprising us, I think!

=)
Kat
 
It’s always hard when someone you care about seems so far apart from you. The Lord will always meet us where we are at, so you should try to meet your husband where he is at. I think that so long as your trying to love him, the distance you feel is not actually one of growing apart, it is more the realization of how far apart you three are compared to where you should all be. When I say three I also include the Lord who’s given the blessing to your marriage.

So yes there is pain. But know how much more the Lord is pained that you are not fully with him. One way of dealing with the pain is to colden the heart. In the end no one every enjoys that fruit. The other way is to love more. There can be more pain, but so much more joy. So much more glory.

As long as you two are together, try to share the treasures of eachother’s faith. Each of us has our own way to Jesus. It’s not like as a Catholic we say Lutherans don’t have the truth. They do have something to give to the truth, we say we hold the fullness of the truth. Even if he should not talk about the faith, try to understand his walk with the Lord, and learn from it. And continue to learn to care for him. As we get closer to the Lord, the more we will come together. No matter how it feels, as you love him you’ll be closer to him. As you stop loving him, you’ll truely grow apart.

If he is going to turn Catholic, my bet is it’s probably going to be bacause of your prayers and he was watching you and wants what you have. Any arguement as to why be Catholic, will only be secondary. So keep faith, hope and charity. You two will be in my prayers.
 
Dr. Colossus-

Thank you so much for that knowledgeable advice, and book reference. I will read it, and take to heart what you said. Much appreciated.

Beverly
Dr. Colossus:
Because we are in the world, and the world does not understand God, suffering and faith usually go hand-in-hand. One could look at Christ’s life and say, “He followed God’s will perfectly, and was brutally murdered. How could that be good?”, and yet is was the ultimate good–the salvation of the Human race.

We don’t always know how events and trials in our lives are working toward the will of God, but we are called to believe that they are and to have the faith that God knows what he’s doing.

Regarding your husband, you are right that you alone will not be able to change him. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, you can help him to see the truth. This doesn’t mean starting a proselytizing campaign. Simply by becoming a living example of the Catholic Faith, you can help to soften his heart toward the Church. Perhaps as he sees the joy in your life that full communion with Christ’s Church brings, your husband will become interested in learning about the Church.

It also never hurts to pray to our Blessed Mother. Take heart, and don’t give up hope on your husband or family. I would recommend reading the story of the conversion of St. Augustine. His mother, St. Monica, prayed for years for his conversion before he finally saw the light.
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Kat-

It seems like we could be the same person. I can’t believe how similar our situation is. I will pray for you. I know prayer can do miraculous things. We also went through the process of needing to have our marraige blessed so I could receive the Eucharist. It was trying. Mainly for me because I couldn’t receive the Eucharist until we did, and that tore me up inside. My husband didn’t want to have our marraige blessed. I think he saw it as me trying to convert him. It took a lot of talking to work through that.

I was also indifferent to religion when we were married. He wasn’t, so we were married lutheran. When I started feeling close to God recently, and drawn back to the church- I figured the logical choice would be the one we were married in and had our children inrolled in Sunday school in. I went, and after a few times, it really just didn’t feel right. The more I went, the more I knew in my heart this wasn’t my church. Some pretty cool things happened to draw me back to the Catholic church, and more specifically a certain church. I really believe God wants me here. So I’m here, now I just need to keep my family together too.

Thanks for sharing,
Beverly
 
Jman507-

Thanks so much for you advice. I agree with what you wrote. That was very kind of you to try to help. Thank you
Beverly
 
It is definitely hard to be the lone practicing Catholic in your immediate family…It does make one sad at times, that’s for sure.

But…I think it is important to just go on and live a fully Cathiolic faith life, and let the others see the deep satisfaction you have with your faith. It’ s the only practical thing to do.

No…You cannot force a spouse to join you…But, you CAN be a expample for him…Pope Paul VI, in his encyclical on evangelization tells us that the first step is to be a Silent Witness…In other words, lit your life be your means of evangelization…You never know what will follow!
 
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